partners of diabetics

[KateGoth]

I'm new to this site, hello! I joined up in an attempt to connect with other people in my situation. My boyfriend is newly diagnosed type 1. He manages it well most of the time. I told myself I wouldn't nag him about it, he's probably going to have it his whole life (unless there is a cure discovered). Obviously that went out of the window after he had a bad hypo. He is the most doting, loving, nice man. But, when he's low he gets mean. I am aware this is common and it's actually a pretty good red flag. How do other people support their loved ones in these early days? How do you manage a person who is pretty stubborn one the verge of a hypo without losing patience and having a row? Am I meant to just step back and let him handle it when it is so scary and hard?
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Thanks in advance.
Kate

 

[Jaylee]

Hi Kate,

Let me explain what a low is like.. Between 4.5 & 3.5 mmol easy stuff starts to get like quantum physics.. It's like walking into a room & forgetting why? It takes a while to work out what's what & you get stuck in a loop.. So when someone tells you something's wrong it can catch you on a backfoot... It almost like being stoned..

Lucky for me I'm a passive reserved type.
When I drop blow 3.5 by the time I hit 2.3ish it gets more obvious...

I'd suggest not asking questions.. Just offer a sweet matter o fact as you would at a movie..?
The guy may just need to work it out in his own mind without the extra stimulus... Well meaning though it is..

Everybody is different.. My wife doesn't even know I'm low most the time...!

 

[lacey1]

it gets better
my husband was diagnosed type 1 3yrs ago he too is one in a million an amazing man but yep hypos or sustained highs can defo affect mood
its hard but brain function is affected when this happens and even if its not ment or even rememberd hurtful things can be said at times like this
i found even though it feels un natural to take a step back then next day for eg when he feels well talk about it how he feels how u feel etc
it will get easier for him and that will make it easier for u it's such a huge thing for him to learn to live with support love and time is all he needs from you at the mo in time he will let u know if their is anyway u can help
can't express how important it is to keep talking but only once he is ready
had a few really hard times the first 18 months but we have talked and talked and i have educated myself the best i can have injected no insulin lol wore a pump for 24 hrs once he had one done all i can to empathise so hang in there be strong and patient all will be ok x

Sent from the Diabetes Forum App

 

[noblehead]

Some great advice.

I think you should take a step back and let him deal with it himself if he is capable, if not then by all accounts intervene. The lower ones bg goes the more agitated the person gets, so if the hypo's are a daily occurrence then your boyfriend needs to get in contact with his diabetes team so they can advise him on adjusting his insulin doses, the first few days, weeks and months are always the worst but his blood glucose levels will settle down once he gets use to the routine of injecting and balancing his food intake.

 

[KateGoth]

Thank you all much. He usually sorts himself out fine. It's only when he doesn't catch it quick enough. I find it scary because he was very ill when it first came on, which makes me panicky and worse. He also feels so bad once he's back to normal. It's like living with Dr. Jekyll sometimes. It's good to know other people feel the same and it won't always be like this. X

 

[alaska]

My personal experience is that it gets better with time.

When I started going out with my partner, now my wife, I was quite defensive sometimes when low. I stubbonly didn't want to want to test just because she was telling me to. As a diabetic, after you have time to think about it -and with normal blood sugars, it's easier to see things from your non-diabetic partner's perspective.

Over time, we've each been able to build up trust in each other. Whilst very occasionally, there may be some stubbornness, mostly it's not a problem.

Same with any aggression (when high or low). The edge comes off those moments with time. However -having a low or high at the wrong time can still both hurt and annoy you in a way that's hard to properly explain to someone without diabetes.

Mostly it's a matter of trust. From your perspective, it's probably best to save any discussions about how he is when low (or high) to a time when he's got his levels under control and is feeling ready to talk.

 

[Ambersilva]

My experience of T1 is derived from living with a diabetic and then joining the club myself. If you think that a hypo may be imminent, gently offer a cup of tea or coffee or snack. Don't ask if he is low. Leave it to him to decide that. Another tip: Announce your plans for the day in advance so that he knows how to prepare himself with food and injections. All too often my hubby decides that it would be nice to go on an energetic outing after we have eaten lunch and I have just injected for a leisurely afternoon.

 

[KateGoth]

Thanks again. Xxx

 

[Jaylee]

Thank you all much. He usually sorts himself out fine. It's only when he doesn't catch it quick enough. I find it scary because he was very ill when it first came on, which makes me panicky and worse. He also feels so bad once he's back to normal. It's like living with Dr. Jekyll sometimes. It's good to know other people feel the same and it won't always be like this. X

Mr Hyde.. Jekyll was the nice one...!

I'm more like "silent Bob" to the Jay.. Lol

Why not get yer bloke to sign up here..? It may take the pressure off...?!!

 

[donnellysdogs]

I from my own experience would say that in my earliest days I was a monster with hypo's if anybody tried to help me....argue and at one point at my worst had 3 paramedics and a gp -and lashed out at the gp today.

However, for my husband treating me the best thing we have in the house is a tommee tippee mug and as I love milk and sugar he used to pour milk n sugar in it and give it to me and because I love it so much and the cup is indestructable..that I just take it and drink like a baby....

The other thing is I only have hypo stoppers that I love to have in my bag or in my car. Currently maomi pinballs or dolly mixtures.

I cannot have jelly babies due to the jelly they are made of being unsuitable to my stomach.

If I love the hypo stoppers I take them a lot easier.

I haven't had a bad hypo for years now, but even treating my own low levels at home I automatically go for my tommee tippee.

However, the thing that I needed to explain to my hubby was the fact that when low I need cuddles and not to be left alone...it took me years to figure this out. He would get alarmed at my aggression and he dislikes any arguments or aggression at the best of times and when I was hypo aggressive he would watch me from another chair and say nothing because he didn't know what to say to me to calm me down. So instead he would go quiet and stay his distance....now he knows that a cwtch goes a long way to helping me, he would have no fear of doing it now and he won't mention the hypo word either. That used to antagonise the hell out of me. He learnt to say words like "its ok, in a few minutes you'll be ok, don't worry, keep drinking and would give me a cwtch.

Thankfully now I haven't needed any assistance for years. He doesn't even know I've had a hypo at night now...on a couple of occasions in 30 years I've been known to scream help me, help me running around the house naked at night!!! So a big difference.

Its still early days for your boyfriend but he may well be able to tell you what hypo stoppers he prefers to take which would make it easier for you if you just need to assist. It may be too early to say what he prefers you to do ie put sweets on a table and ask him if he would like to eat them rather than saying for example you're hypo... I think most t1's hate being hypo, hate the fact that we are being told we are hypo and need to eat etc... The mere mention of the hypo word to me used to mske me worse on the few occasions I needed help.

He will certainly feel awful afterwards if its out of his nature. I would be disgusted with myself. I hated the fact that I would disturb hubby sleep or his day....

 

[KateGoth]

Thank you donnellysdogs. That has been really helpful we tried fruit pastilles as stoppers but the ferrets seem to love stealing them. I'm thinking I might buy a bunch of different things. He was a hippy baby so is more comfortable with things he sees as healthy which is great early enough. Fighting my instincts and hugging him instead of trying to talk him round seems nice too x

 

[KateGoth]

Also, I referenced Jekyll because he is nice. Mr Hyde is the much less frequent one thankfully x

 

[donnellysdogs]

He may be able to tell you what he finds irritating about a hypo.. But probably early days.. It took me years to figure it out for myself-why do I feel so **** aggressive when normally I'm so quiet? It just clicked.. I needed not to be told " you're hypo" and that watching me and telling me from a different chair that I'm hypo was making me even worse. I just needed nicely termed words minus the hypo word and a cwtch...

I think many of us will recognise the Jekyll and Hyde scenario.

Love the fact that the ferrets love fruit pastilles! Thats a classic!!

 

[donnellysdogs]

My nickname was Cruella!! (Don't know if I've spelt that right!) from 101 dalmations when I needed help.

The other thing I also hated was hubby saying.."test your blood" cos I knew that he thought me hypo... And I hate being told to do things without a please or thankyou. Normally he is so polite its unbelievable, but I guess asrenaline kicks in for partners and all they think about is getting you out of hypoland. So he also gave up "test your blood" as well!!

Things you partners have to do. We must be lovely at other times, otherwise partners wouldn't put up with us!!!

Infact one horrible pscyhopatic partner did threaten me once that if I had a hypo he would just inject me more and finish me off!!!

 

[KateGoth]

That's not fair I do try to be as nice as I can but after a while I just lose patience, which obviously doesn't help. It is scary when you've already seen the scary lows.
It's great to talk to others about this. Thank you so much xxxxx

 

[Jaylee]

Kate,

Just keep in mind the lows are like the "Microsoft thinking about it" egg timer thing on the PC.?
I've been diabetic for 38 years & trained as a kid to run an auto pilot program covering the hypo & treating it when if it happens...
Quietly slip the guy a can o coke & wait twenty minutes...

 

[KateGoth]

He wouldn't drink coke no matter how low he was haha. It's ingrained in him. But maybe the hippy equivalent is some fruit juice or something x

 

[donnellysdogs]

I'm exactly the same, I wouldn't drink anything fizzy at all. No lucozade, no coke, lemonade or anything. However milk with sugar is absolutely yummy. I have one teaspoon if between 3.5ish to 4.0, if below I would have 2 teaspoons. However if I know I've still got fast acting in me working I may have a biscuit.
Would never take hypogel or glucotabs as I know I hate them and they disgust me.

Best to find something that he likes and sees as a treat...and is also fast acting of course. My downfall with maomi pinballs is that I love them and always want more than 3!!!