Support from husband/ wife?

[WhimsicalWays]

Hi there,

I have been type 1 diabetic for about 15 years and have been married to my husband for 2 years (we also dated for 6 years beforehand...). He is lovely - normally very thoughtful, supportive, and my best friend. Recently, though, I've realized my T1 might be wearing on him a bit... I have a pretty clear pattern of going low too many times in a day and he has expressed frustration and 'annoyance' with this. I think he knows I'm doing my best to adjust my insulin (sliding scale) properly according to meal/ exercise etc., but has a hard time understanding how I continue to overshoot insulin and go low. I recognize some of this is out of concern for my safety, but during a heated discussion tonight (after I dropped to 2.9 after dinner - yet was acting pretty normal) he said things like: "I am annoyed because I think it's irresponsible of you to go low so frequently," "I don't think most Type 1s go to 2.9, yet you seem to think it is o.k.," and "how do you even let yourself get so low without recognizing." I have also noticed that sometimes when I have been a little disoriented during a hypo he is a bit cool and stand off'ish (being the type of person that feels super vulnerable and anxious when I go low, this is not helpful at all).

I see that his comments seem relatively rational and fair but, I suppose, I was a little hurt by the frustrated tone. Also, he hasn't paused to think about my feelings - how frustrating it is for ME to work so hard to balance things, to go low so much, to constantly worry about blood sugar at work, to test a bajillion times a day b/c I am worried about a sudden drop, etc. [and yes, I told him all of this tonight during our discussion - I am not the type to not express myself].

***So I guess I am asking: have any of you had partners that had a difficult time with your diabetes? Has he/she ever showed 'annoyance' rather than concern/ care/ support with your diabetes management? Thanks for sharing any opinions/ experiences!!

 

[noblehead]

I do think it is hard for our loved ones to appreciate the physical and mental strains that diabetes has on our health without living with the condition themselves. I am sure your husbands frustration/annoyance is more directed at your diabetes than you as a person, and sometimes in arguments and heated discussions things are said without much thought.

Slightly of subject, I would look at your insulin/carb ratio and try as far as possible to reduce your hypo's, you say that you 'overshoot insulin' which leads to your hypo's, so it is paramount that you go back to the start and measure/weigh your food and give the correct dose of insulin suitable to the carbs you are consuming. Try keeping a diary and record everything (bg's, carbs and insulin) and write down any hypoglycemic episodes so you may look back on the previous meal and try and work out where you went wrong with your insulin/carb ratio. Also try asking advice from your dsn, and enquire about any carb counting courses in your area such as DAFNE.

When I met my wife I already had diabetes, and did warn her that there would be times when diabetes may cause difficulties in our relationship, but thankfully these have been very few and far between, but I can't ever remember in our 22 years it being mentioned in a heated debate. As I said earlier, it is a strain on our loved ones, and perhaps we don't appreciate how much of a strain it is, it can't be nice for them to see someone they love going low, who then start shaking, sweating and being disorientated, so I wouldn't worry to much about this, but try and reduce your hypo's by looking closely at your control.

Nigel

 

[Jen&Khaleb]

Sorry to hear you are having hypo problems (and other half problems also).

I'm a parent of a diabetic so although I get frustrated about lots of things, diabetes isn't one that I express at home. I'm also doing the management so the lows and highs are technically my fault anyway. Maybe you should try involving hubby in the decision making of your doses and he will see how very hard it is to get right at times.

It is easy to feel fed up with such a relentless condition but it doesn't change the fact that it wont go away.

Have you ever thought a pump might be a better set up? The adults I know with them think they're life changing, in all the right ways.

 

[leggott]

Hi. My husband has type 1 d, along with 2 of my children - so I'm surrounded by it!

I never get frustrated with my husband as I know how hard he trys to control his diabetes. Managing 2 diabetic kids makes me fully appreciate the issues he faces on a daily basis. Having said that, I do like to be a bit involved with his diabetes and always ask him whether he has checked his blood before he leaves the house and make sure he has his kit & glucose tabs when he goes out. He may see this as nagging, but I know he understands how much I care.

My husband is very well controlled and rarely has hypo's which need any intervention from me. Having said that, I have witnessed a bad hypo which did need intervention. This was very uspetting for me, so I can understand that if your husband has seen you in this vunerable state he may show his fear as frustrations. Watching someone have a hypo can be very frightening and upsetting and perhaps this is his way of showing his concerns as he loves you.

I agree with Nigel's comments, it might help to keep a food diary for a while to see if you can find any reasons for the hypo's. You won't be able to rule them out completely, but by tweaking a few things it might help reduce their frequency.

 

[jopar]

I also speak from both sides of the fence, as a T1 diabetic, and also have T1 diabetic husband...

And at times I am frustrated by my OH, but this is when he knows that he's hypo and decides that he will just finish off what he's doing, or in the case once while out walking with Jones our dog, wait until he gets back to the car before treating the hypo and it's then me who has to sort out his hypo, dealing with a dog, and trying to feed jelly babies to a very uncorropitive (sp) husband, who Blood Glucose has dropped to almost non functioning levels, he's hit the deck (which is muddy, cold as it winter) the light is fading fast... I haven't got my mobile on me, I'm surrounding by ponds, and it's 1/2 mile to the nearest house to get help... I can't leave him as if he moves then he's likely to end up in one of the ponds due to failing light etc etc... I had to battle with him, get him off the floor half guide, half carry him back to the car, and Jones to say I wasn't amused would be the understatement of the year... Once sorted and we were home, I let ripe indeed :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

All I can suggest is that as nigel said, ask at clinic (phone tomorrow) ask if they do a carb counting course, and get them to put you on it..

In the mean time, invest in one of these books, Think Like A Pancreas or Using Insulin, these are very good when it comes to understand carb counting etc and the Basal/Bolus way of controlling diabetes..

 

[WhimsicalWays]

Thanks, everyone, for your responses and for sharing your experiences - I really appreciate it. I agree with Nigel etc. that I need to start tracking things better. I will start to keep a detailed food diary and figure out a more accurate ratio of carbs: insulin. Thanks.

I have considered a pump, but (because of my control issues - ie: I like to personally be in control with respect to diabetes) I seem to be hesitating... I do have a continuous glucose monitor and that has been a big help, but unfortunately it has been acting up lately so I haven't been using it as much (I have been in contact with the company, though, so hopefully - after jumping through a bunch of hoops - perhaps they will replace it).

I also appreciate the suggestion that I take a carb counting course. I think a refresher is exactly what I need - so I will look into this or, at very least, purchase a book like the one recommended. Thanks!

perhaps I will get my husband more involved with diabetes... Obviously the dynamic (with me, him, and diabetes) isn't working very well, so something's gotta change (in addition to me working on reducing my hypos).

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to help! Any more info or experiences are welcome!!!

 

[iHs]

Hi WW

It's not at all uncommon for anyone using bolus/basal to experience quite a fair few hypos especially if they are being left to their own devices and try to calculate their bolus insulin using guesswork. It becomes very hit and miss and guidence from doctors and DSNs needs to be much better than it is. Hence the reason why DAFNE courses have been set up.

I have not been on a DAFNE course myself but through reading some of the messages on this forum I then found out what Carb Counting really meant and through testing my bg levels 6 times a day, logging them down in a good bg record diary along with the amount of carb that I ate (circled above each bg result) I could then look across my diary, see how much insulin I used and was able to work out a ratio that I could use so that I could try and get myself within a target. If you google BDEC diabetes, you will be able to see how Bournemouth tackles carb counting, also Leeds http://www.leedsteachinghospitals.com/s ... tMeals.php This forum has also got some threads on Insulin to Carb Ratios.

Once you have figured out what your correct insulin ratio really needs to be, then hypos wont be nearly so common. The secret tool is testing your bg level :wink: every 2-2.5hrs and acting on the results. Most bolus insulins will be active for about 3hrs and then start to tail off.

 

[Debloubed]

Hi ya, I think all you have said about your hubby sounds pretty normal from an OH point of view! I'm sure if you asked my OH he would tell you how frustrated he gets with me when I'm hypo and I remember a time (pre-pump) when I was clearly hypo in the morning and refusing to test (I was confused, this is a symptom and he knows this) so we were at logger heads and he actually walked out and then remembered 'dammit, she needs my help!' so he came back and put some jelly babies next to me. I was actually pretty out of it but he has learned that I pretty much always respond to jelly babies :lol: so he left them, I ate them and all returned to normal. I was pretty miffed that he had walked out though but then I thought, it must be tough when faced with someone who won't help themselves! how can you not take it personally even when you know that a hypo can cause confusion?!

Having said that keeping a balanced, hypo free BG system in place is bl**dy hard work. Carb counting is life changing and definitely helps. Good luck

 

[noblehead]

Debloubed,

Was your hubby not just miffed because you ate all the black jelly babies? :lol:

Nigel

 

[Debloubed]

Debloubed,

Was your hubby not just miffed because you ate all the black jelly babies? :lol:

Nigel

probably!! although actually, my faves are the orange and green ones :wink: :lol:

 

[Tracey167]

Hi I am a type 1 diabetic and my husband supports me 100% but to be honest its only been the past few years he has actually understood diabetes and thats through reading books and info on the internet. But I know how you feel in the past my hubby used to get really annoyed and start shouting at me when I was having a hypo, then once he had read up on it and spoke to doctors and diabetic nurses he started to realise sometimes it can't be helped and that im not doing it on purpose. Maybe ask your husband to read some info on hypos and diabetes or even to a doctor or diabetic nurse.

I know it is be very stressfull for them but it is also stressful for us diabetics to.

Good luck

Tracey167

 

[badmedisin]

Hi,
sorry to hear your diabetes is causing you these extra problems.
My first boyfriend dumped me after 3 years because he said he didn't want too look after me. I got the last laugh there. The last I heard from him, he was so scared of choking on his food with nobody there to help him that he developed an eating disorder. He got so thin that one day he coughed, broke a rib and punctured his lung. So I guess I wasn't the one that needed looking after...
2nd boyfriend probably didn't even notice I was diabetic as he was incredibly self centred and was basically stoned all the time.

Luckily I've been together with a sensible and supportive boyfriend for the past 8 years. He understands most of the diabetes related stuff. I think it's helpful to discuss all the aspects, as what affects me usually affects him in some way. He's quite good at recognising my high blood sugars, and he wakes me up at night to go and test if he thinks I'm going hypo. I think he can tell by my overheating! We've never argued about it, but then I've never needed anyone's help during a hypo as I tend to feel them pretty quickly and I always carry emergency carbs since the 'lost in Hyde park with no food' incident.

So maybe your husband would be more understanding if he could be more involved? Also, while diabetes is undoubtedly worse for you than it is for him, I know it can be really unbearable to see your loved ones suffering. My bf was in hospital for ages when we had a motorbike crash, and I was getting really frustrated with trying to get him to eat properly. He was on a ton of morphine so he had no appetite, but the doctor said he needed extra calories for his bones to heal. I got really depressed and angry that he wouldn't eat, as it felt like he didn't want to help himself, and then I got resentful cos I thought he should help himself for my sake! Stress does awful things to my personality. But I had to realise it wasn't his fault, as he was off his face on opiates, and he had to realise that I was only hassling him because it was killing me to watch him suffer. I guess it's all about compromise really.

But anyway, I think you're right that doing dafne as a refresher might help. I've been diabetic since 87 so I thought I knew it all. Turns out I didn't! Dafne was kind of a revelation, and control is a hell of a lot better and easier since. Also they had a day where we could bring partners so they could ask questions and share experiences (and laugh about us being mental when we go hypo...). Maybe your husband would find that useful.

Plus it might help you reduce your hypos and get back some of your hypo awareness. If you have a lot of hypos or run low a lot of the time, you stop recognising hypos, and that's when they start having to throw jelly babies at you. If you can regain awareness you've got more chance of feeling the hypo in time to sort it out before it starts winding him up! Mostly I can deal with a hypo before anyone notices, which is quite handy as it means nobody interferes.

In a way I can understand your husband gets frustrated. Hypo people can be really annoying! I was working with a type 1 bloke. He was acting really bizarre and talking a load of rubbish. I kept suggesting he should test and he just wouldn't. In the end I threatened to test him with my kit if he didn't just get on with it. He'd left his kit in the car and had no emergency carbs with him. Lucky I had lucozade and biscuits. Turned out his bg was 2.1. Your brain can't function at that level so it really is best to catch it earlier. What really ****** me off was that he'd been driving about 15 minutes earlier and hadn't tested before setting off. Now that is irresponsible. Driving with a barely functioning brain is never a good idea!

Anyway, I'm rambling cos it's dinner time. I really hope you and your husband manage to work it out together. Diabetes is a massive pain in the bum at times, but there's always a way to improve things. Don't give up (and don't drive without testing...)!
Have a good weekend