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So, My Life Is Over Now.

Discussion in 'Newly Diagnosed' started by captainpixie, Jan 2, 2014.

  1. captainpixie

    captainpixie Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    which it is. my whole way of living is now going to change (has too really) so being dramatic a bit, no not really because it's true.

    It's the final straw to be honest.

    I'm 31 now and a pretty big as a person. it's the usual sad story so i won't go into details too much.

    I've been struggling for a very long time with allot of things.

    The last 2 years I've finally had the support and balls to at least TRY to make things better. I'm at Uni, I study Graphic Design (part time) , it's not easy but it's something I enjoy doing. maybe it will lead to a job, maybe not. it's worth a go right?

    I'm epileptic, it's been badly controlled for many years. I have tried very hard and have been on some crazy medications to get it sorted out.

    I got allot of disappointed and borderline angry tellings off from my Doctor's until recently. My Uni got me tested for dyslexia and the results, well they explained a lot. number sequencing problems, almost no short term memory, bad long term memory as well as allot of other academic stuff. But this report not only helped me to understand how to deal with my own education better but why I was going so wrong with the way i handled my epilepsy.

    it was kinda nice you know, the Dr didn't get as angry with me and I started to feel like less of a failure in general. beginning of this month my Dr for the first time was actually really pleased with how well i'd been doing the last six months, it was the first time he'd ever smiled at me and said well done.

    It REALLY meant a heck of allot to me. i don't like disappointing people, never have.

    I dont have any self-confidence, i know my failings and they far outweigh anything positive about me. I dont not try at things, I always give a 100% but that doesn't mean i think anything i try will work, in fact I'm usually right in not looking on the bright side.

    ANYWAYS, moving along...

    In the last 3 months I have been assigned to the weight clinic via the incontinence clinic as one has a knock on effect with the other (did i mention I also have no dignity anymore when it comes to medical issues) I was given a few blood tests ect,ect and was told there was a possibility of diabetes but the blood test they did wasnt very clear and could i do it again.

    I did.

    I went back to the doctor a week ago due to a four day headache and my Doctor wanted to check when i last had a blood test, he looked at the results and frowned asking if I'd had a fasting test yet and I just looked at him blankly.

    He them told me I had to go for more test's this month and that he was 99.9% positive i have diabetes type 2, my blood sugar was alarmingly high as well as my cholesterol and I had to get an official diagnoses and come to see him and then go to a 'DAVE' clinic which gives you the rundown and a how too on type 2 or something I honestly don't remember much after that.

    I don't know how to feel. I keep crying and I dont know why? my Mum's a HCA, she works on a diabetic ward, she's been really nice but everyone has told me two thing's repeatedly.

    'It could be so much worse.'

    'You'll be fine, so dont worry.'

    I'm not fine, I am worried, This is worse for me.

    juggling Uni, Epilepsy, weight clinic, incontinence clinic and now cholesterol and Type - 2 all together. it's like a massive weight on my chest. I've been better with appointments and taking my medication the last few months and I'm VERY cautiously slightly hopeful that it will stay this way. But life happens. i have too many fits close together my sleeping pattern goes out of whack, my meds don't get taken at the right time or simply don't get taken and forget about eating habits or patterns, they simply don't exist.

    There are other things with regards to food that make things a bit more complicated for me but that doesn't matter right now

    I really dont want to be me right now.

    oh well, onwards I suppose.
     
  2. Montana

    Montana · Well-Known Member

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    Omg Pixie you're in a bit of a pickle. One day at a time gal. Get yourself lots of support around you and write down all you need to do . Set alarms for your meds and slowly you will get there I promise you. Get your friends and family to help you make plans. Good luck x

    Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
     
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  3. badcat

    badcat · Guest

    I'd agree with Montana but would also add your life's not over, different and scary for sure but also an opportunity for you to carry on taking control and change those areas you can
    Welcome to the forums, you'll find some useful info and supporthere
    Good luck
     
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  4. tizzy

    tizzy · Well-Known Member

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    Bless you sometimes life can be overwhelming cant it is there any one who can really help you don't struggle alone it sound like you are getting things together bit by bit already good luck
     
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  5. audsital

    audsital Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Just as Montana says Pixi and one of the first steps in the right direction was to get your frustration out by writing it all down. Take one day at a time, when you start to get yourself into a routine with your meds and eating i'm sure you will start to feel better in yourself and see a difference in your other health issues. We are all here for you , good luck!:)

    Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
     
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  6. captainpixie

    captainpixie Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    routine is one of my biggest things to get right. I do get into one, I have phone alerts ect and my med's are in pill box's on my desk with a full water bottle.

    It works untill it doesn't. i will fit or have a few fit's close together which can and does knock me out anywhere between 24 hours and 3 days. it takes time after to claw my way back to being half human and by this time my roten is up the drain pipe. I always get back into it. but it can take over a week. I also have insomnia to lol that doesnt help allot. I also feel totally out of whack because my medication is messed up :/

    It just, I like routine, it helps anchor me but it always slips away, i don't want it too but it does and it's frustrating because there isn't anything I can do. there no stopping it, it happens and i have no control over it.

    Thank you thou, for being here, i have a feeling i'm going to be on here quite a bit, if only to read allot :) I think thats called Lurking :)
     
  7. Montana

    Montana · Well-Known Member

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    Help I can't find my way around. I would like to update my photo and profile. You have left me a message saying welcome back Montana be the first to reply. However each time I click on it there is no response.

    Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
     
  8. luceeloo

    luceeloo Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Alarms. Diaries. Pill boxes divided into morning, lunch, tea, and evening doses. Wall plans. Meal plans. Shopping lists. Life schedules.
    I have all of the above and more.
    I don't have the health issues that you have, but I'm a scatterbrain, I forget to take meds, sleep, eat, and have problems just functioning without a reminder to say "Lucy, take your pills".
    I recently invested in a fitbit. It cost £80, but I can set countless alarms on it to remind me to take my medication. It monitors my activities. It monitors my sleep. It syncs up with my phone and I can monitor my calories on it.

    You have a huge amount on your plate, but you can do this if you take it one thing at a time.
     
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  9. mrs gimli

    mrs gimli Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Small steps at a time. you have got yourself to uni and that takes guts .you can do this and perhaps with the diet your weight will come of and that will help the diabeties so I'm told.I'm also loosing as best I can.. X
     
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  10. ani010

    ani010 Type 1 · Active Member

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    Im just off to the gym but also just read ur story. Can i get back to u later because some of what i have to do each day might help u too. Talk later, Ani xx
     
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  11. captainpixie

    captainpixie Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    thank you :)
     
  12. ani010

    ani010 Type 1 · Active Member

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    Hiya pixie Im so sorry that I didnt get back to u at the weekend but just seemd busy for the whole weekend.
    Anyway how are u feeling today? I can tell that everything is getting on top of u and ur feeling very overwhelmed by it all. Have u spoken to ur doctor about how ur feeling, because he may sugest some counselling, I had some during the summer before i was diagnosed with type one. I also have other medical isues that means that i take a huge amounts of medications including morphine. So i know how hard it is for u to remember what to take and when, plus how to manage on sick days. My husband has made a chart of medication and put it on one of my kitchen cupboards, so o have a pill tower and with the help of the chart i fill it once a week so its ready and waiting for me, but even then i still forget to take them sometimes, its normal human nature to forget things from time to time hun. Im quite new to this site but i know already that there are lots of people that can give u the support and advise thatt u need. And to make some friends too, im sure we will get the hang of all this soon. So take each day as it comes, try not to get too worked up about things, and remember that ur not alone ok? Good! Right now i have a book that needs reading so i had best get on it. Take care and keep ur chin up ok?

    Ani xx
     
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  13. captainpixie

    captainpixie Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Thank you :) it's kinda nice to know I'm not the only one who is going to struggle with this!

    I'm never good with receiving lots of information in in big chunks. my brain tends to explode. I just cant process large chunks of information. It's a dyslexic thing sadly! mine is NOT great with retaining information I have been told. I'm ok with small chunks written down, with visual's, pictures are good to. ask me to read it and it's a struggle to remember what I've learned, read it about a hundred times over and I can remember. I'm best with films or programs like on the history channels, it's easier to processes and srt threw :)

    I know I'm pretty much whining allot, I just dont want to screw it up!

    I've seen what happens if you screw it up badly. I've seen the diabetic patients on the ward Mum works on and frankly it's awful :( thats why I'm so panicky about all this.

    once I know what I'm doing I'll be sort of alright, it's just getting to that stage!

    I'm being referred to a psychologist by the weight clinic so I'll see where I go from there (it will not be pretty)
     
  14. CollieBoy

    CollieBoy Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Good luck Captainpixie,
    Its good that you know what works for you and hopefully this should help the HCPs point you in the right direction resourcewise.:):)
     
  15. dawnmc

    dawnmc Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Just as an add on, they use very low carbs on kids with epilepsy, so 'both birds one stone'. Just a thought. If you google low carb and epilepsy there's a lot of info.
     
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  16. pc01827

    pc01827 Type 2 · Member

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  17. Dazza1984

    Dazza1984 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Hey captainpixie, I can partially sympathise with you. I too have epilepsy; diagnosed in 2006 with right temp lobe e. Luckily its controlled at present but struggle with it through my Vet Degree. Finally got a job then bang, April/May this yr developed Type 1 diabetes. Everything was working out for me then I get this bloody condition on top. I too struggle with memory, also mood swings due to my e meds (Keppra), and of course depression.

    Always keep in mind that you can make it. So many times I nearly lost hope through my degree and then again soon after my diabetes diagnosis but things could be worse. So easy for another person to say, I know but I know where you're coming from in a way.

    I found, the hard way, that make use of as much support as possible. I went to my uni counsellor fo help and it was one of the best things I ever did. I was someone that just kept things all bottled up but, as BT says, it's good to talk :)

    Msg me if you want to talk more. Oh, and if you want to speak to others with epilepsy and get more support try the forum at https://forum.epilepsy.org.uk/ (my User name is Dazza1984, so say hi if you join up).

    Take care, D :)
     
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  18. izzzi

    izzzi Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Hi, PC 01827.
    If that is your picture on the avatar, you have a double "me"
    Roy.:)
     
  19. izzzi

    izzzi Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Hi,
    I have Dyslexia and sometimes these things seem to adapt I think.
    From what you have said, makes me feel very humble, you come across very brave and honest. We all have so much to learn and somehow you are going to be the person that has to teach many people out there. Simply because of what you are experiencing and how you write it.

    Hope this makes
    sense, and I wish you every success.
    Roy.
     
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  20. Mud Island Dweller

    Mud Island Dweller Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Pixie! :) You just started first day of your NEW life..... You have a list of what's wrong with you which actually is a big good START for you.

    Before you didn't know what was going on now you do, that's a big bit of good news :)

    Your family and friends are supportive.

    You are at uni doing a degree, your life is tough and you said stuff it l am going to better myself and heading out to do it by going to uni and already it has proved it's worth you now know your learning problems another big positive step. Now you know that you will get your degree.

    They have found the diabetes at least you know you have it so can treat it. The good thing about diabetes is we have to eat sensible ok so there is a "few" negatives :banghead: (l was trying to find a positive on the blasted diabetes!) but who says you will have problems. Until you get them you stand as much risk as getting hit by a car. And if you do get some we can have a rumble in the positives bag for you. The important thing is you want to do the right thing and you can deal with any wrong things because you have the strength to.

    Cholesterol yup we can l am sure all tick that box... read the low carb high fat and if you can and don't have a health reason go low carb...oh and ermmmmm tell your mum to read the low carb diet forum cause she may disagree unless you do :rolleyes:


    l have l hope pointed out some positives for you to add into your list so it isnt to lopsided. Good luck with it everyone has been giving you loads of good info and l hope l have thrown something in to help you as well :)

    MID
     
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