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<blockquote data-quote="kyrani99" data-source="post: 522803" data-attributes="member: 104710"><p>“the act of forgiveness was beneficial only to me, not them. I am no longer bitter with the hurt….”</p><p>What it sounds like is that you have been able to let go of the issue owing to distance and time passed. To forgive is to let some one off with some debt created when they did a crime/ offence, but that is not all of the matter. To forgive you need to get an assurance that the other party is not going to re-offend because they have had a change of heart. And that change of heart can only come about because they have faced what they have done and acknowledge the injustice they have committed and regret having done it. Why is this important? Because when you forgive someone in the fuller sense you bring them onto a common ground with yourself. This is not wise to do if the other party is hateful.</p><p>“…… am much more careful who I trust. Now I have only 3 close friends and am aware that certain 'triggers' could cause toxicity in at least two of these relationships, so I have found defences to any of these 'trigger' situations.”</p><p>If you are going to have a relationship which is rewarding, you must invest in the relationship and trust is a part of that investment. If you recognize “triggers” then you recognize toxic people and toxic relationship. There is no such thing as triggers that could cause toxicity. People who are toxic are two faced and may appear as nice and friendly like the couple you mentioned but underneath the façade they are looking to harm because that gives them pleasure. You are fooling yourself to think that you can have a defence to the trigger situations. You are setting your self up to be injured. There are situations where relating to others is unavoidable, eg work but these are not friendships. Where will these people be if you need support?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="kyrani99, post: 522803, member: 104710"] “the act of forgiveness was beneficial only to me, not them. I am no longer bitter with the hurt….” What it sounds like is that you have been able to let go of the issue owing to distance and time passed. To forgive is to let some one off with some debt created when they did a crime/ offence, but that is not all of the matter. To forgive you need to get an assurance that the other party is not going to re-offend because they have had a change of heart. And that change of heart can only come about because they have faced what they have done and acknowledge the injustice they have committed and regret having done it. Why is this important? Because when you forgive someone in the fuller sense you bring them onto a common ground with yourself. This is not wise to do if the other party is hateful. “…… am much more careful who I trust. Now I have only 3 close friends and am aware that certain 'triggers' could cause toxicity in at least two of these relationships, so I have found defences to any of these 'trigger' situations.” If you are going to have a relationship which is rewarding, you must invest in the relationship and trust is a part of that investment. If you recognize “triggers” then you recognize toxic people and toxic relationship. There is no such thing as triggers that could cause toxicity. People who are toxic are two faced and may appear as nice and friendly like the couple you mentioned but underneath the façade they are looking to harm because that gives them pleasure. You are fooling yourself to think that you can have a defence to the trigger situations. You are setting your self up to be injured. There are situations where relating to others is unavoidable, eg work but these are not friendships. Where will these people be if you need support? [/QUOTE]
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