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Diabulimia




A driving license revoke is my worst fear, well obviously full blindness is a lot worse but that doesn't seem as likely IYKWIM. Its possibly the only thing at the moment which I fear more than being a big fat ugly bloater, as the thought of not being able to drive is what actually makes me take my insulin each day.
Every time they say I need laser I get scared my visual field will reduce, I already have some field damage from my vitrectomy where they tore my retina but it's only in one eye so doesn't affect the binocular field.
I have a private consultant who assures me he can laser in such a way as to avoid the 'dvla window' but he charges around £1000 a time so I have to choose between spending a fortune or taking the risk with the field loss.
I'm hoping that after this pregnancy the retinopathy will stop progressing and maybe I'll get away with just one more laser but I know better than to second guess this disease.
Good luck to everyone with these problems
 
Once again I am absolutely overwhelmed with the sheer number of us that have in the past or are suffering with this. I find it very difficult to get my head around the fact that this is not more widely recognised in the medical profession.
I was devastated yesterday when I received a letter from the dvla advising me that my licence has been revoked due to my eyesight. I feel like ive lost my independence and a limb. ..(I'm trying not to be sarcastically ironuc and say that's not out of the question eventually either .lol. I have to make a joke about my seemingly useless self somewhere along the line dont I??? ; p )
Although im sure my weight is a massive contributing factor to my Diabulimia...sometimes I'm not too sure as I was bigger before but remember myself as being alot more confident about myself. Dont get me wrong...ive never been skinny...im now about 10 st and size 10 to 12. At my thinnest I was maybe 9 st but thats not thin for my almost 5'5" height. I feel like ive completely lost my way and have been like this for so long that I cant change back. I do have an appointment with a psychologist in a couple of weeks so im hoping for good things. I really would love for there to be a switch I could flick which would make me and the rest of you who are struggling just be ok and healthy and happy. Dont you find it strange (and to be honest extremely disturbing in a way) that despite all the complications we are exoeriencing or facing, the constant battling with ourselves, the guilt as well as the all-consuming nature of it all.....and we continue to do it to ourselves. I find that I doend a massive amount of time thinking about my situation...I also really worry that I continue to do it and wonder what else my body will go through before I finally say enoughs enough and get myself sorted. I sometimes think ill be forever like this(and getting progressively worse) until it kills me. And the devastating thing about this is that I feel like ive quietly accepted this awful fate as if this is how it will be so ive got no other choice but to accept it.
Bloody hell....I'm proper not right in the head. What makes this a million times worse is that ive got a wonderful husband and family (no children through choice) although my hubby has 2 grown up daughters. I have been loved and cared about my whole life and yet I still do this......??????????????????????

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Once again I am absolutely overwhelmed with the sheer number of us that have in the past or are suffering with this. I find it very difficult to get my head around the fact that this is not more widely recognised in the medical profession.
I was devastated yesterday when I received a letter from the dvla advising me that my licence has been revoked due to my eyesight. I feel like ive lost my independence and a limb. ..(I'm trying not to be sarcastically ironuc and say that's not out of the question eventually either .lol. I have to make a joke about my seemingly useless self somewhere along the line dont I??? ; p )
Although im sure my weight is a massive contributing factor to my Diabulimia...sometimes I'm not too sure as I was bigger before but remember myself as being alot more confident about myself. Dont get me wrong...ive never been skinny...im now about 10 st and size 10 to 12. At my thinnest I was maybe 9 st but thats not thin for my almost 5'5" height. I feel like ive completely lost my way and have been like this for so long that I cant change back. I do have an appointment with a psychologist in a couple of weeks so im hoping for good things. I really would love for there to be a switch I could flick which would make me and the rest of you who are struggling just be ok and healthy and happy. Dont you find it strange (and to be honest extremely disturbing in a way) that despite all the complications we are exoeriencing or facing, the constant battling with ourselves, the guilt as well as the all-consuming nature of it all.....and we continue to do it to ourselves. I find that I doend a massive amount of time thinking about my situation...I also really worry that I continue to do it and wonder what else my body will go through before I finally say enoughs enough and get myself sorted. I sometimes think ill be forever like this(and getting progressively worse) until it kills me. And the devastating thing about this is that I feel like ive quietly accepted this awful fate as if this is how it will be so ive got no other choice but to accept it.
Bloody hell....I'm proper not right in the head. What makes this a million times worse is that ive got a wonderful husband and family (no children through choice) although my hubby has 2 grown up daughters. I have been loved and cared about my whole life and yet I still do this......????????????

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I'm suffering with this right now and it's hard to break insulin = getting fat so I don't take it! But what am I supposed to do live my life fat n unhappy or thin and happy I'm going to die anyway I may as well enjoy myself! Life is **** for us diabetics!!
 
The thing is princess kyra that you wont always enjoy life whether thin or not...complications will set in as they have with me....I hope you find help before you get to my stage. ...I'm still struggling after years of doing harm to myself xxxx

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Hi,

I read your post and was overwhelmed at how many people including you share the same thought process as me.

I used to be a big big girl and then suddenly I started losing weight, feeling awesome and loving the confidence.......and then i was put on insulin. i ballooned big time and it made me miserable so i stopped taking my insulin and i've been like that for years.

i cant rememember the last time i was at the clinic or had my eyes checked. i know there is damage because there is pain in my legs and my eye sight can be really bad sometimes.

i panic when i cant eat the things i want so i just ignore the insulin completely. i dont even take my basal dose most of the time.
I cannot seem to turn the thought process round in my head, i still very much have a fat girl mentality.

I have recently met someone who could possible be the love of my life and for him i've promised to at least try and get this under control because who wants to be a burden? I need to remember that my life doesnt just involve me, myself & I.

I also read a post on here today, Teminal and Scared and that opened my eyes slightly.

I think this topics should be a permanent one on the Forum as I think girls like us need to know that we are not alone.

Killing ourselves is so not worth it just to be 'pretty'........if only I could listen to my own advice.

Good luck ladies x x

im glad this was posted, i feel less alone.

x
 
I was anorexic at 16. This was in 1974. I was 9 1/2 stone and felt fat and all I ate and drank all day for 6 months was black coffee,chewing gum and lots of rollies.
I ended up at 6 1/2 stone and was told by my doctor "If you don't eat you will die".
So to stop my family worrying I started to eat and soon found out that I could eat as much as I wanted and bring it up again.

In all these problems lasted a year before I came to my senses and started to eat properly again. A few years later I saw an article on Anorexia and Bulimia and realised that's what I had suffered. I was never told that I had these problems cos no one had heard of them then,least of all my elderly doctor.

Anyway I have never had a recurrence of either and never had a weight problem 'til I was 50.

At 55 I have a few health problems and due to my inactivity now weigh 15 stones and 5 lbs.

Get some proper help. It's difficult to do it on your own.

Good luck.
 
Yes it is so difficult doing it on your own. Ive started to see a psychologist but so far I haven't changed my ways. I'm really hoping that I can change my thoughts and nit care about being bigger. I keep starting to take more insulin then when more than a few pounds go on I always revert back to my old ways....which feels normal to me. I keep trying and never get past that point after a few days of being on my full dose. I wish I could flick a switch in my head....

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Hey Laura

Sorry to hear you're still going through it. But remember, it's taken you years to get to this place - it won't be a quick fix. But you're aware and you're willing!

I just thought i'd update you on my progress too. I took the low carb plunge properly 6 weeks ago. I'm following the keto way of eating, which is high fat, low carb and moderate protein. Since I started, my insulin dosage has more than halved! How awesome is that! By cutting out foods high in carbs, i'm not getting the huge spikes in blood glucose levels. What the doctors thought was autonomic neuropathy, (intermittent, uncontrollable diarrhea), which I have suffered from for the last 3 years, has completely cleared up.

I can honestly say, that changing my way of eating like this, is the single most positive step I've taken in 27 years to manage my diabetic control - and it feels fantastic. I really hope you and the others on here find your way.

Julie xx
 
Thanks Julie. Im so glad you have managed to get control and improve your health. Ive been seeing a psychologist for e few weeks now to try and help me overcome my issues so fingers crossed that I can do it. I'll keep you posted.
Xxx
Laura

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I haven't read through this whole topic yet, but I understand.

I'd really urge anyone out there struggling with the same to seek support and take a look at www.dwed.org.uk (diabetics with eating disorders).
 
Hey Laura

Just thought i'd do a catch up and see how you're doing. How are things going for you so far this year? Are you managing to get on top of things a bit better.

Thinking of you.

Julie xx
 
Girls girls girls…please get back on your insulin. You aren’t going to look pretty in a wheel chair with a gaunt look. I had a friend who did the same. She ended up in a wheel chair and is now on dialysis and waiting for a transplant. She is only 26. It’s called diacide.



Even non diabetics put weight on past a certain age it’s just life. I’m quite portly and I don’t do anything that different from when I was a kid.



Your first step is to start injecting insulin. When you get up in the morning you don’t have to eat but you still have to inject. I don’t eat in the morning but take 9u as I need it to function and brings me down <10 most of time I think. Then eat small amounts of low carb through the day preferably and inject small amounts. Trust me if you take say 20u of fast acting during the whole day that is not going put any weight on that is just going to release enough energy for your body to burn off in that day. In a few day you will start to feel a lot better. The next step is to introduce a little exercise…this is a must even if it’s a just a 10 min job/walk a day and you increase it. Go swimming join a gym etc. This will release natural endorphins and keep you focused on your insulin therapy (you need to inject a little for exercise as well). It’s a chain reaction…healthy body = healthy mind.

YOU best start sorting it out princesskyra! If I was your OH you would be in trouble young lady!
 

That could be a big part of your problem, being too cared for and loved all your life. Hope your appointment with the psychiatrist gives you some help in stopping killing yourself. While it's fairly easy with the minor damage you've accumulated so far to gaily post on a forum, that you've accepted the inevitable damage you've done, you've not yet experienced anything like the trauma and pain which awaits you , if you don't decide to change course, and wise up soon. . .

You seem to think your inevitable short life will continue along the levels you're at now,. They won't. And your inevitable early death will be painfree. Wrong it won't be. You'll likely be blind, crippled with pain from poor leg circulation, screaming for them to cut your feet off as you can't bear the pain any longer, sick from kidney failure and severe anemia and totally bloated from all the side effects of the medications you'll be on.

Meanwhile your husband and family who love you, will watch your slow decline into this wretch , shaking their heads in disbelief that their beloved wife, daughter, sister or aunt brought this intentionally on herself and them,. And at the end looked a total fright with missing limbs, because she enjoyed the power of controlling both her weight and her family's emotions and distress levels by playing about with a chronic illness.

Get help for this or you will seriously regret your future, by which time it may be too late. And if this post seems blunt, it's nowhere near as blunt as it could have been.
 
I share everyone's pain on here. I was the worst diabetic ever. I had severe diabulimia from 20-33 (I was diagnosed at 15). I basically ate all the sugar I could get my hands on and barely injected any insulin. I'd take my basal dose but nothng like the amount I needed. After falling pregnant whilst not taking any insulin for a month, everything changed. Luckily the baby survived and was healthy. I had intensive support during the pregnancy to maintain correct levels and as I was doing it for the baby, not me, it seemed do-able. I wanted the baby to live!
Since then I have come to the conclusion that I'd rather be fat than blind (I've had bad problems with retinopathy as a result of all the food-abuse). It's that simple a choice for me. Whenever I am tempted to lose the plot I just give myself that choice again - which would you rather be, fat or blind?
Not that i'm an angel. I really lost the plot over Christmas and ended up three weeks out of control eating, weight gain..... But luckily got back on the wagon January 3rd.
I am a lot fatter now than when I was younger, particularly after going through 2 pregnancies but even if I eat carbs and inject a lot of insulin it feels better, more honest, than cheating my way to thin ness by underinjecting.
I hate diabetes, it's such a chore and a bore to manage it every day. But I would hate complications more. I realised when I was getting bleeds in my eye and couldn't see, that being fat , whilst horrible, doesn't actually prevent you from doing anything the way a disability like blindness or an amputation would.
Luckily I think I'm old enough now, at 37, to finally accept this illness and particularly the weight gain that can go with it. I'm losing weight the healthy way now, by eating a lot less and a lot less carbs.
I'm not completely there yet but I'm a heck of a lot better than I used to be. If I can get better, anyone can.
 
im the same i eat all the sweet things, im over weight im on lantus & novorapid type 1 my partners got type 2 and lost alot of weight ,is metformin used for type 1 diabetics to assist with weight control
 
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