A place to vent

jmff said:

Hi everyone,
I am not sure if I am posting this in the correct area but here goes..
Let me start by telling you my name.
It is Amber..
I actually downloaded the app myself on my pc for my long time friend and now currently boyfriend.
I think that there should be a place for the diabetic and the non diabetic support people, aka family members other half’s to vent there day to day frustrations.
I know there has to be more than just me out there who is dealing with the non complying diabetic.
You know the one who is always going to do what’s needed but rarely makes it.. lol
Anyways I think a spot for some honest cut to the bone dry humor is really needed.

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Hello Amber, I mis-spent years and years trying to rescue my boyfriend from himself. Big mistake! The more you try to do it for him, the less he will take responsibility for himself. You will have your own reasons for wanting to do this. In my case, I find it much easier to lavish attention on other people's problems rather than focus on my own. And, being the rescuer rather than the rescued is gratifying, boosts the ego. And, I did genuinely want the best and fear the worst for my boy friend. IMO the only way you can help yours is to step back and let him find his own way, while setting him a good example by taking good care of YOURSELF.

hi @jmff and welcome to the forum. I joined the forum last summer when Hubby was diagnosed T2 and I have found this to be a very supportive place. Being the supporting partner can be very hard and coming on here and reading the threads and answers has saved my sanity on more than one occasion !

I adopted the low carb way of eating and we both lost weight and feel much healthier. So we don't have 'forbidden' sugary, carby food in the house as that makes it easier for Hubby. When I'm desperate for cake, I phone up a friend and sneak out ! Joking aside you can learn to live with and cope with diabetes as the third person in a relationship-just remember to make time for yourself too.

Good luck xx

Hi all I’m new to this forum so hope I’m on the right thread! My partner of 15years was diagnosed with diabetes 9years ago and from day one has never took it seriously! I’ve tried to be supportive an help but he just ignores me an says he’s ok but lately his eating an mood swings are really bad an I’m getting a bit frustrated with him I’m tryin hard not to so thought maybe being on a forum would help me let out my frustration lol xx

leanner87x said:

Hi all I’m new to this forum so hope I’m on the right thread! My partner of 15years was diagnosed with diabetes 9years ago and from day one has never took it seriously! I’ve tried to be supportive an help but he just ignores me an says he’s ok

but lately his eating an mood swings are really bad an I’m getting a bit frustrated with him

I’m tryin hard not to so thought maybe being on a forum would help me let out my frustration lol xx

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If your partner chooses not to take his diabetes seriously, in a way that's his choice to make. Hard as it must be to watch him destroying himself, you have IMO to leave him to it and just hope that at some point he will himself come to change. We all have a right to make bad decisions, and/or prefer to live in denial. Sadly, the time a self-destructive diabetic changes his/her way of thinking often comes when the diabetic complications really set in and become noticeable. This is often considered to be after about 10 years, although many people start to experience complications much earlier, and it is believed that a majority of diabetics have actually been diabetic (and so developing detrimental changes in their bodies) for several years before diagnosis. So you see after 9 years as a careless diabetic your partner may be going to get a painful wakeup call very soon.

IMO although there is nothing you can do to make him look after himself better, you have an absolute right to insist that he not take out his mood swings on you. Excusing them on grounds of his diabetes will just make him feel free to behave worse. If he goes on as he has been doing, very soon your partner is going to need your help. He will need you. Do you need a partner who is headed for amputation, blindness, renal failure, impotence AND, if I understand you correctly, is not even nice to be with? Don't be afraid to stand up for your right to be treated well in your relationship!

I used once to work on a unit where there were dying children. Their parents were counselled NOT to let their dying children get away with "murder". It was said that it was naturally tempting to think, "Oh, the poor thing, s/he suffers so much, s/he has only a short time left, give him/her anything s/he wants". But that just created a little monster so spoilt that when s/he finally died it was a relief to all concerned!!!

For shock value, you might try showing your partner this Panorama documentary, but I doubt if he will watch it.