Feeling ashamed with new diagnosis

[cornylady]

Results of 2nd HbA1c at 55 today confirm the diagnosis of T2. Appt booked to see the nurse next week. Feeling ashamed and overwhelmed. It's my fault - very obese, problems with food, severe osteoarthritis in both knees so I don't move much. I've been aware of possibility but I do not have any obvious symptoms. 1st blood test was done as part of a panel which was ordered as part of a review of my HRT and I was not even aware that it was being done. I was therefore completely side swiped to receive a phone call from the doctor to tell me I was diabetic. The diabetic nurse called me later that day and when I explained my shock she ordered a 2nd test but also booked me in to see her (next week). The result of 2nd test has confirmed the diagnosis but I now feel very ashamed. I have done this to myself. I have have problems with food, such that the Dr referred me to an eating disorders clinic last year. The referral was accepted but the waiting list is so long it could literally be years before I get to talk to anyone. I don't want to tell my family, I already feel I am a burden and cause problems due to my mobility. My OH does all the cooking and I just can't cause more problems. I've tried to eat better since the shock phone call from Doctor without impacting anyone else. Was feeling low before so this hasn't exactly improved my mood. I don't want to tell anyone.

 

[Gabriel37]

Results of 2nd HbA1c at 55 today confirm the diagnosis of T2. Appt booked to see the nurse next week. Feeling ashamed and overwhelmed. It's my fault - very obese, problems with food, severe osteoarthritis in both knees so I don't move much. I've been aware of possibility but I do not have any obvious symptoms. 1st blood test was done as part of a panel which was ordered as part of a review of my HRT and I was not even aware that it was being done. I was therefore completely side swiped to receive a phone call from the doctor to tell me I was diabetic. The diabetic nurse called me later that day and when I explained my shock she ordered a 2nd test but also booked me in to see her (next week). The result of 2nd test has confirmed the diagnosis but I now feel very ashamed. I have done this to myself. I have have problems with food, such that the Dr referred me to an eating disorders clinic last year. The referral was accepted but the waiting list is so long it could literally be years before I get to talk to anyone. I don't want to tell my family, I already feel I am a burden and cause problems due to my mobility. My OH does all the cooking and I just can't cause more problems. I've tried to eat better since the shock phone call from Doctor without impacting anyone else. Was feeling low before so this hasn't exactly improved my mood. I don't want to tell anyone.

Mate ,dont feel quilty ,its not your fault , telling your familly will bring support ,adjust your diet ,low carb ,lose some weight and reverse it

 

[Margarettt]

Results of 2nd HbA1c at 55 today confirm the diagnosis of T2. Appt booked to see the nurse next week. Feeling ashamed and overwhelmed. It's my fault - very obese, problems with food, severe osteoarthritis in both knees so I don't move much. I've been aware of possibility but I do not have any obvious symptoms. 1st blood test was done as part of a panel which was ordered as part of a review of my HRT and I was not even aware that it was being done. I was therefore completely side swiped to receive a phone call from the doctor to tell me I was diabetic. The diabetic nurse called me later that day and when I explained my shock she ordered a 2nd test but also booked me in to see her (next week). The result of 2nd test has confirmed the diagnosis but I now feel very ashamed. I have done this to myself. I have have problems with food, such that the Dr referred me to an eating disorders clinic last year. The referral was accepted but the waiting list is so long it could literally be years before I get to talk to anyone. I don't want to tell my family, I already feel I am a burden and cause problems due to my mobility. My OH does all the cooking and I just can't cause more problems. I've tried to eat better since the shock phone call from Doctor without impacting anyone else. Was feeling low before so this hasn't exactly improved my mood. I don't want to tell anyone.

Hello @cornylady and welcome aboard. You and I have very similar stories. I'm 57 with osteoarthritis and limited mobility. I've been obese for may years and was diagnosed Type 2 last August with a HBa1c of 54.
Now the good news. I had my first new knee last May and my 2nd in November. I am now officially bionic and I get a little more mobile every day.
Like you I was very lucky to find this site soon after diagnosis and I read lots and lots and followed the advice.
At my 3 month check my HBa1c had dropped to 44 and I am quietly confident it will be even lower next time. Amazingly I've lost about 40lbs and if I lose two more pounds my BMI will drop from obese to overweight. Again this is all since August.
I still consider myself a learner driver on the site so I will leave the experts to tell you all about low carb diets and blood glucose and meters.
I just want to reassure you that in a short time my feelings of "how did I let this happen" have changed to "look at me sorting this out" and my family are indeed proud.

 

[cornylady]

Hello @cornylady and welcome aboard. You and I have very similar stories. I'm 57 with osteoarthritis and limited mobility. I've been obese for may years and was diagnosed Type 2 last August with a HBa1c of 54.
Now the good news. I had my first new knee last May and my 2nd in November. I am now officially bionic and I get a little more mobile every day.
Like you I was very lucky to find this site soon after diagnosis and I read lots and lots and followed the advice.
At my 3 month check my HBa1c had dropped to 44 and I am quietly confident it will be even lower next time. Amazingly I've lost about 40lbs and if I lose two more pounds my BMI will drop from obese to overweight. Again this is all since August.
I still consider myself a learner driver on the site so I will leave the experts to tell you all about low carb diets and blood glucose and meters.
I just want to reassure you that in a short time my feelings of "how did I let this happen" have changed to "look at me sorting this out" and my family are indeed proud.

Thank you and congratulations on what you have achieved, that is amazing! I recently had (my first) appointment with the consultant (as initially knees went "bang" during covid and only ever just had a phone call where they said they wanted to get another 10 years out of my stage 3 arthritic knees. This time I got to see someone fact to face was summarily dismissed back to the GP as my BMI is too high. Told that physio won't help my arthritis as now bone on bone. I've been trying to get my head around that and sort out my HRT which has been less effective in recent months so this just knocked me sideways. Your story has reassured me that I can do this, just not sure I can tell people at the moment. Thank you

 

[cornylady]

Mate ,dont feel quilty ,its not your fault , telling your familly will bring support ,adjust your diet ,low carb ,lose some weight and reverse it

Thank you.

 

[Margarettt]

old that physio won't help my arthritis as now bone on bone. I

I don't want to derail your diabetic thread and I'm happy to chat knees in the private message feature at the top of the screen if you like but I just couldn't let the above quote pass. I was bone on bone for many years and physio was the thing that helped me most. My understanding is that it teaches the muscles round about the knee to step up and do some of the work the missing cartilage would have done. Do you live somewhere you could self refer? Or is that a Scottish thing?

 

[cornylady]

I don't want to derail your diabetic thread and I'm happy to chat knees in the private message feature at the top of the screen if you like but I just couldn't let the above quote pass. I was bone on bone for many years and physio was the thing that helped me most. My understanding is that it teaches the muscles round about the knee to step up and do some of the work the missing cartilage would have done. Do you live somewhere you could self refer? Or is that a Scottish thing?

I don't know to be honest but I have a GP appt booked also (to review HRT which started all this) so I will ask. I was a bit confused too. He was quite dismissive.

 

[ajbod]

You DIDN'T do this to yourself, being obese does NOT make you diabetic, in fact being diabetic invariably makes people obese. You have a Metabolic syndrome, that means your body cannot process Glucose properly. This is usually Insulin resistance, and has been building up perhaps for many years. This resistance means the muscle and others cells, don't allow all of the Glucose into the cell, this causes fatigue (lack of energy where needed). The bodies answer to this problem is to chuck out even more Insulin ( the sledge hammer to crack a nut approach). This increases the Insulin resistance exacerbating the problem. Thankfully (from the bodies point of view), Insulin also controls fat storage, so to lower the blood glucose level, it first makes you thirsty, and pee more, which rids some of the Glucose, but not enough, so it rams into fat cells, out of the immediate problem area, (ie the blood).
From a type 2 diabetic point of view, our problem is that all Carbohydrate eaten, (especially the starchy carbs) is processed into Glucose.
So for many of us, our approach is to restrict the intake of carbs, to minimise the Glucose levels, thus diminishing the problem of raised Glucose levels.
The main carbs to avoid are, Potatoes, Rice, Fruit ( except small portions of Berries), Breakfast cereals, Pasta and Bread, in fact anything grain based, also cooking oils except proper olive oil, or some nut oils.
As Insulin resistance was building up, the very foods you were advised were healthy for you, were making the problem worse, until you reach a point where you get diagnosed diabetic. So inversely the foods that were demonised, ie meat and fat, Butter, Cream and Cheese, are the very foods that many of us thrive on.

 

[cornylady]

You DIDN'T do this to yourself, being obese does NOT make you diabetic, in fact being diabetic invariably makes people obese. You have a Metabolic syndrome, that means your body cannot process Glucose properly. This is usually Insulin resistance, and has been building up perhaps for many years. This resistance means the muscle and others cells, don't allow all of the Glucose into the cell, this causes fatigue (lack of energy where needed). The bodies answer to this problem is to chuck out even more Insulin ( the sledge hammer to crack a nut approach). This increases the Insulin resistance exacerbating the problem. Thankfully (from the bodies point of view), Insulin also controls fat storage, so to lower the blood glucose level, it first makes you thirsty, and pee more, which rids some of the Glucose, but not enough, so it rams into fat cells, out of the immediate problem area, (ie the blood).
From a type 2 diabetic point of view, our problem is that all Carbohydrate eaten, (especially the starchy carbs) is processed into Glucose.
So for many of us, our approach is to restrict the intake of carbs, to minimise the Glucose levels, thus diminishing the problem of raised Glucose levels.
The main carbs to avoid are, Potatoes, Rice, Fruit ( except small portions of Berries), Breakfast cereals, Pasta and Bread, in fact anything grain based, also cooking oils except proper olive oil, or some nut oils.
As Insulin resistance was building up, the very foods you were advised were healthy for you, were making the problem worse, until you reach a point where you get diagnosed diabetic. So inversely the foods that were demonised, ie meat and fat, Butter, Cream and Cheese, are the very foods that many of us thrive on.

Thank you. I have always been a sweet tooth carb eater and tried to choose low fat options (because of my weight) although not always very successfully. This is going to take some getting used to, to get my head round all this. Thank heavens for a forum like this!

 

[ajbod]

Fat contrary to what we've all been preached at, does NOT make you fat. Our bodies cannot store it, so what is not used as fuel, passes straight through our systems.
It may well be that eating fat WITH carbs, makes you fat, as the fat is much more energy dense, so the body uses that, and stores away the Glucose from the Carbs part of the meal.

 

[Rachox]

Please please please don’t feel ashamed. I too have oesteoarthritis and when diagnosed with type 2 I had to rely on diet and medication as exercise was difficult. I too discovered I had diabetes when having annual check up bloods for something else. I soon got the bit between my teeth with a new way of life, I lost a shed load of weight and got my blood sugars back to normal. The weight loss benefited my arthritis and now I can walk and swim in moderation. If your husband does the meal prep then please tell him it’s important for you to eat the right things now and it won’t do him any harm either! I’ll post a link to a blog written by one of our members, I ask you and your husband to read it, it explains everything very clearly:
https://josekalsbeek.blogspot.com/2019/11/the-nutritional-thingy.html

 

[KennyA]

No need for shame. Leave that with the gutter press where it belongs.

Just about all of us T2s have been here - overweight and baffled. The diagnosis makes sense of what's been happening: don't foget that 80% of overweight people are not diabetic, but most diabetic people are overweight. I was nearing 20 stone four+ years ago when diagnosed: I'm now under 14. There is a lot that you can do, and that you can control. And I can say that I've never felt hungry.

The piece of advice that I wish I'd known back then is "forget everything you think you know (or your friends say, or you read somewhere) about healthy eating".

 

[MrsA2]

And please do tell your OH. As cook you are going to need their help and support. You can't do this alone.
And they are going to have to learn along with you, it's such a mind change.
My OH wasn't believing me at first, but as the weight fell off he saw it was good for me, and now he tries to eat lc most of the time too.
Support is vital

 

[Rachox]

… and now he tries to eat lc most of the time too

My husband does too

 

[LivingLightly]

... and now he tries to eat lc most of the time too.

My husband (not diabetic) likes to kick off his breakfast with a bowl of muesli, which he puts together himself the night before and eats somewhere out of sight, so as not to torment me.

We then sit down to a hearty, cooked breakfast. OH enjoys a slice of toast with his breakfast eggs, but otherwise, he's happy to eat low carb for the rest of the day with me. He reckons his sinusitis and sinus headaches occur less frequently on a low carb diet.

 

[LivingLightly]

I tried to choose low fat options (because of my weight) although not always very successfully. This is going to take some getting used to, to get my head round all this. Thank heavens for a forum like this!

Fats not only play an important role in the control of diabetes, but also weight management. It may sound counterintuitive, but fats do not make a person fat. Carbohydrates in excess do that!

Fats will prevent you from losing weight if you overdo it, but have no effect on insulin; the body's fat-storing hormone, and will not cause weight gain.

When cooking, I'd steer clear of industrial, processed oils like the soy, corn, sunflower and safflower oils often hidden in processed foods, You won't go far wrong if you keep to butter and extra virgin olive oil at the outset and gradually extend your range of cold pressed oils along with your LCHF recipe collection.

 

[jjraak]

@cornylady

You are NOT to blame, is the message from many, I hope you hear it.

Millions of people get illnesses they didn't cause, they don't feel guilty, so why should we ?

You don't start being Type 2 at diagnosis
Most have probably been type 2 for years, maybe a decade without knowing it.

I see my T2D as a big old pot inside me.

Slowly over the years I've unknowingly been adding a bit more glucose to that pot, that my body increasingly couldn't handle .

Until it inevitably spills over and Bingo...."hello type 2".

Some show clear signs, but others find out not even thinking they might be.

I know I did & it was a major shock.

So, now you've arrived here
(Luckiest & best decision most of us ever make )

A few pointers.
'Healthy food ' isn't always healthy, at least not for us.

Get used to most health professionals not being interested or supportive, no matter how much we improve.

Read up and learn a little more, about how your health could be affected by food.

And don't look back....cos you ain't going that way...forward is how we head, onwards to new beginnings and lower blood glucose levels

I went lchf, and above you've read of one or two successes right here using it, but there are loads in the 'success' type threads.

From those reducing their HBA1c to those losing lots of weight.

You'll also find others mentioning other ailments improve
(My asthma eased dramatically on lchf)

But others find success with other ways of eating on here.

So we're a broad church, but everyone just wants to help & offer advice, it's up to us how we use it.

I'd say it's a little like home schooling, you read & swot up, but the subject you're learning most about is YOU.
And to misquote L'Oréal, we do it "because we're worth it"

There's so much to learn about what & how things affect you.
And you'll get to see how others, just like you, coped & ways they improved their health.

Inspiration & information is here in abundance, once you start looking.

Trust me, settle in, learn what you can, apply it as you're best able.

And Six months from now you'll likely be the one telling some worried 'Newbie'
"It's NOT your fault"

And no shame in that, we were all newbies once upon a time.

Best wishes
For your journey.

 

[AndBreathe]

@cornylady - being sideswiped by this diagnosis is quite common, bearing in mind how many are diagnosed whilst having bloods done for something else (that includes me). Don't blame yourself, because you didn't do this to yourself. For a T2 diabetes diagnosis to happen there has to be a perfect storm of factors - many of which are not in our control.

When I was diagnosed I was 3 weeks away from going overseas, sailing for 9 months. Ooooopps. I still went, but by the time I came back I had reduced my blood sugar numbers into the non-diabetic ranges, and they have remained there since - 10 years now.

The only family members I have told are my brother and partner. Frankly, nobody else needs to know, and furthermore, I can do just fine without their opinions, judgments or pity. Frankly, let them get on with living their own lives.

In our house, my OH is the main cook, and he is a very good cook, so it was critical he knew, plus we were going to be together, the two of us, on our boat for 9 months, so if I was going to be making changes, he'd notice.

In the past, I have lived with an eating disorder, and I did fear it coming back again, but to be honest, when I reduced my blood sugars, my fears of that subsided, and my relationship with food became healthier.

I have no idea what sort of eating disorder you have (and to be clear, you don't have to say), but given a bit of time, if you can apply yourself to addressing your T2, you could find there are additional benefits, because you would likely lose some weight (and help with your knees), and for some folks, they find all manner of hormonal disturbances if not settle completely, but that they do improve.

I would urge you to share your news with your OH. The rest of your family and friends is completely up to you. Chances are they are too busy dealing with their own life challenges.

Stick around and do some reading. There is a HUGE amount of helpful information and helpful people in this site who are keen to help improve things for you, as they have themselves been helped.

 

[Outlier]

I agree with the others. And my husband - a lean, fit non-diabetic who eats all the time (!) and includes a huge amount of sweetschocolatecrispspeanutscakesbiscuitsrootveg.bread in his own diet has been marvellous in that he has readily adapted to cooking T2-friendly meals for me, just adding carby bits and bobs to his own plate, and he conceals the food I can't eat any more. I hope you find your husband comes on board similarly - it's about rising to a challenge and battle strategy, and I bet he'll be brilliant.

 

[Stu1969uk]

I agree with many others here in saying the first thing to realise is that you didn't give yourself diabetes. I was diagnosed in April 23 while having routine tests, with an HbA1c of 107. A so-called poster boy of health for a man in his early 50s, I was 6 feet tall, slim at 12 1/2 stone, toned and ate a wonderful 'healthy' diet of brown pasta, wholemeal bread, low fat everything, and takeaways were a once or twice a month treat. Don't smoke, don't really drink.

My wife was on exactly the same diet, and although she carried a considerably higher BMI than I did, her own HbA1c was 39.

Through reading up on other people's experiences and a trial and error approach to trying different foods and then testing my blood sugars, I brought my HbA1c down to 32 within a few months, and then 3 months later still consolidated at 31. My cholesterol is now excellent, and my sinus headaches have almost completely gone.

I hope you can give yourself a break once the shock subsides. I now think of my diagnosis as a positive and pivotal moment, as it enabled me to make changes that are going to help my long-term outlook. My wife joined me in my new eating regime and has dropped two dress sizes and lost over 2 stones in a little over 8 months.

Use the group here and tap into your own vastly underrated resources, and you can make all the changes you need to.