kaydee said:
full of regret and anger (at myself for getting myself into this bloody mess!).
Don't beat yourself up about this - for lots of reasons. Whatever the media may tell you it's
not your fault! Sure, weight, diet, smoking and a sedentary lifestyle are all big risk factors in type 2 diabetes, but risk is not the same as causality. Thin, active non-smokers get T2 diabetes too! Also age and genetics are at least as big risk factors, and there isn't much you can do about them. So, however bad your lifestyle was you might have got diabetes anyway - you can never know, so there isn't much point in having regrets.
Second thing, is that although I know that it can be horrible when it is all new to you and scary, once you get on top of it then it really isn't so bad. It means you need to be a bit more careful about diet and exercise, and there are a few foods that will have to become very rare treats - but that isn't such a big deal.
Another thing, although it sounds trite - you really could be a lot worse off. If you are going to have a major incurable disease, then T2 diabetes is pretty much the incurable disease of choice to have! It is almost unique in so far as your fate is very much in your own hands. If you manage the condition effectively, then you really should be no worse off than anyone else the horrible complications all come when it isn't kept under control. With most diseases your fate tends to be to a much greater extent either in the hands of other people, or else down to blind luck.
Lastly, there are bright sides to diabetes. It will almost certainly force you to live a more healthy lifestyle, and the benefits of that are enormous. Many people have vague resolutions to start exercising regularly and eating properly some time soon (I know I did before I was diagnosed), but soon never comes. Diabetes forces you to seriously take stock of your life, and make these changes - and the benefits of doing that are profound. Personally, I am fitter and feeling better than I have done for 20 years, and I very much doubt that I would have done that had it not been for the diabetes.
In short, think positive thoughts - it isn't all bad!