What should I do?

Lulu9101112 · Mar 15, 2019

Whenever I’m under stress and because i feel I just can’t cope and sort of feel stuck. I have this habit of avoiding testing my blood and not doing my glagine before I go to sleep or I just forget because I fall asleep. I’m at volunteering or training. Thing is I’ve been involved in a few incidents in my local town centre. To the point things have gotten physical and the local police are not being useful.

The thing is I just can’t cope. I guess this is technically my way of self harming.

I can hardly get any sleep either recently hence why I’m typing this at 1.07am

Pretty much the only place I can cope is my volunteering place as all the other places I always get distracted or feel like I don’t want to go.

I just dunno what to do.

Jollymon · Mar 15, 2019

Is it time to move somewhere else? And do something different?

kitedoc · Mar 15, 2019

Hi @Lulu9101112, As a T1D who has had his own troubles in the past, not as health professional advice or opinion.
Have you found a counsellor who you can connect with?
In any of these incidents you describe have you been hypo, low in BSL??
Could it be that volunteering helps you feel wanted and has meaning for you in that way.
Having something that works for you and boosts your self-esteem is important.
But is that volunteering also distracting you the help and care that YOU need?
Self harming has many causes, some you may be aware of, others not.
It may be scary to explore this and that is where a counsellor comes in.
Keeping BSLs in as close to normal range as possible helped me feel better and more able to deal with I needed to.
Punishing myself with high BSLs was not a solution, just a way that kept the bad happening.
Please seek help and be prepared to accept it - with someone you can get on with - not someone who will necessarily agree with everything you think and believe but who can understand you, help you find better ways to behave and exist.
As @Jollymon says, maybe you need to move elsewhere but if you carry your hurts, worries, behaviours with you,. will it necessarily be better?
Best Wishes, be careful, learn to love yourself. I had to learn, warts and all !!!

Jaylee · Mar 15, 2019

Hi @Lulu9101112 ,

Sometimes working with what you already have is a start regarding motivation to move positively forward.
Forgetting your basal will have a "knock on effect" with uncontrolled BGs which in turn can trigger negative thoughts.

Easier said than done.
But focusing on what's good for your own health & icluding yourself in positive activities can change your perception & ultimately decision making if something more challenging arises.

Is there someone at the volenteer activity you can talk to..?

Lulu9101112 · Mar 15, 2019

Jollymon said:
Is it time to move somewhere else? And do something different?

I moved towns in September last year. The incidents happen in my local town centre because of different incidents . I also meant that with volunteering and when I do training at a local sports centre. I always do my blood there (most of the time). However these incidents have been distracting me a little.as I’ve been a lot quiet recently. The thing is it’s just gotten to the point where I’ve thought of killing my self and the only way I distract myself. Is walking up and down the platform whilst waiting for trains. I keep getting odd looks by the BTP (British transport police) once I wasn’t doing anything and the further I went up they kept following me to the stop I got off at but didn’t say anything.?

I just find that’s another weird thing and can also be a bit uncomfortable

kitedoc said:
Hi @Lulu9101112, As a T1D who has had his own troubles in the past, not as health professional advice or opinion.
Have you found a counsellor who you can connect with?
In any of these incidents you describe have you been hypo, low in BSL??
Could it be that volunteering helps you feel wanted and has meaning for you in that way.
Having something that works for you and boosts your self-esteem is important.
But is that volunteering also distracting you the help and care that YOU need?
Self harming has many causes, some you may be aware of, others not.
It may be scary to explore this and that is where a counsellor comes in.
Keeping BSLs in as close to normal range as possible helped me feel better and more able to deal with I needed to.
Punishing myself with high BSLs was not a solution, just a way that kept the bad happening.
Please seek help and be prepared to accept it - with someone you can get on with - not someone who will necessarily agree with everything you think and believe but who can understand you, help you find better ways to behave and exist.
As @Jollymon says, maybe you need to move elsewhere but if you carry your hurts, worries, behaviours with you,. will it necessarily be better?
Best Wishes, be careful, learn to love yourself. I had to learn, warts and all !!!

Nope and it’s opposite it makes it a lot higher not lower. Not very helpful that I only got 5 hours of sleep since I have volunteering today. I’ve just had more then one incident every time and just can’t cope.

kitedoc · Mar 15, 2019

Lulu9101112 said:
I moved towns in September last year. The incidents happen in my local town centre because of different incidents . I also meant that with volunteering and when I do training at a local sports centre. I always do my blood there (most of the time). However these incidents have been distracting me a little.as I’ve been a lot quiet recently. The thing is it’s just gotten to the point where I’ve thought of killing my self and the only way I distract myself. Is walking up and down the platform whilst waiting for trains. I keep getting odd looks by the BTP (British transport police) once I wasn’t doing anything and the further I went up they kept following me to the stop I got off at but didn’t say anything.?

I just find that’s another weird thing and can also be a bit uncomfortable

Nope and it’s opposite it makes it a lot higher not lower. Not very helpful that I only got 5 hours of sleep since I have volunteering today. I’ve just had more then one incident every time and just can’t cope.

So please seek help urgently. It is not always easy to think clearly when deprived of sleep. For your own sake seek that help - there is a Crisis line to call and help you fins a safe place to be until your sleep, thoughts and health can improve.
Seek shelter.

Lulu9101112 · Mar 17, 2019

kitedoc said:
So please seek help urgently. It is not always easy to think clearly when deprived of sleep. For your own sake seek that help - there is a Crisis line to call and help you fins a safe place to be until your sleep, thoughts and health can improve.
Seek shelter.

I’m confused as I have my own house which is shelter what you trying to say

PenguinMum · Mar 17, 2019

Hi Lulu anyone who does volunteering gets my admiration because people like you change lives, what would we do without you? I always think we have more options as T2s than T1s and that must be tough. Please get the help that @kitedoc has suggested because you are such a valuable human being. I am guesding you were diagnosed young and at a time you should be carefree you have to be very responsible. Hey I believe in you and you can get to a good place with your Diabetes and your mental health but you need help on the way. If you have any questions come back here we are a very friendly bunch! Best wishes.

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