Depressed, fallen off the wagon & can't get back on

[Lesleywo]

I have fallen off the wagon and really struggling to get back on. I lost around 9kg since end of April when I found out I was insulin resistant. This was a real wake up call for me as I have a family history of diabetes (probably types 1 and 2) and I had gained a lot of weight over the last 5 years. I was motivated to change my lifestyle by the fear of going blind or having a leg amputated and was doing really well. I was enjoying the weight loss, having more pride in my appearance and feeling so much better In myself. Then a couple of months ago somehow it all didn't seem so important and it's like 'the novelty wore off'.

I am really disgusted with myself and really struggling .. this time of year is the worst time. Part of me thinks I should just wait til after Christmas, but my addiction to carb is so strong that I can do so much damage in just a few days it's not funny. I have struggled all my life with perfectionism around food and disordered eating. Hate my clothes starting to feel tight.

Sorry for the rant ... would love to hear how others managed to turn themselves around and get back on track.

Merry Christmas all xx

 

[Nuthead]

I have fallen off the wagon and really struggling to get back on. I lost around 9kg since end of April when I found out I was insulin resistant. This was a real wake up call for me as I have a family history of diabetes (probably types 1 and 2) and I had gained a lot of weight over the last 5 years. I was motivated to change my lifestyle by the fear of going blind or having a leg amputated and was doing really well. I was enjoying the weight loss, having more pride in my appearance and feeling so much better In myself. Then a couple of months ago somehow it all didn't seem so important and it's like 'the novelty wore off'.

I am really disgusted with myself and really struggling .. this time of year is the worst time. Part of me thinks I should just wait til after Christmas, but my addiction to carb is so strong that I can do so much damage in just a few days it's not funny. I have struggled all my life with perfectionism around food and disordered eating. Hate my clothes starting to feel tight.

Sorry for the rant ... would love to hear how others managed to turn themselves around and get back on track.

Merry Christmas all xx

Basically, I don't fancy any of the horrible completions. I like my feet. I like seeing. Quite fond of my kidneys and liver.etc..etc..
For me early painful death is not an option. No brainer

 

[Scandichic]

Cmon? You can do this!
When you get up tomorrow, ditch the carbs out the cupboard, eat, make a menu, go and shop or shop on line and stick to it. Keep posting!
@pavlosn any advice?

 

[Mike d]

I have fallen off the wagon and really struggling to get back on. I lost around 9kg since end of April when I found out I was insulin resistant. This was a real wake up call for me as I have a family history of diabetes (probably types 1 and 2) and I had gained a lot of weight over the last 5 years. I was motivated to change my lifestyle by the fear of going blind or having a leg amputated and was doing really well. I was enjoying the weight loss, having more pride in my appearance and feeling so much better In myself. Then a couple of months ago somehow it all didn't seem so important and it's like 'the novelty wore off'.

I am really disgusted with myself and really struggling .. this time of year is the worst time. Part of me thinks I should just wait til after Christmas, but my addiction to carb is so strong that I can do so much damage in just a few days it's not funny. I have struggled all my life with perfectionism around food and disordered eating. Hate my clothes starting to feel tight.

Sorry for the rant ... would love to hear how others managed to turn themselves around and get back on track.

Merry Christmas all xx

The fact that you recognise you have an issue is important. Nuthead got it right. You have your choices, please use them wisely.

 

[daddys1]

I have fallen off the wagon and really struggling to get back on. I lost around 9kg since end of April when I found out I was insulin resistant. This was a real wake up call for me as I have a family history of diabetes (probably types 1 and 2) and I had gained a lot of weight over the last 5 years. I was motivated to change my lifestyle by the fear of going blind or having a leg amputated and was doing really well. I was enjoying the weight loss, having more pride in my appearance and feeling so much better In myself. Then a couple of months ago somehow it all didn't seem so important and it's like 'the novelty wore off'.

I am really disgusted with myself and really struggling .. this time of year is the worst time. Part of me thinks I should just wait til after Christmas, but my addiction to carb is so strong that I can do so much damage in just a few days it's not funny. I have struggled all my life with perfectionism around food and disordered eating. Hate my clothes starting to feel tight.

Sorry for the rant ... would love to hear how others managed to turn themselves around and get back on track.

Merry Christmas all xx

Nut head did get it right, but it's more subtle that that, I have felt the feeling where it gives you frustration over what you should eat. I would forever be saying I'll have eggs and bacon today to my wife (pre diagnosis) knowing full well that I would turn it down if she said, that's ok, now I can have it all the time I don't want it, I think the mind plays tricks on you.

I think if you follow the Low Carb High Fat diet it's actually not too difficult and it can be quite enjoyable, you just have to get out of your mind the fact that this is imposed upon you by the diabetes.

I have literally just now been out for a Christmas dinner with 2 other couples, I had ask earlier that the sauce for the duck was not poured but in a jug for pouring as it was cherry sauce, I don't think that would be very good for me. | Had to drink two beers pints, then onto the wine, duck served with Sprouts, no problem, Parsnips I Love them, but only 1 1/2 next 2 x 1/2 roast pots, no new pots, 2 disc of carrot, then went and tested 10.9 s...t what can I do all that control, and my number are usually low, but I'm enjoying myself 2hrs it had come down to 7.4 I dont think I ve done too much damage.

Think what I'm trying to say, have the serious times where you have to get the number right as the diet actually quite good for keeping every thing under control, a habit now. but still have the fun times and don't worry.

It's all in the mind, what choice do you have? This is where we are, make the best of it, but enjoy!!!

Neil

 

[Lesleywo]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts ... @daddys1, I hear what you're saying. I often wonder if 'they' suddenly found out that they'd made a mistake and high carb junk food was really good for you, then I wouldn't want to eat it. Like you said with the bacon and eggs, now you can have it you don't want it! All in the mind .. though added to the problem is the insulin resistance which sends the blood sugars on a roller coaster and the more you have the more you want ......

I am at present cooking/planning some low carb meals, so hopefully that will stop me from wandering

 

[daddys1]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts ... @daddys1, I hear what you're saying. I often wonder if 'they' suddenly found out that they'd made a mistake and high carb junk food was really good for you, then I wouldn't want to eat it. Like you said with the bacon and eggs, now you can have it you don't want it! All in the mind .. though added to the problem is the insulin resistance which sends the blood sugars on a roller coaster and the more you have the more you want ......

I am at present cooking/planning some low carb meals, so hopefully that will stop me from wandering

Hi (i'm going to bed now) but just hang in there, you'll get great support from people on this forum.

No one will say it's easy co's what has been dealt to us is '****' but quite frankly some of the food we can eat is pretty good, loose some weight and it gets easier (if you have weight to loose) so all is not bad.

Once you get you head around this, and you will, things will get easier, with the odd, "sod it I don't want this". |But we haven't got a choice we have to get on with it, or suffer. No Choice then lets enjoy what we can.
Neil
and good night............................

 

[pavlosn]

@lesleytwo

One word did jump out at me in your original post:

Perfectionism.

I think this is a big clue as to why you are struggling.

To be a perfectionist is to have an extremely high expectation of yourself.

One that reality often finds very difficult to match.

So how does a perfectionist respond when the outcome of her efforts does not match these elevated expectations?

She gives up.

It is less painful to not try than to try and fail. So she stops trying.

Perfectionism is also a very unforgiving state of affairs. Perfection is an absolute and allows little room for maneuver.

What you need to do to get back on that wagon, as you must if you are to stay healthy, is to first forgive yourself for falling off it.

It is ok to not have been perfect all the time.

It is ok to have weaknesses, to have given in to temptation.

It is ok to have been no more than human.

It is not the falling off the wagon that is the problem, it is the staying off it,

So look insight you and look around you. Make a list of all the things that are important to you. All the things you want to stay healthy for.

Now read about all the complications diabetes could bring into your life and then look at the list of the things that are important to you again.

Are they not important enough to at least try to fight for?

There may be a history of diabetes in your family but at the moment at least you are not a diabetic, you are only insulin resistant.

It is not unavoidable that you will become diabetic. Fight it now and it is not impossible that you will defeat it.

But even if you do not keep diabetes at bay, which I repeat you still have every reason to aim for, that is not the end.

Living with diabetes is possible. Read around this forum and you will find plenty of success stories of people who are happily managing their condition and still living a full and active life.

But to manage it you must fight it.

So forgive yourself.

Find the motivation to climb back onto that wagon and fight!

Fight one day at a time.

Give yourself small manageable targets and fight to achieve them.

Take heart from every little victory but do not despair if sometimes you fall short of your elevated expectations.

Losing one skirmish is not important as long as you keep fighting the war.

Wining is not about never falling down, it's all about refusing to stay down!


Pavlos

 

[Lesleywo]

@lesleytwo

One word did jump out at me in your original post:

Perfectionism.

I think this is a big clue as to why you are struggling.

To be a perfectionist is to have an extremely high expectation of yourself.

One that reality often finds very difficult to match.

So how does a perfectionist respond when the outcome of her efforts does not match these elevated expectations?

She gives up.

It is less painful to not try than to try and fail. So she stops trying.

Perfectionism is also a very unforgiving state of affairs. Perfection is an absolute and allows little room for maneuver.

What you need to do to get back on that wagon, as you must if you are to stay healthy, is to first forgive yourself for falling off it.

It is ok to not have been perfect all the time.

It is ok to have weaknesses, to have given in to temptation.

It is ok to have been no more than human.

It is not the falling off the wagon that is the problem, it is the staying off it,

So look insight you and look around you. Make a list of all the things that are important to you. All the things you want to stay healthy for.

Now read about all the complications diabetes could bring into your life and then look at the list of the things that are important to you again.

Are they not important enough to at least try to fight for?

There may be a history of diabetes in your family but at the moment at least you are not a diabetic, you are only insulin resistant.

It is not unavoidable that you will become diabetic. Fight it now and it is not impossible that you will defeat it.

But even if you do not keep diabetes at bay, which I repeat you still have every reason to aim for, that is not the end.

Living with diabetes is possible. Read around this forum and you will find plenty of success stories of people who are happily managing their condition and still living a full and active life.

But to manage it you must fight it.

So forgive yourself.

Find the motivation to climb back onto that wagon and fight!

Fight one day at a time.

Give yourself small manageable targets and fight to achieve them.

Take heart from every little victory but do not despair if sometimes you fall short of your elevated expectations.

Losing one skirmish is not important as long as you keep fighting the war.

Pavlos

@lesleytwo

One word did jump out at me in your original post:

Perfectionism.

I think this is a big clue as to why you are struggling.

To be a perfectionist is to have an extremely high expectation of yourself.

One that reality often finds very difficult to match.

So how does a perfectionist respond when the outcome of her efforts does not match these elevated expectations?

She gives up.

It is less painful to not try than to try and fail. So she stops trying.

Perfectionism is also a very unforgiving state of affairs. Perfection is an absolute and allows little room for maneuver.

What you need to do to get back on that wagon, as you must if you are to stay healthy, is to first forgive yourself for falling off it.

It is ok to not have been perfect all the time.

It is ok to have weaknesses, to have given in to temptation.

It is ok to have been no more than human.

It is not the falling off the wagon that is the problem, it is the staying off it,

So look insight you and look around you. Make a list of all the things that are important to you. All the things you want to stay healthy for.

Now read about all the complications diabetes could bring into your life and then look at the list of the things that are important to you again.

Are they not important enough to at least try to fight for?

There may be a history of diabetes in your family but at the moment at least you are not a diabetic, you are only insulin resistant.

It is not unavoidable that you will become diabetic. Fight it now and it is not impossible that you will defeat it.

But even if you do not keep diabetes at bay, which I repeat you still have every reason to aim for, that is not the end.

Living with diabetes is possible. Read around this forum and you will find plenty of success stories of people who are happily managing their condition and still living a full and active life.

But to manage it you must fight it.

So forgive yourself.

Find the motivation to climb back onto that wagon and fight!

Fight one day at a time.

Give yourself small manageable targets and fight to achieve them.

Take heart from every little victory but do not despair if sometimes you fall short of your elevated expectations.

Losing one skirmish is not important as long as you keep fighting the war.

Pavlos

Wow, thank you Pavlos for this wonderful advice .... do you know me? You certainly seem to! Or are you a psychologist? You are so right, I do set the bar too high and set myself up to fail and, as you say, I can't live up to my own expectations and therefore don't want to play the game as 'I'm not good enough'. So I therefore give up and run away. I am currently undergoing some sessions with a psychologist for anxiety and he was just saying the same thing the other day, that I throw my hands up in the air when I haven't been 'perfect', say 'whatever' and walk away, like a teenager! As you say, I should focus on one day at a time, or even one meal at a time .. who was it said 'your next opportunity is at your next meal'? I keep torturing myself with thoughts of how will I get through Christmas or I wanted to lose weight for my nephew's wedding etc. Guess I need to focus on the positive and what things I can eat, as opposed to what I can't

 

[pavlosn]

I am not a psychologist but I am someone who has fallen off his own particular wagon, so I believe I know what I am taking about.

Our mind is the "one ring to rule them all" to quote one of my favorite authors. And often it is not our conscious mind but our subconscious and our emotions that play the biggest roles in determining our actions.

But I believe that by understanding what makes us tick, what makes us feel or think a certain way, we can use rational thought to influence both emotions and the subconscious self.

I believe how we chose to see things sets us up for success or failure, as you suggest.

Concentrating on the positive, on what you can eat rather than what you can not, certainly helps.

I am a t2 diabetic. I have been for five years now. I control my condition with oral medication but primarily through diet and exercise.

In a very real sense, I had to turn my life around when I first became diabetic by completely changing my diet and sedentary way of living.

Doing so at the time was easy. Fear and guilt can be very powerful driving forces.

Then there is also the inevitable subconscious effort to cure oneself, to rid oneself of the diabetes.

But time goes by and the diabetes is still there and you have to keep finding the motivation to fight an enemy you can not see but you know is only hiding in ambush for you.

An enemy that you can not defeat.

Time goes by and you make the mistake of thinking that this thing is easy. That you are good at it and have got it all figured out.

Complacency sneaks up on you.

You start relaxing. You start taking liberties and before you know all the old habits start creeping back. You have fallen off the wagon, almost without realizing you have fallen of the wagon.

You are embarrassed to admit it to yourself, let alone your family.

You are embarrassed to go back to your doctor that had called you a "perfect patient" last time you met him. Was it really that long ago that you did meet him?

And then the guilt and self loathing hits you.

But then you realize you have a choice.

You realize that you can either give in to these negative feelings, give up and suffer the consequences that will inevitably bring, or you can feed on them, use them as motivation to turn things around.

Fortunately, I chose the second option.

I acknowledged my mistakes. I forgave myself for them. And I went about correcting them.

I could do little to change the past, but I could still do a lot to shape my future.

I went back to basics, I returned to this forum for the support and focus I needed and I started about getting things right again.

Fortunately I was able to do so quickly enough. In doing so , I was always very consciously aware of the need to manage my own expectations and emotions so as to retain my motivation.

I know myself well enough to know that I am much better at sticking to things that I enjoy rather than things that I just do because they are good for me. So the trick for me was finding things, meals and exercise that I both enjoyed and were good for me.

I started taking daily morning walks and combined that with my photography and gardening interests by photographing plants in my neighbors' gardens.

I took up tennis again.

I tried out new low carb recipes.

I started taking trips outside my home town on Sundays to places that I could discover by walking around.

It all seems to have worked.

In the three months since returning to this forum, I have lost almost fifteen kilograms and, more importantly, my glucose has returned to what is very much a non diabetic level.

So getting back on the wagon is certainly possible.

I am living proof of it.

Pavlos

 

[Lesleywo]

I am not a psychologist but I am someone who has fallen off his own particular wagon, so I believe I know what I am taking about.

Our mind is the "one ring to rule them all" to quote one of my favorite authors. And often it is not our conscious mind but our subconscious and our emotions that play the biggest roles in determining our actions.

But I believe that by understanding what makes us tick, what makes us feel or think a certain way, we can use rational thought to influence both emotions and the subconscious self.

I believe how we chose to see things sets us up for success or failure, as you suggest.

Concentrating on the positive, on what you can eat rather than what you can not, certainly helps.

I am a t2 diabetic. I have been for five years now. I control my condition with oral medication but primarily through diet and exercise.

In a very real sense, I had to turn my life around when I first became diabetic by completely changing my diet and sedentary way of living.

Doing so at the time was easy. Fear and guilt can be very powerful driving forces.

Then there is also the inevitable subconscious effort to cure oneself, to rid oneself of the diabetes.

But time goes by and the diabetes is still there and you have to keep finding the motivation to fight an enemy you can not see but you know is only hiding in ambush for you.

An enemy that you can not defeat.

Time goes by and you make the mistake of thinking that this thing is easy. That you are good at it and have got it all figured out.

Complacency sneaks up on you.

You start relaxing. You start taking liberties and before you know all the old habits start creeping back. You have fallen off the wagon, almost without realizing you have fallen of the wagon.

You are embarrassed to admit it to yourself, let alone your family.

You are embarrassed to go back to your doctor that had called you a "perfect patient" last time you met him. Was it really that long ago that you did meet him?

And then the guilt and self loathing hits you.

But then you realize you have a choice.

You realize that you can either give in to these negative feelings, give up and suffer the consequences that will inevitably bring, or you can feed on them, use them as motivation to turn things around.

Fortunately, I chose the second option.

I acknowledged my mistakes. I forgave myself for them. And I went about correcting them.

I could do little to change the past, but I could still do a lot to shape my future.

I went back to basics, I returned to this forum for the support and focus I needed and I started about getting things right again.

Fortunately I was able to do so quickly enough. In doing so , I was always very consciously aware of the need to manage my own expectations and emotions so as to retain my motivation.

I know myself well enough to know that I am much better at sticking to things that I enjoy rather than things that I just do because they are good for me. So the trick for me was finding things, meals and exercise that I both enjoyed and were good for me.

I started taking daily morning walks and combined that with my photography and gardening interests by photographing plants in my neighbors' gardens.

I took up tennis again.

I tried out new low carb recipes.

I started taking trips outside my home town on Sundays to places that I could discover by walking around.

It all seems to have worked.

In the three months since returning to this forum, I have lost almost fifteen kilograms and, more importantly, my glucose has returned to what is very much a non diabetic level.

So getting back on the wagon is certainly possible.

I am living proof of it.

Pavlos

And the word that jumps out in your latest post Pavlos is 'complacency'..... that's exactly what happened. I took it all very seriously, lost some weight, exercised, ate right and got my insulin down from 16 to 9 in 2 months. My HbAlc is 5.8 and fasting went down from 4.8 to 4.4. However I requested a fasting insulin and fasting BG from my GP last week as I wanted to see myself the damage I was doing. Sure enough, fasting back up to 4.8 and insulin creeping back up at 11 so back outside the range. My BG levels are fine if I keep an eye on my carbs (30g main meals 15g snacks). As you say, you become complacent .. you get your results back, woopdee doo, everything's going in the right direction, you've lost weight, this is easy, I can do this . . . . and then little 'treats' start to sneak in and before you know it, you're back to all the old habits that got you into this trouble in the first place.

I recognise I am addicted to junk food carbs, I have to abstain, I can't just have a little treat here and there. It's all or nothing for me.

My name is Lesley and I'm a carboholic.

Maybe I should create my own diary like you have in the New year.

Lesley

 

[Sukayalid]

Wow, you have both made me think!
The words' perfectionism' and 'expectations' have made me see why I am now always so anxious and lately depressed. I was diagnosed prediabetic in July. I was so determined to reverse this, I focused on nothing else and because I already have foot pain even though doc said I am not diabetic, I was so scared of getting other complications, went LCHF. Lost 15kg. . Then fell apart emotionally, didn't help that I had Angina attack in November.
Obviously my expectations had been set too high. I am trying to get myself together and now go swimming regularly as it does not hurt my feet. I suppose it would have been better for me if I had more support from GP but I was just given prediabetic diagnosis and sent to nurse who told me I need to lose weight. Now got down to 78kg. But that was it, I knew nothing about diabetes, it's never been in the family so it was a shock for me. After reading up and joining forum, did I find out that possible cause was my statins. I have stopped taking these and gone from feeling 200 years old to a more active 58

 

[carty]

I don't have any words of wisdom to add except to take on board all the good advice that you have been given here! A friend of mine many years ago had a book called " I can and I will" I don't think that she read the book but that became her mantra
CAROL

 

[Lesleywo]

Gosh Sukayalid, you could be talking about me when you are describing yourself. Anxiety, depression, similar age (57 in March). And it's odd as I've had feet problems for years. Apart from arthritis and pronation (wear orthotics), I get burnng/hot soles of my feet sometimes, often when I'm in bed. Some years back my podiatrist was a bit concerned as I kept getting this weird feeling in my right foot, like someone was pouring a glass of warm water over my foot. Doc said peripheral neuropathy, tested my fasting bg which was fine. And that was kind of it.

When I found out my insulin I was high and I was pre-diabetic, my doc said that if I put on any more weight I'd become diabetic and to eat more protein, little and often. I was fortunate I had an integrative GP as insulin is not something that is routinely tested, only fasting glucose. As I'm under an endocrinologist for other autoimmune diseases, he has checked my HbAlc twice (he has also checked me for pretty much every autoimmune disease known to mankind and found I have high GAD antibodies). My Mum had type 2 diagnosed the year before she died and she had an uncle and aunty who were diabetic but I'm not sure if they were type 1 or 2 and of course they're all dead now. I wonder how long ago they tested/discovered type 2?

 

[pavlosn]

Lesley

Those levels you have posted, even your latest ones, are not bad levels

A fasting glucose level of 4,8 mmol/l is just as normal a non-diabetic reading as a 4,5 mmol/l. In fact the difference between the two counts is probably within the test's accuracy limitations.

Depending on what part of the world you are in, an hba1c of 5,8% (equivalent to 40 mmol/mol) would either be considered in the low end of the prediabetic range (USA) or on the high end of the normal non diabetic range (UK)

As for your plasma insulin count, I understand that anything upto 10 is considered normal. Your last two readings of 9 and 11, fell either side of the normal range boundary. But the difference between them is marginal,

Did you have a chance to discuss your results with your doctor. How concerned was he?

If you have fallen off the wagon, it can't have been for all that long and it can't have been very far.

Take a deep breath and relax.

If you know that there are things you can improve in your diet etc by all means do so but I see no reason for you to be depressed regarding your latest results. Even if the deterioration in your numbers is real and not some kind of measurement error view it as nothing more than a temporary setback.

Whether you are trying to lose weight or bring glucose levels under control you soon learn that the path is never a straight forward one of continuous improvement. You have to be mentally prepared for progress to slow down or even reverse at times. What matters is not to lose track of your long term goals.

I suspect you are falling into the trap of attaching an emotional significance to your results, of viewing what is little more than data, necessary feedback on which to assess whether further corrective action is necessary, as some kind of report card that tells if you have passed or failed some kind of test.

Numbers on a set of scales, or a glucose monitor, or even a medical lab report just tell us whether perhaps we need to reduce our calorific or carb intake, they do not tell us anything about us or our behavior. A medical lab report is not an end of term school report and does not make any value judgment on us.

Once you start viewing data like this, you see that a count that is outside the hoped for range is just as useful if not more than a count that is within range. It just tells us whether we need to change something or not.

I am not asking you to dismiss your latest counts, I am asking you to put them in perspective, stop worrying excessively and continue with your efforts to stay healthy.

By the way, I am like you with some food. I know a little will never be enough so I choose to abstain instead.

All the best

Pavlos

 

[Lesleywo]

Lesley

Those levels you have posted, even your latest ones, are not bad levels

A fasting glucose level of 4,8 mmol/l is just as normal a non-diabetic reading as a 4,5 mmol/l. In fact the difference between the two counts is probably within the test's accuracy limitations.

Depending on what part of the world you are in, an hba1c of 5,8% (equivalent to 40 mmol/mol) would either be considered in the low end of the prediabetic range (USA) or on the high end of the normal non diabetic range (UK)

As for your plasma insulin count, I understand that anything upto 10 is considered normal. Your last two readings of 9 and 11, fell either side of the normal range boundary. But the difference between them is marginal,

Did you have a chance to discuss your results with your doctor. How concerned was he?

If you have fallen off the wagon, it can't have been for all that long and it can't have been very far.

Take a deep breath and relax.

If you know that there are things you can improve in your diet etc by all means do so but I see no reason for you to be depressed regarding your latest results. Even if the deterioration in your numbers is real and not some kind of measurement error view it as nothing more than a temporary setback.

Whether you are trying to lose weight or bring glucose levels under control you soon learn that the path is never a straight forward one of continuous improvement. You have to be mentally prepared for progress to slow down or even reverse at times. What matters is not to lose track of your long term goals.

I suspect you are falling into the trap of attaching an emotional significance to your results, of viewing what is little more than data, necessary feedback on which to assess whether further corrective action is necessary, as some kind of report card that tells if you have passed or failed some kind of test.

Numbers on a set of scales, or a glucose monitor, or even a medical lab report just tell us whether perhaps we need to reduce our calorific or carb intake, they do not tell us anything about us or our behavior. A medical lab report is not an end of term school report and does not make any value judgment on us.

Once you start viewing data like this, you see that a count that is outside the hoped for range is just as useful if not more than a count that is within range. It just tells us whether we need to change something or not.

I am not asking you to dismiss your latest counts, I am asking you to put them in perspective, stop worrying excessively and continue with your efforts to stay healthy.

By the way, I am like you with some food. I know a little will never be enough so I choose to abstain instead.

All the best

Pavlos

Lesley

Those levels you have posted, even your latest ones, are not bad levels

A fasting glucose level of 4,8 mmol/l is just as normal a non-diabetic reading as a 4,5 mmol/l. In fact the difference between the two counts is probably within the test's accuracy limitations.

Depending on what part of the world you are in, an hba1c of 5,8% (equivalent to 40 mmol/mol) would either be considered in the low end of the prediabetic range (USA) or on the high end of the normal non diabetic range (UK)

As for your plasma insulin count, I understand that anything upto 10 is considered normal. Your last two readings of 9 and 11, fell either side of the normal range boundary. But the difference between them is marginal,

Did you have a chance to discuss your results with your doctor. How concerned was he?

If you have fallen off the wagon, it can't have been for all that long and it can't have been very far.

Take a deep breath and relax.

If you know that there are things you can improve in your diet etc by all means do so but I see no reason for you to be depressed regarding your latest results. Even if the deterioration in your numbers is real and not some kind of measurement error view it as nothing more than a temporary setback.

Whether you are trying to lose weight or bring glucose levels under control you soon learn that the path is never a straight forward one of continuous improvement. You have to be mentally prepared for progress to slow down or even reverse at times. What matters is not to lose track of your long term goals.

I suspect you are falling into the trap of attaching an emotional significance to your results, of viewing what is little more than data, necessary feedback on which to assess whether further corrective action is necessary, as some kind of report card that tells if you have passed or failed some kind of test.

Numbers on a set of scales, or a glucose monitor, or even a medical lab report just tell us whether perhaps we need to reduce our calorific or carb intake, they do not tell us anything about us or our behavior. A medical lab report is not an end of term school report and does not make any value judgment on us.

Once you start viewing data like this, you see that a count that is outside the hoped for range is just as useful if not more than a count that is within range. It just tells us whether we need to change something or not.

I am not asking you to dismiss your latest counts, I am asking you to put them in perspective, stop worrying excessively and continue with your efforts to stay healthy.

By the way, I am like you with some food. I know a little will never be enough so I choose to abstain instead.

All the best

Pavlos

Yes I know you're right Pavlos. I am sure there's many on here who would love to have my readings. It's just for me, I feel lucky that I had a good GP who caught the insulin resistance early (having said that thought I could have had it for years!) and it's up to me to prevent it progressing to type 2. That's the frustrating bit for me, that this is totally in my control, I am fortunate to know about it early and I have the opportunity to do something about it. I guess I need to stop beating myself up and just get on with it. And my GP wasn't worried; I did get called back in but didn't get a lecture. I was actually quite impressed when he started talking about resistance starch and how 'we know now that fats aren't anywhere near s bad for us as we first thought'. It was worth the visit just to hear a GP admit to that!

 

[Pipp]

I have fallen off the wagon and really struggling to get back on. I lost around 9kg since end of April when I found out I was insulin resistant. This was a real wake up call for me as I have a family history of diabetes (probably types 1 and 2) and I had gained a lot of weight over the last 5 years. I was motivated to change my lifestyle by the fear of going blind or having a leg amputated and was doing really well. I was enjoying the weight loss, having more pride in my appearance and feeling so much better In myself. Then a couple of months ago somehow it all didn't seem so important and it's like 'the novelty wore off'.

I am really disgusted with myself and really struggling .. this time of year is the worst time. Part of me thinks I should just wait til after Christmas, but my addiction to carb is so strong that I can do so much damage in just a few days it's not funny. I have struggled all my life with perfectionism around food and disordered eating. Hate my clothes starting to feel tight.

Sorry for the rant ... would love to hear how others managed to turn themselves around and get back on track.

Merry Christmas all xx

Have done similar, several times.
Only way forward is to forgive self for past, face here and now, do not put off until tomorrow. Chat to others on here. Remember how good it feels to be back in control. I know about perfectionism, it drags you down because it is not possible to be perfect, so have to accept "good enough". Give yourself the Christmas gift of feeling good about choices.
Don't give up on yourself, you deserve better.

 

[Lesleywo]

Have done similar, several times.
Only way forward is to forgive self for past, face here and now, do not put off until tomorrow. Chat to others on here. Remember how good it feels to be back in control. I know about perfectionism, it drags you down because it is not possible to be perfect, so have to accept "good enough". Give yourself the Christmas gift of feeling good about choices.
Don't give up on yourself, you deserve better.

Thanks Pipp and everyone else for your 'words of wisdom' and sharing your experiences. It's good to know I am certainly not alone x

 

[cold ethyl]

I prefer to think of it as getting off the wagon rather than falling... One carries a sense of judgement that the other doesn't and I tend to find that once I start being negative, it's so much harder to turn things round.. One bad day becomes a "it's me, I can't do this " and so on. Far better to acknowledge that you made a choice, even if it's a poor one, and that you can make better ones today. I know all about perfectionism - it's a killer. I write but haven't managed to do so much recently as I decided I wasn't good enough, or else I got bogged down in trying to make it perfect first time. Next year one of my aims is to finish the thing I've been working on and off for years.. Good enough will have to do and I'm learning that you can polish a rough draft, but you can't improve upon nothing. So I guess you just need to let go of the past and think that today you can be a little bit better and tomorrow better still.

 

[catherinecherub]

Hi @Lesleywo,

Have you heard of diabetes burnout? There is no particular time scale for when this happens and if you are a perfectionist it seems more likely.

Read this article and see if you can identify with it
http://www.diabetesexplained.com/diabetic-burnout.html

Do any, or all, of the following fit you?
1. You are often called a perfectionist. You may admit to this, or feel that it is a bit extreme, but you do like things to be 'just so' and are pretty highly motivated to get them that way.
2. You feel a deep need to succeed in everything you do, you are highly committed to that goal and if you do not achieve that success you feel inadequate and see yourself as a failure.
3. You need to have control over all aspects of your life. You want to make the choices, not have situations thrust upon you.
4. You find change, with it's related unpredictability, stressful.
5. You have extremely high personal expectations and tend to be very critical of yourself if you do not meet your own standards.
6. You have a tendency to take things personally.