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help needed :(

L

louisa

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2
dear all

sorry to bother you all. I have woken up today to how badly I need help and wondered if anyone here can give me any advice, anyone that might have been in the same situation.

I am type 1 and thinkI must be carb addict. My eating has escalated out of control. I have always had "issues" with food but since I split up with my partner and am livinh on m,y own things have just got ridiculous. This weekend has probably been the worst ever in my whole entire life and it cannot go on like this but I just don't know how to dig myself out of this hole. So, to give you an idea - yesterday lunchtime, had hypo, started on the chocolate. Two choc bars at lunch. After work - and I could not wait to get out of work to be able to eat all this - pizza from greggs, whole tray ofbrownie, then at home, two convenience portions of a bean bake thing, then felt like "needed" something sweet, ordered haagen dasz (and onion rings to make up to minimum order) on takeaway. Was actually sick, not surprisingly. This morning, felt like I was going to die unless I had something to eat and quick, was going tomake something healthy (I actually have afridge full of healthy food) but saw a bit of thechocolate brownie I had last night still left and stupidly ate that. TRiggered off cravings, ate two choc muffins from shop. Throughout the day, pizza, honey ncovered nuts, cookies, waffles, chocolates, potato wedges, rice cakes and I still just want to eat. God, how disgusting. Writing this down makes me thoroughly disgusted with myself. Hadn't realised how much it was. Nearly deleted post then, but this has done me good.

I have no doubt some of you are reading this and thinking what a disgusting pig - and you would be right. I have no idea how I got to this weekend. But it's like a compulsion to eat and no matter how much I tell myself to stop something inside me completely overrides it. I don't know how to stop.

I'm sure others of you must have been like me given the link between diet and diabetes - please help me, I know I need to get on the right path but don't even know where to start (((
 
Louisa,
I'm sending you lots of ((hugs)) because i think you need a little pick me up , but you won't find it in the fridge. Do you think your compensating the split with your partner with food? I know i sometimes binge, especially around pm time, (i'm not diabetic, got a T1 son) and i feel really ill afterwards, so i'm not surprised in how you felt yesterday. I dread to think what your bs levels are like, and i'm not surprised you were sick. You have to take control of the situation before you do yourself damage. If you feel this is all down to the split, then go out there and have fun, catch up with old friends, take up a new hobbie.
I hope this has helped a little, i like to help whenever and however i can, cause you never know what tomorrow may bring into your own life.
Take care,
Suzi x
 
Louisa
you obviously know what you should be doing, but have got knocked off the straight and narrow path. You need support to find your way back. No-one would think of you as a disgusting pig. you are in pain.
Carbs won't heal it.
Do you work? What spare time do you have ?
Could you fit in something which would keep you out of the fridge and help someone else at the same time. Perhaps volunteer to do a couple of shifts at the chariyty shop?
Or is there a Health Walk group you can get to. you'll find them on the web. Thay are usually sociable And you get the exercise and you are out in the air for a couple of hours. Multiple benefits
8)
Hana
 
thank you both so much for your kind messages. I do realise this is no-one's fault except my own and I have to take responsibility for sorting it out...

of course you are both right that the answer doesn't lie in food, but it is honestly like something in me just takes over, I don't know how to describe it. I'm OK so far today, but that's because I haven't eaten anything. I know once I take one mouthful of anything (even healthy stuff - and I do know how to be very healthy indeed, have a fridge full of veggies and fruit) I am going to crave junk so badly and don't know if I can be strong enough. Problem is that I am going to have to eat something at some point in the day And I'm actually still in bed as I'm just worried that if I get up I am going to binge. Which is completely ridiculous, I know. Does anybody know how to switch these awful cravings off?

I think you're both right about getting out and finding a new hobby etc. Maybe I just need to take some me time. I work v ery hard, ironically I give counselling-type (not exactly counselling but complicated to explain!!!) support to kids with problems. What a joke when I can't even sort myself out!!! So last week for example I have been trying to sort out my girls/lads dealing with eating disorders (irony is not lost on me!!!), self-harming, grandparents dying, bullying, parents being terminally ill, parents splitting up, being kicked out of home etc. all ver draining, and then I do a college course two nights a week, up to my ears in assignments, I teach private music lessons, learn an instrment myself, do yoga, y to exercise for my blood sugar it just goes on and on! writing all this down does help actually, I can see things more clearly.

sorry
 
Have you ever thought to write yourself a meal plan. You should be able to allow some treats but if you need to break the habit you might need some cold turkey time. If you are going long periods of time without eating it makes sense you'd over do it as I'm sure your absolutely starving. Some habits are hard to break and it is always hard making changes. Just do a couple of small changes at a time. Pick 2 things this week and go from there. Diets are for life so they need to be something you can manage to stick to for the same length of time. Don't be so hard on yourself.

I'm not completely convinced that diabetes and diets are really that related and genetics might just play a bigger part. It certainly isn't your fault that you are T1. I hope you can take some time for yourself and unload all the baggage you must collect every day.
 
It may be that you need more than helpful advice and support here - although both will always be forthcoming.

Compulsions have a psychological basis, which is treatable. Because of the effect it will have on a serious exisiting medical condition, the NHS should pay for treatment.

A visit to your GP - perhaps print off the messages you have posted here, just to emphasise how serious it is, would help you to make your case to be funded for treatment.

Not all counselling is just talking therapy - some can give you a toolbox of strategies for the future. It can help you to undo the harmful thought processses that lead you eat compulsively, and teach you to "re-wire" your approach to food.

Good luck - and no, I don't think you are a disgusting pig. You are someone who has lost control and is out of control, and needs effective professional help PDQ.
 
Hi Louisa

I am sending you hugs and a request to go and see the doctor and be truly open and honest so that you can say it like it is. Please let us know how you get on.
 
Hope you feel better Louisa. I am an emotional eater so know what you mean about feeling like you just have to eat. I seem to have been able to stop my binge-eating lately. I think it was just the fact that the days where I ate were getting more frequent and I started feeling more and more poorly and it was hard to get up and go to work as I felt so ****. (And fat! It was hard to get my clothes on after a few days!)
If you are finding it hard to sort out yourself you should definitely get help from your doctor before it gets worse.
xxx
 
Hi Louisa.

Sorry to hear you're having such a struggle with your diet right now.
I used to be a carb addict myself and thought little of scoffing an entire baguette spread thick with butter on the way home from work. Or go to the supermarket just to buy a cheesecake because I HAVE TO HAVE CHEESECAKE!
I sympathise, because I remember that it felt like a physical compulsion, not a rational act. It actually seemed to fit pretty closely with the definition of addiction. I couldn't imagine living without those foods on a daily basis but at the same time, eating them provided only temporary respite. Before long, I would feel the need to eat them again and so the cycle continued.
I know there is good evidence supporting the hypothesis that the release of 'feel-good-hormones' such as seratonin is linked into the biological response to fatty, sugary starchy foods.
I tried the moderation thing for a while too - just a small piece of chocolate after dinner, no cheescake 'till the weekend, just a single slice of bread with lunch, that kind of thing. It didn't work because it wasn't satisfying and didn't break the cycle.
It took me years in the end, but giving those things up has made such a difference to me. These days the compulsion has gone and it doesn't feel like self-denial, it feels like a release.
It might be worth a try for you? See if can give the chocolate a miss for a couple of weeks at first. Then when you next try it, you might find it a bit of an anticlimax. Your tastes will change, the cravings will subside and you'll feel better in every way.
Cold turkey actually tastes pretty good, especially with lashings of Hellman's!

All the best,

fergus
 
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