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Vastly Improved Blood Sugars - Midlife Crisis?

Brunneria said:
Perhaps she was hoping to spend some time with you, doing stuff together, during your week off.
Maybe she was disappointed that she will be even more of a gym widow than on a work week.

I am sympathising more and more with your partner every post you make.

Probably best if I take myself off now. Bye.
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I absolutely agree with you Brunneria.

I sense that there is no hope for this relationship to continue.

You have grown apart as individuals and are now not suited to each others lifestyles.

Your partner has had a traumatic experience which she probably bore bravely and without much fuss, but there will have been dramatic changes to her psychologically, and I'll wager, you weren't much of an emotional support to her.

I detect from your chosen words, that you are playing out a scenario in your head, and you come across as if you are the victim here. You are not. Your partner is.

You obviously don't understand what she is going / has gone through, and you are not a support to her. You are selfish, and your newly found confidence in your improving body is a sure fire beginning to the demise of your relationship.

I find it very sad that she has turned to the bottle, never the answer to anything. She is crying out for understanding and love from you, but you see her behaviour as awkward, miserable and, poor you, you're only trying your best aren't you. Well you don't convince me and I don't feel sorry for you at all. If you're writing on here, a diabetic site, about your diabetes, you would have support from many, but as you are drinking whole bottles of wine, you are obviously not taking your diabetes too seriously, when it suits you. And by the way, if she is a staunch vegetarian, why would you see her reticence to have fish in the house as Her fault? Can't you eat tinned mackerel out of the house? You are trying to get people on this site to feel sorry for you, and you may think you are painting a very good picture of how none of it is your fault. I'm afraid you have not convinced me, at all.

You are not about trying to mend the relationship, you are manipulatively thinking that all this is a premis to your inevitable split, which, in your eyes, will not be your fault, you will be the victim and the split will be what you have been driven to by her behaviour. You know at this point the relationship is over, and this is a cloak and dagger act to ensure you walk away, guilt free. I know you feel guilty about this.

I think you should split up and she will be a lot better off without you.
 
lunarlinda said:
I absolutely agree with you Brunneria.

I sense that there is no hope for this relationship to continue.

You have grown apart as individuals and are now not suited to each others lifestyles.

Your partner has had a traumatic experience which she probably bore bravely and without much fuss, but there will have been dramatic changes to her psychologically, and I'll wager, you weren't much of an emotional support to her.

I detect from your chosen words, that you are playing out a scenario in your head, and you come across as if you are the victim here. You are not. Your partner is.

You obviously don't understand what she is going / has gone through, and you are not a support to her. You are selfish, and your newly found confidence in your improving body is a sure fire beginning to the demise of your relationship.

I find it very sad that she has turned to the bottle, never the answer to anything. She is crying out for understanding and love from you, but you see her behaviour as awkward, miserable and, poor you, you're only trying your best aren't you. Well you don't convince me and I don't feel sorry for you at all. If you're writing on here, a diabetic site, about your diabetes, you would have support from many, but as you are drinking whole bottles of wine, you are obviously not taking your diabetes too seriously, when it suits you. And by the way, if she is a staunch vegetarian, why would you see her reticence to have fish in the house as Her fault? Can't you eat tinned mackerel out of the house? You are trying to get people on this site to feel sorry for you, and you may think you are painting a very good picture of how none of it is your fault. I'm afraid you have not convinced me, at all.

You are not about trying to mend the relationship, you are manipulatively thinking that all this is a premis to your inevitable split, which, in your eyes, will not be your fault, you will be the victim and the split will be what you have been driven to by her behaviour. You know at this point the relationship is over, and this is a cloak and dagger act to ensure you walk away, guilt free. I know you feel guilty about this.

I think you should split up and she will be a lot better off without you.
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I've read your reply and to be honest you've inferred a great deal, and manufactured a great deal of fact which I believe is more of a mirror to yourself than of my situation.



Let's clear a few things up here.

My partner has always drank every night, it's part of our unsuited towards-each-other lifestyles, I aligned with her lifestyle, and it has damaged me - I am trying to undo that damage. Surely that makes sense to people on this forum?

She is indeed not adapting to my change, the fact she has hidden all of the mirrors in the house apart from the one in our bathroom, I think says a lot.

And of course it is my fault, I'm acutely aware of that, I am the one that is changing and causing the instability, it is this awareness that caused me to post on here in the first place to try and find answers.
 
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I'm not sure I would describe lunarlinda as a trouble maker on the forum. She and I have had our disagreements in the past, and it looks like this is another one. I quite like her because she says what she means, so don't receive any hurt from it, just look at what she says and see if there is any truth in it at all.

Yes you are the one who is changing and that causes instability. It's happened to me a bit too, but thankfully my husband is putting up with me so far and is changing a little too.

Best wishes Designerman 1
 
This is indeed a very sad situation that is being played out in many homes worldwide. You can't help how you feel Designerman and neither can she....except it's not clear how either of you really feel from what has been written on here. We can all only surmise.

It's about being in love with someone and tolerance. You both seem intolerant of each other and unwilling to get help for your marriage - recipe for end of marriage.

I think it is ludicrous, whether she's vegetarian or not, for her to assume she has control over what comes into the house food wise. In fact it's rather controlling. Neither can you control how long it takes her to get ready in the mornings. You are both allowed your own personal behaviours or idiosyncrasies. When you are in love with someone you tend to accept these behaviours, but when the relationship is stale or dying, intolerance inevitably creeps in.

If you both loved each other, and knew that between the two of you it couldn't be worked out by yourselves, you would seek outside help to see if the marriage can be saved. If either one or both of you is not au fait with that, then it's just a matter of time before someone is saying goodbye. Sad isn't it? All because one or both of you will not put themselves out to see if it can all be saved.

Being in an unhappy marriage is hell I know. It's depressing and draining. Ask her if she will see a counsellor with you to see if you can find some common ground to heal the marriage and personal issues. If she refuses you have every right to do what you think is the way forward FOR YOU. If she refuses she is telling you she doesn't care any more. If you don't even want to do that then it's over bar the shouting by the sounds of it.
 
Well put SJC.

I am very direct, I don't know how to be any other way. I'll bet my life that there is a lot of truth in what I said though, if you're honest with yourself you'll agree. Thank you Zand for your imput, I appreciate you saying I am not a trouble maker, I know we had our little disagreement, but thankfully, as we are both adults, we are over that and have a mutual respect for each other.

SJC has put it much more eloquently than myself, so, if I must apologise for anythting, it will be my lack of tact.

What other people think of me is nothing to do with me, feel free to say anything you like, free speech, it was fought for in this country.

I am only saddened by the fact you will not be honest about what is really going on. You know, words are cheap and you can fool some people some of the time, well done.
 
Designerman 1 said:
Thankfully Lunarlinda, I have been forewarned via PM from several members that you are a trouble causer on the forum,


.
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I must say I'm dismayed that people are sending you PMs of this nature. Makes me wonder what else people PM about. Not nice practice. Not genuine people. Very sad :-(


Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
 
peacetrain said:
I must say I'm dismayed that people are sending you PMs of this nature. Makes me wonder what else people PM about. Not nice practice. Very sad :-(


Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
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It's a sad fact of forums. You have to remember that some people come on a forum regularly for more than the information it provides.
 
It isn't nice, but I when 2 separate people are PMing you about a response to your thread, you know it must be serious, sorry I can only say it as it happens. As it turned out Lunarlinda did have a point, which now the dust has settled I've taken on board.

In other matters we are about to go out shopping, she doesn't even remember last night really...

I think I'm drawing a conclusion here. There's one thing tying all this together.
 
I am still scratching my head at this paragraph

But the feelings aren't going away though, last night was pretty terrible with the distraction of Game of Thrones partially cutting through it. I don't think talking to her about this and introducing doubt into things will work, it will probably leave me single and in a tumultuous personal situation, and I am still in the process of working on my appearance, I still have a few stone to lose before I look good.
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FWIW I think @lunarlinda is a valuable forum member with a heart of gold. Just because she does not agree with the OP does not make her a "trouble maker". If a person posts on an open forum, they should expect to meet people with different opinions. If they can't accept that then maybe the internet is not the best place for them.
 
It's a pity that the people who posted these PMs don't stand up and be counted rather than resorting to PMs. Gutless cowards who cannot stand other people's opinions.
I thought disclosing contents of PMs without the permission of the person who sent it was against forum rules? Do you really think that the opinions of two people make it a right opinion?

We all disagree sometimes but it is surely better to address the problem on an open forum @lunarlinda tells it like it is, not something that would ever upset me. Her opinions are as valid as everyone else who posts here. You can always block a poster if you do not want to read their posts.
 
Avocado Sevenfold said:
I am still scratching my head at this paragraph



FWIW I think @lunarlinda is a valuable forum member with a heart of gold. Just because she does not agree with the OP does not make her a "trouble maker". If a person posts on an open forum, they should expect to meet people with different opinions. If they can't accept that then maybe the internet is not the best place for them.
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And if people aren't prepared to say what they think on a thread, they shouldn't say it in a PM. They're the trouble makers, not lunarlinda.


Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
 
Avocado Sevenfold said:
I am still scratching my head at this paragraph



FWIW I think @lunarlinda is a valuable forum member with a heart of gold. Just because she does not agree with the OP does not make her a "trouble maker". If a person posts on an open forum, they should expect to meet people with different opinions. If they can't accept that then maybe the internet is not the best place for them.
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I wasn't the one calling her a troublemaker.

This thread sadly has generated a bit of drama, which isn't really what I had in mind. I was in a bad place mentally and still am to a degree and was wondering if anyone else had similar experiences in regards to lifestyle changes due to diabetes. And I still haven't got a clear idea.

What I wasn't expecting was being attacked for having these feelings, and reaching out to a place with people that might have something in common and understand, but maybe you're right Avocado Sevenfold, maybe I should leave the forums...I can go away telling people how unfriendly it is, after all? Is that what you are saying?

Edit: Please remember I am a new member here and don't know anyone, and have no formulated opinions of people. So whena PM appears it has a big impression.
 
Designerman 1 said:
I wasn't the one calling her a troublemaker.

This thread sadly has generated a bit of drama, which isn't really what I had in mind. I was in a bad place mentally and still am to a degree and was wondering if anyone else had similar experiences in regards to lifestyle changes due to diabetes. And I still haven't got a clear idea.

What I wasn't expecting was being attacked for having these feelings, and reaching out to a place with people that might have something in common and understand, but maybe you're right Avocado Sevenfold, maybe I should leave the forums...I can go away telling people how unfriendly it is, after all? Is that what you are saying?

Edit: Please remember I am a new member here and don't know anyone, and have no formulated opinions of people. So whena PM appears it has a big impression.
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I took the time to offer my opinion but it hasn't been acknowledged. I am actually trying to be of help but it's difficult when it's one sided and then you write 'there's one thing tying all this together'.
I am trying to stick to the problem you are writing about. No one wants to get into petty squabbles about other posters on this thread...or forum. You ask for opinions, you will get them but sometimes it's not always what you want to hear. That's just the nature of it all. As it is you have a clearer view now. That should be the end of the 'lunarlinda' debate. I think she will only have been trying to help.

As for people sending PM, it's going to happen folks whether we like it or not. The internet is a great place to be anyone and anything you want to be!!!!!
 
Designerman 1 said:
I wasn't the one calling her a troublemaker.

This thread sadly has generated a bit of drama, which isn't really what I had in mind. I was in a bad place mentally and still am to a degree and was wondering if anyone else had similar experiences in regards to lifestyle changes due to diabetes. And I still haven't got a clear idea.

What I wasn't expecting was being attacked for having these feelings, and reaching out to a place with people that might have something in common and understand, but maybe you're right Avocado Sevenfold, maybe I should leave the forums...I can go away telling people how unfriendly it is, after all? Is that what you are saying?

Edit: Please remember I am a new member here and don't know anyone, and have no formulated opinions of people. So whena PM appears it has a big impression.
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No need to go. Whatever the comments you've had here, I'm sure they've all helped you to form some kind of action plan for your relationship. Best wishes for that and I hope you both come to some kind of amicable agreement, whatever path you decide to take.

About the diabetes and lifestyle changes. I would say the adjustments made that improve one's health and physical form, cannot fail to improve self esteem. Yesterday I went window shopping and store browsing for clothes. I felt euphoric and couldn't help smiling to myself because there are so many lovely clothes out there and now I can fit into them! I no longer need to limit myself to the fat girl shop!

Please don't leave the forum. You are having a tough time emotionally. It doesn't matter who is at fault in a relationship ... It still hurts.

Don't forget to keep us up to date with your diabetes journey. Start a new thread if you wish. Please don't let a couple of PMs spoil your experience here.

Let's all start again.

My name is Kim and I'm T2 :-)





Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
 
catherinecherub said:
I thought disclosing contents of PMs without the permission of the person who sent it was against forum rules?
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To be fair Designerman hasn't named names, which would be completely unacceptable. On the other hand I've been on forums when posters manufacture such statements in order to gather support for their view. Not saying that is the case here of course, but it does happen.

Diabetes is life-changing, and everyone adapts in their own way - partners and families respond in different ways too from total disinterest and denial to complete engagement, we're all different. Yes members here can be forthright in expressing their opinions, but they always come across as genuine to me even if I don't agree with them.

One thing we are missing here of course is your partner's view from the horse's mouth. But from what I've read things were going awry before you were diagnosed. I can only recommend counselling if you both want to keep the relationship, otherwise sadly I can only see it ending in one way,
 
I do not wish to upset any members of this forum, especially new members.

I am trying to work out how you thought posting on here could help you with your relationship? Wouldn't you go for counseling if you were really trying to find a solution to your personal problems?

It must feel good to be improving your appearance so much after your fab weightloss, and I congratulate you for that. But don't mix all these emotions up and then try to purport blame. Relationships go sour, people change and grow apart a lot of the time. If you both find you are no longer happy with your lives together, then there is only one real solution. all I would say to you, is Please be honest and up front about the facts of what is going on. I didn't like to read how you were trying to make petty remarks about the idiosyncrasies your partner has, we all have them, and she is not posting on here to stand up for herself about what all this is doing to her. We only have your word for what is happening.

Please do not feel you have to leave this forum. You will gain much knowledge and support if you stick around.

But, you won't always get the reaction you would desire, I for one, am glad about that. Who wants to be surrounded by people that always agree with you? What does that achieve?
 
Designerman 1 - have you noticed anything about most of the people who are seem to be ganging up against you? They are all women, so naturally it is easier for them to see your partner's possible point of view. I notice that you say ' As it turned out Lunarlinda did have a point, which now the dust has settled I've taken on board' So I see that as a positive and that you are in fact willing to listen to advice from folks here. So that's disproved one criticism of you already. It can take me up to 24 hours to respond like that, so I think you're doing quite well in that respect!

I also have a problem in that I have become more self-obsessed since I started to lose weight, I couldn't help it, it just happened. Being obsessed is the only way I can achieve anything. I am not going to stop this, but I am trying to think of others a little more too. But hey, just how self-obsessed do you have to be to spend 2-3 hours getting ready for work and putting on make-up? Why is this OK when spending time at the gym isn't?

Please do not let this put you off the forum. There are some good folks here. Read what SJC has said again, there's some good points there.
 
zand said:
Designerman 1 - have you noticed anything about most of the people who are seem to be ganging up against you? They are all women, so naturally it is easier for them to see your partner's possible point of view. I notice that you say ' As it turned out Lunarlinda did have a point, which now the dust has settled I've taken on board' So I see that as a positive and that you are in fact willing to listen to advice from folks here. So that's disproved one criticism of you already. It can take me up to 24 hours to respond like that, so I think you're doing quite well in that respect!

I also have a problem in that I have become more self-obsessed since I started to lose weight, I couldn't help it, it just happened. Being obsessed is the only way I can achieve anything. I am not going to stop this, but I am trying to think of others a little more too. But hey, just how self-obsessed do you have to be to spend 2-3 hours getting ready for work and putting on make-up? Why is this OK when spending time at the gym isn't?

Please do not let this put you off the forum. There are some good folks here. Read what SJC has said again, there's some good points there.
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Soz Zand, but we only have his word that his partner takes so long to get ready.

I honestly see a woman that has been dealt a nasty hand of cards, having to have a hysterectomy so young. Also, I detect she has low self esteem, understandable, and I see her actually needing help, understanding and love, and is not getting it.
 
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