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my boyfriend wont talk about his diabetes

C

chip

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Hi, im writing on here because im scared. Me and my boyfriend are 22 and he has diabetes type 1. Hes very clued up on it and can explain everything about diabetes but when it comes to talking through problems hes having with it he shuts me out and shrugs it off as if its nothing. He has a hypo almost everyday, and recently has been told he has a hemorrage in both eyes. He hasnt been to a doctor for his regular checkups since he was a young boy because i think they scared him with the talk of losing limbs, going blind and not being able to have children etc. When i bring stuff up about going to a doctor etc he says its his decision, his body and shuts the conversation up, but he doesnt realise that if he doesnt go to the doctor and see if theres ways to prevent things before its too late it wont be just his decision il be the one looking after him so he needs to include me. I love him so much how do i help?
 
Oh dear how difficult for you. I can understand your boyfriend being scared of complications etc, but he really does need to talk to you and by the sounds of things see a Dr as well.

Has he got a close friend he might talk to? Sometimes it's easier to talk to friends about things like this than loved ones. Perhaps he feels by not talking to you he is protecting you.

Do you think he might join us here so we can offer him advice etc. Maybe it might help him if he can see he's not the only one going through things like this.
 
Probably your boyfriend does not trust doctors and trust himself only. He sounds like a very intelligent person and that's what usually happens to theese kind of people. Probably he believes he can cure himself, that's why he keeps his BG on lower side and get many Hypos. He won't talk how he feels because he don't want you to worry, he want to show he's managing OK. He won't come to places like this because he doesn't trust anyone else. His trying to keep himself from other oppinions so that he could focuse on his own. Other people's thoughts are disturbing. When he will start talking about his condition with others he will feel he's getting weak so he will go back to his own world again. The more you will try to 'intrude' by wanting to help, the more he will push you away. It's his thing and so he deals with it himself. Don't try to confront him. Give him time. The best thing you can do is to show him you trust him, to show him you believe him and that he can manage it very well.
 
It is important to recognise that with Type 1, you do become your own expert on the condition. In time, you can become so much of an expert that you can easily develop a poor attitude towards the involvement of medics. My own experience is that your average GP could write their knowledge of Type 1 on a fag packet - whereas your average diabetic could write an encyclopaedia on the subject!

Also, many young people drift away from attending appointments, both because they don't want to be told what to do and when to do it - and because they are trying to live a 'normal' life and not be any different. It's a kind of denial, I suppose.

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't pressure him to go to a Doctor. It would be great if he would join this forum and just start taking-in what other people are discussing. It might make him more aware that there are loads of ordinary people out there who do know what it feels like to live with diabetes and that might in turn encourage him to seek better solutions for his daily management - of his own accord instead of being 'pushed'.

No doubt there are newer products and practices which could help your boyfriend manage his condition, but he has to want to go for it. All you need to do is to love and support him. Never criticise his control or sit in judgment over his actions, but be sure to ask him how he would like you to support him i.e. for him to tell you what helps and what annoys!
 

so, so true! all excellent advice.

chip,
What do you mean by hypos? - even those who have been trained up as expert patients (DAFNE trained) still have at least a couple of mild (self treatable) hypos a week. The DAFNE course teaches that this is totally normal. Having hypos does not mean he's doing it wrong; it's a tough disease to manage. Could be he has an unpredictable schedule, or his body responds very sensitively to changes.
On the other hand, if you mean severe hypos where he goes into coma, that's of real concern, although there are things he can do about it.

With the haemorrhage, what exactly was he told and by whom? And what did they tell him to do about it? If he was told he has serious haemorrhages they will also have told him to go to an eye hospital. But I have known people use this scary word 'haemorrhage' when they mean something much less threatening. It could be that he has had minor leaks in the back of his eye which the docs want to keep an eye on, but which aren't actually a problem. Even non-diabetics can have these.
On the other hand, if he's been told he has a serious bleed into his eye then that's of real concern, although again there are lots of things that can be done about it.

so it all depends...!
 
Heres my two pence worth. A lot of men are like this, find it easier to shut off. :?
 
Thankyou all for your replies. Alots happened since i wrote this. I had showed him what i had wrote on this forum. We went through a bit of a bad patch, but he finally opened up when he seen i only wanted to talk as i was so worried, and has realised its not just him it affects but everyone who loves him. He has talked through diabetes with me more to help me understand and i know for sure now he knew what he was doing to his own body by eating hundreds of cookies and sweets all the time was choosing to ignore it. We have went to the doctors together to get him refered back to a diabetic clinic, and i am cutting out all sweets and things to just for support. Ive been researching different foods to cook etc so he doesnt just think he needs to stick to a boring diet. Hopefully it all works ive noticed him talking to others about it more to and i hope hes doing it for himself more than just me. I didnt want to pressure him in any way. I had accepted a long time ago all the things that could happen to him through diabetes and vowed to stick through it all wih him but i wasnt prepared to watch him doing it all to himself hes 22 so clever and talented and he was risking his life.

In reply to your questions, he was told by a diabetic eye doctor and normal optition about his haemorrages. His hypos are quite mild but can quite often get them at night too which affects his sleep. He was definatley in denial, im so happy i came on here and showed him. Thanku
 
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