Do you ever feel ashamed?

Please do not feel ashamed. So you have Diabetes. It's just another thing we have to deal with, you have lost a lot of weight, that is absolutely fantastic, that helps so much. I wish I could do the same. As you can see from my profile picture, I have a medical tattoo on my forearm where everyone can see, in October last year it kind of saved my life when I had a hypo while snorkeling with some friends. But I'm still here. Because my friends all know about my diabetes they keep a quiet eye on me, if I go quiet for a little to long they ask me if I'm OK, it can be a pain sometimes but it is nice to know that there are people around you that know what to look for and know what to do if I have a hypo.

I'm a teacher and because I still have trouble with my sugar levels, I told all my students and told them the warning signs of how a hypo affects me. (Yes this got me a little bit of trouble with the higher ups but it's not just my safety here, it's also the kids.) This last year I had two hypos in front of my students. I go unresponsive and just seem to crumble into a heap. The kids were so amazing, they did exactly what I told them to do, and then even waited to be dismissed even though the lesson had ended and they were sent out of the lesson. I am so proud of them. Then, at that time, I felt embarrassed and I cried, yes in front of my students (oh the horror!!!!) but I NEVER EVER FELT ASHAMED and never will.

I live my life as it should be lived, one day at a time and to the full, eat healthy (well that is the one thing I've changed since my diagnosis.) I have fun. I look after myself and anything that gets thrown at me I deal with, I'm moving to a new school and it is quiet clear that they won't let me have my tattoo on show, but that won't stop me telling other members of staff and the kids I will be teaching.

You are dealing with a chronic disease, yes it is serious, yes it can kill you. (sorry to be blunt!) However, you are living your life and not just dealing with, but overcoming this condition, You will find that the odd idiot "friend" makes a comment about "oh it' s because you were fat." To be honest the only one that said that to me is no longer a friend, he got a very lengthy lesson on what diabetes is (at the top of my voice in a very crowded restaurant, and my voice carries a long way.) , how it works and why being fat doesn't cause it. And I'll be honest, I then told him to "F**K off" (sorry for the strong language.). You need positive people around you and you will get so much support from your friends.

I'm not saying I'm proud of being diabetic but I am **** proud of the way I am dealing with it and overcoming it. I never let it get me down. I never wish I could turn back time and do something different, Don't live in the past, live for the now and live for the future.

And please stop feeling ashamed, you are an amazing person, you have achieved so much and you will achieve so much more. Be strong and take care, live long and prosper.

Holidaymad_ said:

I very rarely tell anybody that I am diabetic. I feel ashamed that I've done this to myself. I'm 31, I was diagnosed at 24 with gestational diabetes and subsequently type 2 post delivery. I was obese from the age of 19-21 of 15 stone. I am now a healthy weight of 9st 9lbs and take metformin. Hba1c's in the low 40's for the past 4 years (was higher when in denial from diagnosis 60's). I feel ashamed of my disease that it was my fault basically because I was a big fat greedy cow. I feel especially ashamed in the gym, I now go to the gym 5/6 days a week. I got a background retinopathy diagnosis a few weeks ago and the only person I have told is my husband. I feel so embarrassed to tell anybody because it is my fault, I think people will look at me and think that I deserved it from being obese in my younger years.

I am terrified as to what the future holds for me complications wise. I have a number in my head of 45 and hope to make it to this age before I die of a heart attack (my dad died at 43 of a heart attack).

Anybody else feel the same?

Anybody else diagnosed young in 20's? I've looked at the young section on here and they all seem to have type 1 not type 2.

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I know exactly what you mean too ! I have not made the changes I need to with my diet and weight and consequently complications are increasing. I feel ashamed that I have not made changes even knowing full well how necessary they are. I had some therapy but that seemed to increase my shame too ! So very much in admiration of the changes you made - I badly need to follow suit ! I am 49 with T2 diagnosed 8 years ago during which time I have been in denial

Mine may have been self inflicted! (Don't shoot me, I realise that for most it is not your fault.) My reasons: I ate too much fruit and veg whilst on a health kick. Blood sugar levels going up and down like a yo yo. I did this consistently for three- four years whilst training for two marathons and then boom - a few bouts of some very weird symptoms and then got diagnosed. I still train just as hard now, if not harder but I hardly eat any fruit, I only eat spinach and tomatoes and have stopped eating the other veg and basically follow a low carb diet. So yes I'll put my hand up. Entirely my fault. I'm the one that put the food in my mouth. Sorry.

Holidaymad_ said:

that it was my fault basically because I was a big fat greedy cow.[CORRECTION] ...because I spent a lifetime loading up on carbs because that was the nutritional advice at the time, without knowing what they were doing to my body.

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There. Fixed.

I don't know about you, but even on a low-carb diet and intending to lose weight, I plan to remain a greedy cow.

In this age of media divide-and-conquer, the overweight make such lovely, obvious targets. It's easy to make us sound lazy and stupid and point out how years of highly visible guidance on healthy lifestyles has clearly been ignored (except you could argue that we embrace all that "Eat your carbs! Yummy starches!" advice better than anyone) and how much we cost the NHS and how many cancer treatments that could buy.

I stopped eating in public places about 6 years ago. I was also ashamed. I struggled to tell my friends - even my closest, oldest, been with me through thick and thin friends - about my diagnosis last week. Obesity, when you're 6' tall, turns you into a highly visible mountain of person, and I just got used to feeling like **** whenever I left the house.

Yesterday I learned that I'd lost 2lbs in my first post-diagnosis week. This morning I did my first fasting test and saw my levels had dropped by 2 points since my diagnosis. While it's far from under-control, asymptomatic diabetes, it's improved enough that I feel I'm not the fat, stupid, lazy monstrosity of a human being the media have been telling me I am for years.

Today is my first day without shame, and I feel such a sense of relief.

The only thing I don't enjoy about this forum is reading about how much pain people are in. Not the physical pain (though that's hard enough to empathise with), but emotional and psychic pain. So many of us pushed to the margins, overlooked and negatively judged and it's left so many of us so broken that we're literally unable to forgive ourselves for a diagnosis that has never been something we could possibly have avoided. I hated reading how distressed you sounded and I wished with all my heart that I could hug you and promise that everything is going to be okay.

Look at it this way. It's super-easy for the buffed and toned to slip into their lycra onesies and strut into a gym before gazing at themselves in a mirror (seriously, gyms and mirrors... cut it out) for half an hour while they flex and sweat.

But for someone like us - the heavy, the "lazy" - it takes courage and actual physical strength. We're forcing our bodies to change form and function, and that's not easy. But, also, by walking into a gym, you're not admitting defeat but declaring war.

There's no shame in that. This has never been your fault. Diabetes isn't a punishment or anyone's just desserts. It's a metabolic disease, no more no less. And, frankly, sod the less enlightened who have never endured a moment in their lives difficult enough to teach them some empathy; their opinions are both invalid and irrelevant.

And @Felix12000 you have no need for shame, either. Shame won't see you making whatever changes you feel you need to, shame just begets more shame because it holds you inactive and lets things get worse and then you end up with yet more things to feel ashamed about.

Make changes because you want to, are ready to, are able to believe you can - don't wait to be shamed into it. It doesn't work that way: shame has no upper limit.

Much love to you both

Sock x

Edited to prevent multiple postings:

Sean01 said:

Mine may have been self inflicted! (Don't shoot me, I realise that for most it is not your fault.) My reasons: I ate too much fruit and veg whilst on a health kick.

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See above correction. You mean you trusted popular nutritional advice and tried eating a low-fat diet? Step out of yourself and read how crazy what you wrote there sounds: It's my fault because I ate lots of fruit and vegetables while trying to get healthier.

It's just bonkers how hard we work to blame ourselves. Again, absolutely not your fault. As far as NHS guidance and popular wisdom goes, you did it all right and just got unlucky.

We need to learn to give ourselves a pass for this one, really, really. I'm sending you all such love and positive e-thoughts. I really can't bear how much pain we're collectively in. Something really needs to change.

I feel lucky and I hope you can feel the same. If we hadn't been diagnosed we might be dead. Unlike other people we can affect everything because we are more on top of our health than everyone else. Good luck and feel blessed to be alive!

I am T2 diagnosed in early 30's very lean but i have high genetic predisposition mother was T2 and never complied with diabetic restrictions have seen complications and quality of life deteriorating..
Don't take your diabetes as problem instead think about it as life style -its just healthy food and exercise ..not only making your body fit but also training you mind control ,time management ,consistency think about positives ..essentially diabetes has all the teaching for living life in best possible way -as human evolution ...think you are eating all green veggies and other low carb stuff which are close to mother nature ...you have to do exercise as our ancestor used to do...
And believe me if you can keep your BG and BP no's within in acceptable range you will live long and happy life ... believe in yourself ..there are lot of people in this world who go through lot of misery . There are so many helping folks on this forum .. whenever you feel low just let it out in this forum ... you have got one life enjoy it to fullest ..and you can very well enjoy without sweets and drinking ...so cheer up and go for long walk

You should not feel this way! I was just diagnosed and I am 24. I have never had any weight issues, and I have always been fairly active. Sometimes things just happen! I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way. Sometimes I feel ashamed too. I feel like people somehow judge me now because things I can't do or eat. I get embarrassed because of my foot problems, I constantly feel like people feel the need to babysit me or always ask "are you sure you can do/eat that"? But you know what I have come to the realization that life is already too short. And you will only shorten it even more by constantly worrying about what others think! You have a husband, and your kid(s)? And if you don't want to tell people about it that's okay. Just make sure you talk to someone when you need to! The people who love you will understand!!!!

Holidaymad_ said:

I very rarely tell anybody that I am diabetic. I feel ashamed that I've done this to myself. I'm 31, I was diagnosed at 24 with gestational diabetes and subsequently type 2 post delivery. I was obese from the age of 19-21 of 15 stone. I am now a healthy weight of 9st 9lbs and take metformin. Hba1c's in the low 40's for the past 4 years (was higher when in denial from diagnosis 60's). I feel ashamed of my disease that it was my fault basically because I was a big fat greedy cow. I feel especially ashamed in the gym, I now go to the gym 5/6 days a week. I got a background retinopathy diagnosis a few weeks ago and the only person I have told is my husband. I feel so embarrassed to tell anybody because it is my fault, I think people will look at me and think that I deserved it from being obese in my younger years.

I am terrified as to what the future holds for me complications wise. I have a number in my head of 45 and hope to make it to this age before I die of a heart attack (my dad died at 43 of a heart attack).

Anybody else feel the same?

Anybody else diagnosed young in 20's? I've looked at the young section on here and they all seem to have type 1 not type 2.

Click to expand...

Being fat did not cause you to become diabetic. Having insulin resistance and carbohydrate intolerance caused you to become fat and that developed into Diabetes.
You are not to blame, The dreadful information given to people by Doctors is the cause of your illness. Like everybody else you were told not to eat fats but to eat carbohydrates instead. Stop blaming yourself and start to blame the real culprits who have known since 1917 that restricting carbohydrates would improve your condition dramatically. You are Carbohydrate Intolerant, and yet there are doctors and dietitians out there who will still tell you to eat more than 30 g of carbohydrate a day.
You should visit the Type 2 Diabetes Rebels group page and see their advice. Good luck and start to love yourself.

Diabetes is not just about being fat - otherwise all fat people would have it! There are lots of other factors involved - I definitely think stress played a big part in my case.

Try not to feel guilty (easier said than done) but this will just increase your stress and anxiety, which as we all know affects our BS!

You are clearly doing everything you can to lead a very healthy existence so try not to beat yourself up, you are doing your best!

wiflib said:

You CANNOT give yourself diabetes. It is NOT your fault. It is NOT your fault. It is NOT your fault.

Being diagnosed as T2 at such a young age is on the increase but still rare. The fact you are suffering with the side effects of high numbers would suggest to me you need to push for proper testing to find out exactly what type you are.

Time to force your health care providers to support you properly.

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Agree you can't give yourself diabetes there are so many factors to why we get it

Do I ever feel ashamed No never I am shameless. And for that matter blameless as are you.

Holidaymad_ said:

I very rarely tell anybody that I am diabetic. I feel ashamed that I've done this to myself. I'm 31, I was diagnosed at 24 with gestational diabetes and subsequently type 2 post delivery. I was obese from the age of 19-21 of 15 stone. I am now a healthy weight of 9st 9lbs and take metformin. Hba1c's in the low 40's for the past 4 years (was higher when in denial from diagnosis 60's). I feel ashamed of my disease that it was my fault basically because I was a big fat greedy cow. I feel especially ashamed in the gym, I now go to the gym 5/6 days a week. I got a background retinopathy diagnosis a few weeks ago and the only person I have told is my husband. I feel so embarrassed to tell anybody because it is my fault, I think people will look at me and think that I deserved it from being obese in my younger years.

I am terrified as to what the future holds for me complications wise. I have a number in my head of 45 and hope to make it to this age before I die of a heart attack (my dad died at 43 of a heart attack).

Anybody else feel the same?

Anybody else diagnosed young in 20's? I've looked at the young section on here and they all seem to have type 1 not type 2.

Click to expand...

Never beat yourself up for having diabetes you can't give it to yourself. Obesity can be a symptom of diabetes not a cause. Just look at people around you there are many many very obese people who will never get diabetes no matter what they eat and some who will, just as there are very slim people who do not get it and many who do which proves what you eat is not a factor. The exact reason for developing diabetes it is still very hazy but some reasons are thought to be hereditary or taking certain medications like steroids yet this can apply to many people who will never get diabetes the true reasons have yet to be found. You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty and well done for how you have turned yourself around now you can be proud

Holidaymad_ said:

I very rarely tell anybody that I am diabetic. I feel ashamed that I've done this to mysel'f. I'm 31, I was diagnosed at 24 with gestational diabetes and subsequently type 2 post delivery. I was obese from the age of 19-21 of 15 stone. I am now a healthy weight of 9st 9lbs and take metformin. Hba1c's in the low 40's for the past 4 years (was higher when in denial from diagnosis 60's). I feel ashamed of my disease that it was my fault basically because I was a big fat greedy cow. I feel especially ashamed in the gym, I now go to the gym 5/6 days a week. I got a background retinopathy diagnosis a few weeks ago and the only person I have told is my husband. I feel so embarrassed to tell anybody because it is my fault, I think people will look at me and think that I deserved it from being obese in my younger years.

I am terrified as to what the future holds for me complications wise. I have a number in my head of 45 and hope to make it to this age before I die of a heart attack (my dad died at 43 of a heart attack).

Anybody else feel the same?

Anybody else diagnosed young in 20's? I've looked at the young section on here and they all seem to have type 1 not type 2.

Click to expand...

I had symptoms at 6yr old. Not diagnosed til I was 32yr old. I fought my weight by 600cal diets and metformin pre-diagnosis and extreme exercise in the gym and jogging around greenwich park.

You are not, nor were greedy. You had carb/protein cravings from your body craving what it needed, energy. Which your body wasn't converting from glucose made by your normal diet+cravings. Leptin was telling your body you were still hungry.

No I don't feel ashamed. I think people who judge type2s should be the ashamed ones.
Ignorance has always caused controversy.

Even though I'm not ashamed. I still feel this forum understands my disease better than family and friends. I just cannot get through to my mum. She believes only obese people gets type2. Wrong!

I'm T2 and not ashamed. It is an illness - I'm not overweight but I hate to hear you call yourself a big fat greedy cow - something triggered your eating - only can know that. But never blame yourself! You say you had gestational disbetes and I wonder if diabetes is in your family. You see that is where my db came from - totally outside my control.

You have done really well in putting things to rights. Give yourself a break - shed the guilt

I am not ashamed. But I am unhappy at the response I get, as an obese t2, from people. Maybe the slim t2's dont get comments about it being their own fault, or dirty looks from complete strangers. Its bad enough the response I get just being fat, let alone "letting myself go and costing the NHS a fortune, instead of looking after myself I am so selfish, what about all those people who deserve NHS treatment and the doctors cant afford to treat them" = actual comment from complete stranger.

I refuse to explain my medical history to strangers, why should I? But is hard, going out in public, going to the gym and the swimming pool, and getting this type of stuff happen. If I get angry, I am also in the wrong. Please, dont answer this post if you are going to tell me I should be stronger, less affected, bring this on myself.

example: In Tescos, got a pack of mars bars for my son, amongst other shopping in trolly. Man comes up, take mars bars out of my trolley, and said "no wonder you are so fat, eating this stuff, costing the NHS money, you should be ashed of yourself.

I was alone, I was intimidated, I was shocked. I cried and went home, without my shopping. So maybe posters on here think I am also a spineless wimp for not challenging him, but not all of us can do this. As a domestic violence survivor, I freeze and cry. I refuse to be ashamed of my response. I just wish the general public would keep out of my decisions and life. No wonder i am semi-agoraphobic.

The media are driving this blaming culture. They can say stuff with no challenge, so people on the street seem to think they are "helping" by pointing out my "failings" or getting angry about the NHS budget because they have been fed a load of lies and they believe it, because instead of blaming politicians, its easier to blame people like me for NHS shortages.

Rant over.

Holidaymad_ said:

Thank you, all of your replies have made me cry. Maybe it's the media campaign of hate towards type 2 diabetes and constantly play the blame game of obese people crippling the NHS. It's an awful awful disease. I hate it.

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@Holidaymad_
A few years ago I remember talking to a freind about the media frenzy of blaming the obese for crippling the NHS. I said that after a decade of blaming smokers for the same thing they had now moved on to the self righteous blaming of T2s. There was never any mention of T2s who are not obese and no mention of obese people who are not T2. For instance, when figures are quoted on tv news they are always given with background video of overweight people walking around town centres reinforcing the stigma that some people feel.
Personally, I couldn't give a tinkers cuss what anyone thinks. My mantra is if you don't like me or my lifestyle then just get out of my face because I don't want to be in your company.
Have heart, lass, you have done a brilliant job on your health and it is a good idea to celebrate that fact. Well done.

serenity648 said:

I am not ashamed. But I am unhappy at the response I get, as an obese t2, from people. Maybe the slim t2's dont get comments about it being their own fault, or dirty looks from complete strangers. Its bad enough the response I get just being fat, let alone "letting myself go and costing the NHS a fortune, instead of looking after myself I am so selfish, what about all those people who deserve NHS treatment and the doctors cant afford to treat them" = actual comment from complete stranger.

I refuse to explain my medical history to strangers, why should I? But is hard, going out in public, going to the gym and the swimming pool, and getting this type of stuff happen. If I get angry, I am also in the wrong. Please, dont answer this post if you are going to tell me I should be stronger, less affected, bring this on myself.

example: In Tescos, got a pack of mars bars for my son, amongst other shopping in trolly. Man comes up, take mars bars out of my trolley, and said "no wonder you are so fat, eating this stuff, costing the NHS money, you should be ashed of yourself.

I was alone, I was intimidated, I was shocked. I cried and went home, without my shopping. So maybe posters on here think I am also a spineless wimp for not challenging him, but not all of us can do this. As a domestic violence survivor, I freeze and cry. I refuse to be ashamed of my response. I just wish the general public would keep out of my decisions and life. No wonder i am semi-agoraphobic.

The media are driving this blaming culture. They can say stuff with no challenge, so people on the street seem to think they are "helping" by pointing out my "failings" or getting angry about the NHS budget because they have been fed a load of lies and they believe it, because instead of blaming politicians, its easier to blame people like me for NHS shortages.

Rant over.

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I'd have reported him to the police for "threatening, abusive or insulting" language in a public place, and took a picture of him with my phone, and involved Tesco to keep the cctv records.

serenity648 said:

example: In Tescos, got a pack of mars bars for my son, amongst other shopping in trolly. Man comes up, take mars bars out of my trolley, and said "no wonder you are so fat, eating this stuff, costing the NHS money, you should be ashed of yourself.

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Ok, what an ******* was that guy. I am sorry thay you got back home without the shopping, but if I were you I'd have returned to the aisle and get back the mars bar.

Life is too short to lose time with these lowlifes,

serenity648 said:

I was alone, I was intimidated, I was shocked. I cried and went home, without my shopping. So maybe posters on here think I am also a spineless wimp for not challenging him, but not all of us can do this. As a domestic violence survivor, I freeze and cry. I refuse to be ashamed of my response. I just wish the general public would keep out of my decisions and life. No wonder i am semi-agoraphobic.

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Just horrific. Much love to you.

This whole thread needs to be send to every media outlet in existence. I'm so angry at the moment.

serenity648 said:

I am not ashamed. But I am unhappy at the response I get, as an obese t2, from people. Maybe the slim t2's dont get comments about it being their own fault, or dirty looks from complete strangers. Its bad enough the response I get just being fat, let alone "letting myself go and costing the NHS a fortune, instead of looking after myself I am so selfish, what about all those people who deserve NHS treatment and the doctors cant afford to treat them" = actual comment from complete stranger.

I refuse to explain my medical history to strangers, why should I? But is hard, going out in public, going to the gym and the swimming pool, and getting this type of stuff happen. If I get angry, I am also in the wrong. Please, dont answer this post if you are going to tell me I should be stronger, less affected, bring this on myself.

example: In Tescos, got a pack of mars bars for my son, amongst other shopping in trolly. Man comes up, take mars bars out of my trolley, and said "no wonder you are so fat, eating this stuff, costing the NHS money, you should be ashed of yourself.

I was alone, I was intimidated, I was shocked. I cried and went home, without my shopping. So maybe posters on here think I am also a spineless wimp for not challenging him, but not all of us can do this. As a domestic violence survivor, I freeze and cry. I refuse to be ashamed of my response. I just wish the general public would keep out of my decisions and life. No wonder i am semi-agoraphobic.

The media are driving this blaming culture. They can say stuff with no challenge, so people on the street seem to think they are "helping" by pointing out my "failings" or getting angry about the NHS budget because they have been fed a load of lies and they believe it, because instead of blaming politicians, its easier to blame people like me for NHS shortages.

Rant over.

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Not diabetic related but I picked up the phone in my then boyfriends house after coming home with my first baby to a cold caller. He then said"its ok for you sitting at home". I was flabbergasted. Freshly stitched from being teared and shattered from labour, this idioted wanted me at work ha ha.
Oh yes. There are some right idiots.