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Struggling, why am I doing this?

Discussion in 'Emotional and Mental Health' started by MrsA2, Jul 6, 2020.

  1. MrsA2

    MrsA2 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    I'm finding this diabetes malarkey a bit much. I have gone very low carb and it's mostly ok but I'm getting envious of others. My sugars aren't coming down far or fast enough.
    During lockdown I've been doing the shopping for a pair of 85 year olds, one of whom was diagnosed type 2 a good few years ago but what they buy is very wrong, bread, tea cakes, rice pudding, baked beans, jam, cereals, corner yoghurts, week in week out. He ignores the advice and is only tested infrequently, doesn't seem to have any complications, or any guilt.
    My sister was diagnosed at xmas but only started taking action few months ago. She has cut her doughnuts down to once a week! Yet her hba1c has fallen by the same as mine even though I am being much stricter. I am also younger, slimmer and fitter yet her results are the same as mine.
    It's not fair.
    I keep going in circles trying to lose weight and keep sugars down but not seeing much effect either way.
    I swing between thinking I'm eating too much because of the fats and lack of weight loss to thinking I'm not eating enough because I get dizzy and light headed. I've got funny skin sensation and lots of headaches.
    I'm dreading lockdown releasing as that will just show I have no will power. I dont want to be restricted in restaurant choices, but I dont want to lose a foot either. Some days I think my carb cravings have gone, then I get a smell of soemthing and I know I'd be right back on it if there was any in reach.
    The fun of eating fat is wearing off, it just feels greasy now. I'd love a proper pudding, yet I'm thinking I need to fast more and for longer.
    I think I can stop testing regularly but as soon as I stop testing I worry that my sugars and weight will go up
    I'm scared to try other foods. I'd like to add more range but am frightened to try in case it just shows I'm going to be limited for life.
    I keep oscillating between aiming to get sugars right down then relaxing a bit and getting fed up waiting and relaxing a bit now. I want to believe the gp that I dont need another test for year, but I dont trust myself to stop testing. I want to be in control but I don't want to have to be in control.

    This is all so muddled, but my thoughts swing from one extreme to the other all the time

    Example: I just tested after a meal to which I added 4 small grapes. I also ate teaspoon of couscous while cooking to taste it for others. Yet those 2 new things sent me up 3 (from 6 to 9). I know my levels aren't bad compared to some, but why me??? Why cant my life be simple? What have I done to deserve this, and for the rest of my life too?

    This sounds such a moan but it is really getting to me. Any tips any one?
     
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  2. toddy35

    toddy35 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    I feel your pain. The low carb route isn't easy, I struggle with it every day but I'm determined to show the GP I don't need medication to deal with this. At least not yet.
    I don't know how people cope with all they have to give up, it's only been a month or so for me. What I do know is that this is a big change and that means slowly progressing through the shock, denial, anger, depression and negotiation before I finally accept this as my new reality.
    I can only cope with it a day at a time. I try not to think beyond that. I'm also keeping a gratitude diary. If I'm really struggling I try to change my perspective and remember the bigger picture. I'm not a starving child in Yemen, or a beggar in India or a child prostitute and I don't suffer daily pain. I've a lot to be thankful for.
    Life is more than bearable, I just need to watch what I eat.
     
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  3. Antje77

    Antje77 LADA · Moderator
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    It truly isn't.
    And feeling angry about any condition or other unfair things life throws in our way is only natural and human.
    I think those feelings are a normal part of grief, like feeling the unfairness when a loved one dies. Grief is normal in a life changing disease where you have to give up things, just like it is when losing a loved one.
    And it's not fair.

    Have a hug, @MrsA2 .
     
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  4. shelley262

    shelley262 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Hi - the trouble is that we are all so different as diabetics in our level of carb intolerance. Age of diagnosis, type of diabetes and level of insulin resistance and bgs. My mum for example was ‘lucky’ enough not to develop it until her 70s, never had a very high hbaca1 and happily keeps her bgs and hbaca1 low on moderate carbs and it’s so tempting to feel frustration when you need to take a much tighter approach to get the same results.......
    Take a deep breath - remember that your experience will be personal and different and you can only do your best. When it’s more of a struggle - as it will be and is for many of us at times - try to be kind to yourself and start each day afresh. You will eventually just get so into the habit that eating this way will just be the way you eat but it takes a while to experiment and work out what’s best for you........
     
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  5. Brunneria

    Brunneria Other · Moderator
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    Have a hug.

    firstly, you don’t have to eat fat if you find it unappetising and greasy. Just eat to your appetite and stop when you don’t. Please don’t fall for the you MUST inhale fat, because that simply isn’t true.

    if you want to get it down to the simplest level, then eat ‘normal’ protein, low carb, and enough fat to satisfy. Let your meter guide you. That gives you a huge scope of veg and salads and sauces and dressings. After I clamped down and went v low carb, I got sooo bored. I think it was a sign that I was resenting the change and feeling hard done by. I am such a sucker for New and Exciting and NOT the same every day. I mean, nowadays I need to be carnivore. That is pretty restrictive. I have to shake it up every now and then. Just for variety. I could never eat steak twice a day, every day, so I have curries and pickled herring and cheeses and roasts and stews and soups and scrambled egg with smoked salmon and cheesy mince and Moo Grob and endlessly varied ribs, duck, chicken, turkey, beef, pork, lamb, goat, heart, liver, kidney, salmon, herring, bassa, cod, kippers, sole, prawns, butter and garlic, herbs, spices (and chocolate ;) ). The variety is much greater than you might think. If I had veg in there too, The only limit would be my imagination and howmuch effort I would put into cooking.

    Have you discovered low carb mug cakes? They make up for a heck of a lot of carby donuts.

    it is INCREDIBLY hard to stop judging people for eating stuff that you can’t. It may be impossible. It is frustrating to see them tucking into stuff that would send your bg into the stratosphere. But... what works for them clearly doesn’t work for you. Your body is different. Your metabolism is different. You need to find a way that works for you.
     
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  6. MrsA2

    MrsA2 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    That's interesting. I have been on several keto sites for recipes and/or motivation and they stress eating to macros, but I am really struggling to eat as much as they say.
    But then I've been getting dizzy and funny heads...that make me think somethings missing.
    I'm just so confused. I change my mind every 10 minutes

    I dislike sweetners and am avoiding using them so mug cakes are out, for time being anyway.

    It's our anniversary next week nd hubby has just announced he's booked restaurant. I dont want to go because of diabetes.
     
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  7. bulkbiker

    bulkbiker Type 2 · Oracle

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    Are you getting enough salt?
    If you have stopped eating processed food then your salt levels may have dropped. I add a pinch to every hot drink which seems to help.
     
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  8. JoKalsbeek

    JoKalsbeek Type 2 (in remission!) · Well-Known Member

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    I'm going to a -to me- new restaurant today. Most of them have a menu online and I go in armed, knowing what I'm going to order and what modifications, if any, to ask for. They have salads and eggs, meat and whatnot, so I should be okay. And yet I feel bad because I'm trying OMAD and carnivore, and now I'm going to have a keto brunch with my mum in law. I know it makes her happy because we haven't been able to do this for months and months, and I know it'll set me back a few days. I also know I'll enjoy the heck out of my eggs with the works. You can ask for a salad without croutons and no dressing other than some olive oil or vinaigrette. You can ask for a steak with extra greens rather than spuds. Or sometimes, my husband steals my fries and I have a side salad to go with the meal. Just a few examples. It takes some courage to start going to restaurants again, but believe me, a kitchen rather would adjust a meal than throw out perfectly good food they put time and effort in. If you feel unsure, look up a menu and we'll help you pick stuff out. Wouldn't be the first time.

    And no, it's not fair. Nothing about this is anywhere even close to fair. What you're going through right now is grief, kind of the bargaining why-me phase, and even those who've been diagnosed for years can get a kick in the head with that... I mean.... I see people doing wonderfully well on The Nutritional Thingy. Losing weight and all. I wrote the $%^&* thing, but my body decided to throw a wrench in so it doesn't work for me anymore. Something's off other than the diabetes, -work in progress, tests being done- and I am gaining weight just looking at food. For a bit there my fasting blood sugars were going up again too, but carnivore/OMAD took care of that. But once or twice a week I'll be somewhere where I don't have a whole lot of choice when it comes to food. That's problematic. If I want to go there, I have to eat, and it will trip me up. So please, don't think it's a breeze for everyone but you. You're not alone, far from it. A lot of us struggle. So here's a hug from a been-there-done-that-still-working-on-it.

    As for feeling funny in the head, that's probably low blood pressure. Once you cut carbs you also cut out processed foods like bread, which contain quite a bit of it.... If you get up and the room starts spinning or goes dark, have some salt. Or maybe some potassium for good measure too. If you're on blood pressure meds, you might need your dosage changed.

    By the way, this month is my diaversary. I plan to celebrate it at an all-you-can-eat grill restaurant: all meat, all over the place. There are still spots where you can go nuts. ;)

    Other people, may have complications you, or even they, don't know about. My friend's mum's heart muscle tore and she died a rather horrible death. No idea it was her love for chocolate and potatoes that did her in, completely oblivious... You don't know what's going on with other people, you only know what they choose to or can tell you. We all have our own hurdles to deal with, and diabetes is still rather a stigmatising label. Maybe they're keeping mum. And if someone's coming from a higher weight than you, the weight loss goes faster, as a lot of it is water weight in the beginning. It'll slow down when they get to a more "average" weight.

    Again, you're not alone. And if this diet method is making you miserable, you can opt for a bit of medication to help you along. The point of it all is that you feel better. Physically, but also mentally. You find out what works for you.

    ...And enjoy that dinner. Just have so much low carb stuff you won't feel like having more than coffee with some whipped cream for dessert. ;) Happy anniversary, you can do this!!!! (And you DO deserve a lovely night out!)
    Hugs,
    Jo
     
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  9. HSSS

    HSSS Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Too many groups insist you eat your full fat macro. It is a lever. So long as you aren’t consistently eating too little food and slowing your metabolism that way it’s really not necessary. If you are also trying to lose weight then once fat adapted you will burn body fat as energy. If you eat a lot instead it will burn that first, useful when you want to maintain or gain weight.

    Eat the carbs as a limit, the protein as a goal to protect lean muscle and the fats as a lever and adjust to keep you full.
     
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  10. VashtiB

    VashtiB Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Hello and a hug from me too. I really feel your pain. I have accepted using artificial sweeteners and I really don't think I could sustain it without those.

    I recently went to a restaurant I'd bee to before and it previously had a low carb menu. I didn't check the menu as I'd been there so often. It had hanged- not one thing to eat- the grilled fish was coated with rice flour and had some vegetable oil, everything was high carb. My fried had some chips and spring rolls and I didn't eat. I had a couple of drinks (Diet Coke with some rum) and was really effected as one meal a day so nothing to eat. My friend felt awful. She's a good friend.

    I struggle with the realisation that I will never be able to eat a diet with more carbs- it's almost a year and some days are really not great. I've lost over 30 kgs in weight - I still get dizzy sometime which I never did before.

    So I don't have the answers- I do have sympathy and a virtual hug. I'm happy to offer a virtual piece of cake?

    the answer for me is the risk of complications- my mother has been diagnosed with diabetes for many years- she would think nothing of having a chocolate eclair for breakfast- seriously and has none of the compliations- If I could guarantee that I would be in but I can't so staying low carb. Not looking forward to my birthday as traditionally have a cake at work. They tried cheese for me last year but no-one else liked it.

    Stay around I have really valued the opportunity to vent and the people here are amazing- their reading, sympathising and just being here has kept me going. I am so grateful to them all.

    Hugs
     
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  11. KK123

    KK123 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    My biggest tip would be to stop comparing yourself with others. YOU are YOU and you are unique. As long as what you are doing is benefiting you in a positive way then you are a winner. I always think about what would your health be like if you didn't do anything at all and the answer is it would be worse, thus every positive thing you do has a positive effect on you. Forget everyone else, no two people are the same. x
     
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  12. MrsA2

    MrsA2 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for being so understanding and supportive, everyone. I'm not usually a moaner. I think this is worse because of Covid and lockdown happening at the same time. Sometimes that's a plus in that I've had plenty of time to learn and research and my access to food is limited. But now the new normal beckons and it's a diabetic normal.
    It also gets galling shopping for the 85 year old who doesnt care he has type 2. Our 2 shopping lists couldn't be more different.

    I'm trying to up my salts, but my BP is 'perfect' according to the surgery nurse.

    I will try eating to hunger and my monitor and ignoring macros and what others do.
    Its quite tough when one is the cook and provisioner for an otherwise metabolocally normal family. It's difficult enough producing meals 3x 3 x7 a week. They used to be out at work for at least 10 meals a week, and I could eat or not as I liked . Now its expected to sit at the table 3 times a day. I miss baking and the wider range of cooking.

    I suppose part of it is that I dont have/see any benefits from being so restrictive, nor do I see any symptoms if I eat the wrong things. Yes the monitor helps but I was symptomless on diagnosis. I only went for the test because my sister getting it put me in a higher risk group. She has a lot to be blamed for!!!
     
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  13. MrsA2

    MrsA2 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Thanks @toddy35
    I'm just over 3 months in and yes the initial competition to get results down helped motivation, but now I've had 3 months result and gp says nothing for another year it suddenly seems so far off and lifelong.
    U
    Yes I have a lot to be grateful for too...but why do I feel guilty about that too? :rolleyes: think I'm turning into a right nutcase (rhetorical, self deprecating question, no need to answer)
     
  14. Mrs T 123

    Mrs T 123 Type 2 (in remission!) · Well-Known Member

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    Hi MrsA2 Hopefully things have just seemed worse for you at the moment with the whole COVID lockdown situation. I know for myself I have been struggling recently and I have been diagnosed Type 2 for around 3 years now. I managed to put it in to remission fairly quickly but it is hard at first finding out what you can't eat anymore and you do miss your favourites but through time you find other favourite foods. It can be very difficult when everyone around you is eating what they want and you can't and they don't understand - very frustrating - I know people who think I worry too much about my diabetes and take it too seriously as they know other people with it who just don't care?? I understand where you are coming from re: your hubby booking a table for yous - I used to be very sociable pre COVID but now I am really anxious about doing the social things I used to again but then again I can't put my life on hold forever until they find a vaccine which might never happen and I have to start living again instead of just existing. COVID situation isn't going to change anytime soon so I need to change the way I deal with it. A positive of lockdown has given me extra time to find this website, lose weight and eating healthier. Rant over. Take care - roller coaster of life!
     
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  15. mouseee

    mouseee · Well-Known Member

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    It's so interesting that you're dreading the end of lockdown because of food temptation and I am using waiting for more normality and routine as my excuse to not eat brilliantly now! I'll eat better when we get back to normal - I tell myself I am struggling too, had a great 8 months low carb, lockdown happens and I am suddenly nearer my kitchen cupboards and the treats the husband likes to buy.
    I need to get my self sabotage in hand.

    You have made a big change and it will have made a difference to your health. We all fall off the wagon and some struggle to get back on again like me now!
    We can do this...
     
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  16. JoKalsbeek

    JoKalsbeek Type 2 (in remission!) · Well-Known Member

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    Two options: if you want HbA1c results to keep motivated that you don't have to wait a year for, there's two things you can do. Either get a test done privately/at home, https://www.diabetes.co.uk/hba1c-meters/ or, you can log your finger pricks in the MySugr app, which will give you an estimate of your HbA1c. Not 100% accurate, but usually it's pretty much in the ballpark.

    If you find anything to motivate you, anything at all, then it's good. And though it was rherotical, if you're a nut, then we all are. Contradictory or illogical feelings happen to all of us. Especially in the extreme circumstances we're all dealing with now. ;)

    Welcome to the madhouse. :)
    Jo
     
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  17. HSSS

    HSSS Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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  18. MrsA2

    MrsA2 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for that @HSSS
    Confirms my suspicions that they are just trying to do minimum. The diabetes nurse position is vacant and most of the gps are locums. I had already planned to create some kind of excuse to get another test in few months time but like having ammunition in reserve.
     
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  19. DCUKMod

    DCUKMod I reversed my Type 2 · Master
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    @MrsA2 - if members of your family are old enough to work, but are currently spending time at home, it strikes me they should take their turn to cook for the family - even if their turns are breakers and lunches, it's only fair.

    You should not be the only one doing the cooking. If they can't cook, this is a great time to learn.

    Edited to make sense. Where did that gobbledegook come from? My mind was rational enough at the time!
     
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    #19 DCUKMod, Jul 9, 2020 at 12:09 AM
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2020
  20. HSSS

    HSSS Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Not only that but just because their routine has been forced to change they should not expect you to compromise your health to suit their wishes. They can still fix themselves breakfast and lunch without you having to do it for them. Nor should you have to join them at the table no matter who has cooked if you don’t want to eat that meal. I appreciate all families have their own dynamics but they need to be supporting your health decisions.
     
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