Hi everyone. Thank you so much for giving me all of this feedback, you have no idea how helpful it is. The only other person I speak to that understands is his ex girlfrield, he was with her 12 years and she got sick of the 'nasty' side to him coming out, she endeed upo calling the police and getting him removed as he had damaged her hire car. Saying thjis though she still cares about him and says it was a really really hard decision to make. I think the worst thing is that he has believed what he tells himself for so many years and used the highs and lows as an excuse that he is totally in denial. He convinces me every time that he doesnt know what he is saying or doing when he is like that. It happens around once a week, and once he has calmed down, he just stays in bed for days (depression obvsiously) and is unable to apoloigise or come and explain any of his actions. I always straight away stay in the spare room if hes kicking off. Its definately a rage thing - he threatens to do all sorts to the doctors and people who dont believe how ill he is. If I just ignore the ranting, he normally comes around, but if I ever say anything back, he jumps straight onto it and turns it into something really horrible, blames me and mny family and the NHS for everything. We are in the UK and I wanted to post here so that it wansnt too close to home as I was scared about doing this but really at the end of my tether. /But if hes rerally enraged, he keeps coming in and asking me for money or my pohone or he needs this or needs that as he is leaving and needs to go or needs money for weed. I smoke weed too which doesnt help - have done for 25 years and am totally aware of the facts about it - I am VERY informed about it, and should also stop but find it very difficult to. But he swears addiction isnt possible with weed. He smokes the stuff that deals with nausea the best and I absoklutely beliwve that he has this really bad every morming as has had many tests to try and help over years anbd years - hes been on chemo drugs and everything to try and get rid of it, but it is the levels problems that cause a problem with the constant sick feelings. He has dawn phenomenom and his levels on a morning are ridiculous compared to all the others I see on forums. He has been waiting for a pump for years but the NHS are taking years to give him one. I suppose for the last couple of years I have just been holding out to see if that makes his any better when his levels are managed a bit better. From my experience of being in hundreds of doctors and consultancy appointments with him, he knows as much if not more about complications with T1 thatn anyone I have ever met, he has problems with sweating prefusely all the time but especially hypos, which resulkts in contact dermititis - nighhtmare!!, constant ear infections, daily problems with eating due to the constant sick feeling, this can cause him to only eat dry crisps or crackers and sometimes go a few days without really eating too much - the weeds is the only thing that helps with this - genuinely. However he depends on it and all of the outbustrs seem to coincide with not having weed. He nursed his dad when he died from complications with diabetes when he was early twenties, his dad died a 52. This is obviously anothr issue. which he locks away. 60% of the time he is th absolute perfect partner for me and you couldnt meet a nicer, more generous, funny, kind, intelligent, wonderful person, he loves me dearly when he isnt having these problems and tells me he really does not mean a single bad thing he says and that he would rather cut off his legs than purposely hurt me. His ex said he never touched her - just smashed things up. This is why its so hard to know what to do - I finish it every few weeks but then when he comes round and has a load of remorse I just feel so desperate to give him the chance that no one else has. His family pretty much gave up on him years ago - if everyone just keeps giving up on him, how will he ever get a chance to get better! Hes had it since he was 2 and is now 37 same as me. I do believe that sometimes he doiesntr know what he is doing as I can tell in his face - his eyes turn really starey and scary and he has a masseve frown on his forehead. This is why I think it is a mixture of things.
