Oh Maz, I'm so sorry to hear what's happened and your distress because of it, you have been so strong up to now all I can say is please please don't let this take you back to drinking because then both of you will be lost. You know you are strong from all that has gone before & you've risen above it, and you can do so again. When we're hurting we hit out at the people closest to us, and I suspect that's what your daughter is doing. I don't think deep down she really means what she's saying, and I believe the day will come when she turns to you so you will want to be there when she's ready. Most parents have been through the "stroppy teenager, knows it all" phase, when hurtful things are said, and they come out the other side ok. This is a bit different, I understand, but the principles are the same. In the meantime you can only do what you can do, you cannot force her to test or check, & you can't hold her down to do it.
Your counsellor is there and he can help you keep strong, and it's only my opinion but I think you need to try to look after yourself for a bit so that you can continue your commitment to leave the drink behind, and to regain your strength for yourself and your other children, after the major stress you've just been through.
We can't be there by your side, but please remember there are lots of people here who are rooting for you, and willing you to succeed, which you know you can do - one day at a time.
7 years we have put up with, tolerated the verbal abuse she has thrown at us. We've all been told numerous times, too many to count that she hates us all, told my youngest she wishes that she had never been born as it took attention away from her, told Hannah, my autistic daughter that she's embarrassed that they are related, told me she wishes that I wasn't her mum, that she had a different mum. We've put up with her thieving from all of us, her lies to teachers which led to nearly all my kids taken away as she told a teacher in s hook that I disappeared for a week and left her to look after her siblings... All hell broke loose over that one, the rest of my kids interviewed, I was interviewed, my friends were... I had to prove that my daughter was lying as I was to,d, we always believe the children until proven otherwise... My ither kids were interviewed at school without my knowledge, before I even knew what my eldest had said... That was an incredible distressing time. Then it was fill on assessment by children's services as why would she lie like that ... A lie that very nearly ripped my family apart... Hannah, steers clear of Vicky and has done for years as otherwise Vicky tells her to F off, p off, get out of her sight, if Hannah sings , she's to,d by Vicky that she sounds like a strangled cat, has no voice, to shut up... All I'm saying is true even though it may be hard for you to believe.
My youngest has had to grow up too quick.. And yes I do believe that everything g my eldest has said over the years to her had affected her, even though she is very bright, she's very insecure.. At the age of 12... she still comes in to my bed every night for cuddles.
How much more do I cope with ? Deal with ? My home is a constant battle field with Vicky setting everyone off with what she says the others. Why should we all have to hide our money from her ? Why should Hannah have to avoid her ? Why should I be constantly asking Vicky not to talk to us like we are muck on the ground... She tells me she hates me, yet in the next breath she says dirty and the breath after that she asks for money. It's well known by my other kids that Vicky is only ever nice when she wants something.
Maybe I've been too lax, Vicky never helps in the home, never does jobs like pick up after herself, or help wash up or put drying up away... She does nothing. Yet she tells other people that I sit on my back side all day and do nothing and make her do everything...
I have never given up on her.. Never... But I don't know what to do, what to say to her now as I've done and said all I can.. I'm a broken record... She s brushed off the fact that she was not expected to wake up... Doesn't care that she nearly died as she says... Well I didn't ... I'm 18 you can't tell me what to do or when to do a check etcc... She says she will do it when she feels like it...
So how am I to let her go ? Let her move out ?? I understand it's hard for her... But she knows it all, knows all the consequences, already has neuropathy in her feet... But she still does not seem to care.
And I'm at a loss trying to hold this family together , try and explain away Vickys actions and words to the other kids... She didn't mean it... Her numbers are up... She's gone through a tough time... She's tired etcc....
My youngest just throws back at me... Stop maki g excuses for her... My son says she's killing herself slowly... And she is... She almost succeeded... But she does not see it.
She says she can't talk to me, but she knows that she can as I always stop what I'm doing to listen to her or any of my kids if they want to talk.... She's had so far this year 8 pregnancy scares.. I've tried to get her to the docs to sort out contraception... But she doesn't want to, says condoms are enough.. I dread the day when one is finally positive. She's already been told that if she fell pregnant, her body would not be able to cope, that it could kill either her or the baby...
So I'm sat here sinking. As I don't know where to go to for help, as every where I've contacted.. They don't wAnt to know.
Keep digging deep & fighting, you can get through this xx
