Am I being too controlling?

If you want to chat with other parents there is also a specific support group.
http://www.childrenwithdiabetes.com/uk/
By the way I don't always wash my hands, yes if I'm in the middle of cooking or gardening but not if I'm out and about on a walk or shopping.It's not good for anyone to eat unhealthily. If he learns to manage his diabetes then he will develop the ability to adjust his doses to what he eats (and the exercise he does) It means that he will be able to be more flexible in what he eats . That though takes time.

I have also had many good reports of an annual conference 'Friends for Life' .There is one scheduled for November, a long time ahead but registration opens in February abd I know it has been fully subscribed within hours in earlier years (sorry sounds like I'm pushing it, it's just what I've read). It's certainly an opportunity to meet other young people with T1
http://www.childrenwithdiabetes.com/activities/UK2015/

I'm not diabetic but my husband has been T1 since he was 18 (he's now 38). I constantly worry about him and am always asking what his blood sugars are (he IS good at checking after he was rushed to hospital a few years ago with diabetic ketoacidosis). I feel like I'm always nagging him to check his sugar levels. It's not helped by the fact that he's having problems with his insulin: he'll take a correction because his levels are X then when he checks his levels later, the insulin hasn't done anything. He's waiting to hear about getting on the waiting list for a pump so fingers crossed that sorts it. I just wish there was something I could do....

OK. First of all assure him that the clinic have heard every excuse in the book, and are there TO HELP HIM. He won't get into trouble, and what he needs is their support. If your hospital clinic isn't like this, then find one that is. I believe paediatric diabetics are entitled to psychological support via their hospital clinic.

Secondly, you say he is eating things he shouldn't. What shouldn't he be eating? Nothing as far as I know, so long as he is dosing his insulin accordingly. He needs to carb count, then he can eat whatever he likes. He's a teenager.

Thirdly, ask about a DAFNE course it will help you and him learn how to adapt doses to accommodate exercise and eating different meals everyday and also missing meals if he wants.

Fourthly, if you are frightened he won't comply with his regime, and he has only been at it a couple of months, then perhaps, at some point get him to see what can happen when you don't take care of yourself. The most frightening complication that can affect a boy is impotence. A friend of mine had type 1 from around the same age as me (early teens), he smoked, didn't go to clinic, didn't test etc, and died in his mid 30s. And it took him a couple of years to die too. I on the other hand have lived another 10 years than him and am in good health.

You are his mother, it comes with the territory to worry yourself silly about this. If I were you, I would too. However, he is 14, and still wants to be the boy he was a few months ago. He is still "Joe Bloggs", he doesn't want to be "the diabetic", and he doesn't want to be different. Don't appear to him to be watching his diabetes over his shoulder, teenagers rebel, and you don't want him to use his diabetes as the rebellion. It's a fine balance between ensuring he does everything right and turning him in on himself. Sorry if I sound harsh, I don't mean to, I remember being a teenager and not wanting people to see the diabetes first and me second.

Good luck.

Also, perhaps suggest some things he can do if he takes control of his diabetes, but won't be able to if thibgs go completely haywire. For example, in 1992, a few years before I was diagnosed myself, I was a fire [group] leader on a 6 week expedition to South Greenland. One of the youngsters in my group was an 18 year old young man, who'd had type 1 diabetes a couple of years. He didn't need any help from anyone else, although of course we would have helped if needed. I didn't see him again until 2012, when he was a doctor and I was a medical dispatcher, both Games Makers. He couldn't have gone to expedition and neither of us could have been Games Makers, if we'd not looked after ourselves.

Speaking as a former teenage diabetic (I was diagnosed at 13) I went through eating the "naughty" foods phase too. I'd grab chocolate where I could (from the tuck shop at school) and take insulin to cover it. I'd also make up my diary (no memory meters in those days, all done in the diary) and we'd go to the hospital and I'd dread getting the Hba1C done and yet it would turn out okay (typically in the 7%-7.5%, which isn't where I strive for now, but as a teenager with no internet and no guidance other than what the hospital gave, was considered to be absolutely fine).

If he is managing his insulin and carbs and the Hba1C tests are coming back okay, then, while it is not ideal that he isn't eating to plan, it's certainly not the end of the world.

It sounds to me like you @RyansMum are doing very well and giving him the best care you can in a difficult situation. It is not easy to accept a T1 diagnosis at any time, and particularly difficult when you are a teenager who is typically facing other body and image changes as well as identity challenges already, before being lumbered with this condition. Most T1's go through periods of 'burn out' when they feel discouraged by the endless discipline needed to manage Blood Sugar levels, but once it has become a routine part of one's life it really does become a new 'normal'. For him at the moment it is all very new and he may need quite a while to accept and accommodate this new reality, so your care and support can only help him through this phase, even if it seems that in rejecting the diagnosis or rejecting the treatment he is rejecting and rebelling against you. A condition that suddenly requires constant self-monitoring and self discipline is a huge burden for him to have to take on and a radical shift in his identity as a normal healthy person, so the more emotionally secure he is the better equipped he will be to develop healthy coping strategies, and it really does sound like your interactions and efforts are seen as caring by him.

Unfortunately there is currently no way to avoid the issue that is at the heart of diabetes management and that is 'control': controlling blood sugar swings to keep them in range; controlling food portion sizes (or carbohydrates specifically); and controlling insulin doses manually; controlling exercise regimens for best use of available energy...etc. On top of all this is the emotional control, trying to accept that one's body is in a sense now 'out of control' and must be managed manually - controlled, having to learn to' take control' of all these variables and answer questions from parents and doctors about how 'Good' or 'Bad' one's 'Diabetic Control' has been, sadly questions which tend to sound like black and white judgements about the person rather than the condition, and divide a complicated range of experience into all Good or all Bad! Negotiating all of this at the same time as feeling that others (parents or nurses) are trying to impose their control over intimate parts of one's own life can be very hard, so expect some rebellion. I think it's admirable that you are aware of the controlling aspect of helping your son. The very fact you ask this question means he is in very good hands, so don't give up, there isn't any other way to 'control' T1 other than teaching him and prompting him to take good care of himself.

Re the question of good and bad foods you'll find some conflicting advice on whether he should eat high carb foods or avoid them, so you and he will have to make your own judgement call after researching it - lots of info on this forum and elsewhere about T1 and Low carb high fat diet reducing insulin requirements which sadly don't tend to be promoted by the medical establishment. Also as the other forum members have suggested, not just for you but for your son, meeting in person or reading other parents and diabetics stories online can be hugely reassuring. You'll find lots of joking goes on on forums because each desperate issue you raise very soon seems far more trivial when you find that it's been shared by thousands of others just like you.