Type 2 for 12 years. Now in denial...

[HereWeAreAgain]

Hi all.

I've not been on here for a while, but am reaching the end of my tether with my husband, and just need to let off steam I think!

He has been type 2 for 12 years,, since the age of 35. First 6 years or so were ok, and under control with minimal dose of Metformin and diet. He then fell off the wagon 6 years ago for about 6-12 months, (at the same time as his doc stopped issuing tester strips, and said Type 2s don't have to test.) He got a Hba1c result of 70 odd, which shocked him into doing the Newcastle diet, losing about 1.5 stone, (dropping to 12stone) and getting things back under control.
About 3 years ago he again starting to eat all the wrong things, got high Hba1c results, so the Dr upped his Metformin and added Glicizide as well. Also gave him back tester strips/lancets and said if testing helped, then to do it. He did start testing again, and the increase in meds helped for while, but over the last 18 months he has been acting like he is not a diabetic, and can eat what he wants. His Hba1c has ranged from a high of 100 20 months ago to 60 about 9 months ago, and having just got results back two weeks ago, its back at 100 again. His doctor takes the view that its your condition that you have to live with, so if you don't take his advice, then you have to deal with the consequences. I think at his last review, the doc did warn that not addressing the continually high readings will leading to neuropathy, heart problems, stroke etc. My husband is not stupid - he knows what he eats makes him feel ****. He is tired a lot of the time, grumpy, and says he feels achy. He hasn't done the finger test for months. We have a cupboard packed with unused tester strips and lancets, as he is still getting them each month on his prescription, so I presume his doctor thinks he is using them.
He is not massively over wieght (14stone at 5ft 9) but has put back 2 stone over the last 2 years or so because of all the **** he is eating. He told the doctor he will lose the weight, do tests, exercise and eat properly. We are two weeks in from that doctors appointment, and nothing has changed. I buy/ cook an evening meal that is healthy and low carb. He eats that, then searches the cupboards for anything sweet he can find; including taking any of the kids biscuits/ ice cream and the like. If there is nothing sweet for him to have, he will stop off at a supermarket on the way home from work and buy biscuits /cake etc. If he comes with me on the weekly shop, he will put sweet/high carb stuff in the trolley, saying it will be the last time he does it, and that the diet will start 'after the weekend'. Just the other day, he ate a whole funsize pack of fruitella sweets which he'd bought. God knows what his blood reading was like after that lot.
If I try and talk to him about it, he gets angry. I try not to nag, and take the line that I am worried about his future; about our future, but he just walks out of the room and says that he will sort it. Or goes to our bedroom and falls sleep for an hour.

He has all these plans for us to travel the world when we retire/ have paid off the mortgage etc, but at the rate he is going, I cannot see how on earth he will be healthy enough in 10-15 years time to do these things.
Sorry for the long rant - but I just have no idea how to move on from this situation.......

 

[DeejayR]

Hello and welcome back. Sorry it's under these circumstances. Others on here will understand exactly, while I can only sympathise. Do stick around and some specific solutions will follow

 

[Molly56]

@HereWeAreAgain .....I can relate to all that you are saying as have a Type 2 in denial of my own...can't think of anything specific to say at the moment about your situation but am always here to talk if you need to...
....have had some rants on here myself so know just how frustrating it can be.....

 

[Saramel]

I've been there and I am struggling to get things back under control. I look at my 14 year old and worry about not seeing him grow up, meeting his future wife, children, etc. I look at my grandchildren and think the same things but a sense of hopelessness just takes over. My husband tries hard to encourage me to stay on track but he doesn't understand that it isn't just sugar I need to watch but carbs in general. I rail against the unfairness of having something wrong with me which means that food which is meant to sustain me is also the enemy. It browns me off big time that others can fill their faces with what they want which and their blood sugars will barely react. I also find when I am out of control, it is really hard to stop eating the wrong stuff and I only test when I think I'll get a good result. My body craves sugar in a cruel way and I feel helpless to resist whilst the fear I am killing myself slowly grows stronger.

Every so often something happens which stops me in my tracks. I can't explain why but I get the determination to succeed and can get back on track. Basically, I'm afraid the GP is right (my diabetic nurse said the same), it is down to me. She can give me the medication and the test strips but she can't stop me putting the food in my mouth or make me test. However, if your husband's results at the Dr are that bad, I would have thought it would be better for them to start talking about insulin. At least with insulin you can dose to the amount of carbs you are eating. Also, once the peaks are under control, your husband might feel more able to control his eating - there is a direct correlation between high BG and the need to eat as it drops.

 

[ButtterflyLady]

I feel your pain and I have been there... my ex had major health problems and did nothing to help himself, instead getting angry with me, to the point that I eventually left, years later than I should have. The constant stress of living with a partner who is behaving like this is bad for your health and is probably not great for the children either.

I suggest having one last go at telling him how you feel and what you would like him to do, in order to have a healthy relationship and get the most out of his life. You could either tell him face to face or write him a letter. I favour the letter option myself. Only one page would be needed - more would reduce the impact. Give it to him before you and the children head out for a few hours.

These people will only change if they get a wake up call. For me it was realising that the minor complications I was having and the major complications I was risking scared the heck out of me and I took control because I wanted to feel better and avoid losing my eyesight, kidneys and legs. But for people like your husband, this message is obviously not resonating with him.

So he might need to be threatened with a different ultimatum, that of losing you and the united family unit he has now. It may sound drastic to you but as you know, we are talking about saving his life. If you do nothing, this torture both of you are suffering will just continue and will get worse. It will come to affect the children more as they get older. So do it for them.

You could spell out in clear and simple terms what his two choices are - continue with high BGs and get sicker and have to set up house on his own and only see the kids some of the time, or stop and listen to medical advice, treat you with respect as an equal partner and be the loving husband you promised to be. Tell him about the emotional torture the children will experience when he starts going blind and is always in hospital getting toes and feet amputated, and their mother has burnt out from stress, or also what it would be like for them if their parents separated and Dad had to move out.

If he followed a LCHF diet the carb cravings would soon disappear and he could live like I do - with more energy, better mood, no heavy bloated feeling, no symptoms of uncontrolled diabetes, and the knowledge that I won't get major complications.

He needs to man up and stop being immature about it... adults take responsibility and they look after themselves and those close to them. They get whatever help they need in order to change.

If he doesn't do this then at least he could go on insulin, which would buy him some time. There is info about T2s and insulin here:
http://www.phlaunt.com/diabetes/15478720.php

I'm sorry if my post sounds harsh but I think strong words are needed. In my experience tolerating this sort of behaviour only leads to heartache for all concerned. I wish you all the best.