Pump outcast

[Spiker]

This is just how I feel, so I don't want to start any kind of argument.

In my job everyone sees the tubing of my pump. No one knows what it is. A few know I am diabetic. I feel like everyone is thinking about it and talking about it behind my back. Probably they are saying "he is diabetic, it's to do with that".

I've never felt like this before in 20 years of Type 1 diabetes on MDI. Only since moving to the pump. On MDI I was not secretive about being diabetic but I had the ability to choose who knew about it, and when. I've lost that control and now it's like my business is everyone's business. With MDI I felt like I was confident and able to discuss being diabetic with work colleagues, or anyone else, at a time and place when I felt comfortable. Consequently I was quite open about it. Now I feel the information about me is no longer under control because I have this fecking tube hanging out all the time. A lot of us place huge importance on not being different, and that's drummed into us at diagnosis "you can be normal". Well no, you can't, not with a tube sticking out of you.

I feel embarrassed because it makes me feel like I have hidden being diabetic from all my colleagues, because they saw the tube before I had the chance to talk to them about it. Now they're embarrassed to ask, having seen the tube, and I am embarrassed to talk about it. In hindsight I should have, what, sent an email to the whole company on day 1? Introduced myself to everyone by saying Hi, I'm the new Widget Manager and I am an insulin dependent diabetic?

Medical people don't get how psychologically important it is for us to be in control of how we present ourselves as normal or not normal. Why else would they make a pump that I have to fish out by its stupid tube 5 times a day at work?

Guess I should have got a pump with a wireless remote control. :-(

This is not a criticism of people who are fine with openly wearing a pump so please don't take it that way. It's just my issue.

 

[tim2000s]

That's an interesting point you make. My colleague who uses a pump somehow manages to keep his tube completely out of view. I have to admit it isn't something that I'd thought about, but is a consideration in my job.

 

[masonbason63]

Hi Spiker, now now no need to put a downer on yourself mate you are as normal as anyone else, I'm a pumper and bloody proud of it when people ask I tell them and always chuck in the comment " it keeps me Alive" it just fasinates people, medical people have often never seen one and puts you on a level of even keel to talk to them, if it's causing you that greater concern about the tubing and you'd rather a remote speak to your DSN about an early upgrade pump companies bend over backwards to keep their customers. Chin up my friend

 

[Spiker]

Cheers @masonbason63

You're right it's a great talking point with any health care professional.

 

[Spiker]

Maybe I will talk to the DSN because it feels like it's psychologically undermining my ability to do my job. I don't want to feel like I have to choose between my job and the pump.

 

[masonbason63]

Good for you! I had the combo for 6 months and the remote was a brilliant gadget but with sight problems I was struggling, so I went back to a D-Tron plus (originally Deisatronic) I hardly ever have it out my pocket I know all the buttons I need by clicks and touch but alas it's being discontinued so after talking to Donnelleydogs I'm looking forward to the insight which seems more Sight friendly. My tubing is always hanging out and getting caught and occasionally being pulled out but upwards and onwards with it I go. It will be a sadly missed pump

 

[CarbsRok]

Hi Spike, if you feel up to it just be open about the pump pull it out and say hey you lot have you seen my bionic pancreas? Most people are very interested in devices but often to embarrassed to ask you hence your feeling of talking behind your back.
Pull the pump out at lunch time and just say hang on a tick I need to dial up my lunch

Last year a 6 year old child asked me what that thing was on my pocket (Pump) his mum looked and sounded highly embarrassed whilst trying to tell the child off. All I did was unclip the pump and show him explaining in child speak what it did. Child was fascinated and then said my Grandad is diabetic he has tablets why can't you?

 

[azure]

Where do you put your pump? I normally wear mine in a clip on my belt and then I can tuck all the tubing into my trousers or skirt. Also, my top usually comes down and covers the pump itself too.

On rare occasions, I'm rushing about and somehow a loop of tubing sticks out, and yes, I do feel self conscious about that so I know how you feel. But most of the time no tubing is visible. When I bolus, I just do it with my pump still on my belt.

Is there anywhere you could wear your pump that'd improve the amount of tubing showing?

 

[Spiker]

Well basically being a man and wearing a shirt for work there is no way to conceal the tube and still be able to operate the pump. This seems to be a lot easier for women.

 

[masonbason63]

Well basically being a man and wearing a shirt for work there is no way to conceal the tube and still be able to operate the pump. This seems to be a lot easier for women.

When or the rare occasion I where a shirt and trousers to hide tubing I firstly put pump in left pocket ( always have it on the left) then with trouser undone tuck all the shirt and excess tubing into open trouser then do them up so basically you have a bit of tubing coming from pocket to top of trousers then if wearing a jacket or jumper it's not seen. Works for me

 

[Flowerpot]

Spiker, can you make some small holes in trouser pocket linings and thread the tubing through the pocket to your cannula so your pump is safe in a pocket but can be pulled out if needed. This bypasses the need to have tubing coming out of you at waistband level. If you are good at needlework then you can put small pieces of velcro to close the lining holes up around the tubing. I've done this in a few pairs of trousers and a dress and no one is aware of any tubing coming out of me. Just a thought

 

[dtennant9]

I can see where you're coming from @Spiker

Personally I was more self concious when I was on MDI. The Chistmas before last when I was on my work meal out the whole table decided it would be good to stop chatting and turn and watch me take my insulin. This past Christmas didn't seem so bad and I bolused 3 separate times.

I was on parent duty at my sons playgroup a couple of weeks ago and one of the other kids asked his Dad what I had on my belt, his Dad just didn't answer him.

 

[Spiker]

When or the rare occasion I where a shirt and trousers to hide tubing I firstly put pump in left pocket ( always have it on the left) then with trouser undone tuck all the shirt and excess tubing into open trouser then do them up so basically you have a bit of tubing coming from pocket to top of trousers then if wearing a jacket or jumper it's not seen. Works for me

Yes I wear a shirt and trousers every day and that's what I do. As you say it always ends up with tubing coming out of the pocket. People don't necessarily notice the occasional time but if you do it day in day out eventually everyone notices.

 

[Spiker]

Spiker, can you make some small holes in trouser pocket linings and thread the tubing through the pocket to your cannula so your pump is safe in a pocket but can be pulled out if needed. This bypasses the need to have tubing coming out of you at waistband level. If you are good at needlework then you can put small pieces of velcro to close the lining holes up around the tubing. I've done this in a few pairs of trousers and a dress and no one is aware of any tubing coming out of me. Just a thought

Yes that's what I need to do. I will need to sew in hole protectors to make sure my pockets don't open up into big holes. Thank you.

But alas I didn't do that, I couldn't figure it out, and now everyone knows anyway so I am not sure there is a point. Probably I should still do it.

 

[tim2000s]

The Chistmas before last when I was on my work meal out the whole table decided it would be good to stop chatting and turn and watch me take my insulin. .

Following which, you slap your arm a couple of times, groan loudly and say, "Wow that was good", before rolling your eyes, standing up and taking a bow, accompanied by the line "Ladies and Gentlemen, the entertainment is now over, please return to what you were previously discussing".

 

[CarbsRok]

Yes I wear a shirt and trousers every day and that's what I do. As you say it always ends up with tubing coming out of the pocket. People don't necessarily notice the occasional time but if you do it day in day out eventually everyone notices.

Can you have shorter tubing? Another option is to roll the tubing like a hosepipe and tape it.
I haven't got a clue what a dress looks like even though female. My pump sits on my pocket, very little if any tubing shows. The tubing is under my belt so doesn't work loose. Having tried a few experiments this morning no pump or tubing shows if pump is clipped on inside of outside of pocket if you know what I mean.
Police officers are allowed to wear insulin pumps now so for obvious reasons they have to be out of sight as well as tubing kept well out of the way.

The hole protector ...... I have heard of some people using nail varnish so the material doesn't fray plus a few stitches.

 

[dtennant9]

Following which, you slap your arm a couple of times, groan loudly and say, "Wow that was good", before rolling your eyes, standing up and taking a bow, accompanied by the line "Ladies and Gentlemen, the entertainment is now over, please return to what you were previously discussing".

Haha, would have been as well

 

[Fallgal]

Yes that's what I need to do. I will need to sew in hole protectors to make sure my pockets don't open up into big holes. Thank you.

But alas I didn't do that, I couldn't figure it out, and now everyone knows anyway so I am not sure there is a point. Probably I should still do it.

People forget things in time; they have their own problems.

 

[Indy51]

Well basically being a man and wearing a shirt for work there is no way to conceal the tube and still be able to operate the pump. This seems to be a lot easier for women.

You could become a trendsetter and start wearing some fancy waistcoats? Maybe you'd be able to conceal it better with the extra layer of clothing? You could probably get some concealed pockets in the lining?

 

[Heathenlass]

As I see it, it's become a closed circuit of your self consciousness and curiosity/ embarrassment on the part of your colleagues. It's a tricky one to find the right point of bringing the subject up, and starting a new job is harsh enough as it is. Your colleagues probably sense your self consciousness, but maybe feel that to bring it right out and ask would embarrass you so stay quiet about it.

Perhaps a way forward would be to bring it into conversation with a colleague casually, I know you have a mine of numerous stories about dealing with diabetes, and humour is a great ice breaker. This could then lead on to something along the lines of " of course, that wouldn't happen now I have a pump to deliver the insulin, yadda yadda...." Or else bring up one of the stories in the press regarding diabetes... You get the picture ! The office grapevine will start the ball rolling, and if you seem to be less self conscious and open to talking about it, then the whole subject becomes neutralised and part of everyday office life .

I know this sounds contrived, but the longer the situation exists, the more difficult it becomes, and the more self concious you become .You don't need this stress, so tackling the issue proactively takes some of the pressure off and allows you to get on with your life.

As you know, I don't have a pump, so can't offer any practical solutions ( though I do wonder why it is necessary for pumps to have the length of tubing that they have in the first place ? ) so can only offer my hippy psychological and emotional support . Don't worry, I won't be recommending the Flower Essences and crystals... Yet !

Big (((((((Hugs))))) to you


Signy