Who do you allow to care for your T1 child?

[Namztorb]

Hi, first time posting so hope I get it right! Just looking for some advice and a reality check really.

My 6yr old son was diagnosed T1 last October. In the intervening 4 months his dad (we are separated) has made numerous mistakes with his diabetes care. Most of the errors have been around treating hypos and not giving enough carbs, but there have been others such as still giving insulin when hypo before a meal instead of giving the insulin after the meal, failing to give the whole lantus dose, failing to count to 10 after administering novorapid and then coming very close to giving a second dose. (Fortunately, my 6yr old stopped him.)

I've asked him to go back to the hospital and ask for more training and he has refused because he says he doesn't need any.

Can any fellow parents of T1 children help me out here: am I being unreasonable in expecting there wouldn't be so many mess ups in just 4 months? Would you be happy for this man to care for your T1 child, including over night stays?

If it's relevant for you to know at all, my son has minimal hypo awareness when awake, and seemingly none when asleep.

 

[Jamesuk9]

It's simple, if managing his diabetes correctly is beyond his dad and he is refusing to accept the help and support that would put him in a position to keep him stable then you have to act for your sons sake.

If it were me, the overnights would stop and contact would be for short periods only until he takes his responsibility as a parent to a vulnerable child seriously.

 

[Namztorb]

It's simple, if managing his diabetes correctly is beyond his dad and he is refusing to accept the help and support that would put him in a position to keep him stable then you have to act for your sons sake.

If it were me, the overnights would stop and contact would be for short periods only until he takes his responsibility as a parent to a vulnerable child seriously.

Thank you, I just needed a reality check with fellow T1 parents. This is about where I am with it all, but dad is stonewalling and ignoring all reasonable requests at the moment, just insisting it's me overreacting and being an overprotective mum. At the suggestion of a solicitor, I have just emailed the diabetes team with my concerns and asked them to speak to him. If that doesn't work then the solicitor will write and stop the overnight stays.

 

[Jamesuk9]

Thank you, I just needed a reality check with fellow T1 parents. This is about where I am with it all, but dad is stonewalling and ignoring all reasonable requests at the moment, just insisting it's me overreacting and being an overprotective mum. At the suggestion of a solicitor, I have just emailed the diabetes team with my concerns and asked them to speak to him. If that doesn't work then the solicitor will write and stop the overnight stays.

Just to be clear, I am not a parent of a T1 child but am a single parent to two boys one of whom has severe learning disabilities and another who is autistic.

My now teenage autistic child was nearly killed when he got run over by a car trying to cross the road and spent 6 months in rehabilitation. This all came about because his mother refused to take his autism seriously and allowed him to cross a major road to go to the shop for her despite knowing the risk of him being allowed out alone.

I was dragged through the child protection system which wasn't pleasant simply because I turned a blind eye to my concerns and allowed him to visit her regardless of my concerns over the level of care she provided.

Please, don't allow yourself to ever be in this position.

If as his primary carer and mum you have reasonable grounds to suspect he is vulnerable with his dad (which seems clear going by your explanation so far) then you must take it seriously and act accordingly.

You are not over reacting either.

 

[Namztorb]

Just to be clear, I am not a parent of a T1 child but am a single parent to two boys one of whom has severe learning disabilities and another who is autistic.

My now teenage autistic child was nearly killed when he got run over by a car trying to cross the road and spent 6 months in rehabilitation. This all came about because his mother refused to take his autism seriously and allowed him to cross a major road to go to the shop for her despite knowing the risk of him being allowed out alone.

I was dragged through the child protection system which wasn't pleasant simply because I turned a blind eye to my concerns and allowed him to visit her regardless of my concerns over the level of care she provided.

Please, don't allow yourself to ever be in this position.

If as his primary carer and mum you have reasonable grounds to suspect he is vulnerable with his dad (which seems clear going by your explanation so far) then you must take it seriously and act accordingly.

You are not over reacting either.

I'm sorry you and your son went through this. You make a very poignant point that I hadn't fully considered regarding turning a blind eye. I am determined, now more than ever, to stay on top of this.

 

[noblehead]

At the suggestion of a solicitor, I have just emailed the diabetes team with my concerns and asked them to speak to him. If that doesn't work then the solicitor will write and stop the overnight stays.

That seems like the sensible approach to take @Namztorb

I'm not a parent of a type 1 child but a parent nonetheless, if it were my child I'd be as concerned as what you are. Best wishes and hope it all works out well.

 

[Skye's_mummy]

Hi, first time posting so hope I get it right! Just looking for some advice and a reality check really.

My 6yr old son was diagnosed T1 last October. In the intervening 4 months his dad (we are separated) has made numerous mistakes with his diabetes care. Most of the errors have been around treating hypos and not giving enough carbs, but there have been others such as still giving insulin when hypo before a meal instead of giving the insulin after the meal, failing to give the whole lantus dose, failing to count to 10 after administering novorapid and then coming very close to giving a second dose. (Fortunately, my 6yr old stopped him.)

I've asked him to go back to the hospital and ask for more training and he has refused because he says he doesn't need any.

Can any fellow parents of T1 children help me out here: am I being unreasonable in expecting there wouldn't be so many mess ups in just 4 months? Would you be happy for this man to care for your T1 child, including over night stays?

If it's relevant for you to know at all, my son has minimal hypo awareness when awake, and seemingly none when asleep.

Hi,
My daughter is two with type 1, we're nearly 6 months in now. You are NOT overreacting! A mistake like giving a second injection for such a young child can be life threatening. If he won't level with you and you're concern is not being heard or taken seriously then you have every right and reason to refuse him contact with your child until he is willing to take it seriously. I am with my daughters dad but that doesn't mean we don't have arguments about the best way to care for her, and yes sometimes I'm wrong! X

 

[Cotcha]

Hi there and I'm a first time poster as well (and feeling weirdly nervous about it).

In response to your initial question - no-one. I kid (but only just). I am fortunate to have a partner who is as equally commited to the care of our 11 year old Type 1, but after her, there is no-one I would let take care of our boy. This is a factor of not just allowing it, but from my experience people become either fearful of having to look after a child with Type 1 or they underestimate the significance of having diabetes ('So, he just can't eat cake, right?).

As for your situation, I would find it difficult to delegate care away from myself. Of course, life is never that simple. A constant situation I repeatedly bang my head against is the need to be on top of my son's care, but also to allow him the freedom that comes from being a child. The last thing he needs is lame dad hanging around in the background. But your situation is different, your son is much younger and I remember those times well. Is there any chance that your ex maybe making errors due to what is a very demanding care situation (and still so early after diagnosis)? We all make errors, and over our 8 years they may be a rarity, but sometimes they can be fairly servere (forgetting to bolus due to miscommunication for instance). I would say so much depends on how well you know your ex? When it comes to your son's care, you cannot accept anything short of full commitment. So, if you belief that these events are due to a lack of commitment or a lack of comprehending the full importance of good care, and not everydays errors and miscalculations that happens to us all, then your son's care must come first. But I do buffer this with the caution that there is a place in your son's life for others (such as you ex) and it is difficult to defer responsibilty to these others. Something I struggle with daily...