Terrified about everything!

intoinsulin said:

Hey, I am v new to this forum so I hope I'm using this correctly!

I've just turned 17 and was diagnosed a month and a half ago with T1D, and I guess I had been diabetic for quite a while because I was in really bad DKA and had to spend quite some time in hospital, probably at least 2 months if not closer to 3 and a half. It's a massive shock as no one in my immediate family has it, and I've never met anyone with it before.

I'm really trying hard to keep perspective and to remember that it could be so much worse but I'm really really miserable and frightened of absolutely everything! I feel like its swallowing up my life and completely ruining it, because in such a short space of time it has already messed several things up! I feel like such a failure because it feels like I'm always high or low and constantly chasing after this horrible roller-coaster which makes me feel poorly all the time. My family don't understand this disease at all- half of them tell me if I sleep or stop stressing it will resolve itself and get irritated when I'm always testing (they think I'm using it as an excuse to be lazy or over-dramatic), and the other half are acting like it's a death sentence and say really anxiety-spiking things???

I'm really worried about long-term complications, especially since my control feels like its been so bad and I had such awful DKA (my ketones, blood sugar level in A&E which was actually a fasting level, and HbA1c are the absolute worst and highest I have ever seen, I have searched the net desperately for a case of it being worse and haven't found any which is super freaky), and I don't know if it's paranoia or genuine because my eyes and feet and hands and joints do feel funny sometimes!!!! I just really don't want to end up blind or with amputated bits or anything like that!

And then I'm also terrified of a severe hypo where I can't help myself because no one around me would know what to do! Esp. at night! I've never been below a 3.2 and really desperately want to keep it that way - is having a severe hypo just an inevitable part of being a diabetic??? And what is the likelihood of dropping dead in the middle of the night randomly despite being this perfectly controlled wonder-diabetic??? I must sound horrible with all these morbid thoughts but I'm just so scared and confused and alone ahhhhh

And what I'm most scared of is the thought that I will just live the rest of my life as a miserable anxious wreck constantly thinking and agonising about blood sugar levels and never being spontaneous - the exact opposite of the person I was before diagnosis.

Sorry for such a moody rant!!! Just am very freaked out (

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