Hi I'm Vicky,my husband is type 1 and never looks after himself,just this wkend I had to call an ambulance as his sugar was 1.7 and I couldn't get him to eat,if his sugar isn't low then it's dangerously high-regularly 20-30 plus!then he's being sick and got headaches.ive lost count how many hypos he's had and I just don't know what to say to him anymore to get help,we have a son to and worry that he shouldn't be left with him,my sympathy for him has gone,I now feel angry towards him as he doesn't seem to care or thinks that it won't affect him,any advice please xx
Giving up
- Thread starter Vickyp
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pavlosn
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Surely this is a very poor situation but unfortunately not an uncommon one.
Accepting that you have diabetes may be a difficult thing to do and people may be in denial for a long time.
Then again some people suffer from what is known as diabetic burnout and just lose the motivation to go on looking after themselves.
It sounds like your husband is in urgent need of counseling. Perhaps some may be available through his doctors.
If he was to join a forum such as this he would receive a lot of help from the many experienced members but the first step must come from him. He must first want to get in control of his levels in order to do so.
Let's hope that the latest trip to the hospital proves the wake up call he needs
All the best
Pavlos
Accepting that you have diabetes may be a difficult thing to do and people may be in denial for a long time.
Then again some people suffer from what is known as diabetic burnout and just lose the motivation to go on looking after themselves.
It sounds like your husband is in urgent need of counseling. Perhaps some may be available through his doctors.
If he was to join a forum such as this he would receive a lot of help from the many experienced members but the first step must come from him. He must first want to get in control of his levels in order to do so.
Let's hope that the latest trip to the hospital proves the wake up call he needs
All the best
Pavlos
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Agree with Pavlosn & Jack that you should get your husband to join the forum, but his first approach should be seeking help from his diabetes care team as a matter of urgency, his diabetes is out of control and he needs to accept that for the sake of his family, the longer he leaves things the worse it will get.
As to last weekend, your husband should have a Glucagon Injection kit for times when he is having a severe hypo and unable to take on board some glucose, if he hasn't got one then he should ask his gp to add one to his prescription, there's a short write-up about it in the following:
http://www.diabetes.co.uk/diabetes-medication/glucagon-injection-kit.html
As to last weekend, your husband should have a Glucagon Injection kit for times when he is having a severe hypo and unable to take on board some glucose, if he hasn't got one then he should ask his gp to add one to his prescription, there's a short write-up about it in the following:
http://www.diabetes.co.uk/diabetes-medication/glucagon-injection-kit.html
Robinredbreast
Oracle
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Oh Vicky,so sorry to hear of your problems regarding your husband.
This is all too familiar, as there is another thread going at the moment called 'Living with a partner with ( uncontrolled ) type 2 diabetes.I hope for your sake and your son's, he can sort himself out before it's too late, it's so sad and shocking too. My heart goes out to you.
Try and take care of your self, with my very best wishes
RRB x'
cireen
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Don't be angry at him please.. You must understand the frustration that we all go through and it happens to be that your husbands frustration has just gotten the better of him. Remind him everyday that you love him.. Remind him everyday that you care for him and don't want to see him like this.. You don't want to have the burden of caring for him because he simply isn't stuffed to anymore. Remind him he has a family. He simple needs some more motivation. Remind him of the millions of people in his situation and those who are much less fortunate than he his. I hope you're okay xxxx
donnellysdogs
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People that can't listen to other people's opinions.
People that can't say sorry.
So agree with Cireen. Lots of us would have given up without a partner gently kicking us up our backsides.
Do explain that you are not his mother or carer, but his lover and partner. That you love him but am worried for long term and short term troubles from uncontrolled diabetes.
If he is under a consultant at hospital, go with him. Get him an appointment to sort this out now.
If you are having to give 3rd party help to him, and he is a driver, then he stands to lose his licence if he has more than one assisted help in a year. Explain that this would not be fair to him or to you, if this happened, and that you want to prevent this with him.
He may not be aware of the latest help available like a new background insulin that seems to suit some people better, insulin pumps and the new freestyle libre monitor or cgm's.
Please don't give up on him for hi not taking care of his diabetes. It is a struggle for all of us at some point, and we need to be helped sometimes.
The help you give him will be different to help say for me or the next diabetic. As we all have our own personalities and circumstances. Me, I would listen, argue my case, and then quietly would think- my partners right. Then I would work things through with him. But that's me. Some people get angry and stay angry till they end up in real sh*t. We are all different.
My hubby had problems that I just didn't understand and we were losing our marriage, so against his wishes I booked an appt with a counsellor. Not specifically marriage counsellor, but a fantastic male counsellor for us both... Not Relate... This male counsellor talked to us and really pulled us apart before we rebuilt our relationship totally with a greater understanding of each other. We found that the best way to talk to each other was at our table. This is what our counsellor told us to do because it formalises the talk without you even realising it. You never see business people talking to each other on a settee or in bed... Always around a table..
Do try to be mindful of how your partner is actually feeling.... Eg. It annoyed the hell out of me that everybody else could start eating before I could because of doing a blood test and injection... Now my hubby gives me 5 minutes warning so I do it all before food is served. So it takes one irritation with my diabetes out of my life... Little talks and little steps but boy, they can make a huge difference.
Your hubby refusing your help and food... I too on occasions used to do that... But again. I love milk and sugar and it was finding a beaker that I would not refuse and would be happy with rather than throwing it across the room. I've had my tommee tippee mug for decades now, and even get it when I'm not hypo,, the other thing is that I hate fizzy drinks. So people trying to get a fizzy drink in me was just never going to work.. So again that caused friction and upset. Now I have my favourite sweets that I love, and my tommee tippee if it was to get that far. You need to find out from him what he really likes that could be given to him easier if necessary. Again everybody is different. So what works for me won't work for others..
Please let us know how long partner has been diabetic, whether he has had anything else winding him up in the background ie job stress, etc.
Please don't give up n him because of a hypo. Marriage, is for sickness and in health, and this is manageable but needs some work on from both of you.
Charles Robin
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Unfortunately your situation is very common. The good news is that people can change, if given the rig stimulus. I speak as someone that was doing to my wife, what your husband is doing to you. I didn't see a way out, so I didn't try. I will give you my experience, and hopefully help to provide a solution.
As a child, my type 1 diabetes control was fantastic. My parents decided everything for me, so I ate healthily. I became a teenager, and got much more independence. My control went to hell. My worst HBA1C was 10.4. My parents and doctors lost patience with me. They were right to tell me off, but I did not see it that way. I was starving all the time, and didn't think I could change. So I had arguments. I falsified my blood sugar results, and stubbornly said the HBA1C was a stupid test because I was clearly in control. Reaching adulthood, I made more of an effort, but not much. My HBA1C was in the high 6s usually. However, this was because I was having loads of highs and lows. I tried to change. It didn't work because I was not making a proper effort. But I lied to myself and told me I was doing everything in my power. When my girlfriend (now my wife) made a suggestion, I would get angry. What did she know? I had been living with this for decades, who was she to come in and talk about things she didn't understand. The moment she wanted to discuss diabetes, I felt like I was back in diabetic clinic, my DSN telling me off. Please do not misunderstand me here. All of these thoughts I was having were wrong.
What I failed to understand was that when you are in a relationship, your partner inherits your problems as well as your good points. When I had a hypo, my wife had to deal with it. If I damaged my body, she would have to watch me slowly fall apart over a few short years. Once I realised this, I started to listen to her. I was shocked to find that she could help. Suddenly, I realised she was not ever telling me off for my poor control. She was saying 'there is a problem here, how can we fix it?'
Just over a year ago, I started engaging with her about my diabetes. I admitted I was not fine. And it felt amazing. I thought I was protecting my wife by not talking about my problems. In fact, I was failing to hide that something was wrong. Once that was out of the way, we went from strength to strength. We monitored my results, and found that things seriously needed to change. We tried all sorts of things, and we're not seeing any success to begin with.
Then I found out about a different way of eating. I came across a book by a man called Dr Richard Bernstein. He is a type 1 diabetic diagnosed as a child. He is now in his 80s and is in excellent health. He advocates eating a low carbohydrate diet to manage diabetes effectively. I was extremely reluctant to try it. But I thought I would have a go, and see what happened.
The results have been revolutionary for me. I have been following a low carbohydrate diet since January, and I love it. The crippling hunger I had all the time is gone. I don't have many hypos, and they are so much more manageable when I do. I used to think if I was 12.5 that was an ok result. Now I see anything over 7.8 as unacceptable, because I can so easily avoid that.
So the big question; how can you persuade your husband to change? I guarantee he is terrified of the future, and is coping with denial. He is lashing out in frustration, which is the worst thing he can do. You do not deserve this treatment. He doesn't know it, but he needs you. He can't win against diabetes without you. But he has to put the effort in too. My suggestion is to sit him down, and discuss the following points.
Your husband dreads thinking about diabetes.
He does not want to show you his blood sugar results. They are the best he can do, and he is ashamed of this.
You want to understand more about diabetes, and you need his help to do this.
Then, I would suggest showing him the following video. You could even skip everything else, and just ask him to watch this. Tell him it would be an amazing Christmas present if he did.
Important point, that should be a link to a talk given by a man called Dr Troy Stapleton. Someone followed it once, and for some reason it took them to a site claiming it could cure diabetes (I am definitely not claiming that's possible). If in doubt, search youtube for Dr troy Stapleton, the best video has pictures of food when you find it. Have a watch, and if you agree with what's said, show it to your husband. I believe this way of eating has saved my life.
As a child, my type 1 diabetes control was fantastic. My parents decided everything for me, so I ate healthily. I became a teenager, and got much more independence. My control went to hell. My worst HBA1C was 10.4. My parents and doctors lost patience with me. They were right to tell me off, but I did not see it that way. I was starving all the time, and didn't think I could change. So I had arguments. I falsified my blood sugar results, and stubbornly said the HBA1C was a stupid test because I was clearly in control. Reaching adulthood, I made more of an effort, but not much. My HBA1C was in the high 6s usually. However, this was because I was having loads of highs and lows. I tried to change. It didn't work because I was not making a proper effort. But I lied to myself and told me I was doing everything in my power. When my girlfriend (now my wife) made a suggestion, I would get angry. What did she know? I had been living with this for decades, who was she to come in and talk about things she didn't understand. The moment she wanted to discuss diabetes, I felt like I was back in diabetic clinic, my DSN telling me off. Please do not misunderstand me here. All of these thoughts I was having were wrong.
What I failed to understand was that when you are in a relationship, your partner inherits your problems as well as your good points. When I had a hypo, my wife had to deal with it. If I damaged my body, she would have to watch me slowly fall apart over a few short years. Once I realised this, I started to listen to her. I was shocked to find that she could help. Suddenly, I realised she was not ever telling me off for my poor control. She was saying 'there is a problem here, how can we fix it?'
Just over a year ago, I started engaging with her about my diabetes. I admitted I was not fine. And it felt amazing. I thought I was protecting my wife by not talking about my problems. In fact, I was failing to hide that something was wrong. Once that was out of the way, we went from strength to strength. We monitored my results, and found that things seriously needed to change. We tried all sorts of things, and we're not seeing any success to begin with.
Then I found out about a different way of eating. I came across a book by a man called Dr Richard Bernstein. He is a type 1 diabetic diagnosed as a child. He is now in his 80s and is in excellent health. He advocates eating a low carbohydrate diet to manage diabetes effectively. I was extremely reluctant to try it. But I thought I would have a go, and see what happened.
The results have been revolutionary for me. I have been following a low carbohydrate diet since January, and I love it. The crippling hunger I had all the time is gone. I don't have many hypos, and they are so much more manageable when I do. I used to think if I was 12.5 that was an ok result. Now I see anything over 7.8 as unacceptable, because I can so easily avoid that.
So the big question; how can you persuade your husband to change? I guarantee he is terrified of the future, and is coping with denial. He is lashing out in frustration, which is the worst thing he can do. You do not deserve this treatment. He doesn't know it, but he needs you. He can't win against diabetes without you. But he has to put the effort in too. My suggestion is to sit him down, and discuss the following points.
Your husband dreads thinking about diabetes.
He does not want to show you his blood sugar results. They are the best he can do, and he is ashamed of this.
You want to understand more about diabetes, and you need his help to do this.
Then, I would suggest showing him the following video. You could even skip everything else, and just ask him to watch this. Tell him it would be an amazing Christmas present if he did.
lizdeluz
Well-Known Member
- Messages
- 1,306
- Type of diabetes
- Type 1
- Treatment type
- Insulin
I don't have much to add to the fantastic advice and support already given above, but would just like to say thank you on your husband's behalf for coming on to the forum and explaining his and your situations. It's not easy but now, hopefully, you won't feel so alone with this problem and can start to deal with it rather than feeling beaten down by it. Maybe think of it as a joint project and a way of getting your lives back, a good thing to work towards. All the best.
