alf_Josiah
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@gennepher.I fell asleep again! For another hour!!!
I nearly didn't post these sketches initially because I felt they were so rough @ianpspurs and I felt a fraud because it had only taken me 10 to 12 seconds for each sketch. And thus I couldn't possibly post these as art work. I still have those same emotional feelings about this series of sketches.
And each one I do, I nearly press the delete button. It is so hard not to press that delete button, and go on to post them publicly.
Is this a common artist's feeling? Or is this just me? It was ingrained in me as a child constantly, by parents and teachers, that I would never amount to anything because I was a girl, and because I was deaf, and that my paintings and drawings were rubbish and they would be ripped up telling me I should try harder. A teacher once ripped up my entire term's drawings and paintings in front of the whole shocked class, who could not understand why this was happening to me. Even now at the age of 75 I can remember the details of every picture that was harshly criticised or ripped up in my childhood, and there was a lot of them. I used to adore drawing horses as a child, but my father ripped them all up saying they were rubbish. They were not rubbish, I knew that even then. But I find it very difficult to draw horses now.
I had this technique of stepping out of my body when this was happening, and watching the scene as if I were a detached observer, and I watched and studied the face of the person criticising or ripping up my work. I never cried or got upset even as a small child. I am guessing now, it was probably looked on as insolence, but it wasn't.
I can still do that technique in a difficult situation.
I am grateful for your lovely praise of these sketches.
I keep them in a folder on my iPad, and I have just been looking at the last month's worth of sketches, and I am realising each one has picked up at least one distinct characteristic of that person, the way they hold their body etc. I did not see that characteristic before I started the squiggle. My first thought is HELP, where am I going to start with this person. I usually start with the head/hair/face, but if panic has set in, and the person will have walked off before I have started, then I start with the shoulders and then do the head. There are at least another 2 or 3 points in the one line squiggle of that person when I panic and you might see a line going up and down a few times because I realise I have missed the arm or the leg etc...there are many different emotions in me as I do each person in that 10-12 second sketch.
You have my full sympathy over the quality of your teachers and other critics when you were young. Perhaps their criticism is coming from envy at your abilities.
Me, me’s, myself and Mrs J derive pleasure from your art.