I'm sorry to hear of your difficulties, and not being heard so long. Thank you for your story, It's quite apt at the moment and something on my mind.
I've been umming and ahhinhg about having my daughter assessed, on one hand thinking I wouldn't want to put her through a lot of the prodding and poking I was put through, BUT on the other, I think I have to realise maybe things have changed, shes not me, and I'm not my parents (Not that I think I'd manage the whole thing any better than my parents did, after all they only did the best with the tools they had at the time.) I can put aside my own ego, feelings and experiences and personal reservations, in making that decision if it would be doing her a disservice by not having her assessed.
I just read everything you wrote, doing some catching up this morning... It's a lot, eh. To be getting on with. From what I gather it's easier to get an assessment when you're young, than when you're an adult. Shorter waiting lists and more experts on hand in that age group. So if it's something to get out of the way... I don't know if your pterodactyl needs to officially know, though, seems like they have a very good sense of self, likely thanks to a certain parent who knows their own mind.
Speaking for myself.... I never fitted in, for now, obvious reasons. After every single social interaction I was lectured about what I'd done or said wrong (with the best of intentions, but still), and there's a lot of social interaction when a kid goes to school. I was very outgoing before I went to kindergarten... Then I shut down. Because everything about me was wrong, I couldn't get anything right. That would mainly be the autism, I suppose. It was the ADHD's Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria that made me feel like I just shouldn't be there. Going to school was extremely stressful, with my mind running at a thousand miles an hour. I wasn't running around: I was constantly absolutely exhausted, and trying not to stand out at all. Low vit D, iron deficiency, all of it got supplemented, and yet, I still couldn't keep up. I've been called lazy, a liar, layabout... When I physically and mentally struggled every single minute of every single day, to just be here. I can't deal with people, so the journalism degree I have is absolutely useless. Even if you do work from home and just write opinion pieces, reviews and the like, you still have to deal with an editor and the financial department at a bare minimum. And I really, seriously, just can't. Drive? If a bird of prey by the roadside is as much a priority as the car suddenly braking in front of me, not a good idea. And I can't guess what other drivers will do, so that's always been a no-go, even if it didn't require going to classes and having an instructor to interact with. All my life I was blamed for just about everything. Not smart enough, not living up to my potential, not being social enough, speaking too much and oversharing, being too present, being too quiet, being a stuck-up snob who wouldn't speak, being a disappointment. Nothing I ever did was right. And the people who were supposed to help me, never actually listened. Just lay more blame. Because what i was telling them couldn't be true, because it didn't fit their (wrong!) diagnosis. The meds weren't working, so I must not be taking them. (A year and a half straight of suffering debilitating migraines; I was taking them, and they still left me depressed, but noooo... I must be a liar!).
So after over 40 years of being told I was one big bundle of personality flaws brought on by sheer laziness, I now find out, and have actual measurable proof, that there was nothing I could've done on my own about any of it. I have a malformed uterus. I don't have a frontal sinus cavity, just brain and bone there. I can't do anything about those things either, they're just how I'm built. And I am neurodivergent, with a double whammey. Also something I could've done nothing about. Not as a 9 year old, not as a 12 year old, no matter the pressure to actually just finally fit the mold... They weren't flaws I could fix with just a bit more effort. I made an effort, it's always been an effort, every single day of my life, just trying to literally survive my own very destructive thoughts. Which have been basically, me longing for death since I was 4, because I just wanted some peace and quiet. Just, finally, some rest.
Since february 5th, the day I got my diagnosis, I could let go of something that was very powerful, and I didn't realise just how much it was weighing on me. I still can't say I like myself, but I can say, in all honesty, that I have at long last, managed to not hate myself anymore. And I have, for so very, very long, and it went very, very deep. Understanding what I am, why I feel the way I feel, why I do the things I do... It's okay. Even if the meds are a bust and I just remain, well, me... I can accept who I am, now. Only took me a lifetime, and a weird set of tests.
So... If your pterodactyl is fine with who she is, then that's absolutely wonderful. But if you think she may struggle the same way I did, maybe getting a little label isn't so bad. Like with the diabetes, we're all different, what works for one might not for another. To me, it's been life changing. For her, it might be of no consequence at all. I think you'll know what to do, no-one knows your kid like you do, after all.
Good luck, and thanks so much for all your input!
Jo