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SMART ASS

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Pura Vida, Feb 21, 2017.

  1. Pura Vida

    Pura Vida Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    SMART ASS




    One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a
    well. The animal cried piteously for hours as
    the farmer tried to figure out what to do.




    Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the


    well needed to be covered up anyway;
    it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.




    He invited all his neighbors to come over
    and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began
    to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the
    donkey realized what was happening and cried
    horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he
    quieted down.




    A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally
    looked down the well. He was astonished at what
    he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his
    back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
    he would shake it off and take a step up.




    As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel
    dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it
    off and take a step up.




    Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey
    stepped up over the edge of the well and
    happily trotted off!




    Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds
    of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well
    is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of
    our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out
    of the deepest wells just by not stopping,
    never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.






    Remember the five simple rules to be happy:






    Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.






    Free your mind from worries- Most never happen.






    Live simply and appreciate what you have.






    Give more.






    Expect less.







    NOW...






    Enough of that crap. . .The donkey later came back
    and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.
    The gash from the bite got infected and
    the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock..






    MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:






    When you do something wrong,
    and try to cover your ass,
    it always comes back to bite you.






    You have two choices...smile and close this page,


    or pass this along to someone else to
    spread the fun
    .
     
    • Funny Funny x 3
    • Like Like x 1
  2. mist

    mist · Guest

  3. Pura Vida

    Pura Vida Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Subject: One Too Many


    A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before his congregation and asked for a raise.




    After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.




    After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's expanding salary.




    A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.




    After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke thus:




    "Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us."




    Silence fell on the congregation.



    In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice:




    "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear raincoats."




    The entire congregation said: 'Amen.
     
    • Funny Funny x 4
  4. mist

    mist · Guest

    Pastors are allowed to have sex? :joyful:
     
  5. nomoredonuts

    nomoredonuts Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    I'm still laughing at your ass!
     
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