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New friend said I was always playing the Victim!

Discussion in 'Type 1 Diabetes' started by Geri, Aug 1, 2013.

  1. Geri

    Geri Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Ive decided to post this on the forum because I am quite hurt and sad that a newish friend, whom I have known for a couple of years, accused me of always playing the victim regarding my health.

    I have always felt that I am a fighter, and a survivor with my long term diabetes. I'm poly-glandular and on good days I live life to the full but I really have to watch my b/s and I often get quite tired too.
    I went to stay with this friend for a few days, she is very energetic and my husband and I really helped her get over the violent? ending to her recent break up with her boyfriend. I usually just let differences between personalities ride by, however, after a night on the town and dancing on the beach (Im 52 and loved feeling so free) we were walking home to her house when I felt abit under sugared. When we got home I tested and I was 4.6, not too badly under, but my friend was very angry with me and then said that I should have helped her more regarding looking after my diabetes and then announced that I was always playing the victim.
    This hurt! :(
    I dont know whether this was a reaction because she was worried or what!

    Has anyone else had stuff like this regarding their health and friendships.?
    I feel abit deflated but know I mustnt let this comment get me down.
     
  2. amberzak

    amberzak Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    I feel for you. Very few people get the diabetes. I've found most people think its as easy as just taking an injection and that's it.

    I'm quite fortunate in that I have a few supportive friends, but it's my family with me that just doesn't get it. After my nans funeral, I went low (I always do) and my aunt had a massive go at me about not looking after my sugars. Also, when ever I test when I'm round there she makes comments about me. 'Do you really have to test that often? Are you obsessed or something?' She had a go because I injected after dinner, asking if I really needed to do it straight away after. So, yeah, some people just don't get it.


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  3. Snodger

    Snodger · Well-Known Member

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    Sounds to me as if she had got used to you being the one to turn to, the invincible one, and suddenly she realised that you are only human and it scared her.
    It's easier said than done but if you can, go back to her and be direct, explain that you do have to look after your health, that's a fact of life. Say that you are glad she wants to know about diabetes and explain how checking your blood sugar is being responsible, not being a victim. She has the problem, not you, and don't feel bad (I know that's easy to say...)
     
  4. charon

    charon Type 2 (in remission!) · Well-Known Member

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    Not sure what she was angry about.
    That you tested, had let yourself get low (is that low?), that you mentioned it,....

    Nothing that happened seems a problem or out of the ordinary.


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  5. Yorksman

    Yorksman Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Who knows what her beef is. But it is her beef, not yours. Even at my age I am still surprised at what some people get upset about. Sadly, there are a lot of them. Life's too short for any that. Nowt as odd as folk.
     
  6. Geri

    Geri Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Thankyou everyone for your reply's, they really helped, and I agree, life is too short for this sort of stuff.
    My friend rang this evening and I was pretty direct with her and we had a discussion about diabetes and our differences.

    Im pleased to say that I feel much better following our discussion and she was sorry and doesn't want it to spoil our friendship. She wants to know more about what to do if I go hypo, so its a positive move all round.

    I, too, often here people saying, 'oh, you just take an injection and dont eat sweets'! If only it were THAT simple........
    but this time its a good ending and Im glad I posted on here as you gave me the push to tackle the issue. xx :D
     
  7. Geri

    Geri Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Thankyou everyone for your reply's, they really helped, and I agree, life is too short for this sort of stuff.
    My friend rang this evening and I was pretty direct with her and we had a discussion about diabetes and our differences.

    Im pleased to say that I feel much better following our discussion and she was sorry and doesn't want it to spoil our friendship. She wants to know more about what to do if I go hypo, so its a positive move all round.

    I, too, often here people saying, 'oh, you just take an injection and dont eat sweets'! If only it were THAT simple........
    but this time its a good ending and Im glad I posted on here as you gave me the push to tackle the issue. xx :D
     
  8. hornplayer

    hornplayer · Well-Known Member

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    Really good that you've sorted things out with your friend. Sometimes people can lash out when they're scared.


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  9. Mr Happy

    Mr Happy · Well-Known Member

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    I think the problem here is that females and the word friendship don't mix. Blokes go out, have a beer, perhaps do some diy, and that's it. Women compete, have an agenda, get all emotional. I try not to get involved with my wifes friends, they're all a disaster zone...


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  10. Brunorocco

    Brunorocco · Newbie

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  11. elaine77

    elaine77 · Well-Known Member

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    I feel the same and got really down about it the other day!

    I'm slow onset (LADA) at the minute so don't need to inject but sometimes I think that's worse because I have to sit and wait for a deterioration, as well as sticking to a certain diet and testing all the time incase DKA comes along or a deterioration has occurred.

    There is no history of diabetes in my family at all, there is no history of ANY auto-immune disorder and so my family just don't get it. They say things like "bludy hell is there anything you CAN eat?" Or "I cudnt live like that, how can you live like that" or even the good old "why don't u go on insulin then u can at least eat whatever u want". Sometimes they will say "just eat it its not goin to kill you" and then when I explain how ill I will feel if I do eat "it" (mashed potato, sweets etc...) I Can tell they clearly don't believe me.

    My friends are no better, they don't make comments they just completely ignore it instead which I suppose in a way is better but not when I'm feeling a bit ill or when we're out and I'm struggling to find anything I can actually eat or drink.... I take ages nd ages coz there's just no sort of catering for diabetics outside the home at all and so they're left impatiently waiting for me....

    There needs to be major changes to the food and beverage distribution industry in this country, especially with them complaining about obesity in the UK, banning McDonalds adverts and such are just ridiculous ideas. Lets hope my letter to Ms. Theresa May will produce some results.....


    Diagnosed with GD in 2010, Completely disappeared postpartum. Re-diagnosed December 2012 with type 1.5 diabetes, age 26, BMI 23 currently controlled by only Metformin, 500mg twice a day.
     
  12. Yorksman

    Yorksman Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    The poor quality of foods in the UK is exemplified in the everday language: junk foods, convenience foods, fast foods, comfort foods, ready meals. No one has really asked, why do you put up with it?

    Things like the slow food campaign or real bread campaign are just seen as a bit kooky.
     
  13. noblehead

    noblehead Type 1 · Guru
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    With the exception of Junk foods you could use the other terms quite easily at home for the healthy meals and snacks you eat, it's just when there used now you just think of the commercial food industries.

    A meal prepared the day before and heated up in the oven or microwave could easily be called a Ready Meal, Fast Food or Convenience Food, an apple, pear, orange, banana and berries could equally be called Comfort Food/Fast Food...... but there far from being unhealthy.
     
  14. Yorksman

    Yorksman Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    That would be a marketing man's defence sure; McDonalds, 'meat, bread, potatoes, good wholesome food'. Although any meal with a low preparation time can be considered to be fast food, typically the term refers to food sold in a restaurant or store with preheated or precooked ingredients, and served to the customer in a packaged form. High volume turnover and poor quality ingredients is the key to high profits. Nutritional value hardly enters the equation.
     
  15. Hooked

    Hooked · Guest

    Careful what you wish for. Adding insulin into the equation doesn't automatically give you the free rein you or your family may think it does to eat whatever you want. GI levels, carb counting etc must be considered whilst balancing it out with the amount of insulin to be injected several times a day, along with the blood tests you are already doing. :wink:

    Have you tried explaining to your family, that their negative comments really make you feel bad and don't assist in any way in helping you deal with your condition? And that yes, eating some of those things actually COULD kill you. Maybe not there and then, but over time through DKA or complications due to uncontrolled BG levels. Some leaflets or links to back you up might help.

    As for your friends, they prob want you to feel no different from them, hence them ignoring it. In time you will adjust and find the options for eating etc when out and about. There's plenty to choose from, it's a case of learning what choices to make and will come in time. :wink:

    Personally I hate fast food and avoid at all costs. But on the rare occasions I do go there I usually opt for salad (which I usually love, but some how fast food joint salads even taste bad to me, lol). Thankfully we now have a take away near us that also does baked potatoes with low fat cheese or low fat coleslaw. They also offer "Slimming world friendly" chilli con carne amongst other things. And just down the road from them another place has set up that you can go order, or have delivered real dinners rather than chips and whatever.... Roast dinners etc all at the end of the phone! It's great for times when I take sick but the kids are still needing fed.
     
  16. elaine77

    elaine77 · Well-Known Member

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    I know this, hence why it annoys me so much that they think insulin is the solution, not to mention the fact that injecting huge amounts of insulin so u can eat what you want will just lead to putting on weight which will cause insulin resistance and all sorts of problems!


    Diagnosed with GD in 2010, Completely disappeared postpartum. Re-diagnosed December 2012 with type 1.5 diabetes, age 26, BMI 23 currently controlled by only Metformin, 500mg twice a day.
     
  17. noblehead

    noblehead Type 1 · Guru
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    My point entirely. It's unfortunate that the term 'Fast Food' is now associated with the likes of McDonald's, Burger King and Pizza Takeaways to name a few, only takes minutes to cook something quick and healthy in the kitchen at home.
     
  18. lrw60

    lrw60 · Well-Known Member

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    I hope your friend has your best interest at heart and was just plain scared at seeing you in that condition. When I was laid up in hospital many years ago my 4 sisters all turned up to see me. It was the first time they had ever seen their big brother that ill. My eldest sister walked into intensive care and said to me 'I hope you've written your will, We don't want any arguments about who gets what if you die' She then sat down in a chair and I could see how scared the whole thing was for her. She was so frightened, maybe your friend was too.

    I have now promised my sisters that I am leaving them all my debts to share between them!
     
  19. amazinmo

    amazinmo Type 2 · Member

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    yes know how you feel, my sister is always saying to me why do you have to be so strict when you eat and what you eat when her boyfriend who is also type 2 doesn't seem to need to be so strict and time orientated. well my answer to her was...i'm doing what i was advised not what he was advised!!!! then again when i was first diagnosed she said 'oh well no more sweet stuff for you then' even though i never did eat sweet stuff!! think she would know better as both mum and dad were type 2 but then again she never took much interest in their wellbeing!!
     
  20. ney88

    ney88 Type 1 · Newbie

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    I know how you feel with friends like that. When i got diagnosed all my 'friends' did not want anything to do with me. They thought that diabetes was a disease you can catch. I remember giving out christmas cards, and they threw it back at me because I had touched it. I ended up moving country ( I know that seems like an overreaction, but there were other factors to moving country) and met good friends who went out of their way to find out what happens when i go into hypo and understand the differences with the types of diabetes. Now when I meet new people, I just say i'm diabetic, explain what it is and be open about questions that they may have.
     
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