My Son won't go to school

[Twistl]

My son is 8 and was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at 15 months so has never really known any different. Up until now he has never had an issue with school and his friends are used to him testing his blood. He went into yr3 in September 2013 and on the first day was sent home as he said he felt ill and wouldn't eat his lunch but as soon as he got home he began to eat it. The next 2 weeks were then a struggle each day to get him in with each morning when it was time to go in he would say he had tummy pains. This then passed and he was ok for a couple of weeks until one week after the October half term when it started again. We were getting him in, although somedays dragging him there and school were saying once he was in he was ok until it was time to eat and he now refuses to eat in school simply saying he is not hungry. The school try and get him to eat and have been brilliant but he still refuses. There is no issue when he is at home or at the weekend but he is now saying he feels sick going to Taekwondo and football practise.
The last week has got so bad to the point that i can not get him dressed no matter how calm and encouraging i am or how much i shout. I know this sounds ridiculous but at the age of 8 i cant simply put him in the car and drive im there or force his clothes on. The school is helping and he understands the importance of eatting, he says some of his friends are mean to him but it sounds just like silly name calling and he says they do it to each other and he will play with these children. The only thing he will say is that the work is hard (he does struggle with writing and spelling) and that he can't do it. When i have spoken to the school they have said that whilst some of them are not at the same level as others there is not a major issue with his work, that they do not think he is being bullied but that it maybe more around having to eat. I am at my wits end, has anyone else experienced this?

 

[searley]

I would make up illnesses and fight as much as possible not to goto school

I would skive as much as possible

I was so good at it I went through a lot if hospital visits

The cause - bullying. I got bullied quite a bit

Not saying this is the case but need to consider it


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[Squire Fulwood]

I vote bullying also. Having been bullied at school I know that the teachers are blind to it and don't think it's important anyway or at least in my day they didn't.

I agree with the American person (whoever) who said that he would dig ditches in good company. It's only other people that make us unhappy.

 

[Twistl]

Thanks for the information we do keep asking him about anyone being mean to him but it all seems like the normal things that children say as growing up (your silly, you smell but they do say it to each other not jst him). The school have also been checking on him and he is playing out at lunchtime with the friends that he says say mean things (tends to be your silly or comments he says they are saying at lunch time but he says he does not know who on the table is saying them as his head is down) and before school in the playground he will be chatting to them. He has spoken to the school counsellor but nothing came from that either.

Myself and my husband do keep asking him but was there anything anyone said/did that encouraged you to speak to someone ?

 

[Squire Fulwood]

he says they are saying at lunch time but he says he does not know who on the table is saying them as his head is down)

Perhaps you could ask him to lift his head up and give you names.

 

[searley]

People used to ask me, and I always hid the fact I was bullied

Infact my parents still don't know 25 years on


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[Twistl]

Thanks for your comments, i think the dificult thing may be that what we may see as playground banter he is taking that serious and taking it to heart, as i know if you say that he likes a girl it is more than just embarrassement as he gets quite upset by it.
At least from what he has told us that is what it seems.
I thankfully was not bullied but in your experiences did you continue to play with the children that bullied you?

I have told him that school are not going to sit over him "forcing" him to eat and that did seem to make him a little happier.
I will keep perservering, was there anything that helped you feel more reassured about going in to school ?

 

[Squire Fulwood]

I thankfully was not bullied but in your experiences did you continue to play with the children that bullied you?

I have told him that school are not going to sit over him "forcing" him to eat and that did seem to make him a little happier.
I will keep perservering, was there anything that helped you feel more reassured about going in to school ?

No, nothing at all. The parents saw school as a place that meant I was not at home and showed no interest in it and bullying was not a hot subject at the time.

Playing with other children didn't happen often. I stood at the side of the playground mostly since it seemed safer. You must understand that your son is in his peer group and from his point of view it may loom larger than his life at home and he is trying to survive in it. Someone else may have detected a victim.

 

[Lazybones]

Dear Twistl,
Children can be particularly cruel especially to another child who for whatever reason is seen as different to the majority. Having diabetes will naturally put your son in that catagery whithout him even trying to get there and other children will pick on him for his being different and both you and his school might not get to the root cause of his reluctance to eat or go to school.

Perhaps if the teacher of his class was to conduct a class lesson on diabetes for ALL the children they would be less cruel to him. Also it might be something that he would find easier to talk over with 'Granny' than with his parents, or maybe he could find a friend at his school with the same diabetic condition so that he no longer felt isolated and different.

My heart goes out to him, as it's obviously distressing him and the problem needs to be resolved.

 

[Twistl]

Thanks for all of your comments, he has always been a little star dealing with his diabetes and never complained that I cant help but think that its the change of him going in a new class in Yr3 (juniors) were they have a lot of work and by all accounts also get a lot of homework (each week - spelling test, math tests to be done in 2 minutes, reading book, 3 mini reading reviews such as reading instructions but then have to fill in a comment box on what they have done, a maths sheet and some English homework this week it was to choose a portrait artist and design a poster symbolising their life/work) and whilst the school say academically there is no issue he is in a group that have extra help with writing and sentences and he says he just doesn't understand it. It's as if he has lost the confidence in himself.
I have also noticed that at night he doesn't want to go upstairs on his own when it's dark but will ask me to go up with him to get something and ask me to go first.
We may never get to the bottom of it but it does seem as if he is anxious.

 

[terry365]

Hi Twistl, How are things going with your 8 year old at the moment? I hope he's happier now.

If one of his problems is with English, you might sit down with him and have 'fun' sessions where you help him with his spellings and reading, etc and then reward him with something he likes. The aim is to get your son to associate good feelings with English instead of bad feelings. If he's having a good time with English, his confidence will grow, slowly but surely. You love him. You can help him feel better about all the things he feels bad about. Good luck.

 

[Indiana91]

This thread makes me sad, poor little mite!
I was bullied too and I did used to hang around with the people that we're doing it. If I moved away or hung around with someone else it would make things worse.

I wasn't bullied because of my diabetes but I did used to play the diabetes card so that I could go home early or not go at all.

I found it easier to write down how I was feeling instead of saying it out loud.

Maybe you could make him write a diary of his school day?
Things like who he sits next to and when, what he did at break time and things and then get him to write down his emotions or if he felt I'll next to each activity. You might be able to see a pattern then.

I do hope things get better for him, there's nothing worse than having to go somewhere you hate going.

Indiana x


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[Jaylee]

This lads issue from what i understand centres around the meal times in the school.
I was diagnosed at the age of 8 as T1.. A big regime change at home right at the time of a "healthy eating initiative" implemented in my junior school too!

So the food fascists had a pincer movement going on.. We were actually searched for contraband like sweets which was picked up on by some of the bullying element in the playground..

The Dextrose i carried in my pocket for "emergencies" may just have well been a bag of weed...!

 

[captainpixie]

It might not be one thing, it might be a combination of thing's. I will say this though, never dismiss name calling, no matter how mild or silly it may seem. NEVER tell a child to just ignore it or it will go away, never tell them to tough it out or get over it, even if phrased in a nice, calm way. it matter's, it hurt's and it sticks with you. I know, TRUST me I know. they won't want to talk about it, they won't want to tell the teacher's, they DO make it worse at times, they can't be around to protect you 24/7 and bully's will always find a way to get to you. at times telling an adult will only bring on more retribution from the bully's.

It suck's, it'a unfare but it's the way most kids who are bullied think and feel. they also won't want to worry you and will suffer in silence or make your life hell getting them to school. they'll fake being ill, make themselves sick at school, be disruptive to get detention (it's a safe way to avoid bullying) but then this is pretty much based on my own experience and my own experience was pretty violent. it was an extreme case but it started small and got worse, i was told to ignore it, or that it wasn't serious or not to be upset at a bit of mild name calling, everyone was doing it. it was a slippery downward slope to be honest.

I was dyslexic and it went undiagnosed for a long time and the other kid's picked up on it, I was disruptive in class and was pretty miserable when the other students started to pull away and progress when I couldn't. it hurt to know I was struggling. I hated putting in the effort after a while because t was never good enough. I hated I had to work extra hard and that it was more difficult for me to try and attempt to keep up.

It's hard to pin things like this down to just one thing as sometimes it's kind of like a knock on effect into other area's of our life.

The meals at school, have they changed? is the menu not the same as it was. is the food actually making him feel ill or tired or a combination of the two? maybe try him on a packed lunch, perhaps request he be allowed to eat on his own or be first in or last out of the lunch room so not as many people are around to encourage him to eat. it might be that he's become uncomfortable with eating in front off or around people. home is a safe place because you live and eat there every day. does he find it off putting or a bit difficult to eat out?

Like I said it may not be just one thing, it might be a combination of thing's.

I hope he starts to feel better, I've got my fingers crossed for him

 

[Jaylee]

i have to agree with Captainpixie's comment... Ive been there.. Had a kid threaten to pour a bag of sugar down my throat in secondary school.. Told him I'd work it off fighting back. but it affects even more than 30 years later.... it can affect yer outlook! i never told my mum..
I even had an English teacher blow me out one day getting near Christmas,as she was passing a box of sweets round the class.. She swiped the box of Quality street under my face & barracked "IF YOU THINK I'M GOING TO GIVE SWEETS TO A DIABETIC!!!??" Its not a self esteem lifter in front of a class of 30 odd? kids....

Though common sense would normally cause me to politely decline...
I took one anyway & ate it!