Whole diabetes is a mess/in Denial

Well done for admitting it in an open forum. So now Kieran you can start to take control one day at a time.
Welcome there is much to learn, blimey I sound like someone from Star Wars.

I don't think there are many of us who haven't been in denial at some point! I certainly was... perhaps not to myself but I refused to let my husband tell anyone that I was diabetic - they just thought I was on some faddy Atkins diet. I was embarrassed about the stigma and them thinking that I was in some way flawed.. so, so silly but perhaps understandable. Then I decided that I want to be around as long as possible and fight it the best I can so... now everyone knows and in a perverse way it helps!

Try and talk to people about it and slowly you might come out of denial - post as many questions as you like and even if you don't want to post I find it helpful to read what other people have said and about their experiences and you'll soon realise that you are far from alone in this.

Hope it all clicks for you Keiran. I get my energy from working on keeping control of my condition. I'm relatively new to all of this so I'm sure my first big wobble is going to come when my honeymoon period starts to end and my sugars are all over the shop but just now by eating low carb and being careful on exercise and insulin I can keep good numbers. Its the incentive I need to look after myself and in a lot of ways I think this illness might be the best thing for me as I was not going in a good direction healthwise.

Even if you are not up for the whole regime of testing and monitoring just yet just alter your diet a bit and take more exercise. At least then when you are back on it again you will have minimised any damage your phase of denial might do. If you can face into it try and get an appointment back at the clinic. They will do a full workup on you and see where you are. They are totally used to people in your place, especially young type 1's who have gone through a similar period of denial. Last time I was in there was a young lad sitting in the waiting room drinking Lucozade and eating a Big Eat Grab bag of Walkers! Feeling like you feel is not unusual or wrong or to be ashamed of. Hopefully this is the first step in you retaking control and living a long, happy, complication free life.

Good luck!

TTP

Just like to say well done on taking the first step in coming to terms and accepting your diabetes Kieran!

Reading your post you already know where you are going wrong by not attending appointments and living life as if you are not diabetic. Starting back on the 4 injections and eating sensibly whilst testing your bg should see your diabetes control improve, once you get to grips with this routine you could ask your diabetes team to put your name down on a DAFNE course which will improve matters further, DAFNE (Dose Adjustment for Normal Eating) is for type 1's on Basal/Bolus and teaches patients to estimate the carbs in their food crrectly and the insulin they give.....along with others matters concerning insulin and diabetes management.

I wish you luck and suggest you have a good read of the Type 1 section of the forum.

First off; I'm in a really bad mood so I’m not going to beat around the bush here...

You're an adult; it's down to you and you alone on how you behave and what you do. The flip side of that is the consequences of what you do or don't do are also solely down to you.

If you want to ignore your diabetes go ahead, but you must understand that when those complications start to bite (and they will sooner rather than later) then that is a result of your choice.

If you want to spend all day in bed then go ahead with that too - it's up to you, just don't complain in 5 years about how rubbish your life is.

From the way you write though and from what you've said it's obvious that you are not dumb and it’s obvious that you are looking for a way to move forward; and if you want to do that then this is the right place to start.

On this site and with these people there are all the tools information and support you need to take control and really get everything back on track; but like I said it's down to you.

We all have the 'why me?' thoughts, but you know what? Why not me? Why not you? We have diabetes - it is what it is, you control it or it controls you. Simple as that.

The first step to taking control is to try; everything else flows from that.

You need to know what your HbA1c is, you need to know how to balance the carbohydrate you eat and the insulin you take and you need to know how to improve your odds (exercise, medication, stopping smoking). You need to attend at least a GP surgery to get your full blood results across the board, because knowledge empowers you. But you know that right?

You can do this; just don’t sit on your hands feeling sorry for yourself.

Best

Dillinger

sometimes it is difficult though. now i know from the posts i read here that probably 95% of people are doing great, they have it under control, they are strong willed and on top of things. well there are others who are not. i am not stupid either. i am a professional person who is clever and is fully aware of consequences etc.... but some things i do find difficult to deal with - am i stupid? must be in some people's eyes....i have been diabetic for 10 years, i cannot accept this on top of all other stuff i have to deal with etc....i know i will pay the consequences which makes me more feel like what is the blo**dy point

had a rough couple of days....i have some things who are really stressing me really badly and unfortunately what i do is eat and all the wrong things. so i have been really bad with my food the last week or so. yesterday was really bad..i did not even take my Byetta....this morning i woke up with a BG of 24....freaked me out..any way...that is out there now....i shall await for the judgement...

Kieran
contact Diabetes Uk.[diabetes.uk.org] they have lots of services for youngsters and can put you in touch with a support group. Your story is in fact very common, but you are putting your future at risk.
hana

It's tough, and even me being a mans man had a little cry about it. That was 2 weeks ago, now I have lost 10lb my levels are within 5.8-6.8 and getting better, feel better. The most important thing for me is my little 4 year old boy, my wife and my new baby due in October. That is all I need to keep this under control and nothing will stop me. I want to see them grown up.

It's gotto be even worse being a type 2, I could no imagine the extra work involved in that. But you have to get a goal, think of someone, get your mind focused, the it will all become (I don't want to say easy) but manageable.

Claymic,

No judgement from any of us. I'm having a rubbish day today so I just had some chocolate and some extra insulin so no idea what that will do but needed something. People don't do everything for logical health reasons diabetic or not. You know what you need to do! :thumbup:

TTP

claymic said:

i shall await for the judgement...

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There is no judgement Claymic - it is a constant struggle and a constant pain in the, er, neck.

My levels have been really weird of late and I can't explain why; but the point is that we have to keep on struggling and not give up with it. In the past I remember going to my GP and getting HbA1c of about 7.5% and them saying that's fine and me just sort of blithely accepting that they knew what they were talking about; I wish someone had had a bit of a shout at me then...

I don't think complications are a guaranteed outcome for us; we can avoid them but we can only do that by watching this slippery ******* diabetes like a hawk every day and reacting to its strange behavior to the best of our ability.

Best

Dillinger

Shouting at people, telling horror stories to what will happen if they don't listen, does absolutely nothing actually is counter productive as it's general just makes them bury their heads further into the sand!!!

Kieran

Firstly I would suggest a book called 'Using Insulin' by John Walsh, this will tell you about your new regime of Bolus/Basal (multi-injections) and well supplement and expand the information given by your team... Also ask your team if they've got a carb counting course such as DAFNE that you can attend.

As to your smoking, well try to cut down for now, personal thoughts concerning this, giving up smoking can be pretty stressfull, stress for the diabetics generally impacts on blood glucose levels, which is far from helpful if you'll in the process of getting back in control... So sorting out the diabetes is slighter more important, but cutting down has much as you can, 1 less fag is better than one more theory... Then once back in control of the diabetes sort out giving up then! Doing both at the same time might just be too much to contend with..

Another tip, is try to build up routines both with meal/snack times and BG testing to start with, keeping similar pattern to meal times helps to provide a clearer picture of results (this side can change once you, now where you'll to with control) and you be surprised that you repeat the take a BG, before bed, before a meal (so you can make any insulin dose adjustments) soon become second nature, and you'll grabbing your meter before you know it!

To start off with, to find out how your food, insulin, exercise effects your control, so the better information you keep via a food diary, exercise diary, whether you unwell or feeling stressed the easier you find it, you won't have to do intensive data collection for ever, just until you've got your diabetes under control, then it's just a case every now again or when something changes up the detail of data collected for a week or so.. If you find this pretty daunting, you can now get BG meters with electronic log book, so when you take your BG, you can enter carbs, insulin dose, exercise, illness whether it's a work day or day off etc.. If you haven't got one already ask your DSN for one that can!

Just remember, the effort you put in to start off with is really worth as in the long run it actually makes control a lot easier and so second natured!

You should be able to send pm's now Kieran after you have had 5 posts on the forum, that said there's ne need to as you have already done that above.

Remember knowledge is power!

kieranT said:

Hey guys im new to the forum so excuse my lack of posts. Im 22 years old and was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes back in 2002 when i was 12. I have had diabetes for 10 years now, and as silly or daft as it may sound. My diabetes is absolutely out of control!.
Im set to do four injections daily three of the novorapid short acting insulin and one of the lantus long acting insulin of a night time before meals or afterwards. For about the past 2 Years i have been doing 12 units of novorapid and 46 units of lantus before i go to bed only and i know its silly i do not test my blood sugar levels either. I have not been to diabetic clinic in over 2 years and when they last wrote to me to arrange an appointment i just blanked the letter and was not interested. I like to act as if nothing bothers me and i act as if the diabetes does not even exist, i just carry on with my day to day life as if nothing is wrong with my health. Its been a long time since iv been able to say this even to myself let alone other people but i think i really am in denial, and it is very tough. Im also quite a heavy smoker so im basically the opposite of a brilliantl'y controlled diabetic. I dont quite know exactly what im hoping for from replies to this post, i guess im just wanting people to express their opinions and anybodys help would be very much appreciated. It is really tough to understand but i do care in my own way about the diabetes its just hard for me to admit it to myself.

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Kirean, well done for posting such a hard post. I know from other people with diabetes how hard it is to say, yes I have diabetes and I am going to deal with this chronic condition well and sensibly, but alas that doesn't always happens, as you have written.

You have taken a giant step in posting your denial, but just take a few small steps at a time and you WILL get on the right path. I have had the big D for over 20 years now and it is causing problems, ( especially with my right eye) but I won't give in and I will battle on. I am also a single parent to an 11 yr old and we went to her daddy's funeral last week and the past 5 months months have caused havoc with my blood sugars because of worry and stress, but there is help out there and getting support from a forum will, I'm sure, be a big help to you. Take care. ps Can you talk to your family about how you are finding diabetes difficult and are they supportive? Also, I stopped smoking over 2 years ago, and it was the best thing I have ever done, the first week was very, very hard , but I did it and I haven't touched a ciggarette since Good luck with everything

Hi Kieran,
I posted something very similar last week, I've been type one diabetic since I was 12 too, and am now 23 and still struggling. I've found the willpower and optimism of people on here inspiring, but at the same time it seems like some don't really understand because they CAN just get on with it and do more tests as necessary etc. If you'd like to speak to somebody who is currently struggling, PM me (if you can, I'm new on here myself so I think I need to post a couple more times before I can). I think the most useful suggestion that keeps coming up for people in our situation is to try a DAFNE course, by the sounds of it they've really helped a lot of people, so maybe start there. And I'd agree with what somebody said earlier about not trying to tackle too many things at once.

Sarah

Hi keiron
I have just joined the forum and thought I would to reply to you. I have read all the advice some being said in a kind way to help you move forward and some quite abrupt and to the point but the truth is no matter how it is put in print everyone who wrote on the forum is probably right and they do care otherwise they would not have given you advice.. I would just like to tell you about me. A diabetic type 1 since I was 8 my mother was diabetic when i was 5 a rare thing aparantly in those days but it was not until 10 years gosh it might be more year than that when I was transfered onto the so called new isulins ie novorapid and lantus that I had never heard of an hba1cI was never told about my levels I would go into clinic and wait hour afer hour and then be told see you in six months just like every other diabetic. I have had issues with my health due to diabeties but things have moved on and you have a lot of life to live as the man said we have choices. I went through a good few teenage years of rebelling against being diabetic eating every sugary thing I could get my hands on its not new. But please do not ignore it live with it and imbrace it it will not change your life unless you choose to ignore it. times have moved on I went on the daphe course and my eyes were well and truely opened. we sat in class one day with a large pile of sweets and were told choose one and work out the formula(easy peasy) then eat it. god I had not had a mars bar in forty years but i do eat very healthly always have done but its nice to have a treat..Speak to your diabetic nurses always they know more than the consultants ask to go on the daphecourse it may work for you. if not ask about an insulin pump I have just been put on it love it love it love its the best thing since sliced bread. life can be good if you just pick up the phone and make a hospital appointment dont look back and then have a great future grasp it in your hands and in your head and have a great healthy life. dont let it rule you rule it all the best for the future.