Denial after the second year

[tilda]

This is my second year of diabetes type 1, I'm 16 now and was 15 when I was first diagnosed. It's been a constant struggle with my diabetes, mainly because I just can't accept it. Starting sixth form has triggered things to go downhill I am too embarrassed to tell anyone about it and have only told one person about my diabetes. The school doesn't even know, because of this I don't take my insulin at lunch, or test my blood glucose, it shoots up to 25 by the time i get home this leads me to feeling awful. My school life is suffering, I can't concentrate at school because of the constant highs and my grades are showing it. My mum tries to micro-manage my diabetes but this just encourages me to not try with it. And makes me want to rebel and not accept the fact that I live with a serious illness. I started off with perfect blood glucose levels last year but since my honey moon period ended, my diabetes has been out of control. I feel like a failure when my bloods are high and my mum is aways disappointed in me because of this, so I just don't test. It's almost like if I don't test or don't take my insulin I'm not a diabetic and that I'm not a pin cushion. I know I'm doing this all wrong but I just feel so unmotivated to do anything with my education and diabetes, This has been a massive rant but I found this site and It really made me feel like I'm not alone, it's been really good to get this off my chest as my family judge my diabetes and don't really understand. Thank-you for reading this it means a lot

 

[Snodger]

been there, totally understand how horrible it feels being judged by others, whether it's family or friends or school/workplace.

The key is to get your own head around what being diabetic means to you. It means hard work and there's not much to be done about that. But it also means you are one of an amazing bunch of people who have had to develop a range of specialist skills and abilities that people don't even realise we have. It really REALLY isn't anything to feel bad about or inadequate about.

Can you get your family to get off your back for just a month to let you 'own' your diabetes properly? Yes they love you etc and that's why they are on your back, but it's YOUR illness and so it's ok to tell them that you need to come to terms with it without their judgement. If they don't have type 1 then they don't know, and they will never know, what you are going through, and it's not about them it's about you. Get them to try not to even mention diabetes for a whole month - tell them if they do, they have to put a pound in a box and at the end of it you get the money. But in the meantime, use that month to test and inject and understand how the testing can be helpful to you. If you get high readings, don't think of them as 'bad'. Try and work out why they happened. Testing is just something to help you learn so YOU feel well and stay well. You aren't doing it for anyone else and you don't have to tell anyone else what those readings are.

Also think about what would happen if you told people you were diabetic. What's your worst fear? What did happen, when you told that one person? Can that person help get the word round without it being a big thing?

x x x take care of yourself.

 

[Cobra3164]

post by Snodger
been there, totally understand how horrible it feels being judged by others, whether it's family or friends or school/workplace.

The key is to get your own head around what being diabetic means to you. It means hard work and there's not much to be done about that. But it also means you are one of an amazing bunch of people who have had to develop a range of specialist skills and abilities that people don't even realise we have. It really REALLY isn't anything to feel bad about or inadequate about.

100,000% agreement.

Hello all, hi tilda, Ive only just joined this forum 3 days ago but I no longer feel alone stick around. Dya know what it sounds like we have something in common I dont even know what type I am yet but my wife expresses her dissapointment at me when the symptoms of hyper are in full flow, my solution and I know it may sound easier than it is you must tell ur mom how her expressed dissapointment makes you feel and that it is affecting the way you deal with diabetes even to the point of denial (still dealing with that one myself there 3 sugars in coffee here a bag of sweets there) Secondly with school I think it is important that staff know in case you have an incident that they will have some clue how to treat you, as for school mates etc You are an amazing person try not to see diabetes as something to be poss embarassed about if they are true friends I am sure that they should understand and if they dont direct them to this website to meet the amazing group of people you have become a part of .

Best wishes

Simon aka Cobra3164

 

[MaryJ]

Welcome Tilda

Agree with the above posters.

Think it is vital you inform the school. They have a duty of care for you, how can they care for you appropriately if they don't know your personal circumstances.

Hope you get yourself sorted, finding this forum is a very good start tho'

Mary x

 

[halfpint]

Hi Tilda

Well, congratulations in making the first huge step and coming onto this forum. :thumbup: You will find loads of people on here who are all too willing to offer support, help and advice, also many other Type 1 people who will be able to help you though dealing with your particular type of diabetes. Its a big thing to deal with, but you have to remember that it is YOUR health, all the things that you have to do to control it are not for the benefit of anyone else, just YOU. You will become an expert and you will start to feel much better, less foggy, less tired, better able to concentrate etc. etc. Having diabetes doesn't mean that you have done anything wrong, its just what you have been dealt with. But its not all doom and gloom, on the contrary. I have a brother - now 83 - had diabetes for years and years and years, has to take insulin all the time, but he still rides his motorbikes, still races go-karts and is very energetic for an old'un. I am sure that there are lots of young people on here too that are going through the same things as you, so explore this site, and stick around.

Luv the suggestion of a 'hassle' Box - you might end up with a right nest egg.

 

[tilda]

Thankyou so much for all your help, today has been a very productive day; I discussed my diabetes with my mum, she agreed on the no mentioning diabetes for a month it starts today (felt too mean about the money thing though!). I discretely mentioned my diabetes too some of my new friends, everyone was fine about it and a couple of them even wanted to check there blood with my meter! I set up a meeting with the head of pastoral care and told them about my diabetes, and am discussing my care plan with the school nurse tomorrow. All of your comments have cheered me up and made me not feel alone, I've never spoken with another diabetic type 1 about diabetes you see. I hope that you are all well and i hope you have a brilliant day . Feeling much more positive about the future now that i have the control to do it myself, I will have the ups and downs I think I just need to realise it's not my fault. And today i tested my blood 3 times, and took my insulin when needed,

Tilda x

 

[Mileana]

Way to go!

Well done indeed - and all this happened in just one day! Bit of ups and downs ahead I am sure, but if all this can be done in one day, then there's a lot of good things to expect from the future, don't you think?

:clap: :clap: :clap:

 

[Snodger]

yay this is great news. Am so pleased for you, and don't forget we are here whenever you need to rant/moan/boast/sympathise.

 

[Cobra3164]

Hello again tilda. That is fantastic news and I and others will be very glad for you, a very big congrats to you and all youve done will make things easier for you

All my best

Simon aka Cobra3164

 

[noblehead]

Yeah great news Tilda and pleased you have started today on a positive note :thumbup:

I discretely mentioned my diabetes too some of my new friends, everyone was fine about it and a couple of them even wanted to check there blood with my meter!

I would politely decline their requests due to cross-contamination, if you do make sure to use a fresh lancet each time and disinfect the lancing device after every use, as I say not a good idea to share your bg testing kit with over people..... but hope you don't mind me saying so

 

[tilda]

Thankyou! And don't worry I did decline, because of the contamination and fear that someone would have a high blood sugar, but thankyou for mentioning this .

 

[MaryJ]

Well done Tilda

hope the days have continued in that positive way

Mary x

 

[Hellbunny]

Glad you are feeling more positive! You have done really well. x