which it is. my whole way of living is now going to change (has too really) so being dramatic a bit, no not really because it's true. It's the final straw to be honest. I'm 31 now and a pretty big as a person. it's the usual sad story so i won't go into details too much. I've been struggling for a very long time with allot of things. The last 2 years I've finally had the support and balls to at least TRY to make things better. I'm at Uni, I study Graphic Design (part time) , it's not easy but it's something I enjoy doing. maybe it will lead to a job, maybe not. it's worth a go right? I'm epileptic, it's been badly controlled for many years. I have tried very hard and have been on some crazy medications to get it sorted out. I got allot of disappointed and borderline angry tellings off from my Doctor's until recently. My Uni got me tested for dyslexia and the results, well they explained a lot. number sequencing problems, almost no short term memory, bad long term memory as well as allot of other academic stuff. But this report not only helped me to understand how to deal with my own education better but why I was going so wrong with the way i handled my epilepsy. it was kinda nice you know, the Dr didn't get as angry with me and I started to feel like less of a failure in general. beginning of this month my Dr for the first time was actually really pleased with how well i'd been doing the last six months, it was the first time he'd ever smiled at me and said well done. It REALLY meant a heck of allot to me. i don't like disappointing people, never have. I dont have any self-confidence, i know my failings and they far outweigh anything positive about me. I dont not try at things, I always give a 100% but that doesn't mean i think anything i try will work, in fact I'm usually right in not looking on the bright side. ANYWAYS, moving along... In the last 3 months I have been assigned to the weight clinic via the incontinence clinic as one has a knock on effect with the other (did i mention I also have no dignity anymore when it comes to medical issues) I was given a few blood tests ect,ect and was told there was a possibility of diabetes but the blood test they did wasnt very clear and could i do it again. I did. I went back to the doctor a week ago due to a four day headache and my Doctor wanted to check when i last had a blood test, he looked at the results and frowned asking if I'd had a fasting test yet and I just looked at him blankly. He them told me I had to go for more test's this month and that he was 99.9% positive i have diabetes type 2, my blood sugar was alarmingly high as well as my cholesterol and I had to get an official diagnoses and come to see him and then go to a 'DAVE' clinic which gives you the rundown and a how too on type 2 or something I honestly don't remember much after that. I don't know how to feel. I keep crying and I dont know why? my Mum's a HCA, she works on a diabetic ward, she's been really nice but everyone has told me two thing's repeatedly. 'It could be so much worse.' 'You'll be fine, so dont worry.' I'm not fine, I am worried, This is worse for me. juggling Uni, Epilepsy, weight clinic, incontinence clinic and now cholesterol and Type - 2 all together. it's like a massive weight on my chest. I've been better with appointments and taking my medication the last few months and I'm VERY cautiously slightly hopeful that it will stay this way. But life happens. i have too many fits close together my sleeping pattern goes out of whack, my meds don't get taken at the right time or simply don't get taken and forget about eating habits or patterns, they simply don't exist. There are other things with regards to food that make things a bit more complicated for me but that doesn't matter right now I really dont want to be me right now. oh well, onwards I suppose.