Is it too late to put myself up for adoption?

[gemma6549]

If anyone would like a virtual Granny , I`m free Well , actually , I`m not really free as I have 16 grandchildren, but whats another one or two I also had a miserable childhood , but it gave me the strength to be a better parent than mine were , to be compassionate and loving where both of these elements were sadly missing for me . I also adore animals , working as a volunteer for the Blue Cross on the Pet Bereavement Support Service for many years , I have rescue Millie ( in my avatar ) of indeterminate age, plus my four year old black Lab Sam, both much loved

You sound like the perfect granny to me and wow 16! How lovely to have such a big family.

 

[Robinredbreast]

So how many am I adopting, is it two ? donnellydogs said a couple of weeks ago what a horrible time she was having with her relatives but we have each other don't we ? x

 

[donnellysdogs]

So how many am I adopting, is it two ? donnellydogs said a couple of weeks ago what a horrible time she was having with her relatives but we have each other don't we ? x

One adoption here definitely.

Angst with my blood "royal visitors" has not really diminished since they left. I'm now being blamed for mental health issues from my mum for being born.... Because of her getting depression when I was born blah..blah, blah......it was my fault for being born at the same time as my brother being ill.... All my fault.

So please sign me up for adoption as soon as possible.

 

[gemma6549]

So how many am I adopting, is it two ? donnellydogs said a couple of weeks ago what a horrible time she was having with her relatives but we have each other don't we ? x

I was already yours yesterday it's a done deal x

 

[Robinredbreast]

I was already yours yesterday it's a done deal x

Just checking lol, so I now have to adoptive daughters Be good and always play nicely xx

 

[donnellysdogs]

Omg.. At least we aren't two blood brother n sisters with same mental and physical upbringings.. So our quarrels will be zero!!! More quarrels between siblings than none blood related friends, so am sure we can alsays poodle along together...

 

[Jaylee]

Hi,

Just a thought..? What about your in-laws..? Hasn't the "paperwork" already been done..?!!

 

[gemma6549]

Hi,

Just a thought..? What about your in-laws..? Hasn't the "paperwork" already been done..?!!

My husbands dad passed away when he was 23, he's 42 now.

His mum (my mother in law) is 83, she's great but obviously not such an active motherly role. My birth parents are 54 and 56.

 

[Jaylee]

My husbands dad passed away when he was 23, he's 42 now.

His mum (my mother in law) is 83, she's great but obviously not such an active motherly role. My birth parents are 54 and 56.

Yep, that does narrow that avenue down a bit.. All I can say is if your planning having kids? (Which I seem to remember you mentioned somewhere.) Hang out with other mothers..

 

[gemma6549]

Yep, that does narrow that avenue down a bit.. All I can say is if your planning having kids? (Which I seem to remember you mentioned somewhere.) Hang out with other mothers..

Yeh I'm hoping too , just waiting for the magic to happen!!

I think once I have kids I will feel much better because all the love I have built up will have an outlet! Poor kids will be smothered in the stuff!

 

[donnellysdogs]

That quite strange.. My in laws both died...my hubby alone (and would also take to adoption easily!!).

Perhaps its inlaw-less that makes us feel we need adopting from our own parents

 

[Jaylee]

Yeh I'm hoping too , just waiting for the magic to happen!!

I think once I have kids I will feel much better because all the love I have built up will have an outlet! Poor kids will be smothered in the stuff!

Then realistically. That's where your focus should be.. I've hung out with a few "self destructive" types myself in the past.. I've learned that it's best to leave em to it.. It's odd. Some people do actually seem to thrive quite well in their own misery..

 

[gemma6549]

Then realistically. That's where your focus should be.. I've hung out with a few "self destructive" types myself in the past.. I've learned that it's best to leave em to it.. It's odd. Some people do actually seem to thrive quite well in their own misery..

Yep I definitely know a few of those!!

 

[gemma6549]

That quite strange.. My in laws both died...my hubby alone (and would also take to adoption easily!!).

Perhaps its inlaw-less that makes us feel we need adopting from our own parents

I guess it's the lack of anything!! It's natural to feel like you want parents no matter how old you are. Good job we've got RRB

 

[Natalie1974]

Call me crazy if you will...many people do...but a friend of mine who is a bit spiritual and a little far out at times sent me the following a few weeks back, it's from a book on self healing...not really something that I have any interest in but this was what the author said in relation to diabetes. I had dismissed it as mumbojumbo until I read the comments on this thread

From Louise Hay’s “Heal Your Body”:

“Diabetes (Hyperglycemia, Mellitus)
Probable Cause: Longing for what might have been. A great need to control. Deep sorrow. No sweetness left.

Affirmation: This moment is filled with joy. I now choose to experience the sweetness of today.

When I think back to the time of my diagnosis I can kind of relate to this in a sense, I had a bit of a strange upbringing and also had an alcoholic father.
The relationship I have with my mother is quite strained but has improved hugely over the last few years...mostly because it is now on my terms. Like you @gemma6549 I used to find...still do sometimes that spending time with my mother stresses me out. I try to be a good daughter...I want to have a relationship with my mum but I can only manage her in small doses. For this reason I tend to try and avoid having her visit my house...she doesn't live too far away from me, only a 10 minute drive so I will usually go and visit her so that I am in control and can escape when I find it too much. I've been doing this for years now...and bit by bit it has transformed our relationship. I also think that she has mellowed tremendously over the last few years become a lot more tolerable...which has also helped.

I believe that our childhoods and parenting have a huge part to play in how we are as people and parents ourselves. I've been very conscious of this over the years whilst bringing my daughter up alone, she is now 21 and we have a relationship that I am truly proud of...we are best friends in many ways and although we are not overly tactile with one another we are both very secure in our feelings for one another.

 

[Lesleywo]

Love dogs n cats... We'll both settle in with RRB really easily.
View attachment 13067
My old girlie Freya. No longer with us.

Hey I used to have a retriever called Freya! Beautiful dog, bit of a ****** but you couldn't help loving her. Had to rehome her when she was 6 because she became an escape artist, couldn't keep her in for love nor money. Even spent a couple of grand getting one of those electronic things installed but she was a determined little devil. Eventually we decided we needed to do the responsible thing and find a home where she couldn't escape. Thankfully she went to a friend of my daughter and now enjoys being an 'only child' living by the beach. We've had 5 retrievers all up and the yellow ones seem to be more people dogs and the white ones are rather more mischievous! Beautiful animals, couldn't imagine life without one in it

 

[Lesleywo]

Awwww I feel for you Gemma, I really do. You've had a lot to put up with in your young life. And I see that you must have been deeply hurt by your parents' rejection. Such a shame you don't have much of a relationship with either of them. My mother was very critical of me, compliments were rare and to this day I have trouble accepting them (my sister is also one to never give a compliment). Yet I would give anything to have her back ... she died 5 years ago of cancer.

But I understand your plight .... my son has a problem with alcohol (not that he'd admit it) and much as I love him to bits he always manages to hurt me whenever I see or speak to him. I feel as though I'm still married to his father (who is verbally abusive) when I'm with him. So I see how difficult things are for you.

Having said that, I'd be very pleased to have another daughter. You are the same age as my daughter and a bit younger than my son so would fit in well! But as @Robinredbreast has adopted you I might have to make do with being an aunty! xx

 

[SandyDee]

I sympathise entirely with your parent 'issues', I had a very difficult relationship with my mother and left home at 15 because I couldn't cope with it. I never knew my father who was excellent at abandonment, he left his pregnant wife and 2 small children for my mother, they then had my sister and emigrated to Australia where I was born. My mother then turned up in London with 2 small children and my father was never seen again. My sister got the Salvation Army to trace him when she was 18, but he would not contact her. I stopped contact with my mother when I was 25 because I couldn't cope with her lies and attempts to control me.
I was determined to be a better mother than she was but unfortunately I was unable to have children, it makes me so sad I would have given anything to be a parent and it seems the people who 'shell them like peas' are always the worst parents.

 

[gemma6549]

Sandy im so sorry that you were unable to have children, your experience and relationship struggles with your parents im sure would have made you a wonderful mother.

My focus at the moment is on starting a family of my own, i really hope that i will be able to, my mother and sisters comments on me wanting a family were " i doubt you will be able to conceive"

Fortunately im now at the point where i have really stopped listening or giving any value to their words, but it still always feels like something is missing.

@Lesleywo i would love an Aunty, and what a beautiful picture on your profile, so pretty, gorgeous smile

@Natalie1974 Thank you for your post, ive read some similar things and done alot of CBT although not specifically diabetes related, although i do feel diabetes definitely contributes to low mood. Im glad you have used your experience to better your relationship with your daughter, im sure she is very proud to have you as a mum.

All in all, thank you ladies xxxx

 

[donnellysdogs]

I too couldn't have children and the best thing I did at 28 was to have a hysterectomy. It got rid of the periods that kept reminding me I couldn't have them.
More than 20 years on I don't regret my decision. It enabled me to move on. My consultant then for the hysterectomy was fantastic and really understood me. She got me straight in and was fantastic.

I don't think nowadays that this would be done...it just enabled me to move on and leave angst behind me for that problem.

I do sympathise with any lady that is told that they can't have children.

In fact this is a reason why I cut myself off really from uncle & aunties. Their children were all producing but they couldn't stop asking me when I was, even though they knew I'd had various investigations & treatments and then a hysterectomy.

Its sad that others around all seem to think that having children is the be all and end all of a females life. They don't consider the actual thoughts of that lady.