Parents and Diabetes

[RebeccaSmith]

I'm 16 and was diagnosed with type1 diabetes in November 2008, and althouth most of the time I will happily inject, sometimes I just feel really angry that i've been given this and no-one else in my family has it.

I met up a peadiatrition when my doctor had suggested I did have diabetes and he insisted I went to hospital to confirm I did have the disease with further tests - Hb1ac, for example. Instead of my Dad coming into the hosptal with me, he dropped me off and simply went home to watch TV or whatever.

When we have dinner, they do not tell me that they are about to dish it up, they just expect me to be telepathic and know that it's about to come and expect e to have tested my blood and injected. At this point get very anrgy because I have asked them so many times and told them that such a simple thing like this makes life for me so much easier, and sometimes I will refuse to eat the dinner. They then make snide remarks like i'm studid and pathetic for caring.

My Dad seems to think that becuase I have had it for a whole 3 months that I am totally used to the injections and that life is exactly the same as it was before.

When I was diagnosed, I researched massive amounts about diabetes, yet my parents have looked at nothing - not even the book that my Grandad baught for them to read; instead, I read it.

I've been to the doctors as I have been really upset over the diabetes, and it does not help that I do not receieve any support from my family. The doctor suggested a refferal to a pshycologist which I refused immediately because I find it far too hard to talk about my problems and I do psychology in college and know the ways they will delve into my mind. The only person that I can count on for understanding is my boyfriend. My friends often come out with the same remark: 'ohh, I suppose your used to it now.'

Is there any way I get my parents to wake up and realise how upset I really am and how insupportive of my diabetes they really are. Crying in front of them about it, or screaming does not seem to make them care -they just say abuse to me. It's getting to the point where I want to see if foster care is avaliable.
Thank you.

 

[catherinecherub]

Hi Rebecca,
Life sounds tough for you at the moment.
Did you have a good relationship with your parents prior to your diagnosis? The reason I ask this really is because if you did then perhaps they are in denial about your condition. They may feel guilty and think that it is their fault and so by not talking about it they are hoping it will go away. How about being very calm and asking them both if you can talk to them and explain how you are feeling. Tell them that you are not going to shout and scream and you don't want them to either, all you want is some time with them to explain your worries and fears.
This may work Rebecca and it would be a start for all of you to get your head round this. It is early days yet.
The psychology aspect has to be your choice I know but it can work wonders. It is completely confidential and will give you insight into why you are feeling as you do. Try a couple of sessions and see how it goes. You can always stop if it isn't for you and there is no shame in it.
As for the responses from other people, that is normal, we have all met people who think it is only diabetes. A broken leg gets more understanding from those people because they can see what is wrong.
I hope this goes some way to helping you and please keep posting and let us know how you get on.
Regards, Catherine.

 

[RebeccaSmith]

Thanks for the adivce.
We had an okay relationship. It's not the best, but there were people who had much worse relationships.
I find it hard to talk about my problems and I know I will be unable to tell them how I feel without crying and getting angry about the whole situation, because they are ignorant and probably wouldn't listen anyway.
As for the psycholgist, there is a 6 month wait for it, and by that point, things may have settled down.
I'm feeling totally helpless and now I have started developing ketones in the morning, yet I have normal blood sugar levels. It's another frustration as there is no explanation for it, apart from the fact that I am not on the overnight injection (the fourth one), yet my consultant will not give me it until my blood sugar levels are into the ten's when i wake up regularly.
This whole situation is so messed up, I just want to escape it.

 

[totsy]

hya and sorry to hear you feel so bad, i know how u feel in a way as when diagnosed my horrid ex was awful about my diabetes and i knew noone else with it, it took 4 yrs of being fobbed off by drs etc and feeling down, then i joined ere and through the great advice given ive sorted my diabetes out,
i know it is hard for u but there are always people here who will be there for you, not the same i know...
do u have anyone you could talk to?? what about friends mums or maybe a health visitor, anything u need help with just ask and someone ere will help you i promise
now youve joined ere u are not alone, feel free to pm me if needs be
amanda

 

[RebeccaSmith]

Thank you Amanda.
I have the diabetes under control - when diangosed by Hba1c was 14.6, it is now 6.1. It's just the fact that my parents are so unsupportive and I cannot understand why they would not be supportive of me. I feel that I am no longer wanted in my house and that I am damaged goods; kind of like I am a problem on their hands that they do not need and do not want to acknowledge.
I just want to feel happy again.

 

[totsy]

maybe they are scared and unknowledgable, at times some people find things easier to cope with by ignoring it, i know this doesnt help you, for your credit though you have got your diabetes under control which is brilliant for someone your age,well done

 

[catherinecherub]

Hi Rebecca,
How about writing it all down in a letter to your parents and explain why you cannot say it face to face. Parents were teenagers once and they know it is a difficult time so perhaps the letter would work. They are not mind readers so they may not be aware of how low you are feeling.

Keep your name down for the psychology as in six month's time you may or may not need it. You can always cancel it if things improve.
As totsy says try and get support where you can. Perhaps you haven't come to terms with everything and you need to sound off to someone. That is where the psychologist could help.

This forum has some members who are your age and they may be able to tell you how they would deal with the situation you are feeling.

Chin up, Rebecca, things can only get better.
Regards, Catherine.

 

[RebeccaSmith]

Thank you
I don't know how to get them to realise though. I've invited them to meet my speicailist, yet they insisted they couldn't get time off work which is a ridiculous statement when they get flexi-time at work and my parents regularly go into work early to leave early. I've given them books and tried talking to them, yet they ignore it.
I think the only way for them to understand is to make them do what I do - make them test their blood before they eat and pretend to inject using just the needle. I know they wouldn't agree to that, but it would be perfect for making them realise exactly what I have to do and what an inconvenince diabetes is.

 

[catherinecherub]

That's where the letter would be handy Rebecca because you could ask them why they haven't shown an interest and would they like to try testing their own blood sugars. A letter would get things off your chest and hopefully things would pick up. If they still ignore everything then at least you can tell yourself you have tried your very best.
Catherine.

 

[totsy]

i agree about the letter, explain in detail exactly how your feeling,what your fears are about the future etc and ask if just for 24 hrs would they pretend to be diabetic just to see how hard it is for you, they could eat the same as you and blood test, if this doesnt work then at least you have got it off your chest and as catherine says you will have tried your hardest,
maybe your parents dont know where to start in approaching the subject and this may help them too, i would be very proud of you as you are showing so much maturity , you are a lovely young lady rebecca, and whatever happens we are here if u need us

 

[RebeccaSmith]

I do health and social care AS level, and as a part of my coursework component had to study someone with an illness, and I chose to do myself. My teacher said she was touched and that it gave her lots of information on diabetes and the profound effects of it. She suggested that I show them it, yet I feel like such an idiot for making a fuss. There are people so much worse off than me and that makes me angry that I am still upset when there are so many people worse off than me.

I like the letter idea, but I would be suprised if they even bothered to read it. It's so hard to live in a house when they do not acknowledge that I even have diabetes. I usually avoid them now as I cannot stand another argument concerning diabetes and go straight to my bedroom when I get in from college.
I'll try and write a letter and see what happens.
Thank you for your adivce. I will let you know how I get on.

 

[Trinkwasser]

I have no direct help for you, but frankly you sound a LOT more grown up than your parents! It's not *you* who needs the help of a psychologist!

 

[Jay3109]

Rebecca

I am sorry you are having such a rotten time with your parents. While there is much to criticise Diabetes UK for (this forum is not related to it by the way) I believe they do run clubs for younger people where you can meet and talk over some of the issues with fellow Type 1's of similar age etc. Have you checked to see if there is a group near you? It may help to meet up with people who will understand just what you are going through. Good luck

 

[diabetesmum]

Hi Rebecca,
Welcome to the forum.

I have 2 daughters who are Type 1, the oldest is 14. I am sorry your parents are so unable or unwilling to help you with your diabetes. You sound like you are doing a great job, your HbA1c is fantastic, well done! And in such a short time, it's amazing!

I don't have much advice about how you can get your parents to be more supportive, quite honestly I find their attitude pretty incomprehensible. Anyway, I wanted to say something about your early morning ketones. If your blood glucose is okay, that almost certainly means that you are having sufficient insulin. If you are having sufficient insulin, then your ketones are almost certainly so-called 'starvation' ketones, produced because you have not eaten all night. Non-diabetics often produce these ketones too, especially children and young people. Ketones become dangerous only if you have too little 'background' insulin, and this is when diabetic ketoacidosis can develop.

If you are still worried, please ask your consultant about it. In the meantime, keep up the good work, keep your chin up and good luck with your parents. Please keep posting and let us know how you get on.
Sue

 

[RebeccaSmith]

Thanks a lot for the replies. Very helpful and supportive.
I am not sure about looking for a group. I know 2 other type1 diabetics...neither of them have good control over their diabetes, and so I do not particularly want to seek help from them, as I would like to have continual control over the whole situation.
I figured that was why I was getting the ketones. My consultant said to keep and touch and let him know if they reach 0.6 or above. I'm not too bothered, I just wanted a conclusive answer as to why I am getting them
Thank you a lot.
I made up with my parents yesterday. Relentlessly started talking to them again, however, I want to get this settled once and for all. I am going to show them the coursework which I have done which highlights the emotional, social, pshycological, physical and intellectual impacts that diabetes has on me. Fingers crossed it will work.
I'll let you know.

 

[totsy]

thats great hun, good luck

 

[catherinecherub]

Glad to see you are making progress with the parent issue Rebecca.
Hope it all works out well for you.
Regards, Catherine.

 

[Jen&Khaleb]

As I parent I feel sad to hear your having such a hard time at home. My son was 8 months old when he was diagnosed and he is now just over 2. I also have a 14 year old son. It is hard to have such a responsibility placed upon you to take care of all aspects of your health. It was explained to me that diabetes doesn't just happen to one person, it happens to the whole family. Having a diabetic in the family does change things for me and his brother. Meals are more organised and trips are carefully planned. Does anyone ever get up and check you in the night? Wouldn't you like a bit of a break from doing it all yourself?

You are doing so well getting to grips with your blood sugar and I hope you continue to make your health a priority. I've been at it a bit over a year now and no day is ever the same. A few months isn't that long to be diagnosed and if you start getting annoyed with the continual process just make sure you check in with someone to keep you on track. I know so many who get sick of testing and injecting that they don't bother and suffer and regret later.

All the best.