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It's not a competition but feeling fed up

ickihun said:
I've always said the same.
On occasion got shot down for it, but it looks that way. Less hormones for them to negotiate through, i guess.
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I feel bad anytime I'm in the low 4's.
I got up at 4.3 this morning, and had to eat before I could start the day.
 
douglas99 said:
I feel bad anytime I'm in the low 4's.
I got up at 4.3 this morning, and had to eat before I could start the day.
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before I was diabetic I always was 4.5 in blood glucose level when measured... and felt very fine then... hope to get back at that level Again.
 
Freema said:
before I was diabetic I always was 4.5 in blood glucose level when measured... and felt very fine then... hope to get back at that level Again.
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I never measured mine, I don't know any non diabetics that do now.
(Apart from ones I mug occasionally)
 
HEG said:
Have the feeling is it worth all the separate meal preparing I'm doing.
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....especially when you think of the savings on shoes your OH is likely to be making over the coming years!
 
Brunneria said:
@HEG
My goodness, I know how you feel.

Our bodies are all so unique. The classification T2 is sooooo inadequate.
I'm an almostmenopausalPCOS+prolactinomawomanwithjointproblemsfoodintolerancesreactivehypoglycaemiaandglutenissues
My husband reducescarbsabitandtheweightfallsoff

There is no comparison, is there?
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Is this a sample of joinedupthinking :):):)
 
Freema said:
before I was diabetic I always was 4.5 in blood glucose level when measured... and felt very fine then... hope to get back at that level Again.
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I feel great on 4s. 3s makes me ill but I'm on bisoprolol which disguises hypo feelings. 3s are very shaky, for me.
 
douglas99 said:
I always remember my NHS dietitian looking at my (honest) food diary, looking at me, back at the diary, back at me and saying

'A family size quiche is NOT a snack'

She was excellent, with her help I shed a lot of weight, and completely re-addressed the way I look at food.

But, I went for a classic low calorie diet, I realised I had to curb my eating, and retake control over how much went into my mouth.
You can't do it until you're ready though,
Maybe you can look at simply feeding him less until he decides to do something himself, rather than try to change his diet in one fell swoop?
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OK tried the getting smaller meals (when I say small they are recommended portion size). And he just helps himself to the kids crisp cupboard. However I am now writing what type of food the whole family are eating on a magnetic planner on the fridge and I am glad to say he is thinking more about it. Eg how many times a week he is having chips, takeaway etc.


I think my approach is just difference to his. He is more of a tiny steps approach and I prefer no nonsense change approach. It just a matter of wait and see I suppose. Just hope he doesn't run out of time
 
HEG said:
OK tried the getting smaller meals (when I say small they are recommended portion size). And he just helps himself to the kids crisp cupboard. However I am now writing what type of food the whole family are eating on a magnetic planner on the fridge and I am glad to say he is thinking more about it. Eg how many times a week he is having chips, takeaway etc.


I think my approach is just difference to his. He is more of a tiny steps approach and I prefer no nonsense change approach. It just a matter of wait and see I suppose. Just hope he doesn't run out of time
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But at least he has to help himself to the food.
You're not enabling his overeating,
He has to accept change for himself.
 
I know "somebody else" who has a bit of a similar attitude, takes no exercise whatsoever, and although he only drinks diet soft drinks and sweetener in tea, thinks nothing of having 4 slices of bread with a meal. Loves cakes, always wants "something sweet" after dinner.

I don't think "enabling" means diddly squat, why should "someone" be held responsible for what their partner puts down their throat? Why should it be anybody else's responsibility but the person who chooses to eat that way?

"Somebody" made it very clear to "somebody else" that they will not push that person in his wheelchair when the inevitable complications arise, Tbere is no neuropathy, but the feet are covered in psoriasis linked blisters, so an easy entrance for infection, A referral has been made to Opthamology as there is a problem with the retina.

Carry on doing what you're doing. Separate meals are a pain, but better than you following his lead. Do your own blood monitoring after meals, don't ask him to do his and he might just start to take a (hidden) interest. It's all you can do.
Of course you love him but you're not his mum and should feel no responsibility over his meals x
 
So, look after him,
or cut him looose?

Depression goes hand in hand with diabetes, sometimes people need help.

And personally, I do feel responsibility for my family.
(Actually I feel responsible for the welfare of total strangers most of the time, but that's me, and through my life I have found total strangers will help me back)

I believe in Karma.
 
douglas99 said:
So, look after him,
or cut him looose?

Depression goes hand in hand with diabetes, sometimes people need help.

And personally, I do feel responsibility for my family.
(Actually I feel responsible for the welfare of total strangers most of the time, but that's me, and through my life I have found total strangers will help me back)

I believe in Karma.
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In this particular case Douglas, I'm curious what you would do, if you were in the OP's position? Dont get me wrong, encouragement is important. But when repeatedly met with refusal to make any changes, you would feel responsible for your partners choices? Genuine question.

As for Karma..well, after some of the things that have happened to not just me, but our family as a whole, it would be too easy to think we were being punished for something - and that would make me a bitter human being. So, I prefer to say it's just life - sad and bad things happen.
 
ladybird64 said:
In this particular case Douglas, I'm curious what you would do, if you were in the OP's position? Dont get me wrong, encouragement is important. But when repeatedly met with refusal to make any changes, you would feel responsible for your partners choices? Genuine question.

As for Karma..well, after some of the things that have happened to not just me, but our family as a whole, it would be too easy to think we were being punished for something - and that would make me a bitter human being. So, I prefer to say it's just life - sad and bad things happen.
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I would improve his diet in a way he could cope with.
Smaller meals, but stuff he eats.
Switch the bread for wholegrain.
Go for one big mac, not two.
One thin crust pizza, not deep pan.

Actually, I wouldn't to be fair.
I'd go for a classic, low fat, low calorie diet, with a measurable cause and effect, based on the fact the ops hubby sounds exactly like me. But only when he's ready for it.

But no, I wouldn't just dump him because he irritated me by not dong what I told him, when I told him to.
But, I always hold out hope for people.
 
Who said anything about the OP dumping anyone Douglas? I certainly didn't so not sure if you are referring to another post?

Or do you mean the part where I referred to pushing a wheelchair around? And yes, surprise, surprise - I was talking about me!
 
Nope, it's no good. I should control myself better and I'm going to apologise in advance for the following rant. I'm upset (my responsibility) and the words in your posts Douglas are going round in my head - particularly the "I believe in Karma" part. I need to clarify something first. I stated that I had made it clear I wouldn't be pushing him in a wheelchair.
I have had cancer, a rare and advanced one, the treatment of which has unfortunately left me with a legacy of damage to my hips and lower back. It is now looking increasingly likely that I have Fibromyalgia too, in a fair amount of pain much of the time. I cannot - even if I wanted to - push a heavy adult male around. Is it unfair to expect him to consider how he would be looked after when complications occur? I don't think it is, and I think it's unfair and irresponsible not to think of that. He has had diabetes twice as long as I have and knows the score so he chooses not to change his dietary habits, then he has to take the responsibility for that choice in years to come. We've been married 30 years by the way, together for 36, and I don't expect him to do what I say when I say it - we have a partnership and have been to hell and back together. But that's also means honesty and personal responsibility.

Karma. I may be reading it wrongly, but given the context of the rest of your post Douglas, there seemed to be an unspoken thought that by my refusal to physically care for him, karma will sort me out.
I have had cancer. My daughter has just finished treatment for cancer, her second lot. Her twin brother died unexpectedly in May 2014 at the age of 28, leaving young children behind. My youngest child had a rare syndrome, lives in a hospital, and is Type 2 on insulin - we cared for her without support until 5 years ago. My daughter that lives with us has PTSD caused by my illness (I nearly lost my life) and one month later, the death of her younger brother. I have a grandchild with quadriplegic cerebral palsy, who is looked after by my daughter who has severe chronic asthma and a heart condition and who gets no respite from her caring role at all.

Yes, I know I've gone on and on but this is just a part of it. As a family we truly have been through terrible times but we have survived because we know that pain is not exclusive, it can happen to anyone. But for the **** that can be prevented, then responsibility to look after ourselves so others don't have to, comes into play.

Karma. Funny how we tend to bandy that word around. Notice how it doesn't get used when people have been hit by one thing after another and there just can be no reason - but when bad deeds are in mind.

I don't believe in Karma.
 
I would say it depends how you view karma,

Classically, there are two views of Karma.
To some it serves as a deterrent, while to others it serves as in incentive to do good.

So, I still feel responsible for others.
I stop for hitchhikers.
If I see an accident, I'll stop and help.
I'll put myself in harms way if I can get others out of it.
I'll trust strangers.

Not because I think if I don't karma will pay me back.
I'll do it because I would hope they would do it for me if the situation was reversed, or they will do it for someone else that they meet in their life.

I'm happy enough to believe it can happen in this life, and that the cause and effect isn't through reincarnation, and I don't believe that actions are pre-ordained by a previous existence, but that free will is operative.

I apologise if you read it as the opposite, that wasn't my intention.
 
ladybird64 said:
Nope, it's no good. I should control myself better and I'm going to apologise in advance for the following rant. I'm upset (my responsibility) and the words in your posts Douglas are going round in my head - particularly the "I believe in Karma" part. I need to clarify something first. I stated that I had made it clear I wouldn't be pushing him in a wheelchair.
I have had cancer, a rare and advanced one, the treatment of which has unfortunately left me with a legacy of damage to my hips and lower back. It is now looking increasingly likely that I have Fibromyalgia too, in a fair amount of pain much of the time. I cannot - even if I wanted to - push a heavy adult male around. Is it unfair to expect him to consider how he would be looked after when complications occur? I don't think it is, and I think it's unfair and irresponsible not to think of that. He has had diabetes twice as long as I have and knows the score so he chooses not to change his dietary habits, then he has to take the responsibility for that choice in years to come. We've been married 30 years by the way, together for 36, and I don't expect him to do what I say when I say it - we have a partnership and have been to hell and back together. But that's also means honesty and personal responsibility.

Karma. I may be reading it wrongly, but given the context of the rest of your post Douglas, there seemed to be an unspoken thought that by my refusal to physically care for him, karma will sort me out.
I have had cancer. My daughter has just finished treatment for cancer, her second lot. Her twin brother died unexpectedly in May 2014 at the age of 28, leaving young children behind. My youngest child had a rare syndrome, lives in a hospital, and is Type 2 on insulin - we cared for her without support until 5 years ago. My daughter that lives with us has PTSD caused by my illness (I nearly lost my life) and one month later, the death of her younger brother. I have a grandchild with quadriplegic cerebral palsy, who is looked after by my daughter who has severe chronic asthma and a heart condition and who gets no respite from her caring role at all.

Yes, I know I've gone on and on but this is just a part of it. As a family we truly have been through terrible times but we have survived because we know that pain is not exclusive, it can happen to anyone. But for the **** that can be prevented, then responsibility to look after ourselves so others don't have to, comes into play.

Karma. Funny how we tend to bandy that word around. Notice how it doesn't get used when people have been hit by one thing after another and there just can be no reason - but when bad deeds are in mind.

I don't believe in Karma.
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That's a hell of a lot to cope with and you have put it very eloquently.
Does your husband really know how you feel ?
How about writing something like this for him ? Sometimes seeing it in black and white can have an effect.
Sending hugs x
 
HEG said:
Umm stab or ex lax! It's just he has the attitude that it's just quacks and if it's meant it's meant to be and he doesn't want to have any restrictions or monitoring. A Sort of head in sand (now that would solve the eating!).

I love him and on a selfish side I don't want him to die or have to change from a wife to a carer because he has gone blind or infection and amputation. He has kidney stones and that's was like living with a pregnant man!

On a plus side he is attending diabetic clinics and going for the eye examine so maybe he will change habits before it's too late. It's interesting he didn't want be to be with him but I followed him in so I don't think he would have been truthful about his diet if I had stayed in the waiting room. He said he likes asparagus? We have been married 26 years and I only seem him have it once and he was too embarrassed to leave it on the plate.
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This is an extremely interesting debate and I do feel that you should prioritise your own health while at the same time trying to cater in some way for your husband. He may not think that being T2 is serious enough for him to make changes so maybe you can make small changes to food without having to resort to doubling your efforts.


I have gone LCHF as a T2. As I am the designated cook, I can plan what I like but I do need to balance ingredients to cater for my wife who has differing dietary needs.

There are a couple of things that you might like to consider.
Resistant starch - If you cook potatoes, pasta etc and then, once cold, put in the fridge overnight then when you re-heat, you will have reduced significantly the amount of nasty carbs and no one the wiser.
Disguise the veg. I got good at this with my children and grandchildren. For example tonight we are having stuffed ham:
Beat eggs, scramble in butter season with s and p, adding grated cheese, chopped tomato, then cooked mushroom, then fold in some baby spinach and chopped parsley. Now put mix onto slices of ham, roll up, put in a dish and then under the grill until the ham starts to brown - what's not to like.

As previously mentioned, look up some scrumpy LCHF recipes and just put them on the table.

You are doing so well. Keep smiling.
 
@ladybird64.

I couldn't begin to answer your post, as I don't know you, or your family's circumstances.
I can feel your pain with you, but I can only express my personal experiences.
Sometimes I brood, and become depressed, thinking about the hand fate dealt us.
My family has its own issues, which I won't share, if you'll forgive me.
But, reflecting on that driving home yesterday, and starting to feel blue, a total stranger requested two songs on Radio 2, which were iconic hits of the 80's, and lifted me entirely.
My mood changed instantly.

Then today, I was stuck in a tailback, after a crash which blocked the road into my village.
Fire engines, recovery trucks, blue lights everywhere.
Some complained about the careless learner that pulled out and caused it, and delayed them.
Me, I thought of my kids, learning to drive, and hoped all were ok.
But, I was also happy I has picked up my free courtesy coffee from Waitrose, and could sit there, browsing the internet, drinking my coffee, and phoning my customers to tell them I'd be delayed.

I really don't know where I'm actually going with this post, which is also the story of my life to be fair, and really don't know how to exit the post either, but I try to give my best to people, and hope they give it back, if not to me, today, but to others, one day.

and I wish you all the best with your circumstances, and whatever the future brings for you all.
 
douglas99 said:
@ladybird64.

I couldn't begin to answer your post, as I don't know you, or your family's circumstances.
I can feel your pain with you, but I can only express my personal experiences.
Sometimes I brood, and become depressed, thinking about the hand fate dealt us.
My family has its own issues, which I won't share, if you'll forgive me.
But, reflecting on that driving home yesterday, and starting to feel blue, a total stranger requested two songs on Radio 2, which were iconic hits of the 80's, and lifted me entirely.
My mood changed instantly.

Then today, I was stuck in a tailback, after a crash which blocked the road into my village.
Fire engines, recovery trucks, blue lights everywhere.
Some complained about the careless learner that pulled out and caused it, and delayed them.
Me, I thought of my kids, learning to drive, and hoped all were ok.
But, I was also happy I has picked up my free courtesy coffee from Waitrose, and could sit there, browsing the internet, drinking my coffee, and phoning my customers to tell them I'd be delayed.

I really don't know where I'm actually going with this post, which is also the story of my life to be fair, and really don't know how to exit the post either, but I try to give my best to people, and hope they give it back, if not to me, today, but to others, one day.

and I wish you all the best with your circumstances, and whatever the future brings for you all.
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Your post is understood Douglas, and I thank you for what you've said. We sound similar in some ways, despite my outburst yesterday (which was on the tail of a really tough couple of phone calls), I try and live in the moment, and I truly value the strength of my family.

I'm on another couple of unrelated forums, for Carers and for those with depression and anxiety issues - oh, and a cancer one. I try and give back too, not out of obligation, but because I know I can sometimes offer some help. I've come across some real ar*eholes, but have met some amazing people.

Anyway, enough of all that. Thanks for your post, and my very best wishes for you and yours too.
 
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