This is my sounding board! Not for faint of heart!

Hi all,

Please excuse this 'moan' and if you are down highly recommend you do not read. I just need a space to vent Since being diagnosed as T2 I have tried to stay positive and most times succeeded, consoling myself with the fact that I am aware and can take action. Today I have learned my hearing in one ear if unlikely to improve and may get worse (full of self pity right now - I know it is disgusting - but no one around since return from the ENT and I need to vent!)

However, following diagnosis I feel that I am going downhill! I was diagnosed 2 years ago next month, a year ago I had a problem with my left ear after flying, and a subsequent sneeze when I got the most horrid sensation in my left ear - it was popping and crackling and felt as if someone had stuffed cotton wool into it, on top of this there was a high pitched whistle and a feeling of mufffedness in my hearing - to cut story short today I saw my ENT for third time and, having had a CT scan he confirmed 'nothing nasty is going on' i.e. tumour and, yes that is the good news absolutely, but my eustachian tube is blocked, primarily due to the small size of my nasal passages - but did confirm it was unlikely to get better, it may stay the same or may get worse (i.e. possible hearing loss). I am now to see a surgeon, but I am fully aware that no ear surgery is undertaken lightly - so not really too optimistic about that, firstly it may not be appropriate, it may not work and ear surgery is risky. On top of all this there is the tinnitus to deal with.

Also, along with this I now think back to my 'carpal tunnel' syndrome which started around 7 to 8 years ago, still get tingling from time to time - seems to me that there is probably a link to diabetes (wonder how long I have been diabetic)!

Loss of stamina (this is what led to me going to GP in first place and finding I was T2 diabetic), and becoming so tired so easily. Constantly monitoring my food and worrying about my sugar levels!

Then I realise there are far worse things going on in the world, and I know that in comparison with so many I am really quite lucky, and I loathe the fact that I feel this way :!: I just want to feel I am on top of this, in control of it, and I don't right now, I feel it is all out of my control and is I feel that I am going downhill. It probably is not that bad, and I need perspective - I hope this rant will help. Why I am writing this, it is not to depress you all, I know as well as anyone that the last thing a diabetic needs is someone going on about all the negativity and depression that diabetes can incur.

So, I do hope that those who are down do not read this, I just need a place to let this all out, but if any of you have ventured to read this (first of all please excuse this dreadful moan, and self pity - it really is not me - 90 per cent of the time :roll: ) but any moral support certainly welcomed right now!

Thanks for support friends I have to see a surgeon on Monday, have to see what her verdicts and suggestions are, and take it one step at a time to see how best to deal with, or learn to live with it.

Shygirl, sorry to hear that you feel so worried, how long have you been diagnosed, assuming you are a T2. I do know how you feel, I hardly ever used to go to Drs, now life seems one long round, have to get my blood checks done soon, waiting to see surgeon, before tackling that again, also had a letter to get my flu jab, yet another visit.

I know I should not say this, but sometimes I feel if I had not been diagnosed, now, everything little thing I get I feel it is the diabetes, whereas I would have probably shrugged it off before, I find that quite debilitating. It is all so much to keep up with, checking sugar levels, working out diet, working out what (and more to the point) what I cannot not eat. The other day I saw an advert for a Wispa Crispy Gold, or some such, I had a real yearning to be able to try one, I see other people happy eating tasty things, I get so envious. Yesterday a colleague brought jam doughnuts to work and shoved them under my nose, I had to wonder why she would do this - I suppose she meant well, but when I declined she said 'Are you sure?' (I thought, you know I am diabetic, do you not not realise that I am pretending I cannot eat it?'. Most colleagues are understanding and do not offer, some have even brought sugar free stuff on occasions, but not often.

I sincerely wonder if people realise just what the implications of diabetes are, they seem to feel that you are either making a fuss about what you eat, trying to make yourself sound special, and that you could eat it if you wanted

I wonder if everyone else has the same issues, the birthdays are the best when they bring in cakes, next month is my birthday, I think I will take in all sugar free food, last year took ordinary things and did not have any myself! One colleague, did bring in Marks and Spencers cakes, and little savoury bites, this was thoughtful!

I do enjoy my work, as a College Lecturer working with teenage girls so full of life, is quite refreshing - but utterly exhausting. I love my work, but often wonder if I should give it up, would have more time to devote to attending to the dabetes, maybe would not feel so exhausted. This is my first full week back, so exhausted today (after two full days, on the go, on my feet practcally all day) that my limbs feel battered and tired.

That is my moan for today, have lots to do, must get on, keeping busy seems to be the best solution :idea: Please do share your views, moans and groans, good times and bad, that is what this thread is for - with others who understand

(virtually deaf in one ear it's surprising how many people will come and stand the side you can't hear and expect you to answer them)

Grum, How true! Yesterday I was a bit ticked off at work, bad enough the students keep whispering even thought told I cannot hear well - but a out Team Leader, who 'feined' sympathy and understanding on Tuesday, asked me to stop shouting in from of my colleagues, talking to me as if I was a student, she had told me a relative was deaf and the problems it caused! I said, well I do not know how loudly I am speaking as I cannot hear in one ear! (This is true, sometimes people cannot hear me, sometimes it seems I speak to loudly, all sounds the same to me). She said sorry, but it would have been better if she had sounded as if she meant it, made me feel one inch high, and why is it that not hearing makes me look stupid!

Seeing the ENT surgeon on Monday, but not holding out much hope there, I find the tinnitus, over the hearing loss is the most distracting part, think I will ask to go to management clinic for it!

The sun is out, I just love this time of year, the golden glow - I intend to have a great weekend, hope you do to. I would also like to tell you that I am normally an optimistic person, and do not stay down for long - thanks for sharing your info with me. Should also add, that a longstanding friend has a similar problem in the same ear as mine, if you think you and your other half make an odd looking couple when out together, you see us :lol:

(virtually deaf in one ear it's surprising how many people will come and stand the side you can't hear and expect you to answer them)

Grum, How true! Yesterday I was a bit ticked off at work, bad enough the students keep whispering even thought told I cannot hear well - but a our Team Leader, who 'feigned' sympathy and understanding on Tuesday, asked me to stop shouting in front of my colleagues, talking to me as if I was a student, she had told me a relative was deaf and the problems it caused! I said, well I do not know how loudly I am speaking as I cannot hear in one ear! She said sorry, but it would have been better if she had sounded as if she meant it, made me feel one inch high, and why is it that not hearing makes me look stupid!

However, you are so right about things could be worse, most of the time I am upbeat, but I do have a feeling of wanting to enjoy life now!

Seeing the ENT surgeon on Monday, but not holding out much hope there, I find the tinnitus, over the hearing loss is the most distracting part, think I will ask to go to management clinic for it!

The sun is out, I just love this time of year, the golden glow - I intend to have a great weekend, hope you do to. I would also like to tell you that I am normally an optimistic person, and do not stay down for long - thanks for sharing your info with me. Should also add, that a longstanding friend has a similar problem in the same ear as mine, if you think you and your other half make an odd looking couple when out together, you see us :lol:

Hi again Grum,

It is such a relief to hear from you! You know exactly what it feels like, to 'talk' with someone who goes through same experiences is such a relief - yes, people do talk quieter when you tell them, I thought that was my imagination Hate to say this, but my husband, who is soft spoken at the best of times, is the worst! He always seems to want to talk to me from another room, or when I am in the kitchen, with washing machine, kettle of fan oven on! It is also my left ear, so when standing by oven or sink (all on the right side of my kitchen), so that my bad ear is exposed - and I can't hear him! The more I tell him, the more he seems to do it, not sure it is intentional, but very frustrating, there cannot be a day goes by when I do not have to tell him I cannot hear him :roll:

Funny you mention the phone and writing, realised that exact problem yesterday, being right handed also.

Driving with someone in passenger seat is the next problem, and then, this is quite ironic in a perverse way - my eldest son who lives in Canada was ill in January of this year and I had to go out there for a couple of weeks, the thought occurred to me that at least I would hear them in the car as steering on left hand side, silly, silly me, I was then the passenger, so still had bad ear beside them in car :lol:

Regarding seeing surgeon, as i said not very hopeful that anything can be done, ENT did not lead me to think so, and I am not keen on ear surgery any way, so close to brain. I recall that my brother had a mastoid operation when I was a chlld, and that my parents were worried for this very reason.

Regarding tinnitus, the RNDS tell me that there is an excellent clinic at a local hospital, and i understand there are ways to learn to handle it, live with it, or even mask it - though I do realise it is not a problem in itself, but the secondary result of another problem, so - as you say - I am not getting hopes too high.

What I really do not understand it this virtually seemed to occur instantaneously, I flew 4 times (two trips) in July/August last year. After last flight ear kept popping for a week or so, I did not think much of it - always had problems with ears and flying, especially landing (very painful), the irony is that I have some ear plugs from Boots which seem to really work, I forgot to take them on that flight! A week or so later, I was at a meeting in work, I sneezed, the feeling that my ear was inside out (my explanation of sensation) came on, and gradually got slightly worse as days and weeks go by. I did got to GP, who said my eardrum was inverted, and I still feel that way, as though one big pop and it will go in the right way again! Not that simple I know, but that is how it feels today, still crackles and pops at times, and sometimes almost feels normal for a very short time. Much better when I have slept, until I stand up also. I guess that is when the tube unblocks slightly :wink:

Well, thanks again for taking the time to write to a 'moanier' side of me! Much appreciated, and so very good to hear that someone has same problems (not to say I am glad that you do :!:

Going out with my daughter this afternoon, intend to have a great day! Have a lovely autumunal weekend :wink:

Ian, Many thanks for taking the time to reply. I am really sorry to hear about your ear problems, from one who suffers I really do understand! I am told there is no way of curing tinnitus, though I do understand there are management clinics. However, I have seen a surgeon and I am to have surgery next Weds (not looking forward to it, as have not had surgery since having tonsils removed when I was 8 or 9). I have fluid in my middle ear, caused by a blocked eustachian tube, glue ear in other words, they will drain the fluid and are placing grommits in my ear, I am not expecting the tinnitus to completely disappear, as it started in the other ear a good year or so before the current problem. Although I have to wonder about that too, I went to have wax removed from that ear and because I have exczema in my ears the nurse used a water and bowl method, she said she thought she had cleared the wax, and when I left the surgery the tinnitus had completely disappeared, however, after sleeping it returned. I wondered if all the wax had been removed and had it checked at a later date to be told there was no wax remaining, however, during checks for my new problem another Dr checked my ears and told me I had wax in my right ear (the left is the one with fluid problem). The good news (if it can be called that) is that during hearing checks the surgeon told me that I had high frequency hearing loss in both ears, this seems to be genetic, and she would speak to me about that after I had the surgery.

Once again for your kind advice I will keep you posted on my progress after ear surgery.

Hi Barb,

Thanks for sharing your experiences with hearing. If, after my surgery, things do not improve I may well contact you for more info on your hearing aid. One of my big passions in life is music, always has been from a little girl, the thought of not being able to listen to music and hear it with clarity is not one I relish. I do have an ipod, and find that it seems to help block out the tinnitus, although I am frightened to play too high for fear of further hearing damage. I can still hear quite distinct sounds in my music when wearing it, at least with my right ear!

As stated above, I will keep in touch after my surgery. :wink:

Thanks Barb, I will

Funny you should say that, when I went to hospital for my precheck I mentioned this to the nurse who told me tell the Dr but he was not interested and did not seem to think it contributed to hearing loss, but I still think the dead skin must cause a blockage, stands to reason really.