I fell off the wagon.

[Type2Guy]

It’s been more than a month since being crowned a diabetic and my head often feels far too heavy from the weight of it all. The monotony of a low carbohydrate diet with portion control and my forced participation in The Hunger Games has left me constantly wanting to retreat to a life before all of this culinary restriction. This afternoon, while working from home, I could not stave off the panic of collapse from setting in as I explored my kitchen cupboards for remains of the past like an alcoholic in contemplative recovery perusing the liquor cabinet, initially as a measure of my success before very quickly devolving into a dangerous game of just-a-taste.

I came across a seemingly impossible forgotten can of Pringles that was being blocked by a concerned Quaker on a large drum of oatmeal like a Just Say No to Drugs bumper sticker on the lamppost of a dealer’s corner. And like any fiend in desperate need of a score, I wasn’t going to let age old wisdom create an obstacle in my self-destructive path towards the Pringle Guy’s sacred starch offering.

I had purchased what seemed like a crate of cans of my favorite ersatz potato chip snack while they were at a very special price about a year ago in a big box store, which I distinctly remember visiting just to walk through their cavernous aisles as exercise to push through the exhaustion and unfortunately not the irony that most of its food was causing me to feel. Fortunately, for their corporate shareholders and unfortunately for their customers, that retail establishment not so subtly plays both sides of a profitable game by providing their everyday low prices on most of the junk food that sends too many like myself directly across the aisle into the pharmacy where they corner the market on the cheapest diabetic supplies anywhere in the country. And even when the vicious cycle eventually peters out for good, it's reassuring to know they have unbeatable prices on caskets.

That first bite of pringle was the miniscule size an anorexic mouse might nibble off just to appease her rightfully concerned mother, but still guiltily enjoyed by allowing the complexity of flavor to echo far beyond the dissolution of its form. And then I took several gluttonous handfuls, the size equivalent of the poor anorexic mouse, her mother, father, twenty siblings and the entire overpopulated neighborhood of Mouseville, shamefully stuffing myself into a state of nausea, delight and for once in a long time a feeling of being full.

I am going to start over again tomorrow. This is really hard at times.

 

[Pasha]

It’s been more than a month since being crowned a diabetic and my head often feels far too heavy from the weight of it all. The monotony of a low carbohydrate diet with portion control and my forced participation in The Hunger Games has left me constantly wanting to retreat to a life before all of this culinary restriction. This afternoon, while working from home, I could not stave off the panic of collapse from setting in as I explored my kitchen cupboards for remains of the past like an alcoholic in contemplative recovery perusing the liquor cabinet, initially as a measure of my success before very quickly devolving into a dangerous game of just-a-taste.

I came across a seemingly impossible forgotten can of Pringles that was being blocked by a concerned Quaker on a large drum of oatmeal like a Just Say No to Drugs bumper sticker on the lamppost of a dealer’s corner. And like any fiend in desperate need of a score, I wasn’t going to let age old wisdom create an obstacle in my self-destructive path towards the Pringle Guy’s sacred starch offering.

I had purchased what seemed like a crate of cans of my favorite ersatz potato chip snack while they were at a very special price about a year ago in a big box store, which I distinctly remember visiting just to walk through their cavernous aisles as exercise to push through the exhaustion and unfortunately not the irony that most of its food was causing me to feel. Fortunately, for their corporate shareholders and unfortunately for their customers, that retail establishment not so subtly plays both sides of a profitable game by providing their everyday low prices on most of the junk food that sends too many like myself directly across the aisle into the pharmacy where they corner the market on the cheapest diabetic supplies anywhere in the country. And even when the vicious cycle eventually peters out for good, it's reassuring to know they have unbeatable prices on caskets.

That first bite of pringle was the miniscule size an anorexic mouse might nibble off just to appease her rightfully concerned mother, but still guiltily enjoyed by allowing the complexity of flavor to echo far beyond the dissolution of its form. And then I took several gluttonous handfuls, the size equivalent of the poor anorexic mouse, her mother, father, twenty siblings and the entire overpopulated neighborhood of Mouseville, shamefully stuffing myself into an almost forgotten state of nausea, delight and for once in a long time a feeling of being full.

I am going to start over again tomorrow. This is really hard at times.

Read here, it may help,

https://oukosher.org/blog/industrial-kosher/too-much-to-eat-is-gluttony-a-disease-or-a-choice/

 

[Type2Guy]

Read here, it may help,

https://oukosher.org/blog/industrial-kosher/too-much-to-eat-is-gluttony-a-disease-or-a-choice/

That is an excellent article with a lot of wisdom, which does help. It is also very helpful to have someone care. Thank you for posting it. There is often such a misleading presentation of hunger when I am not in need of food that so often tries to get the best of me. Food is such a game changer with diabetes and the consequences of too many mistakes are so serious and the craving for what I want is strong beyond words. This is all still a big adjustment and I am taking an internal accounting of so much right now. This forum is a very valued resource.

 

[Alisonjane10]

It’s been more than a month since being crowned a diabetic and my head often feels far too heavy from the weight of it all. The monotony of a low carbohydrate diet with portion control and my forced participation in The Hunger Games has left me constantly wanting to retreat to a life before all of this culinary restriction. This afternoon, while working from home, I could not stave off the panic of collapse from setting in as I explored my kitchen cupboards for remains of the past like an alcoholic in contemplative recovery perusing the liquor cabinet, initially as a measure of my success before very quickly devolving into a dangerous game of just-a-taste.

I came across a seemingly impossible forgotten can of Pringles that was being blocked by a concerned Quaker on a large drum of oatmeal like a Just Say No to Drugs bumper sticker on the lamppost of a dealer’s corner. And like any fiend in desperate need of a score, I wasn’t going to let age old wisdom create an obstacle in my self-destructive path towards the Pringle Guy’s sacred starch offering.

I had purchased what seemed like a crate of cans of my favorite ersatz potato chip snack while they were at a very special price about a year ago in a big box store, which I distinctly remember visiting just to walk through their cavernous aisles as exercise to push through the exhaustion and unfortunately not the irony that most of its food was causing me to feel. Fortunately, for their corporate shareholders and unfortunately for their customers, that retail establishment not so subtly plays both sides of a profitable game by providing their everyday low prices on most of the junk food that sends too many like myself directly across the aisle into the pharmacy where they corner the market on the cheapest diabetic supplies anywhere in the country. And even when the vicious cycle eventually peters out for good, it's reassuring to know they have unbeatable prices on caskets.

That first bite of pringle was the miniscule size an anorexic mouse might nibble off just to appease her rightfully concerned mother, but still guiltily enjoyed by allowing the complexity of flavor to echo far beyond the dissolution of its form. And then I took several gluttonous handfuls, the size equivalent of the poor anorexic mouse, her mother, father, twenty siblings and the entire overpopulated neighborhood of Mouseville, shamefully stuffing myself into an almost forgotten state of nausea, delight and for once in a long time a feeling of being full.

I am going to start over again tomorrow. This is really hard at times.

Hi @Type2Guy. Believe me, we've all been there. Even the most dedicated of low carbers fall off the wagon. We're simply human after all. I personally don't lchf. I don't count macro nutrients or do anything complicated. It's just not how I want to manage my Diabetes. Overall, I eat a balanced, nutritious diet with nothing excluded at all. I modify my portion size to suit my own needs, and eat to my meter. If I want pizza, I'll have it....but I now have a small individual one, or share a few slices of a large one. Having it with a lovely fresh, tasty, big mixed salad, coleslaws, pickles etc helps fill me up and keep the carbs at a sensible level. I build treats into my daily life...I have to or I'd fall off the wagon EVERY day. Once I got my BG under control & lost weight, I had much more tolerance to carbs and slowly introduced previously restricted foods back into my diet. I'm still losing weight & my fasting blood glucose levels are usually in the low 5's. Perhaps you need to consider how to modify your diet so you don't get bored with what you're eating, don't feel deprived, feel eating is a chore rather than something to be enjoyed and your diet doesn't make you miserable. That way, you're less likely to go on a bingefest & then hate yourself for doing so. This disease is with us for life, so you have to find a sustainable way of managing it that takes into consideration your emotional health as well as your physical wellbeing. So, stop beating yourself up, climb back onto that wagon, & don't be so hard on yourself hun. I'm going to tag @Pasha to give you another perspective. He's very experienced, gives first class advice & also understands what it's like to have the occasional slip off the wagon. Good luck.

 

[Alisonjane10]

Looks like Pasha got there before me. Lol. Told you he was fab!

 

[Type2Guy]

Hi @Type2Guy. Believe me, we've all been there. Even the most dedicated of low carbers fall off the wagon. We're simply human after all. I personally don't lchf. I don't count macro nutrients or do anything complicated. It's just not how I want to manage my Diabetes. Overall, I eat a balanced, nutritious diet with nothing excluded at all. I modify my portion size to suit my own needs, and eat to my meter. If I want pizza, I'll have it....but I now have a small individual one, or share a few slices of a large one. Having it with a lovely fresh, tasty, big mixed salad, coleslaws, pickles etc helps fill me up and keep the carbs at a sensible level. I build treats into my daily life...I have to or I'd fall off the wagon EVERY day. Once I got my BG under control & lost weight, I had much more tolerance to carbs and slowly introduced previously restricted foods back into my diet. I'm still losing weight & my fasting blood glucose levels are usually in the low 5's. Perhaps you need to consider how to modify your diet so you don't get bored with what you're eating, don't feel deprived, feel eating is a chore rather than something to be enjoyed and your diet doesn't make you miserable. That way, you're less likely to go on a bingefest & then hate yourself for doing so. This disease is with us for life, so you have to find a sustainable way of managing it that takes into consideration your emotional health as well as your physical wellbeing. So, stop beating yourself up, climb back onto that wagon, & don't be so hard on yourself hun. I'm going to tag @Pasha to give you another perspective. He's very experienced, gives first class advice & also understands what it's like to slip off the wagon. Good luck.

I am grateful for your kind and supportive words. Balance is often a tricky thing for me, which is why sticking to a meaningful diet is going to take a little more time to find my groove. I am not sure if I can successfully survive without restrictive eating at this point, but maybe I'll work my way up to it eventually. I am on the wagon again as of this evening and in all honesty my shame has pretty much soured the thought of Pringle's for a good long while.

 

[Pasha]

@Type2Guy

Before I had to cut carbohydrates drastically i had gained a lot of experience with "addictions" Mine were cigarettes and red wine,
I didnt really stop smoking, smoking stopped me, heart attack,emergency room etc ,no smoking there. Effective way of giving it up, but very health damaging. Later on I slowly discovered the joys and pleasures of wine, red wine, all varieties and very generous amounts. I soon slowly realised that I was beginning to develop a problem with controlling the amount I drank, so I knew I needed to stop. I did it overnight. It was pure hell going through the withdrawal. Now I am 26 years without cigarettes and two and a half years without a drink of red wine so thats well behind me.

Giving up carbohydrates was very hard, but I had the strong determination and knowledge/experience gained from the above situations. So that you can see that everybody must choose the pathway that suits their character traits. Alisonjane can eat a SMALL PORTION of everything , I cannot , and must shut out completely many foods. I dont even keep them in the house, if I dont see them I dont think about them. Even now I can break loose with a wild uncontrolled attack on a jar of sour cream or a big lump of Pecorino cheese. Of course these slips are rare, the secret is to hold low stocks of food in the house.

By the way my wife makes toast every morning, filling the house with its enticing aroma.I had to get used to that. She eats chocolates, fancy fruits, roast potatoes etc. I sit opposite her at mealtime and like in a Woody Allen film see all those goodies as big lumps of glucose with diabetic tentacles. ie its all in the head.

All the best for finding your own pathway, just tough it out and dont give up., after all YOUR FUTURE depends on it.

 

[Alisonjane10]

@Type2Guy

Before I had to cut carbohydrates drastically i had gained a lot of experience with "addictions" Mine were cigarettes and red wine,
I didnt really stop smoking, smoking stopped me, heart attack,emergency room etc ,no smoking there. Effective way of giving it up, but very health damaging. Later on I slowly discovered the joys and pleasures of wine, red wine, all varieties and very generous amounts. I soon slowly realised that I was beginning to develop a problem with controlling the amount I drank, so I knew I needed to stop. I did it overnight. It was pure hell going through the withdrawal. Now I am 26 years without cigarettes and two and a half years without a drink of red wine so thats well behind me.

Giving up carbohydrates was very hard, but I had the strong determination and knowledge/experience gained from the above situations. So that you can see that everybody must choose the pathway that suits their character traits. Alisonjane can eat a SMALL PORTION of everything , I cannot , and must shut out completely many foods. I dont even keep them in the house, if I dont see them I dont think about them. Even now I can break loose with a wild uncontrolled attack on a jar of sour cream or a big lump of Pecorino cheese. Of course these slips are rare, the secret is to hold low stocks of food in the house.

By the way my wife makes toast every morning, filling the house with its enticing aroma.I had to get used to that. She eats chocolates, fancy fruits, roast potatoes etc. I sit opposite her at mealtime and like in a Woody Allen film see all those goodies as big lumps of glucose with diabetic tentacles. ie its all in the head.

All the best for finding your own pathway, just tough it out and dont give up., after all YOUR FUTURE depends on it.

Fascinating & enlightening @Pasha. I'm positive your eloquent & empathetic comments will help Type2Guy enormously. X

 

[Jaylee]

@Type2Guy great post. Though I feel it's important not to "beat yourself up". I did find your acount of the last Pringle temptation an enthralling & entertaining write up. Thanks!

@Pasha I'm not a man of "faith". I personally attribute the events in the bible surrounding exodus to a volcano erupting somewhere in Santorini Greece? Though I do respect the essence of your link.

Peace to you both..

 

[Pasha]

@Type2Guy great post. Though I feel it's important not to "beat yourself up". I did find your acount of the last Pringle temptation an enthralling & entertaining write up. Thanks!

@Pasha I'm not a man of "faith". I personally attribute the events in the bible surrounding exodus to a volcano erupting somewhere in Santorini Greece? Though I do respect the essence of your link.

Peace to you both..

Type 2guy had mentioned earlier that he ate according to the rules or laws of kaskrut. It was in that context that I looked for an article that would be relevant to his needs. Everything to do with his beliefs, nothing to do with mine, I am totally atheist.
Shalom.

 

[Jaylee]

Type 2guy had mentioned earlier that he ate according to the rules or laws of kaskrut. It was in that context that I looked for an article that would be relevant to his needs. Everything to do with his beliefs, nothing to do with mine, I am totally atheist.
Shalom.

My apologies Pasha. & utmost respect to Type2guy.

I had a jittery pad screen. Intended on clicking T1. Pulled up T2, stumbled into this thread & rather enjoyed the posts...

Cheers!

 

[photognut]

As Pasha said, so well, you are dealing with an addiction requiring you employ psychological warfare on yourself. A heart attack made me give up smoking - Diabetes is also a life threatening condition, I found because there were no immediate, noticeable, physical signs it gives a bit of a false sense of security. I came to this forum last year, read other members success stories where they had given up the grain, high carbs normalising their blood sugar. As with all addictions, the first instinct is to find a way to keep your addiction "friend" close - there must be a friendlier friend I can eat? The process I went through was to try every type of grain that produced a similar best friend without the sugar high..... it didn't exist. But, everyone has to go through their own journey to reach their own outcome.
I had a pre-op assessment for my knee last week - the Nurse, astonished said, "What do you eat?" Last year, I would have been one of those people who would think it the end of the world to live without bread and high carbs. I wasn't what you would call a domestic goddess, not really interested in cooking just the usual roast, toad in the hole, traditional British grub along with those tubs of Pringles and packet convenient stuff. Since making myself acquire *OCD* food behaviour, focusing on fresh, organic products, absolutely no processed and packet. I walk in the supermarket with the knowledge that it really wants to kill me, dodging the bullets at every turn. I now make my own Paleo bread, discovered herbs and spices, ya know what? that packet stuff doesn't taste so good after all. There is a world of flavour to be discovered without grain, potatoes and rice.

Another member kindly pointed me in the direction of some great recipes - there is even Zucchini Nacho Chips to replace the Pringles
http://www.diabetes.co.uk/forum/threads/vegetarian-vegan-low-carb-recipe-index.61859/

It does get easier - I found baking therapeutic, especially creating something more tasty than a packet filled with preservatives and other nasties detrimental to health.

Hang in there!

 

[Pinkorchid]

We are only human and should not beat ourselves up if we have a naughty treat sometimes I am sure we all do it even if we won't admit it No harm is done if it is only occasionally My treat is not sweet stuff, chocolate or crisps but it is a jacket potato with lots of tuna and cheese, that used to be a lunchtime staple for me and I really miss them so every now and again I have one and oh how I enjoy it

 

[Ayrshire Dave]

I too find iit extremely difficult when the house is full of goodies I am not allowed, I would find it much easier if I lived alone. I constantly fall off the wagon, especially as I am not working and the temptation to eat constantly is overwhelming most days, just boredom but it does not help.
Dave

 

[Type2Guy]

I too find iit extremely difficult when the house is full of goodies I am not allowed, I would find it much easier if I lived alone. I constantly fall off the wagon, especially as I am not working and the temptation to eat constantly is overwhelming most days, just boredom but it does not help.
Dave

I think there is a very addictive quality to food beyond the sustenance it provides. Food management for diabetes is a very tough battle. There should be a program with sponsorship for diabetics in junk food recovery. Since alcohol doesn't hold control over me, I probably need to now find the right low carbohydrate beverage to fill up some of the space where the Pringle's are supposed to go. On second thought that is probably not a good idea.

 

[Pasha]

When I was much younger I served in the reserves as a combat soldier. We used to called up at least twice a year and for quite long periods of time. One of our ways to cope with being torn from home each time ,was to manage what you may say in English as "table of despair". ie we constructed a table of the days and dates and one by one ticked them off as the days past. ie we took on the challenge to keep sane one day at a time.

Its the same with food, take it one day at a time, feel a sense of accomplishment and pride each day as you mark the table with another cross. If you sit around thinking of food, you will soon find yourself moving to the kitchen to take yet another snack. and another day will be lost.Make a stand ,watch the days pass ,very slowly in the beginning and before you know it a week will have passed, then a month etc.

You can always get up and drink water, go for a walk, anything to divert your attention from comfort eating which seems to be your biggest enemy. Never eat watching TV, because it will then become second nature, you will associate watching TV with snacking.

Think ahead and dont dwell on the past, after all, what was,was. Now you have a new life ahead of you and you want it to be as full healthy as it possibly can. Good luck.

 

[mehhh2015]

For me is emotions... when I am calm and stress free I can totally pass the bread, the potatoes,the cheesy puffs, the pizza, and everything else, but as soon as I am under stress I find it really really difficult to keep on the track, and a little bit of everything never works for me as I always end up over doing it. In any case I fell of the wagon and gained back a few of my hard lost kgs from earlier during the year over the last few months. But now I'm much calmer and back on it... you will be fine

 

[AloeSvea]

Hmmm - 'Bad luck' instead of 'Gluttony' doesn't quite have the same dramatic ring to it, does it? And Pringles are made to be more-ish - who can just have one potato crisp? I wouldn't personally apply the seven deadly sins to any disease or dysfunction, or to the wanting to eat deliberately tasty yet very unhealthy food, but it has certainly been a great read - the above. You dramatic things you.

 

[Type2Guy]

When I was much younger I served in the reserves as a combat soldier. We used to called up at least twice a year and for quite long periods of time. One of our ways to cope with being torn from home each time ,was to manage what you may say in English as "table of despair". ie we constructed a table of the days and dates and one by one ticked them off as the days past. ie we took on the challenge to keep sane one day at a time.

Its the same with food, take it one day at a time, feel a sense of accomplishment and pride each day as you mark the table with another cross. If you sit around thinking of food, you will soon find yourself moving to the kitchen to take yet another snack. and another day will be lost.Make a stand ,watch the days pass ,very slowly in the beginning and before you know it a week will have passed, then a month etc.

You can always get up and drink water, go for a walk, anything to divert your attention from comfort eating which seems to be your biggest enemy. Never eat watching TV, because it will then become second nature, you will associate watching TV with snacking.

Think ahead and dont dwell on the past, after all, what was,was. Now you have a new life ahead of you and you want it to be as full healthy as it possibly can. Good luck.

Pasha, your wisdom amazes me. Thank you for a very meaningful reply. I have a psychotherapist's couch of despair, which does help for now but I do obsess over the past, which I know leaves me with more obstacles to move away from it. I have one quick question regarding your advice. May I eat in front of the Internet? And does Netflix count as television? I think I know what the answers are already.

 

[Type2Guy]

Hmmm - 'Bad luck' instead of 'Gluttony' doesn't quite have the same dramatic ring to it, does it? And Pringles are made to be more-ish - who can just have one potato crisp? I wouldn't personally apply the seven deadly sins to any disease or dysfunction, or to the wanting to eat deliberately tasty yet very unhealthy food, but it has certainly been a great read - the above. You dramatic things you.

I am grateful for your thoughts and kind words. The rewiring of my brain is an ongoing work in progress with some hopeful improvements in the very near future.