Gravity-Carb
Well-Known Member
- Messages
- 381
- Type of diabetes
- Other
- Treatment type
- Diet only
@andreaabbott1 , enormous hugs to you. Between your husband and the responsibility of your special needs children, you have such a full plate and I can hear the frustration and desperation in your written voice. It makes me tear up...we hear you.
To start, I know you love him and want to clunk him over the head at the same time, but you can't MAKE him see the light. He probably hasn't felt good in so long, that he isn't aware of how good he *could* feel if he were to start taking better care of himself. And he might be experiencing a sense of overwhelming loss, as he has had to deal with several ailments over the past few years. Maybe, he feels he is spiraling so far down that he doesn't think it is worth the effort to try to improve his health.
However, for YOUR sanity, I would stop. Stop the information giving, stop the nagging, and stop trying to own his bad choices. He doesn't care and it is just causing you absolute misery. Why should he have to worry or manage his own condition when you are carrying that burden for him?
As far as food, I wouldn't buy the fizzy drinks, donuts, or Belgian buns. If he wants them, it will be up to him to buy them. If he can't manage the store, then he will go without. It sounds heartless, but I would not enable him.
Lastly, I would just love him as he is. He has dug his heels in the sand and may have shifted his focus to you, rather than his own disease. If he can stay mad at you for what you say or do, it takes the focus off himself. In his mind, YOU are the problem, not him. And he may be feeling a bit childish and trying to stick it to you by completely disregarding your love and efforts.
In the meantime, you may find it helpful to come here and rant or find a counselor that can offer you an unbiased ear. You can't keep that bottled up inside you or your health will also begin to fail.
You are strong and you have had to be strong for a very long time. Take care of YOU, so that you can take care of your children. And just love him for what he is right now. Eventually, he may change or he may not. That is his choice, though.
Oh my days that is a heart wrenching surrender to this situation, but unfortunately one that has to take place. OP, you only have so much energy emotional and physical and yes your in a high maintenance caring postion for the long-haul. I wish you all the luck, support and strength.
Just loving your husband as is without the desperate plee for him to take charge of his health will be hard, you might need some help with that, ask your gp for a councillor referral as cognitive behaviour therapy will help with YOUR self beliefs and behaviour changes. You can't own his choices, you haven't failed anything or anyone, you'll just be accepting the situation. I am not that religious, but that Serenity Prayer comes to mind, I don't know it properly but it's all about strength courage, wisdom and acceptance. Kinda your bag right now.
You know if your able to really get to that place of acceptance and loving as is without, your husband will feel the shift in your relationship. That it isn't threats of leaving him or nagging his choices or taking him to doctor's. He just won't have that to focus on, and you will be in the process of accepting his choice of not caring if he lives or dies. So hard hun.
Please please take the time.
Yoga in the am before anyone is up, when I remember, helps me centre myself for the day. 10mins with You-Tube a few breathing excerises and bring it on.
I really hope you can vain strength from the empathy, support and advice on this forum. PM me if you want.
Take care.