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Off the rails again

M

Maggie75

Well-Known Member
Messages
176
Hi everyone,

I'm T2, currently taking Dapagliflozin 10mg and Sitagliptin. I've posted here before about the struggles I'm having with my mental health, I've been diagnosed with complex PTSD and severe depression and anxiety. I'm currently under the care of a psychiatrist who has been really good with me, he now thinks that I need psychotherapy to deal with the feelings of self-loathing and inability to basically take care of myself that I'm currently experiencing, but has explained there is a long waiting list for this type of therapy.
It seems as though once again I have pressed the self destruct button on my eating, drinking and health in general. I simply cannot stop eating sugar and carbs, I don't know if I'm doing even more harm because of the Dapagliflozin, and I'm finding it basically impossible to care anymore. My psychiatrist has previously told me it's a form of self harm because I am aware of the damage I can do with this and the excessive wine drinking, but I can simply see no way to stop. Last year was a terrible year health wise, I've had so many tests for various issues which have not shown anything too bad but I know it's only a matter of time.
I just do not know how to pull myself out of this awful black hole that I once again find myself in, I honestly wish most of the time I simply wasn't here anymore, my mood seems to swing between rage and total apathy, and the nightmares I'm now having are terrifying. This is no way for anyone to live. Sorry for the thoroughly depressing post.

Maggie
 
Sorry to hear you’re suffering so badly again @Maggie75
I suppose there’s no quick fixes for such complex mental health issues, I can’t add anything help wise as I’ve not much experience with severe MH but I’m really glad you are now getting support & help & you have someone to listen to you.

Once again this is a safe place for you & please keep posting. We maybe can’t provide practical help but we can listen & share. It’s all too easy for someone to tell you what you should be doing but sometimes even though we know what’s best for us, in depths of despair almost impossible not to push that button. Just keep going as best you can and recognise the positive steps you take, even the tiny ones make a difference. Posting here today is definitely one of those positive steps. Today you did good
 
Hi @Maggie75,

Here another one who hears you and wishes things were better for you.
I went from a very long time of having chronic depression to now 2+ years of it having mostly disappeared. I never expected this to happen, I was simply plodding on. Just to let you know it is possible.
I hope the same will happen for you.
Self care is one of the hardest things when struggling mentally, please try to not beat yourself up for not being able to do all the right things. Glad to hear you are still taking your diabetes medications! Flozins are pretty effective in flushing out glucose so with a bit of luck your medication is doing it's job protecting you from high blood glucose.

Please try to be a little more forgiving for yourself, it's no more your fault you're struggling with your mental health than it would be your fault if you caught pneumonia.

Keep talking here if it helps to know we listen!
 
Hiya Maggie know this; you are not alone. I have the exact same problem as you. G
 
You are definitely not alone @Maggie75, and as @Antje77 says, spontaneous recovery can happen and talking therapies (in my experience) help a lot.

I hope the therapies help and you can begin to find some peace and happiness.
 
Hi everyone,

Thanks for your replies, and I am so sorry for anyone else going through these terrible times with mental health issues. I am not any better unfortunately, CPN is now involved again and is very concerned because my mood is so low. I feel sometimes that these mental health professionals look at me as though they think I should be able to just snap out of this, and I'm not trying to disparage them, mostly they are fantastic and try so hard to help, I just think I am now beyond help with this, the depression is so all-consuming and completely soul crushing, I do not know what to do anymore.

Apparently I'm on the list for psychotherapy but my CPN now tells me they will need to try and stabilize my mood first, isn't that what the therapy is for? Sounds to me like another excuse. So I am comforting myself once again with food and wine, I will deny myself nothing now because what is the point in making myself more unhappy, at this stage if it brings about my ending a little sooner that can only be a good thing with the way my life is now. I hope every day for a way out of this darkness, for me and anyone else suffering with this terrible depression.

Thanks again for all your replies and kind words.

Maggie
 
@Maggie75
So sorry you are suffering this.
There is no single way to recover, we are all unique. I suspect your CPN maybe wants to look at medication?
The hopeful thing is that you are seeking support, and this forum has some wonderful members who want to understand and offer that to you.
There is hope. Always.

This hubofhope website has some great resources, but that doesn’t mean I am saying go there instead. I am saying have a look, there could be something useful for you, but do keep coming here, too.

Mental Health Support Network provided by Chasing the Stigma | Hub of hope

Chasing the Stigma (CTS) has launched the Hub of Hope - a national mental health database, bringing help and support together in one place, with a focus on grassroots organisations.
hubofhope.co.uk
 
Doesn't sound like you're getting much help, does it?
Not really diabetes related since I was only diagnosed a year or so ago but I did have a bout of depression many years ago. All I can say is that you do come out of it eventually, even though it may feel otherwise.

Best wishes for you.
 
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