Turning to old ways to cope with extreme diabetes anxiety

[james122]

Ok so I don't know where to start really.

Well everytime my blood sugar goes high even above 7.5 I start to feel very anxious and it is disturbing my everyday life because I am constantly checking to make sure I'm not above that and if I'm 8 for example I'll inject 4 units of insulin because I'm so scared and I'll go very low but for some reason I don't care about that! 1.5 earlier due to over correction and I couldn't care less because I know that my body will not be affected in the long term by it.

Now my problem is that everytime I go high even a little bit I find I think back to what I used to think, like self harm.

Everytime I go high I have thoughts of self harm! And unfortunately earlier my blood sugar was 7.0 2 hours after lunch but despite not eating anything 2 hours later it was 10!
I felt like I couldn't breath I was in so much panic in the end I gave into my thoughts and started to cut!

I'm so ashamed of myself for doing this!

What do I do because this anxiety about highs isn't the anger it used to be it's got a lot worse

 

[himtoo]

wanna know something -- you are not alone !!
I have had this for 44 years and I still worry about going high---

but I have also learned that I am still here and battling on after 44 years
Ok -- I have some high bloods -- and I have some hypos

but I concentrate on doing the best I can to stay in my range (4.0 - 9.0 ) -- try to treat the highs with the least amount of correction to get me into range -- and just deal with hypos the best I can

@james122 -- you are among loads of people that really do understand
I know it can be difficult living with D -- but I put the D in the background as much as I can and concentrate on LIVING

 

[catapillar]

Evening @james122 sorry to hear you have had such a tough day. Especially sorry to hear you are harming yourself. Do you feel like you are passed any thoughts of active self harm now? Have you tended to your cuts? If not, please call 111 or the Samaritans for some crisis support.

In terms of dealing with your anxiety, I really think you need to be asking for support from a psych team. It's a really big step for you to be recognising that your diabetes anxiety is making you take actions that aren't good for you. You could look at that recognition as a break through and if you were to ask for help now, good psych support might be able to help with ways to stop your anxiety driving your actions. You should be really proud of yourself for asking for help - keep asking and it will only be a couple of tiny steps to get the help you need.

Please do ask for help - tell you diabetic team what has gone on today, tell your GP and they will be able to arrange for a referral to a psych team. In the meantime, there is is support available from charities like the Samaritans if you do think you might do anything to hurt yourself again today.

 

[richyb]

I also have been not good the few years. So I went on a DAFNE course which was very good and helped me get better control. If your control is better you feel better. But think you are being too rigid with your levels. A year ago due to Hba of 48 my Gp suggested I raise my levels, which i did slightly. I was then referred to see a DSN and after several months has raised my levels. This has stopped a lot of my lows. What surprised me was that getting higher readings only raised my Hba to 54. If you are low there are other risks(not just hypo's). I think the risky type ones are those that never check sugars on a meter. You could relax more. Please do a DAFNE course.
I am type 1 for 50yrs

 

[Snapsy]

@james122 I felt the same about my numbers for over 29 years. In February this year I was fortunate enough to get a Freestyle Libre, and this helped me with my attitude towards my numbers.

I hated being high. If the numbers were wrong, I felt such negativity towards myself. Whole days were wrecked. Many hypos per day due to over correcting. I still hate being over a certain number. And begin to spiral into the 'I hate myself' negativity. In my rational mind I know it is unreasonable to put myself through the hate, but when I'm in the moment, by golly it's hard.

With the Libre I am constantly reassured. My Libre reader reads higher than real-life blood glucose on my meter. When I scan and see that I am 8, I know this often means a BG of more like 6.5, so I am automatically reassured. I look at the graph line and the arrows to put the 'number' into context. This, teamed with (on my blood glucose meter) fasting-, pre-bolus-, pre-driving- and a small amount of 'just-because-' testing, has made a huge difference.

Yes, my fingers still itch on the trigger of 'I must correct this 9.5!', but putting it into context of the whole picture which my Libre gives me makes me so much more relaxed and more likely to chill out. Which had been unheard of for Snapsy. Ever......

And the hospital are thrilled that my HbA1c is now 46 rather than 42! Go figure!

Do you have a supportive team at the hospital, and at home? Do your nearest and dearest know about your numbers anxiety? It will I am sure help to share your feelings with them so they can recognise what you're going through and help you with their support.

 

[Juicyj]

Hi James, when you experience periods of high anxiety take some time out to just breathe properly, deep lungfuls of air, just focus on breathing in through the nose for 5 seconds and out through the mouth for 5 seconds, if you can get into the habit of doing this then it will calm you down and give you back your rational mind and so will reduce your thoughts about self harm.

In regards to high figures, we are all the same, we all experience this, some are more accepting than others, it's not pleasant for any of us, but we know what we need to do and in some respects we have to accept it as we cannot let numbers rule our lives as hard as it is, running lower is a risk as we need to avoid the hypos as much as we can, it is very much about finding balance.

Can you speak to your team about your anxiety issues ? I believe there is a case for you in getting a pump based on how this is affecting you, would you consider this ?

 

[Snapsy]

I believe there is a case for you in getting a pump based on how this is affecting you, would you consider this ?

I would absolutely agree with this. The criteria cover fear of hypos and detriment to quality of life. These two were a slam dunk for me. My pump has been amazing and is one of the tools that has been giving me my life back.