seperated dad coping with 3 year old diagnosed type 1

[Rich_Tea]

First of all Hello all, I really appreciate any and all help no matter how mundane it may be!

My names Rob
Im 34 and last week I was diagnosed with type 2, this is down to lifestyle and weight. Im working on it.

Im a single dad who loves his son more than anything else in my life and I have a bond with him and he loves being with me.

I split from my child's mum when he was 12 months old. Im settled down with a loving caring partner and I have a really good relationship with my boy, he stays with me twice a week. Communication with his mum is shall we say "hard work" and she goes out of her way to use my son as a weapon against me to maintain control.

About 7 weeks ago things with my son who is 3 were not right.. He was tired and ill. his mum kept saying he was fine all the time but he wasn't I kept pushing for medical attention and in the end took him the walk in three weekends on the row. He had chicken pox, scarlet fever and then a throat/chest infection all without a break in between.

He ended up in hospital and he has been diagnosed with type 1, both his mum and me are devastated but I have come to terms with it now as it doesn't matter he is still my son.

My problem is this-
The doctors, nurses, community support team have basically ignored me. I've been there 12 hours a day every day for a week but have to every single day explain that its awkward being in his mums presence and that she with-holds information from me. blood sugar levels how he is etc, Its a form of control. I end up on hold to the ward worrying and then they wont discuss with me over the phone.

Ive explained to the nurses and doctors over and over and still they automatically address her and discuss things with her leaving me frustrated and feeling like im not important in my sons life. The worst thing is the community nurses will only goto her house to support her with injections and bs levels etc as i live outside of the hospital catchment area. They will not come to my house even though he stays with me twice a week??

Its basically giving my ex partner a excuse not to let me see him. I care for my son to my own determent and I dont know who to turn too to get the support I need to care for my son? I'm willing to attend classes even go to her house to be there when they inject etc. But she wont let me govto her house and im afraid im going to lose the time I have with my son.

Ive taken the opportunity to inject him while he is in hospital to gain experience but got less than welcoming response when I asked for the literature to be copied for me.

I am trying to come to terms with my type 2, Now my son has type 1 and its hard being a single dad as im automatically judged as being the one who left the family home when I have given my all to be a dad because im not the live in parent.

Any comments or advice is greatly appreciated! any other single parents been through anything similar?

 

[Jaylee]

Hi,

I don't normally venture into this part of the forum. Just followed the featured threads on the home page & read about your issue.
I'm not a dad, but I am T1. So certain insulin dependency aspects & "wot not" maybe of use to you if your not feeling confident regarding this..?

I will tag in a "T1 mom" who is also a T1 herself.. @mahola
I'll tag in @azure who kvnows her "onions" too..

You may need some T2 input for your good self? I'll tag in @daisy1

Although I apreciate I haven't been through your experience. Hopefully this will get the ball rolling for you & yer kid...

 

[Rich_Tea]

Thank you!

 

[Jaylee]

Thank you!

No worries. On a personal note. My dad was T2. So go easy on yourself it's not easily explained with "lifestyle & weight." There are other causes too, beyond anyone's control!

 

[1Sarah1]

Hi @Rich_Tea im type1 for 35yrs and my daughter who was just 2 was diagnosed type1 in Dec. I'm not a single parent but do have baby twins so different situation.
I'm not sure why the ward wouldn't talk to you. I'm assuming that if your son stays with you twice a week then you are involved heavily with him. How far out of the area do you live?could you maybe arrange to take your son to see the community team or arrange to meet your ex partner at the hospital appointment? They can normally download a pump or blood test results-could you get a copy there? I think to an extent that the health professionals aren't able to double up on children to go through everything twice.
I'm the main carer for my 3 (on maternity leave) so I do most things but really push for my husband to know how to do things for my daughter just in case I can't. What happens if your ex gets ill or she can't attend to your son?
I think there are several things you need to understand. What's his regime-Ie carbs to insulin ratio (do you understand carb counting?), what his his correction rate if he is high, what are his signs of a hypo-pale, shaky, sweaty etc?, can you inject and can you do his blood test? How often to test?
You always need to have an emergency box type of kit with hypo treatments-I use jam for my daughter as I can get that down her whereas I prefer Lucozade. I carry around a tub of digestives too.

I'm not sure what the best way forward is regarding your ex if she won't give you information if you have tried explaining to her. Can you write in a book between each other if it's difficult to talk? good luck.

 

[Brunneria]

Hi and welcome.

Sounds like a very tricky situation.

Not defending your wife, but if she is the controlling sort, having your son diagnosed will be affecting her deeply and tripping all her 'protect' issues.

Any chance you can get through to her and the medical team that it is in your sons best interests if info is shared? I know that is what you are trying to do, but there is a big diff between 'I need to know' and 'I need to know to ensure OUR sons safety!'

Re your own T2
Please do not fall for the 'it's my fault cos I am fat and lazy' nonsense. It is all over the media and it is hard to resist the blame pressure. However, the scientific facts of the matter are actually very clear. T2 is a condition of insulin resistance and it starts long before there are any symptoms. Some of the symptoms are lethargy, fatigue, lack of bounce, food cravings, gnawing hunger, and resulting weight gain.

So 'fat and lazy' guilt trips are like blaming someone with chicken pox for getting spots. They are symptoms, not causes.

Hope this helps. Rejecting the 'blame game' may even help with your dealings with your wife - you never know!

 

[Alzebra]

hi @Rich_Tea and welcome to the forum. Have you been in touch with PALS - patient advice and liaison service at your local hospital? http://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Patient advice and liaison services (PALS)/LocationSearch/363

Your son is very lucky to have both parents deeply invested in his care, and I'm sure that PALS can help you make arrangements to be copied into all correspondence on his care and suggest solutions to the home visit issues. I think @Brunneria makes a very wise point about your ex-partner's over-protective response being a sign of feelings of guilt etc. My husband and I are together but I think I'm sometimes guilty of shutting him out when I'm focused on an urgent health issue with one of our kids Good luck with your own T2 diagnosis as well, what a busy few weeks you've had health-wise! Many of us here have made the switch to a low carb regime and found it has huge benefits xx

 

[daisy1]

@Rich_Tea

Hello and welcome to the forum To help you with your own T2 diabetes, here is the information we give to new members and I hope you will find it useful. Ask as many questions as you need to and someone will be able to help. I'm sorry that I can't give you information for your young T1 son but others will be able to.

BASIC INFORMATION FOR NEWLY DIAGNOSED DIABETICS

Diabetes is the general term to describe people who have blood that is sweeter than normal. A number of different types of diabetes exist.

A diagnosis of diabetes tends to be a big shock for most of us. It’s far from the end of the world though and on this forum you’ll find over 150,000 people who are demonstrating this.

On the forum we have found that with the number of new people being diagnosed with diabetes each day, sometimes the NHS is not being able to give all the advice it would perhaps like to deliver - particularly with regards to people with type 2 diabetes.

The role of carbohydrate

Carbohydrates are a factor in diabetes because they ultimately break down into sugar (glucose) within our blood. We then need enough insulin to either convert the blood sugar into energy for our body, or to store the blood sugar as body fat.

If the amount of carbohydrate we take in is more than our body’s own (or injected) insulin can cope with, then our blood sugar will rise.

The bad news

Research indicates that raised blood sugar levels over a period of years can lead to organ damage, commonly referred to as diabetic complications.

The good news

People on the forum here have shown that there is plenty of opportunity to keep blood sugar levels from going too high. It’s a daily task but it’s within our reach and it’s well worth the effort.

Controlling your carbs

The info below is primarily aimed at people with type 2 diabetes, however, it may also be of benefit for other types of diabetes as well.
There are two approaches to controlling your carbs:

• Reduce your carbohydrate intake
• Choose ‘better’ carbohydrates

Reduce your carbohydrates

A large number of people on this forum have chosen to reduce the amount of carbohydrates they eat as they have found this to be an effective way of improving (lowering) their blood sugar levels.

The carbohydrates which tend to have the most pronounced effect on blood sugar levels tend to be starchy carbohydrates such as rice, pasta, bread, potatoes and similar root vegetables, flour based products (pastry, cakes, biscuits, battered food etc) and certain fruits.

Choosing better carbohydrates

Another option is to replace ‘white carbohydrates’ (such as white bread, white rice, white flour etc) with whole grain varieties. The idea behind having whole grain varieties is that the carbohydrates get broken down slower than the white varieties –and these are said to have a lower glycaemic index.
http://www.diabetes.co.uk/food/diabetes-and-whole-grains.html

The low glycaemic index diet is often favoured by healthcare professionals but some people with diabetes find that low GI does not help their blood sugar enough and may wish to cut out these foods altogether.

Read more on carbohydrates and diabetes

LOW CARB PROGRAM:
http://www.diabetes.co.uk/low carb program


Eating what works for you

Different people respond differently to different types of food. What works for one person may not work so well for another. The best way to see which foods are working for you is to test your blood sugar with a glucose meter.

To be able to see what effect a particular type of food or meal has on your blood sugar is to do a test before the meal and then test after the meal. A test 2 hours after the meal gives a good idea of how your body has reacted to the meal.

The blood sugar ranges recommended by NICE are as follows:

Blood glucose ranges for type 2 diabetes

• Before meals: 4 to 7 mmol/l
• 2 hours after meals: under 8.5 mmol/l

Blood glucose ranges for type 1 diabetes (adults)

• Before meals: 4 to 7 mmol/l
• 2 hours after meals: under 9 mmol/l

Blood glucose ranges for type 1 diabetes (children)

• Before meals: 4 to 8 mmol/l
• 2 hours after meals: under 10 mmol/l

However, those that are able to, may wish to keep blood sugar levels below the NICE after meal targets.

Access to blood glucose test strips

The NICE guidelines suggest that people newly diagnosed with type 2 diabetes should be offered:

• structured education to every person and/or their carer at and around the time of diagnosis, with annual reinforcement and review
• self-monitoring of plasma glucose to a person newly diagnosed with type 2 diabetes only as an integral part of his or her self-management education

Therefore both structured education and self-monitoring of blood glucose should be offered to people with type 2 diabetes. Read more on getting access to bloodglucose testing supplies.

You may also be interested to read questions to ask at a diabetic clinic

Note: This post has been edited from Sue/Ken's post to include up to date information.

 

[Robinredbreast]

Hi @Rich_Tea, so sorry to hear of your son's diagnosis and you are having problems. The 'lioness' may of come out in your ex and very protective as I'm sure you are, too, or it may be because you now have a loving new partner?
I would try to and make her see it as 'it is better for you both to be sharing in his upbringing in all aspects of his care, it sounds as if she does have soul responsibility? ( if you were married ? you could go for joint custody) and you wont shy away from anything regarding your son, as you both want what is best for him, so you want to make the transition a safe, helpful and a happier one for you all. A diary/book that a member mentioned I think, would be is a good idea.
All the best, I hope in time, things will get easier and more settled for you all.

Best wishes RRB

 

[azure]

Hi @Rich_Tea

Sorry to hear about your problems. Having a child diagnosed with Type 1 is hard enough without the added complication of difficulties with an ex.

Firstly, if you both have Parental Responsibility, then I believe you're both entitled to be treated equally by the medical profession. More than that, it's for the benefit of your son that you are included.

It's hard to give specific advice without knowing your ex or her motivation, but if you really can't cooperate with her, can you arrange to talk to your son's doctor or nurse by yourself?

You say you're not in the same area so aren't getting the support with injections, etc, so coukd you speak to your area and arrange something? Say you both care for your son.

In the meantime, find out as much as you can about Type 1 as that will help a lot - both in the care of your son, and in showing you're a capable parent.