So depressed

[Helenababe]

I'm so depressed I can hardly cope. :'(
I've been carrying a problem around inside me because I feel I'm the only one and shouldn't feel like this, but I can't accept my diabetes.
I never have been able to the whole 5+ years. I want to deny it, push it away. :'( My sugar is low, but it doesn't help. I just can't cope with it. I'm sat here crying which I do alot of. I often feel there's no point to anything anymore. I still feel the same as I did when I was first told. It's never got any better. I have a job to get through each day.
I admire you all for getting on with it, and keeping positive.

Bye
Helena (Angie)

 

[cteld]

Angie, I'm pretty new on this board, but I have to say I really appreciate your posts. I'm frantic to learn everything I can about blood sugar control and diabetes, and your contributions stand out as being very informative and showing a lot of experience. I hate that you're feeling depressed.

Can you try to get through this wave of depression? It is a wave - trust me, it's not permanent, despite being overwhelming - and when it takes over, it warps everything. If you can get through it, you'll come out of it fine and be able to address the triggers. (There are always triggers in depression, whether they are situational or chemical. It's a survival mechanism, believe it or not. Chronic depression is basically a survival mechanism made habitual.)

Do everything you can to get out of this depression, because there is a LOT you can learn from it, and a definite light at the end of the tunnel, but you have to get OUT of it to reap the benefits, ironically.

 

[paul_melb]

I agree...your posts have helped me a lot...for which I'm most grateful
Take care
Paul

 

[lovinglife]

Oh Helena

don't really know what to say to you but felt I had to say something, you sound so sad and low.

your bs are great and you do amazingly well to get them to that if you feel so low all the time. I think you are the one to be admired for achieving this and being so brave to bare your soul on here.

please speak to someone from your health care team and explain how your'e feeling, It isn't weak to feel this way- in fact it's very brave to admit how it is and there is lots they can do to help you.

(((((hugs))))

 

[didie]

Angie, I'm sorry that you're feeling so low at the moment. You have controlled your diabetes really well and should be proud of yourself. You haven't given into it and please don't give in now. Please visit your GP and tell him how you feel so he can help you - that's what he is there for.

 

[MaryJ]

hi Angie

I can only re-iterate what the others have said.

You're allowed to feel down, this is a bar-steward of a condition.

Admitting you're depressed takes someone really strong not weak. The easy thing is to pretend everythiing is fine.

Please go and see your gp and get the help they can give you.

Mary x

 

[shop]

Oh Helena

don't really know what to say to you but felt I had to say something, you sound so sad and low.

your bs are great and you do amazingly well to get them to that if you feel so low all the time. I think you are the one to be admired for achieving this and being so brave to bare your soul on here.

please speak to someone from your health care team and explain how your'e feeling, It isn't weak to feel this way- in fact it's very brave to admit how it is and there is lots they can do to help you.

(((((hugs))))

It seems aswell that you have given some valuable input on here and have been very helpful to others. We all have down times so more severe than others. You are not alone.

Sending more hugs and I hope you start to feel better soon

(((X)))

Lucy.

 

[phoenix]

Helena,
Feeling like that is quite common, I'll bet that there are many people on here with similar feelings, and may never reveal how they actually feel on line Its something that is often ignored on here, it's easier to deal with the practical and shove the emotional away in a corner.

Living well with diabetes takes emotional strength. Why? Because this is a tough disease.
Diabetes is more than just a simple matter of eating right and taking your medications.
Staying strong emotionally is the key to keeping stress under control and your blood
glucose, blood pressure and cholesterol levels where they belong. Unfortunately, people
with diabetes as well as doctors often neglect these “real life” aspects of the diseas

e.

The link is to a leaflet discussing some of the issues and feelings people have and suggestions of ways of overcoming these.
Perhaps some of the suggestions may be useful.
http://behavioraldiabetesinstitute.org/ ... f#zoom=100

 

[Unbeliever]

I can empathise with you Helenababe, I have been diagnosed for 5 years now and have never felt any better about it.
I really don' think I ever will either.

Others wonder how I cope with the constant eye procedures and threat of blindness but none of it bothers me as much as the diabetes, My control is good too.

I fid hat most of the ime I just ge on wih hings anfd like you no one really knpows.

At certain times the whole thing just threatens o overwhelm me. Apart from on this forum I don't really talk anbout it much
and I am sure my friends and family have no idea how much it bothers me.
maybe not the diabetes itself so much as something which allows others tto conrol me to an exent. I feel constantly threatened.

Is there any particular aspect which bothers you.?

The feeling that you are the only one to feeel depressed about it can make you feel very isolated.
As others have said your posts are very helpful to others but you are probably ne of a number of people who try not to burden others or frighen the newly diagnosed.
Thats great and helping others by sharing your experience can be a way of feeling that it been of some use but those of us still feeling depressed about it all should be able to express it too.

It IS a chronic condiion which affects you daily and has the potential to do worse . I don't think I will ever feeel any differently either
Possibly other pressures in one's life make it worse at times but I think iif you are the sort of person who looks things squarely in the face and is not very good at deceiving yourself then you are probably bound to feel this way. Sometimes it is overwhelming .
I am sure there must be others here who feel as we do . They may deal wih it in different ways but ,as ever, it is more acceptable to alk about physical symptoms and pracical problems,
So you are not alone Helenababe and I hope anyone else feeling this way will come out and say so.
Those of us feeling depressed abou it need support too.

 

[shop]

I can empathise with you Helenababe, I have been diagnosed for 5 years now and have never felt any better about it.
I really don' think I ever will either.

Others wonder how I cope with the constant eye procedures and threat of blindness but none of it bothers me as much as the diabetes, My control is good too.

I fid hat most of the ime I just ge on wih hings anfd like you no one really knpows.

At certain times the whole thing just threatens o overwhelm me. Apart from on this forum I don't really talk anbout it much
and I am sure my friends and family have no idea how much it bothers me.
maybe not the diabetes itself so much as something which allows others tto conrol me to an exent. I feel constantly threatened.

Is there any particular aspect which bothers you.?

The feeling that you are the only one to feeel depressed about it can make you feel very isolated.
As others have said your posts are very helpful to others but you are probably ne of a number of people who try not to burden others or frighen the newly diagnosed.
Thats great and helping others by sharing your experience can be a way of feeling that it been of some use but those of us still feeling depressed about it all should be able to express it too.

It IS a chronic condiion which affects you daily and has the potential to do worse . I don't think I will ever feeel any differently either
Possibly other pressures in one's life make it worse at times but I think iif you are the sort of person who looks things squarely in the face and is not very good at deceiving yourself then you are probably bound to feel this way. Sometimes it is overwhelming .
I am sure there must be others here who feel as we do . They may deal wih it in different ways but ,as ever, it is more acceptable to alk about physical symptoms and pracical problems,
So you are not alone Helenababe and I hope anyone else feeling this way will come out and say so.
Those of us feeling depressed abou it need support too.

Your words ring so true Unbeliever. I think that this is actually the hardest part to deal with. As like you say its more hidden than we realise. Which then causes feelings of isolation. I have noticed a huge relief on my part when reading others admitting to feeling low. Not that I would wish it on anyone else but its reassuring sometimes to know that others understand. My husband is great but how can he possibly understand unless he is going through it too. My extended family think Everything is sweet! Its easier to let people think its all OK because of the fear that really they dont want to know!

 

[Grazer]

Helenababe, don't think you have to deal with it on your own. We're here too. Are there any support groups in your area? Have you spoken to your doc about how you feel? Please do.

 

[Unbeliever]

Think I posted as the same time as you Phoenix and we are saying pretty much the same thing.

I have just read the leaflet which I daresay may be helpful to some but there is always an assumption that if you are depressed about diabetes it is because you are doing nothing to help yourself or take conrol or that it has made you totally self obsessed. I Helenababe is controlling her condition well. So am I ,
We both have other responsibilities . She is certainly not stupid and neither am I.
Its all too simplistic. The problem is that its with you for life. You do all these things and it is sill there. A short-term illness or condition and yes you will probably get plenty of support. Long term and nothing particularly dreadful happening ?
The attitude is a shrug of the shoulders and "we all have problems"#
that leaflet seems to imply that complcations are an "acceptable" reason for depression. I have complications aaand it is the underlying cause - the diabetes which depresses me and has done since diagnosis.

Yes , I am sure hat good health care would help many. It is the HCPs in this country who should be given that leaflet.
Some sort of understanding care might help. I felt better when I was able to see a docor who actually seemed to be intersted in trying to help me. This is not permissible now .
I just want them to leave me alone.
In fact my complications are my only link with caring professional HCPs who want to and have helped me.
As acess to hospitals ec becomes more difficult many others might find the same thing to be true,

Thank you for publisjhing that link Phoeni. I didn't mean to "rubbish " it was just staing my views.
I hope it is helpful to someone .
I would be very interested In Helenababe's opinion of it.

I like the part where it emphasises DIABETES IS NOT YOUR FAULT A message the general public needs to hear, as we have seen recently.

 

[phoenix]

Unbeliever,
Yes in some ways I agree with you. I think that there just might be a smigeon in some of the suggestions. Polonsky who runs the institute that issues the leaflet has written a book Diabetes Burnout; the reviews range from many who find it helpful to one lady who has had diabetes for 60 years and found it patronising and trivial. We all vary.
But I think my major point is that many of us don't show our feelings outwardly and that includes me.

 

[Unbeliever]

Unbeliever,
Yes in some ways I agree with you. I think that there just might be a smigeon in some of the suggestions. Polonsky who runs the institute that issues the leaflet has written a book Diabetes Burnout; the reviews range from many who find it helpful to one lady who has had diabetes for 60 years and found it patronising and trivial. We all vary.
But I think my major point is that many of us don't show our feelings outwardly and that includes me.

Yes of course, Phoenix, just because I don't think it doesn't work for me doesn't mean that some of it is not good advice.
We ARE all different and people go through diffeerent phases. It might be of assistance to the newly diagnosed trying to come to terms wih i as some do very successfully.

No many of us don't show our feeligs openly . I can empathise with Helena babe who feels just the same now as she did in the begining and I think this is different to the feelings of the newly diagnosed. I suppose it is down to which aspects of having the condition you find most unacceptable. This is where the assumptions kick in . Just as, when my Nurse wanted to put me on insulin she could not accept that the injections were the least of my worries.

I really believe that it should be just as acceptable to talk about the depression that accompanies this condition as the physical symptome. Never mind siff upper lip and not wallowing it or frightening newbies.

Perhaps if people felt able to talk about the emotional side of things more openly then Helenababe might not have felt that she was alone and "different".

 

[WhitbyJet]

Oh Helen some big hugs from me too.
There was a time when I struggled with my diabetes diagnosis. Life looked very bleak.
And then I started to look around me, I soon realised that I don't have to look very far to find someone worse off than myself.
Bitter divorce, a child iwith a brain tumor, bereavement , illness,some very serious tragedies all around. Even our current Prime Minister and the Royal Family haven't escaped.
It seems that there is some unwritten law that decrees that everyone must have a burden to carry to stop them from living the perfect life.
I imagined we would all pack up our troubles then throw them on to a pile. A voice from up above would boom telling us all to reach in and take one me those packages. My goodness Helen I would most definitely take mine back again.
I know my demon. I have got the upper hand, I am grateful that its possible to control my demon. Keep him where he belongs.
Helen you are brave to open us like this, I can see inner strength that will help you over this hurdle. Perhaps counselling will help you learn acceptance. I am sure that you can move on to lead a happy and healthy life, keeping the demon muzzled.
Don't despair, we are all here for you.
Much love
Judith
x x

 

[Defren]

Oh Helen some big hugs from me too.
There was a time when I struggled with my diabetes diagnosis. Life looked very bleak.
And then I started to look around me, I soon realised that I don't have to look very far to find someone worse off than myself.
Bitter divorce, a child iwith a brain tumor, bereavement , illness,some very serious tragedies all around. Even our current Prime Minister and the Royal Family haven't escaped.
It seems that there is some unwritten law that decrees that everyone must have a burden to carry to stop them from living the perfect life.
I imagined we would all pack up our troubles then throw them on to a pile. A voice from up above would boom telling us all to reach in and take one me those packages. My goodness Helen I would most definitely take mine back again.
I know my demon. I have got the upper hand, I am grateful that its possible to control my demon. Keep him where he belongs.
Helen you are brave to open us like this, I can see inner strength that will help you over this hurdle. Perhaps counselling will help you learn acceptance. I am sure that you can move on to lead a happy and healthy life, keeping the demon muzzled.
Don't despair, we are all here for you.
Much love
Judithx x

What a lovely post Judith. Angie, I think that sometimes something comes along and just tips the scales, and we feel we just can't cope any more. We go from day to day sometimes only just existing, not living. When I was diagnosed with AJ arthritis, I was told that I would be wheelchair bound by the time I was 40. My world crashed, and I went down into a black place I hope never to see again. My GP at the time was supportive, but wanted me to go onto Prozac, I didn't want those, so I knew I had to find a way to live again. At this point I was in so much pain, even the slightest movement was agony. Suddenly the Rhumatologist and my GP got my medication right, and the pain was easier to bear. I also had physio which taught me how to keep my joints as flexible as possible. I realise this is a bit of a me, me post, but there is a reason. I went on to have two children one is now 15 the other 12. I also managed to live again. I wasn't in a wheelchair at 40, but I was at 45, now the **** contraption gathers dust as I fight. I am fighting for MY right to live as near a normal life as possible. There have been times it has been **** hard, other times not so bad. My AJ arthritis diagnosis killed my marriage, but now I am engaged to be married again, our wedding is later this year. I have had to fight, but for me life now is better than I could have hoped for.

I am sending you huge big hugs, and the hope that you will feel much better soon. Take care and look after you!

 

[catherinecherub]

I'm so depressed I can hardly cope. :'(
I've been carrying a problem around inside me because I feel I'm the only one and shouldn't feel like this, but I can't accept my diabetes.
I never have been able to the whole 5+ years. I want to deny it, push it away. :'( My sugar is low, but it doesn't help. I just can't cope with it. I'm sat here crying which I do alot of. I often feel there's no point to anything anymore. I still feel the same as I did when I was first told. It's never got any better. I have a job to get through each day.
I admire you all for getting on with it, and keeping positive.

Bye
Helena (Angie)

Hi Helen,

You are suffering from reactive depression, reacting to a situation in your life that makes you feel helpless. You are not alone but the difference is that you have not sought help for this treatable condition and have let it go on. This is not your fault as you probably have not realised that it gets worse if you do not seek help. It will pervade your thoughts night and day as you describe if you do not seek help. Please seek the help you so desperately need right now. Life will become bearable pretty quickly and you will get to feel a whole lot better after a while.

There is no shame in being depressed and all diabetic patients should be offered psychological help as part of their treatment. When you see a HCP, unless you open up it is difficult for them to help you in the best way possible. Depression does seem to carry a stigma which is a shame but speaking to the right people will make you wonder why you didn't seek help earlier.

Rather a silly analogy but here goes. If you had a boiler that had a red light showing and there was no hot water in your house what would you do? I bet you would call a plumber or friend who could sort it out. Depression is no different, you need outside help to fix it, you cannot do it on your own. Exercise will lift it for a short period as will the company of friends but it will still be there nagging away and you do need professional help.

The diagnosis of diabetes means that you are a diabetic no matter how much you do not want to be. You can accept it, rebel against it, ignore it, control it, let it live with you or turn your back on it and pretend it does not exist, the choice is yours and you do have a choice. The only way forward is to accept it, mange it to the best of your ability and move on. You have become stuck and it must be a horrible place to be so please seek some help a.s.a.p. so that you can be the person you were before diagnosis. The only difference will be that you are the same person who has a chronic condition that is well controlled and does not impact on your day to day living.

Everyone who has answered this thread wants the best for you, they really do as we do not like to see one of our own feeling like this. Yes, you are one of us and we try and help each other, it is part of being a community.

We all care about you Helen, sending you hugs, ((((())))) and hope all posts will help you decide the way forward for you.

Take care,

CC.