I need to Rant

[My_Hero]

Hi Guys,

Ive been reading from this forum for a long while but was abit shy to post up..
Anyway, we've just moved to a new area for just over 2 months, and my little boy was already on a insulin pump for the past 8months or so yay! However the bad thing is that the way the new team work is very different, and takes some getting used to i suppose... we dont have a direct dsn like we did before.. and are sort of left in the lurch.. I dont feel as supported as I did before, with regular contact via telephone or text... if something went wrong I knew help was only a phonecall away, whereas now I have to call the hospital and be put through to a consultant and then explain whatevers happened and it just seems so longwinded.. and no so personal as before.. I feel like my son is a number now, just another patient whereas before the team adored him, and were very hands on and very nice, and involved, we were very close as we were with them since diagnosis three years ago. i even went in and helped with training of other pumpers to make them more comfortable and give them the chance to see someone who has used the pump already...

Which brings me to the next point... I want to train to become a nurse and specialise in diabetes, however I am having major doubts now.. the new school my son started hasnt been trained properly yet and so I go in every day, and do all his boluses and corrections as they arent willing to do it yet without formal training. so I never go anywhere and just hang about at home on standby as and when they need me so I can be there as quick as possible...

At the moment I am doing a biology course once a wk in the evenings, when my partner is at home so hes wid our son.. and there have been a few occassion where weve had high bgs or something wrong with the cannula line and my partner has panicked and phoned me and Ive had to give advice on what to do, or try to rush home etc.. me being mum I always take over and do everything myself... although he is trained, as I spend most of my time with the kids I do alot of the work.. and so I suppose I maybe havent allowed him as such or maybe dont feel comfortable with anyone else doing it...and now I worry if i am away during the day at uni, or even doing placement what if something goes wrong, what if his bgs go up high or something happens with the cannula and I am not there... I wud feel so so bad...

I wonder if I should just wait until he is old enough where I wud feel alot more comfortable leaving him, hes only just turned 5 now...

I feel fiercely protective over my son, and I wonder if I should stop thinking about a career... and get him through these important years... I just need another persons perspective..


Also his recent hba1c at new hosp shows it has gone up which makes me feel very bad, the past 3 months have been very rough with the moving, and finding our feet I want to work so hard to bring it back down, any tips would be appreciated....

 

[Cenynpedr]

Hi My Hero,

You're not alone in the way you feel, but don't give up on your dreams. xx

Speak to the school. I've heard that the school can apply for 1to1 funding for children with diabetes - if this is the case, then you could have someone there at the school who you could train up to care for your child, and cope with set changes, occlusions, rebound hights - the whole package.

If you have people around you who can support you, then use them. Diabetes is not a one person battle, and it shouldn't all rest on your shoulders. You can't be there 24/7, even if you want to be. Explain to your husband. Diabetes is scary, but sometimes people just have to suck it up and get on with things - the same way you had to. Am pretty sure that he'll feel much better once he gets used to dealing with the problems that come from using a pump - your husband probably feels like he's missing out, not being able to spend quality time with his son because of his fear of things going wrong, so if he learns to deal with the condtion, it's likely to be liberating for the both of you.

I feel exactly the same way that you do - do I work, do i stay at home and wait for the phonecalls? what i do know is that I don't want diabetes to rule my daugher's life, but to just be a part of it, so by default, the same rule should apply to me until she's old enought to care for the condition herself.

Stay strong. xx

 

[GraceK]

I'll give you my perspective for what it's worth ... and please take it in the spirit it's intended.

Don't stop thinking about a career ... but do stop thinking about going into Diabetes Nursing. Your life already revolves around your son's diabetes to a huge degree and I can see why you'd be attracted to nursing because of that. But I don't think you'd be doing yourself or your son, justice at all.

My situation is different, but relevant. I grew up as what's now called 'a child carer' and I had a lot of responsibility for my father's care from a very, very young age and of course, everyone got used to me being the coper and the carer and I also got used to it too. I went on to work in the medical profession, not as a nurse, but as a secretary and I continued to take on more and more responsibility as my parents got older. I missed out on a lot of life as a child and as an adult, and I also missed out on more healthier and happier career options for myself because I just naturally fell into the role of 'carer'. Later on in life I became very drained, and very resentful that I hadn't explored other options because I just didn't see anything outside my daily 'caring' role.

I think it's very important for you, and for your son, that you take a step back and think about a career in something less demanding on your emotions and your time. We can all become typecast, and we also typecast ourselves. Because we're good at something doesn't mean we should devote ourselves to it entirely.

End of my two pennies worth :wink: