Films A-Z

Kes

A movie about a boy who rescues a kestrel only to have it set upon by feral cats while pretending to be innocent of setting off explosives during kitty flying lessons.

Not really.

What goes up must come down.

Really.

Last Tango In Paris. Story about a man who gets bored with orange flavoured fizzy drinks and decides to switch to Vimto. In Paris, Texas.

Maltese Falcon, The

A movie about the great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather of Han Solo, inventor of the Falcon series of spaceships in the first millennium of intergalactic travel, whose copilot, Rudyard, was the founding sire of the Maltese Cat breed.

SaskiaKC said:

Rudyard, was the founding sire of the Maltese Cat breed.

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and famously covered in chocolate with a honeycomb centre.

North by North-West. Triumphant story of an arctic explorer whose left leg was slightly shorter than his right, causing a small but critical error in navigation. Nethertheless, he overcame adversity by turning right at the last moment.

Sosgez said:

and famously covered in chocolate with a honeycomb centre.

North by North-West. Triumphant story of an arctic explorer whose left leg was slightly shorter than his right, causing a small but critical error in navigation. Nethertheless, he overcame adversity by turning right at the last moment.

Click to expand...

LolOloLoLOlOloL

Ocean's Elevenses

A shipload of tea and biscuits having been mistakenly thrown overboard by a party of schoolchildren dressed as seahorses, a rescue attempt is mounted (literally) by the local Pony Club, who interrupt their seaside gymkhana to save the Darjeeling and Hobnobs before they are saturated with sea water. The film that gave a whole new meaning to the term "pot hunters."

Pirates of the Caribbean

An assortment of ganga-impaired acned teenagers waste their lives away surreptitiously attempting to transfer borrowed vinyl LPs onto low quality C30 cassettes they pilfered from the market in the belief they are making their fortune. But what they don't know, and might never know, is that they need to press PLAY and REC at the same time.

Quantum of Solace

During the third meeting of her first term Physics class, Professor Alberta Lonestone, fed up with the minimal participation of the majority of her students, turns the lab tables on them and assigns each one the task of researching one of the technical terms in their Physics textbook and attempting to translate its definition into layman's/laywoman's English. Alberta then closes her own book and repairs to Solace, the college bar, in an attempt to convince her fellow faculty members that she is more than the soulless scientist they have concluded her to be based on every faculty meeting since Day One.

SaskiaKC said:

Quantum of Solace

During the third meeting of her first term Physics class, Professor Alberta Lonestone, fed up with the minimal participation of the majority of her students, turns the lab tables on them and assigns each one the task of researching one of the technical terms in their Physics textbook and attempting to translate its definition into layman's/laywoman's English. Alberta then closes her own book and repairs to Solace, the college bar, in an attempt to convince her fellow faculty members that she is more than the soulless scientist they have concluded her to be based on every faculty meeting since Day One.

Click to expand...

This could be sooo hot.

Return of the Jedi

A Jedi master comes back into the house, with a loaf of bread, a newspaper, a packet of ciggies and a tin of meat for the cat. Kicking off his shoes and slipping on well-worn slippers he sits in his sweat-stained threadbare chair, takes out a cig, lights up and heads for the horse racing section of the paper.
His Princess walks in the back door. "Did you get the loo roll?" she enquires, hopefully.
"No", he grumbles, not taking his eye off the gee gee form.
"You'll have to go back." she blurts out.
"Like hell I will!" he replies.
"You will once you see what that Wookie's done upstairs..." she nervously offers.
He sighs and kicks off his slippers...

Wise Jedi, to give his Princess her proper title.

Some Like It Hot

A Princess, having sent her recently returned Jedi back to the store for loo rolls (because of course he is master of everything but her), sets about slicing the bread he brought home and buttering it prior to toasting it, setting the oven timer for the exact number of minutes it will take him to go back to the store and return home again (unless of course he stops off at the pub on the way home this time). She also fills the kettle but does not switch it on because she knows it will boil the water faster than the oven will toast the bread and, after all, she knows that her Jedi likes his tea and toast hot.

Taxi Driver

As the grey sun rises over the sleepy hamlet, nestling in noxious effluent gases of a northern outpost, the Jedi Master's young Padawan forces open the front door of the filthy hovel, scattering a pile of Altarian pilchard tins left in the hall. He's tired, no, exhausted from a night shift ferrying drunken stormtroopers between pubs and the below-average cat houses on the outer edge of Minge City IV. He slides onto his fake leatherette armchair, and reaches for his remote, and switches on the 200 inch view screen. Sadly, the screen is slightly larger than the room, so the bit showing the channel number is only visible from the downstairs bathroom. So he begins pressing "next" button. Giving the visible channel no more than a quarter of a second of viewing before impatiently advancing to another technological delight of modern communications. But, as ever, at that time of day, there is nothing. Nothing at all apart from shopping channels. Even the Aliens in Bikinis channel has finished. He sighs . Then he remembers the 3 dead Ewoks in the boot of the vehicle. He'd better get them marinated soon, or the Sand People will sniff them out...

How on Earth -- err, Tatooine -- did I ever manage to miss that one? I will have to catch it in-flight on my next intergalactic hop.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch ...

A Place in the Sunflower

Bea Honeybee, Captain of the guard of worker bees of the hive of Queen BeatriXXVII, dreams of the days when she flew recces out over the clover, scouting out the polleniest blossoms and doing aerobeatics with her friends. Bea's stunts were the best and won her prizes at the meadowide and beeregional competitions.
Bea's cell's shelves are chock-a-block with golden trophies.
But little do her fanning fans know the real reason for Bea's skills, gained by long hours of practice flights.
Bea flies not for fun alone (although she does prefer to fly alone); she files to forget D. Rone Bee.
D. Rone Bee has absconded. He has left the hive. Not in a swarm. No, D. Rone Bee went out on his own one day. He fled. He could not face hive life without a life with Bea, who always has and always will sit on the throne of his drone heart.
At least, this is the buzz around the hive. And of course Bea hears all the buzz at her post guarding the hive.
So she dreams of taking off again, on another recce, not to scout out the polleniest clover blossoms, or to do aerobeatics with her friends, but to find D. Rone Bee, and -- hopefully, with him -- to find their dreamhive -- A Place in the Sunflower.