Any help please??

Dear tryingtohelp
He has to do this fror himself. I know it's dreadful watching someone self destruct. I had the same trouble with my husband for the first few years and he really put me through it. Regular visits to Casualty, a spell in intensive care on every machine you've ever seen on TV and so on. Eventually, he started to grow up( round the age of 40). there's not actually anything you can do except stand by to pick up the pieces. I did it with a child to care for too.
Either he will learn or make himself very ill. I used to threaten that I wouldn't be there to push the wheelchair when they amputated his feet( he still has them ) Ironically, he ended up pushing me because I had a stroke.
If you can, hang in there. If not leave sooner than later. It could destroy you.

Hi TryingToHelp

What a lucky boyfriend he is to have someone like you in his life....actually I was just thinking that my husband would be in a much better position to respond to your post.

I am type 2 diabetic, I rebelled against the diagnosis and ate all the wrong things, no exercise and made myself very ill, my husband, my young son, my family and friends all begged me to stop all this and to start being senible, their pleas fell on deaf ears, I was too stubborn and also too cocky, rubbish, this sort of thing happens to others, not to me, look at me, here goes my third jam doughnut down my throat and I am still here, yeah, yeah.....eventually I had to face facts and take action (read my story in the Success Stories thread) and I have been extremely lucky that I was able to reverse the complications. I am saying that in the hope that people avoid going where I have been, because if they do they might not be as lucky as I have been.

Everyone around me was worried, some people, like my parents and husband even cried but the more they 'nagged me' (that is how I interpreted their concern for me at the time, hell I should be shot, shouldnt I?!) the more I ignored and rebelled.

I have since learnt an awful lot, I have become more humble for a start, but I also know that my turning point came when everyone had run out of things to say and just more or less had given up, I remember it, my husband said one day to me 'ok I love you heaps, you know that, and I see things from your point, I think, so I wont bother pestering you any more, I know that you cannot help things, that you dont deliberately do this, so I promise, I accept all that comes and lies ahead' and with that he went out shopping and came back with a pile of chips, I fried a couple of eggs and spread a couple of doorsteps with margarine - there was no grumpy face in front of me, nobody saying 'please Karen eat healthier' and suddenly I couldnt eat the stuff, I pushed the plate away, I just burst into tears and couldnt even talk, all I got out of me was 'but HOW?' My husband couldnt believe me, we hugged, walked away from the table, both cried and said we will get help for me and so we did and I havent looked back since.

What I am trying to tell you here is that basically by giving up on me he put the ball in my court, my responsibility, it was a bit like 'motivational interviewing' that counsellors and psychologists use to help people with addictions.

So maybe this is worth trying on your boyfriend too, put the ball in his court and be supportive still, its worth a try?

All the best to both of you

Karen x

Hi Morven, what a lovely name that is!!!

Here is the link

viewtopic.php?f=18&t=3763&hilit=success+stories

Can I just say that 'leaving him to it' is not the same as 'putting the ball in his court', he needs to know that you still support him, whatever decision he is going to make, you still care but you realise that this is something that only he can do and say things like 'I know you cant help it, but its ok, its important that you feel comfortable, so whatever you decide to do with your diabetes, I am right behind you'.....it will make him think, sit up eventually, something will click, it did with me and I know it has worked for other people that I know, anyway its worth a try isnt it?

Good luck

Karen x

Hi Morven.
I stuck it out too
38 years now, but the diabetes developed after we married. It's only recently, i've really got him to keep those numbers down better. Now that he's come to the conclusion that the consultant at the diabetic clinic is an idiot and I do Know what I'm talking about.
Hana