Need to Talk

[sophie7]

Hi Everyone

I'm a seventeen year old AS Level student, and have had Type 1 diabetes for ten years this May (don't like to say I have been diabetic, as I don't like to think it defines me).

Anyway, I've always managed it reasonably well. Not to say it has been easy: it took about five years of trying every injection combo under the sun, eventually loosing so muc weight on levomeer (however you spell it!) that the pump was literally seen as my last option - and it has been amazing.

However, for the last two years I've been feeling so, so unhappy about everything. I just don't think I can cope with the realities of this illness - the whole "it's for life concept". And i think what frustrates me, is that i've always wanted to be treated like a 'normal person', yet whenever something goes wrong with my BG, and I say something, i'm seen as making excuses etc.... and no one cuts me any slack in anything. No one ever turns around and says how well i'm doing. It's like it's just a given that i'll deal with it - get told off for leaving lancets on the kitchen belt, one hyper or hypo and it's "sophie, why is that happening". I feel like everyone is obsessed with the illness, but not with the person who has it. It's like they forget I have to live with it.
So, I also just wanted to know if depression is common in diabetes? Because i have been feeling so... just tired, and really want to give up now. But i don't want to say anything in case people just think i'm attention-seeking.
The other problem now though. I really don't want to say this... yet I think i need to because it is really why i'm posting. I've sought of developed an eating disorder in the past six months. It's not fully fledged anorexia, as I do eat some food - just very little. I've lost about 5kg in 5 months (from 55.5 - 50.5kg, and i'm 5ft 3", now BMI exactly 20) but since october I've also developed bulimia, but without the binging. It scares me so much, but i just feel like it's the only way to get control. It's reduced the number of highs i have, and i really cannot stand highs - it jsut serves as a reminder of how imperfect my life is, and I just hate it. Part of it is an appearance thing - just that, when my weight lowers, i feel i have control over something.
I just needed to say this, and to ask if anyone else with diabetes (Type 1) has had an eating disorder like this. I know there is now "diabulimia" as a partially recognised eating disorder, but I have never had this - the thought of it is horrible as it means high blood sugars.

Please don't judge me. I am trying really hard to stop the purging, and I know i should tell someone - i just can't yet.

Thank-you

Sophie

 

[angieG]

Sophie,

Sorry to say I can't help with the eating disorder side of things and I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling down and having a hard time of things.
Sometimes this condition does seem like a life sentence, I think most of us feel like that at some points in our lives.
I am a type 2 and only 14 months down the line so have not had the hassle of being a teenager with all the associated upheavals and the diabetes problems so you have my sympathy.
There are times when I see folks eating regular food and think 'why can't I just do that?' but that's life and we only live once so we have to make the very best of what we are given.
The folks around you may seem to concentrate on your condition and how you are dealing with it more than on you as a person but it is usually only because they care about you and want the best for you. I know as old as I am (46 now) my Mum still panics if we have a meal out if I'm trying to work out what on the menu is best to eat and doesn't hesitate telling the waitresses etc that "we have a problem as she is diabetic and can't eat anything off your menu!!" How embarrassing is that.....I think at my age I am quite capable of talking to the folks myself and coming to some sort of deal. But she only does it cause she is worried and loves me.
Please consider sitting down and talking to someone, be it in your family or a close friend and even someone at school. You should not have to deal with this alone.
Please take care of yourself, you will regret it in later life if you don't.
Keep posting on here, there are lots of friendly folks on here and we will help if we can.
Regards
Angie

 

[Gappy]

Aaaargh, just wrote a reply and lost it. I have a basic understanding of eating disorders as a friend dealt with sufferers st an addiction clinic. But first welcome here, there's many good people who can offer advice through experience. A lot of us have been very low for whatever reason, so understand how it feels. The board is busier during the day time so don't despair people are here for you.

 

[Pneu]

Sophie... I am sorry to hear that you are having problems with your diabetes I think that from time to time we all go through stages where it gets a bit much and becomes hard to manage. A lot of us suffer from depression or other psychological disorders brought on by diabetes and you shouldn't feel ashamed or embarrassed.

You have made a good first step coming onto the forum and I am sure that we will all try and give you help and support but what you really need to do is to make an appointment to see your diabetic consultant or GP to discuss; they should be able to get you the support that you need to get back on track.

 

[Camilla]

Dear Sophie

you are very young and having diabetes is very hard. You are going through so much change and uncertainty at your age and it must be incrediby tough for you. It is a fact that depression is common for diabetics.

The only way out of depression and helplessness I have found over the years is to take control, be in the driving seat of your own life. First, go to your doctor and tell him or her how you are feeling and ask for help. Ask your doctor to re-assess your whole regime, your diet and to advise. Tell him about your eating disorder, this is something serious which will impact on your health now and in the future.

Make plans, take action, get exercise and sleep properly each day. Do what you need to to control your diabetes but don't let it be the whole of your life. What would you like to do with your life? Dare to dream and then work towards fulfilling your dreams.

You will be fine, but you need to seek help now. The doctor will be glad to help you once you tell him or her what you are going through.

Good luck.

 

[CarbsRok]

Hi Sophie,
sorry to hear you have problems. There's a organisation called diabetics with eating disorders
http://www.diabeticswitheatingdisorders.org.uk/ hopefully they can help you and give you all the help you need.

 

[imalittlefishy]

Hi Sophie, I'm 20 and have also had T1 for 10 years. I don't have any experience with eating disorders, but I have had depression on and off for the last four years. Although it's not entirely to do with my diabetes, it has definitely had an impact, and yes it is a really hard thing to deal with day in and day out...it's exhausting! I always find it's difficult to tread the line between "I want to be normal and not let my diabetes affect my life" and "Please cut me some slack, I have to deal with this 24/7!". I can also empathise with the control thing - I've used different methods to get to the same end, the feeling that you at least have control over some part of your life. Unfortunately depression is very common in people with diabetes, understandably as it is a stressful thing to have to deal with. Do you have anyone you can talk to about this kind of stuff? A friend or family member? Or of course you can talk to us here Going to my GP about my depression was one of the best things I ever did, but it took a friend to convince me to go. It is difficult to get it out but it's worth it in the long run. Hope things get better for you soon, big hugs. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk xx

 

[Octave88]

Dear sophie7,

I recognize most of how it is in your young life. You are a vibrant young life, a person who is a girl, who just happens to be a diabetic, not Sophie the diabetic! Here I shall be candid! From the age of twelve, I self-harmed, which is not unlike purging. A way to take control of ones life? So, why not take control, in positive way? The way to help you and your body, take control by eating for good health! I am sure you can do it!

When I was nineteen, four in the morning, after all the crying had stopped; I said to myself, however negative things are, why assist it? Why victimize oneself? Sophie, you are right not to even want to identify with an illness, but, in a way, purging is rather like creating an illness, tho I know it is an outward sign and a way to control how you are feeling.(I know it is rather simplistic of me, and I am not saying any of this relates to you)

You must be feeling wretched; so, as I said, take control in a more positive way! If people Judge, or misjudge you (or worse) misrepresent you, then they have not bothered to properly know you (their loss( However, I suggest you need to communicate yourself to people! As for attention seeking? If people do not know or do not see how you are, then sometimes one has to shout a little louder! I am sure that you have a great and useful life ahead of you, for your self and to help other people through their own probs; meanwhile, this is your life, its all up to you; but I would hate for you to die from purging! Cos it does happen! If I have said too much, please forgive! Be Happy when you can!

Kindest Regards

John