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Terminal and Scared

Discussion in 'Diabetes Complications' started by kman, Nov 1, 2013.

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  1. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    I Guess many of you guys will think me weak, silly and pathetic, but honestly, other than that, I hope I'm a nice guy,

    I'm 52, just !

    I'm very very happily married, we have a 23 year old butter of a son, he's the apple of our eye,

    My darling wife is the sweetest, kindest, most understanding person EVER to have walked this earth, and to me the MOST Beautiful too,

    OK, you get the picture, All is perfect.

    OK except I'm in a wheelchair now, I have to take phone number quantities of drugs each day, just to take the edge from the PAIN I am and never will be free of,

    Why ? Well the truth is that almost 19 years of excuses, no real effort, and leaving things too late, I am amongst many other things a Type 2 Diabetic, with almost an entire collection of complications of the Diabetes,

    I sit here in the dark, at 6.49 am in terrible pain having had less than an hour's sleep, and I'm balling my eyes out, crying like a new born baby because I'm SCARED,

    I'm dying, amongst many things it's due to Diabetic Autonomic Neuropathy, I also have End Organ Damage, and a multitude of other problems,

    It's too late for me, I can't be saved,

    So WHY am I here now ?

    Really because I needed to scream, and I guess to warn you all, PLEASE look after yourselves, DON'T let you'd Diabetes get out of control, be GOOD, be SAFE,

    DON'T be ME !!!
     
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  2. Andy12345

    Andy12345 Type 2 · Expert

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  3. rden66

    rden66 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    I'm really sorry for your pain.
    Easy for me to say, but try and look at the positives. Your wife and son are your world. Concentrate on them,they are the two most important people and I'm sure that your pain is their pain. I wish you all the best and again I'm very sorry to hear about your experience.

    Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
     
  4. dawnmc

    dawnmc Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Thank you Kevin, it must have been hard for you to write that, I wish you all the best.
     
  5. izzzi

    izzzi Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Thanks kman,

    Lets hope we all take notice of what you say.

    My good thoughts are with you and your family.

    Roy. :)
     
  6. WhitbyJet

    WhitbyJet · Well-Known Member

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    Oh my goodness, what a terribly tragic story, I am so sorry.
    I am shocked, I am crying, but my first thoughts are that you are still here, you are still breathing, there has to be some hope. so ok, never be perfect again, but surely its never too late to try and make things better, you need to fight back best as you can, giving up is cheating. Have you read Bernstein Diabetes Solution, read up about managing complications.

    http://www.diabetes-book.com/readit.shtml

    Kevin, m heart goes out to you, am thinking of you x
     
  7. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    Thanks folks, I wasn't really looking for sympathy for me, I wasjust totally washed out, and crying without knowing why, before I even came onto the forum, BUT Again please guys and gals DON'T be ME, DON'T let yourself get into this position, If I can help influence just 1 person to look after themselves, and too not end up dying of stupidity, then I will feel a lot better about dying because I didn't learn,

    Stay Healthy
     
  8. tizzy

    tizzy · Well-Known Member

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    So so sorry but you got one I will try so much harder your honesty got to me so much more than lectures and nags really hope things turn around for you never give up hope best wishes tizzy
     
  9. carraway

    carraway Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Hi


    I'm so sorry to read your story. Sometimes life just sucks.

    Is there anything we can do as a group to help you? Will managing your diabetes help alleviate some of your symptoms or slow progression?

    We are quite a helpful bunch and I am certain we can help and support you in some way.

    If you want to post more, as an outlet then do so. Sometimes the act of typing everything down can be helpful.

    Your post certainly go me thinking because I am one of those people who thinks, 'well, it cant happen to me'
    My head stayed in the sand for far too long.

    Cara
     
  10. Rockape671

    Rockape671 · Well-Known Member

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    Hi kman,
    Weak, silly and pathetic? No, the exact opposite mate. Thank you for posting, it may get a few heads out of the sand. All the best.
     
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  11. the_anticarb

    the_anticarb · Well-Known Member

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    Hi kevin I am so sorry to hear of your post.

    I am another who put their head in their sand, in my defence I was very young when diagnosed (15) and already had an eating disorder, so I was probably not an ideal candidate to become a diabetic, but as I got older I should have sorted it out, trouble is once you get used to living a certain way and ignoring the diabetes with no adverse effects it is VERY VERY easy to keep going, as there is just no impetus to change if you have been 'getting away with it' for years.

    Diabetes is a very sneaky illness and you don't know the damage you've done until it's too late.

    I had problems with my eyes, even when I was first diagnosed with background retinopathy I only took it seriously for a few months then I thought I'd continue as before but sort it out if it got worse. Well it did get worse but it was too late by then, the damage was done and then the retinopathy had a mind of its own and decided to screw me over even though my control was much better by then.

    I just wanted to let you know that you are by no means the only one in the 'complications due to not looking after yourself in the past' boat. Diabetes does demand a lot of us and anyone who's stayed completely in control the whole time they were diabetic is probably a minority and I take my hat off to them.

    I wish you all the best. life aint easy sometimes. Hopefully there is some hope/help for you.
     
  12. noblehead

    noblehead Type 1 · Guru
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    So sorry to read about the circumstances you now find yourself in Kevin, best wishes!
     
  13. Unbeliever

    Unbeliever · Well-Known Member

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    Hi Kman. as others have said you are far from being a weak, silly pathetic, person. If yoou can think of others at this time
    then you are an unselfish and courageous person.

    I always think its a huge mistake to pretend that complications are rare and that it is a good thing to avoid frightening people.
    Naturally no one wants to frighten others unnnecessarily but does anyone have the right to 'protect us from the truth?

    Complications of diabetes are much more than many people realise. Any part of our bodies can be afffected. all we can do is our best in keeping bgs etc under control.

    Even that is not always enough because we all have some weakness in our system which might make us vulnerable. to a particular complication.
    this is not scaremongering but fact.
    If it helps do come back and tell us more about yourself. Often the only way to make sense of it all is to do what you have done and use your experience to help others.
    People here will understand - It must be better than crying alone.
     
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  14. alohanicky2009

    alohanicky2009 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    So sorry , so easy to let other stuff in life to take the lead but as we learn If we haven t got health we have a harder time, as I was once told and only now understand was some very wise words that were given to me by an older lady I looked after - you need to live your life once to live it right!


    Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
     
  15. alohanicky2009

    alohanicky2009 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    So sorry , so easy to let other stuff in life to take the lead but as we learn If we haven t got health we have a harder time, as I was once told and only now understand was some very wise words that were given to me by an older lady I looked after - you need to live your life once to live it right!


    Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
     
  16. catza

    catza Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    I don't post on here very often these days but sometimes a post is made that forces me to come out of the shadows.

    Kevin your post was one of the bravest I have ever read. To think of others at a time such as this shows what a good man you are and I am sure your wife and son treasure you. I can't wave a magic wand even though I wish dearly that I could, but please know that the members of this forum will be here for you, to listen when you need an ear, and to lend a shoulder if you just need someone to be there for you.

    You have certainly spurred me on to try even harder to keep my condition under control and I know I am not the only one who will take heed of your warning.
     
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  17. Andy12345

    Andy12345 Type 2 · Expert

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    This post has been with me all day, its so powerful, it is such a strong lesson to us, I feel so awful for you, I agree its a very brave thing to do posting this, I will never forget this post and use it as inspiration when my resolve faulters, I dont pray but if i did you would be in them, very best of wishes and hope things can be turned around for you.

    Andy
     
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  18. mrman

    mrman Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Brave post indeed. Certainly does put things into perspective.

    Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
     
  19. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    Folks I hope to keep adding to this, Now I see others are interested, but tonight the pain is way too much, and the Arthritis overpowering, typing too hard, so please forgive me, I have PMd some, and need to for others too, I will catch up,

    Most of all thanks for the Love and Support,

    Most of all, DON'T become me,
     
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  20. WhitbyJet

    WhitbyJet · Well-Known Member

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    Andy - You have taken the words right out of my mouth.

    Kevin, I am here for you too, any time you need a friend.
    Thinking of you.
    Judith x
     
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