Husband newly diagnosed, wife at wits end!

[Gingerbear1977]

Hi, my husband has recently been diagnosed with type 1 at the age of 42. This means a complete lifestyle change and having to deal with needles, testing and trying to understand what the hell the doctors tell you to do. He was just given 2 pens and told to get on with it! Unfortunately and with good reason, my husband if finding it really hard to cope. He struggles to manage his levels because he won't test regularly, he doesn't eat 3 meals a day to sustain his levels and what he does eat is a load of ****!! He spends most evenings lately hyperglycaemic and this makes him aggressive and hard to be around as he just wants to pick an argument. He will go off in our car ( which I desperately try to stop but get screamed at) and I won't be able to contact him to find out where he is and if he is safe. He will return late, say he has been asleep and doesn't remember why he has left. I explain how he has behaved and potentially why and he tells me to shut up, I'm not a nurse and have no idea what he is going through. I know this is not all his fault as he is scared so I want to hear how people may deal with this and if anyone thinks him meeting other adults may help. Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be much out there for newly diagnosed type 1 adult diabetics to learn how to deal with it nor for the people who care for them.


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[MrsBaldie]

Hi, slightly different but my 15 year old was diagnosed nearly two weeks ago and we have had good support although there have been times when one professional has assumed another has told us something. I can completely understand how your husband feels I think this is what I am thinking on behalf of my son who,has so far adapted quite readily. The one thing i was terrified of was keeping levels down but this week we are on a roller coaster of lows which are horrible and my som is grumpy, tired amd hungry all at the same time. It really is important to eat regularly and top up in between if he is feeling low. He is probably forgetful as the hypo is causing confusion. Are you able to speak to his consultant or nurse to get some help for you as well as him. It seems as if you are stuck in a viscious circle. We have decided that it needs to fit with us rather than the other way around but it is so hard and even being really tough it is hard to come to terms with. Keep in touch for support x


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[billybadger]

Hi Gingerbear

Things will get better, I was diagnosed in my mid forties (18 months ago). It was a shock to the system and I was a nightmare to live with for my wife and kids while my Blood Glucose levels were all over the place. I found the swings in levels when I first started using insulin resulted in mood swings to match. After time I got better at using insulin and my body got used to it (I was massively insulin sensitive at first and it was difficult getting the dose right!) following attending a DAFNE course back in January my glucose control is much better and so are my moods (to the delight of my family!)

It may take your husband a while to come to terms with things too, there is a hell of a lot to get your head around but the fog clears gradually

Hang in there and use this forum to help answer any questions you may have or to discuss things, there are some very wise people on here (and some not so wise ones )

 

[Gingerbear1977]

Hi, it's not the lows he has a problem with it's the highs. Strangely we both deal with the lows with ease and although he gets a little grumpy, he does as he is told so I can help him!! I haven't tried his nurse and will definitely go down this route to see where I get. She is very good but unfortunately hubby misinterprets what she says! I am just worried he might hurt himself when hyper but whatever I say falls on deaf ears!!!


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[Gingerbear1977]

Thank you billybadger, I know there is a light at the end of that tunnel and it will take a while to get there but I'm on a mission! I might find out if there is a course he can attend as the hospital that diagnosed gave no information or support to either of us. It didn't help that the first nurse put the idea of misdiagnosis in hubby's head as well by telling him she doubted it was type 1 at his age!!


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[AIKIDO MAN]

Hi Gingerbear 1977. I, like your husband, was diagnosed when I was 48 years old. Wow I read your post and it's so much like me. Wife, kids hated me. I went through the 'why me' 'it's not fair.' Most argumentative sod on the planet. same thing wouldn't test, high/low blood sugars, didn't care about anyone or any thing. After six months of steadily getting worse I was admitted to hospital as I was so ill and was told within two days that I was actually type 1 and not type 2 as originally diagnosed by own GP (who was also diabetic). I feel i'm in the same boat as your husband if he would like to contact me about any of his issues then I will do my best to help and advise best I can!!

Take care and keep in touch

Aikido Man

 

[bob2025]

HI
I was diagnosed about a month ago with Type 2. Numb with shock would be a massive under statement.
I've had great support from family and friends - despite my best efforts.
I am also needle-phobic and was banned from one dentist and my current dentist sends me to the hospital for any injections.
Stems back to my childhood. So I was none to impressed with the thought of needles.
I have had to change a lot and the hardest thing to change was my mind.
I thought I was going to live forever. But, I may be wrong.
Massive changes are required in order to fight back.. and it is a fight every day.
But if something is worth having it is worth fighting for.
So it's one step at a time, one day at a time.
Until I can cope and get my head around it all.
Keeping things simple for myself;
1. I am in control of;

 

[bob2025]

sorry, .. hit the wrong button.
I am in control and not Diabetes in control of me.

Good luck

 

[Gingerbear1977]

I am so glad I joined this forum and thank you all for your advice. It's a shame hubby is a bit of a technophobe as I think he will learn so much from other peoples experiences. I will keep in touch on his behalf to get him through the highs and lows. I know we are not alone and I hope to be able to offer the same support in months to come x


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[poshtotty]

Hi @Gingerbear1977

This is so sad to read but it sounds as if there is a lot more going on here with your husband. As the other guys have said, there is a lot to get your head around, but from a males perspective, they also have to accept that a diagnosis like this suddenly challenges their whole being. As the provider, protector of the family, they may see their position weakened or threatened by the condition and this could be more challenging to your husband initially, and needs coming to terms with before he can concentrate on his own health care.

He is very lucky to have you looking out for him. I would say give him time to get his head around the emotional stuff as well as the physical.

In the meantime, I hope we can all support you here, while the adjustment takes place

 

[Bebo321]

Hi, my husband has recently been diagnosed with type 1 at the age of 42. This means a complete lifestyle change and having to deal with needles, testing and trying to understand what the hell the doctors tell you to do. He was just given 2 pens and told to get on with it! Unfortunately and with good reason, my husband if finding it really hard to cope. He struggles to manage his levels because he won't test regularly, he doesn't eat 3 meals a day to sustain his levels and what he does eat is a load of ****!! He spends most evenings lately hyperglycaemic and this makes him aggressive and hard to be around as he just wants to pick an argument. He will go off in our car ( which I desperately try to stop but get screamed at) and I won't be able to contact him to find out where he is and if he is safe. He will return late, say he has been asleep and doesn't remember why he has left. I explain how he has behaved and potentially why and he tells me to shut up, I'm not a nurse and have no idea what he is going through. I know this is not all his fault as he is scared so I want to hear how people may deal with this and if anyone thinks him meeting other adults may help. Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be much out there for newly diagnosed type 1 adult diabetics to learn how to deal with it nor for the people who care for them.


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Hi Gingerbear1977,

Your story sounds familiar - my husband was diagnosed T1 at 43 - three years ago now.
Whilst your husband gets his head around the emotional side of diagnosis, try to help with regards to diet.
If he is regularly running high, just make sure there is plenty of protein/fat for snacking on in the fridge - ham, salami, cheese etc. Low or no carb foods will not raise his blood glucose levels.
The sooner he learns about matching insulin requirements to food the better, as he will find his BGs will become more predictable and more importantly they will start to come down to a more healthy level.

Most importantly, do your best to get the message through to him that he will start to feel better emotionally once his blood sugar levels become 'normalised'. Some time after my husband had brought his BGs back down he confided in me that he was in a very dark place before diagnosis. He not only felt depressed, he had frayed nerves and he didn't seem to have any control over his emotions. He knew he was behaving irrationally but was powerless to do anything about it. All I saw was a hot tempered, ready to explode partner who looked stretched to breaking point.
What I can say is that once BGs are normalised the fog does lift. It took a few months, but eventually my hubby was totally back to being his old self and had well and truly got his sense of humour back.

See if you can persuade your husband to join the #gbdoc tweet chat tonight at 9pm - this week's topic is about diagnosis and what you need to know. Just following the chat might help - even if it's just to hear that having diabetes really isn't the end of the world. My husband was the one who actually set it up - just because when he got diagnosed, just like your husband he felt lost and isolated.
Www.gbdoc.co.uk
Huge hug of support, Becky.x

 

[Daibell]

This is obviously a difficult period for both of you and the surgery support you are getting sounds a bit poor. Yes, quietly try to reduce the carb content of the food you eat and replace it with proteins and fat. Try to ensure your husband ends up near normal weight as this will all help insulin management. I don't know what guidance you have been given but of the two insulins, he needs to get the long-acting right first and then the short-acting. Has your husband been told about carb-counting to match to the insulin yet? The nurse should be doing that shortly if not already. We can help but you do need local support as well. It will take a while to get things balanced but after that both hypers and hypos should come under control. It may still be difficult to get him to test regularly. I must admit I don't test very often as I can predict my state now quite well but always do before driving as this is essential. Hypers can cause aggression and so on but are not as dangerous as hypos unless the hyper is prolonged causing what's called a DKA. Do ask questions on the T1 forum

 

[donnellysdogs]

A sneaky way to lower carbs is by looking at paleo or ketogenic diet recipes. I got loads of them downloaded from amazon kindle.

I bake lovely, lovely foods and cakes etc for my hubby and myself. I don't have much myself, but my hubby absolute loves the things I make. However because he is on low carb and higher fat he is actually not hungry enough to stuff himself (yes, previously he would have if it had all been high carb treats).

Everything I make is almond milk, coconut milk, coconut flour, coconut oil, ground almonds etc. Yes, it is more expensive but it was the best thing I have done for my hubby and me.


Loving life

 

[bob2025]

Hi Donnellydogs.

I was diagnosed end of June.
My oldest daughter has made some great muffin style cakes using yogurt and almond mike.
Also, by coincidence I found a new health food shop and bought a coconut milk yogurt.
And Wow!
Really liked it - no added sugar and very low carbs.

Are you able to share some of your favorite treats and/or a link or two?
Been living on salad for the past three weeks.
Too scared to bite into anything else. And there is so much conflicting information.

Cheers

 

[donnellysdogs]

Did this Monday with salad. Always make my own salad dressing now as well. Before I used to have it plain.

CORNED BEEF QUICHE

For those that allow themselves Corned Beef. No measurements, just suggestions.

Blitz 1 small onion with a can of Corned Beef. It helps if the Corned Beef is warmed a little in microwave or the kitchen is warm. Just enough to make it workable. If you feel happy with it then ok, but if not you can add some breadcrumbs (no more than one slice of fresh bread crumbs should be needed) to the mix but I do not find it necessary.

Line the base of a large or two regular sized flan tins with greaseproof paper

Spread the corned beef mixture onto the base of the flan dish/dishes trying to leave no gaps if possible. You can make a lip come up the side of the flan dish if you like.

You can use any eggy quiche mixture that you like to use but I blend 4 eggs with a splash or cream, then add cheddar cheese, 1 red long pepper, and lots of ground black pepper. Decorate with tomatoes if you like.

I did not add salt as between the Corned Beef and the cheese it is salty enough.

Cook 180º C until golden brown, I just watch, I don't time anything. Can be eaten hot or cold but I found it best cold when the Corned beef re solidifies.


This is the only recipe that I don't use almond or coconut products in.

I make a nice peanut satay just to lightly go over my chicken with, but as I'm not a big meat eater, it just encourages me to have something. I had this in a curry with purple cauliflower rice last week. The purple colour rice took some getting used to!,

This time of year my main food is salad too, but have salmon with it a few times a week. Always thought for 50 years that I hated fish!!-but I don't.

Will post up a few recipes...





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[donnellysdogs]

I'm very careful with buying coconut milk or anything that comes in cans, because of the risk of BPA leaching in to food contents. I buy my coconut milk in cartons, 12 at a time from Amazon. The best I have found is Grace coconut milk. Some reviews on the net said it had been liquidy, but my purchases have always been thick and gloopy.
I never buy tomatoes in tins anymore, I just buy tomatoes or my own home grown ones and use them when cooking anything with tomatoes.
I'm probably OTT nowadays on food buying and checking... As I am very aware that I had almost half a century of tinned tomatoes etc and trans fat rubbish in my diet.

All the kids locally love my treats too. One little lad makes a bee line for me when visiting his dad, and always says "what have you been making, can I try one please?". I always tell them, that they are healthy yummy treats.



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[donnellysdogs]

These are also gluten free:

Coconut Slice:

3 eggs
1 cup coconut milk
1/3 cup melted coconut oil
1/4 cup honey (I actually try to use less)
I tablespoon vanilla extract
1/8 teaspoon stevia (if using full amount of honey above, I will leave the stevia out)
1 tablespoon of coconut flour
1/2 cup ground almonds
11/2 cups fresh blackberries (these can be omitted)
11/2 cups unsweetened shredded coconut

Heat oven to 180.

Put all the eggs, milk, oil, honey, vanilla extract and stevia in a mixer or blender and blitz.
Pulse in everything else except the blueberries.
With the blueberries I add in 1/2 cup right at the end for about 5seconds then add the rest of the blueberries whole whilst pouring into a 8" square tin.
Cook for about 25-30 mins.
Store in the fridge.
I cut ours into 9 pieces.

We have just one a day when I make these. I also play around with the mixture above, for quantities, I always put in the blue berries. If I put in the full amount of honey I leave out the stevia. If I reduce the honey, I put in the full amount of stevia etc....I use manuka honey.

I got my assorted cups from Waitrose, so it's so easy to make.

Only trouble is with me, I keep leaving out ingredients. When I made these on Tuesday I put the mix into the oven and turned round and had forgotten to add the ground almond, it was still in the cup! I just took the tin out and stirred it in.
Last week I forgot salt in a recipe. The week before I forgot the coconut oil, that was still in the microwave melted-so that went on my hair to condition it instead.

As we eat so little carbs, this actually gives us a portion of carbs each day, but I count them as healthy carbs.


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[louby]

These are also gluten free:

Coconut Slice:

3 eggs
1 cup coconut milk
1/3 cup melted coconut oil
1/4 cup honey (I actually try to use less)
I tablespoon vanilla extract
1/8 teaspoon stevia (if using full amount of honey above, I will leave the stevia out)
1 tablespoon of coconut flour
1/2 cup ground almonds
11/2 cups fresh blackberries (these can be omitted)
11/2 cups unsweetened shredded coconut

Heat oven to 180.

Put all the eggs, milk, oil, honey, vanilla extract and stevia in a mixer or blender and blitz.
Pulse in everything else except the blueberries.
With the blueberries I add in 1/2 cup right at the end for about 5seconds then add the rest of the blueberries whole whilst pouring into a 8" square tin.
Cook for about 25-30 mins.
Store in the fridge.
I cut ours into 9 pieces.

We have just one a day when I make these. I also play around with the mixture above, for quantities, I always put in the blue berries. If I put in the full amount of honey I leave out the stevia. If I reduce the honey, I put in the full amount of stevia etc....I use manuka honey.

I got my assorted cups from Waitrose, so it's so easy to make.

Only trouble is with me, I keep leaving out ingredients. When I made these on Tuesday I put the mix into the oven and turned round and had forgotten to add the ground almond, it was still in the cup! I just took the tin out and stirred it in.
Last week I forgot salt in a recipe. The week before I forgot the coconut oil, that was still in the microwave melted-so that went on my hair to condition it instead.

As we eat so little carbs, this actually gives us a portion of carbs each day, but I count them as healthy carbs.


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kkk

 

[louby]

Hi, My son 19 was diagnosed type 1 in October 2013, so now 10 month on we are quite in the swing of things. The most important thing is a support network, i am assuming your husband was diagnosed via the GP, and probably hasn't refereed you to the hospital to see proper consultant and nurse specialists in Diabetes and which without we would have been totally lost. They have been absolutely amazing with my son and us as a family, and my son is in regular contact via text with his diabetes nurse. We were advised by our GP to see the practice nurse for his diabetes, which we did, but to be honest this was a complete waste of time as she is not a specialist in this area and only offered basic information. Your husband needs to accept this diagnosis as acceptance is half the battle, and choosing to let himself rule diabetes and not diabetes rule him. This is what our nurses have taught my son, and he now leads his life the way he wants and adjusts his insulin to his lifestyle, within reason. Although he avoids all sugary foods and careful with carbs due to the fact he does not like high readings. His average readings are between 5 - 8.

Regular testing is a must to begin with, as he needs to know how his body works in relation to foods and insulin, and his lifestyle ie, if he excercises alot as his blood sugar will be lowered with exercise. He must also realise that it is illegal to drive with a blood sugar less than 5.6, and if he was to have an accident and his blood sugar was tested and found to be less he would be in fact be illegal on the road, and liable if he caused an accident. They would want to check the last reading on his monitor and it will record the time and levels. If he is too low to drive he has the potential to pass out at the wheel. This happened about a year ago to a young man who thought his sugars were ok and didnt test due to him going on a short journey, he passed out due to hypo and killed a pedestrian, he is now serving a prison sentence. Dont want to scare you but he needs to know this information re testing before he drives.

I am more than happy to give you any advise and you are welcome to email me too, I work in healthcare and work closely with diabetes now too. Obviously due to my son having this condition for life, this is where my passion in healthcare is now,

Good luck to you both , try to relax, and remember to rule the disease not let IT rule you both. xxxxx

 

[donnellysdogs]

Louby.. It is not oftenthat a type 2 can get referals to hospital. This is mainly kept to type 1's.


Loving life