worries

[kate888]

Hello all,

I am engaged to a type 1, i am soooooooooooooooooo worried about our future life together, we fight a lot, i'm hating the way he talks to me when he get angry, he become so mean and hurtfull (sometimes it is because he is low but sometimes not) he have such a hardddddd mind beside of his condition, i am concerned about everything in the future, i am terribly scared on his health scared to have complications, i don't want him to suffer more than he already did. he is been diabetic for 20 years, he is 33 years old now. he got eye problem that was healed through laser, he have gastroparesis, sometimes he don't get to the bathroom for 4 or 5 days... he have two fingers in his hand that he barely can feel when i touch them, he have retrograde ejaculation problem... he passed through hard time in his life for many years his diabetes was not well controlled that's why he got these damages.. But now he is doing better hba1c 6.5 sometimes 7.5.
I support him so much, take care of his feet, do him massage, follow up with him his insulin injections, and the food he is eating, i don't make him feel bad abt the retograde ejaculation, he knows that i'm fine with doing in-vitro to try to have a baby when we get married.
I'm so tired thinking and getting scared of everything........ The way he treat me when he is angry make me frustrated and make me worry about how will he treat me when i become his wife !! when he gets angry he became another person, he shout he don't respect me and say bad words..... 10 min he calms down like nothing happened... he 's sorry for everything he said or done and that ittt !!! i should get over !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel sooo lost so downnnn.. i dunno what to do.......

 

[Anie]

If you are scared you are in the wrong relationship and you need to finish it. Sorry if it sounds hard, but like you say yourself you are not married yet it could get worse if you do get married. No one should be scared in their relationship.

 

[Lesleywo]

Kate, I married a man who sounds very much like your finance. He would put me down, belittle me, fly off the handle at the slightest thing and 5 mins later, all forgotten ... by him, but not by me. After 19 years of marriage and 2 children I finally plucked up the courage to leave .. I realised I'd be better off on my own than with him. When I left him my self esteem was so low I thought no other man would want me because he had made me feel so worthless. Fortunately, this wasn't the case, - not long after I found my soulmate, my best friend and we've been happily married for nearly 10 years.

Get out now ... this isn't about diabetes, it's about you being in a dysfunctional relationship with a man who treats you like dirt. Things will only get worse. Don't waste any more of your life on this man .... sorry to be so harsh but I've been there and I'm now experiencing life 'on the other side' so to speak. Happiness is everything.

Good luck x

 

[kate888]

Kate, I married a man who sounds very much like your finance. He would put me down, belittle me, fly off the handle at the slightest thing and 5 mins later, all forgotten ... by him, but not by me. After 19 years of marriage and 2 children I finally plucked up the courage to leave .. I realised I'd be better off on my own than with him. When I left him my self esteem was so low I thought no other man would want me because he had made me feel so worthless. Fortunately, this wasn't the case, - not long after I found my soulmate, my best friend and we've been happily married for nearly 10 years.

Get out now ... this isn't about diabetes, it's about you being in a dysfunctional relationship with a man who treats you like dirt. Things will only get worse. Don't waste any more of your life on this man .... sorry to be so harsh but I've been there and I'm now experiencing life 'on the other side' so to speak. Happiness is everything.

Good luck x

Thank you for your reply,
the man i am engaged to loves me soooo muchhh.... he admit that he have a bad behavior when he gets angry and asks from me to understand him and when i see him angry not to argue with him and to leave him for minutes (this is harddddd to get angry and have to shut ur mouth to avoid a fight..... i feel i need a psychiatrist for this)... it's been 2 years of engagement.... i don't have the courage to leave i feel weak deep inside cause i love him and i know he have a good heart inside and that he suffered a lot in his life...i wanted to make him happy......the idea of leaving him and causing him sadness kills me because i know how much he is happy he have me in his life.....

 

[kate888]

If you are scared you are in the wrong relationship and you need to finish it. Sorry if it sounds hard, but like you say yourself you are not married yet it could get worse if you do get married. No one should be scared in their relationship.

Hello Anie,
I am scared on him and in some moments from him..... How can i not worry when i have a big knowledge about the complications that he might face..... i dnt want him to suffer...

 

[kate888]

But what about you? What about what you want?
You have one life, don't waste it.

Hello Dibbles,

i am 27 years old...... i suffered a lot in my life from unfaithful man and bad relationships... i was searching for a man to love and marry i wanted a faithful man so badly.... i met my fiance.... he is a good man deep inside he is loving caring and faithful... he was what i needed... knowing he is diabetic i said to myself : ok God gave me a good man finally but his problem is that he is diabetic then fine i can deal with diabetes and take care of him but at least i have a good man with me that loves me so much and i loved him back....
Now i know, this is hard to deal with....

 

[Purplechocolatedog]

My partner and I have a lot of problems too. It's very hard cos I don't know what's down to his diabetes and what's down to is possibly just being incompatible?! We have sexual and emotional problems and I'm beginning to find it overwhelming. How long do you give it before you give up? Friends avoid us because he's so introverted these days.
I feel for you it's hard to stop caring and not feel like everything is taken out on you!

 

[JTL]

You have one life ... this isn't a practice run.
Give him an almighty slap and say .... enough is enough.
Treating people like dirt isn't love.
Oh I only hurt you when I'm feeling bad wouldn't wash in this household and it shouldn't in any other.
My advice would be pack his bags when he goes out change the locks and leave his bags outside.
Bye bye time.

 

[catherinecherub]

I don't think you can see the wood for the trees. Your self confidence is at an all time low after being subjected to the abuse you have received. Time to get your skates on and leave this nasty piece of work.

You are in denial and blame all his behaviour on his diabetes but in reality he would behave the same if he did not have diabetes.

Some people would rather put up with **** than live on their own and this sounds like what is happening here.


If you are thinking of bringing a child into this mess then you need your head tested. What is to say that his anger will not affect the child as well?

 

[Mud Island Dweller]

Sorry but abusers use a lot of clever arguments, you are on a one way trip. The t1 is an excuse not a reason. If you are so unsure walk away from him or failing that get help from an abuse for women charity. We will all help where we can diabetic wise but it is more than that going on.

 

[Pipp]

I agree with the other posters.
What exactly is it you think makes this man a good man?
If you do have children together do you want them to have him as a role model?
What is it about him that makes you think you love him and he loves you?
You are young, do you really want to feel as bad as you do when you wrote this, desperate sounding, post for the rest of your life?
This is not love!

 

[JTL]

Diabetes does not turn someone into an abuser.
Or is there something you lot haven't told me yet about LCHF?

Take courage missus and stop it.
Stop it happening now.
A good start might be to show him this thread.

 

[JTL]

If I was a gambling man I'd be betting this guy doesn't treat men this way ....

 

[Lesleywo]

If I was a gambling man I'd be betting this guy doesn't treat men this way ....

The one I was married to didn't .. he was a misogynist, blokes were all great, women were a waste of space. I was lucky, I got out and found a happy life, unfortunately my children are stuck with him as a father. My daughter and he don't get along and rarely have contact ... because he treats her with the same disrespect he did me.

Having a medical condition doesn't give you permission to treat someone like dirt. Most of us have medical conditions of some sort. Stop making excuses for him, wise up and move on. Don't wait til you're 40 like I did.

 

[Brunneria]

If you are worried now, imagine how much worse you will feel after 10 more years of his abusive behaviour.

Get out now before you waste those 10 years.

Do you want children to grow up in such a poisonous household?

 

[johnboy412000]

Thank you for your reply,
the man i am engaged to loves me soooo muchhh.... he admit that he have a bad behavior when he gets angry and asks from me to understand him and when i see him angry not to argue with him and to leave him for minutes (this is harddddd to get angry and have to shut ur mouth to avoid a fight..... i feel i need a psychiatrist for this)... it's been 2 years of engagement.... i don't have the courage to leave i feel weak deep inside cause i love him and i know he have a good heart inside and that he suffered a lot in his life...i wanted to make him happy......the idea of leaving him and causing him sadness kills me because i know how much he is happy he have me in his life.....

Sounds like you both need to see a counsellor and find out just what it is that makes him Jeckyll and Hyde.You say you love him and vice versa so at least try counselling and see what develops.If it cant be resolved then your only option would be to leave him and move on but at least have a try.If i was like him and the sexual problems id be feeling the same way too.No man likes to give a bad performance in the bedroom dept we all like to perform well and when it dont go right we do feel sad and dejected.Try counselling and see how you get on.Best of luck with whatever you decide to do Kate.