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Advice needed on mum during dad's funeral

C

ChrissyR

Member
Messages
12
Hi,
My dad passed away last week and the funeral is this thursday (23rd August). I am so concerned about my mum who is 84. She has suffered with diabetes for 30 years and apart from a few blips has managed it well. She has lost a lot of weight over the last couple of years and when I took her to the diabetic clinic 3 weeks ago she was down to 7 st 2 lbs. The doctor did not seem overly concerned as by then my dad had been in hospital for 2 weeks and the strain was obviously having an effect on her. Since dad's death she has lost another couple of pounds and now barely weighs 7 stone.

I am really worried in case the shock and emotion at dad's funeral has an effect on her blood sugar and would be very grateful for any tips you can give me.

Thank you in advance for any help you can offer.
 
Hi Chrissy, welcome to the forum

My heartfelt sympathy on the loss of your father. Of course you are worried about your Mum, she is grieving, she may not be all that hungry right now, I think the best thing that you can do is test her blood sugar, do you have a tester and test strips?? This will give you an idea if she is running high or low.
If Mum is off her food, you need to encourage her to eat or at least drink something a bit nourishing, nothing sweet obviously, but you could make some delicious smoothie made with yogurt and berries, add a bit of whey protein powder to it or make a nice pot of soup with good vegetables and some meat in it, or a cauliflower cheese soup, she might not want to eat a full meal, concentrate on nutrition, not so much on quantity, dont overcompensate with too many carbs, thats why its important to test her blood sugar before and after food; sit yourself down with her, eat together if you can.
I dont know if Mum is taking any medicines to help her control diabetes, if you continue to be worried about her dont hesitate to take her back to the doctor, this is a time when she, and you, need all the help and support you can get.

Our moderator daisy will be along shortly to give you some general information on how to best control diabetes. Please dont hesitate to ask as many questions as you need to, there is always someone here who can help.

Thinking of you, a big comforting hug for you and Mum x x
 
Hi Chrissy

Like Whitby I too am sorry to read to your msg.....

My advice to you is that you do your best to make your mum feel very special to you so take the time to either have her with you for a while after the funeral or if that is not possible.... do bother to phone her every day to ask her how she is and to tell her how much you love her...... Its a true thing to say that we never realise how much someone means to us until they are not there anymore.... Huge empty black hole

It is a natural thing really to lose loads of weight due to the stress that death can bring and how we all deal with the trauma.... Eating food like a cooked dinner usually goes out of the window if left to our devices. I think I got by with buying some ready cooked meals and just shoved them in the microwave or sent OH out to get something or just eat beans on toast... I also went to stay with my brother for about 10 days and he did all the cooking and took me and my partner out and about as he knew how hard I would be hit....

For a while my bg levels were a bit up and down but I just took each day as it came and eventually things started to get better so just try to do your best to help your mum and cook for her if you can and just give her loads of TLC..... xxxxx

All the best
 
Hi Chrissy,

Sorry to hear your news and the effect that things are having on Mum.

As others have said, tell her you love her,keep an eye on her and try and make sure she eats something that she fancies and accept that she has grieving to do. There will be times when food is the last thing on her mind so you may need to remind her gently that she needs to eat something. After the funeral you can prepare something and sit down with her and eat together if possible. It is the food preparation that is the bothersome thing I expect.

You have to think of yourself too, you have lost your Dad and you will find that the funeral is upsetting for everyone not just Mum. Your day will be equally as traumatic as Mum's. Support each other as best you can and think about the good times. See it as a celebration of Dad's life.

Thinking of you and know where you are coming from. My kids were not old enough to help me out when my husband died. :(

Take care.

CC.
 
Hi,

So sorry for your Loss of your dear Dad,

Your mum may handle the funeral quite differently to you.

Concern for you at this time also needs some thought.

Please let the undertaker know about your concern, as they are very professional in these matters.

Have you other members in your family that will there for you.

From what you have written, you will take care of your Mum as you always have done.

Roy.
 
Hello chrissyR...
Our love and thoughts are with your dear mother, yourself and family at this difficult time.
You 'do' have us all here to assist ,support and help too.
So please DO ask any questions you feel/need and wish to.
If your dear mum fancies anything that wont raise her sugars greatly just "give" it to her
with a cuddle.
Sadly its usually after the funeral things impact more, her thoughts and feelings will engulf
and overwhelm daily.
Any extra help would be beneficial to your dear mum and possibly yourselves...
Consider socialcarers? counselling? ask at your and your mums GP's for any extra help
and sources available ...
As you yourself will feel the strain also, as much as you so clearly love and care for your mum
dearly you need to grieve also.
Do keep in touch with us all here, let us know how you all are as our thoughts are with you all.
Anna.
 
I cant tell you how much it means to me that you have all taken the time to reply, I am very grateful for the advice you have given.

At the moment her levels are fairly good, I check with her twice a day and she tells me what they were. My main concern is the actual funeral and if theres anything I could do to lower the chance of anything happening during the service. I know if her level drops too low she will start to lose conciousness as this has happened before on a couple of occasions. My dad knew what to do and he has told me that when this happened he would encourage her to sip a little lucozade or eat a piece of chocolate, this wasnt easy as mum would not want to do as she was being asked.

I am so scared that this will happen during the service and whether I will be able to do the right thing. Can anyone give me any ideas on the best way to handle things if the worst happens?

Thank you all again.
 
Hiya chrissyR.
Try finding out her FAVOURITE sweeties ???
Buy some - pop them into your pocket ready just in case .
If she can tolerate the Dextrose energy tablets buy these in too.
If she is too upset to respond rationally then lots of coaxing and love may win ?
If not then - it could mean carrying a glucogen hypo kit emergency injection in your handbag for her.
These can be prescribed only via her GP... You can ask them for a crash course on injecting too!
All precautions are best covered given your mums age and the seriousness of the funeral .
Give her her favourite things if her blood levels drop suddenly to keep her 'safe'if you see what I mean...
Remember to eat well yourself chrissy as you cant help your dear mum if you go without nourishment too.
I know it must be difficult for you and our thoughts ARE with you all at this awful time .
Much love and thoughts .
Anna.x
 
Hi Chrissy

Sounds like yr mum is an insulin user so to save her going hypo during the funeral service,,,, try to check her bg levels before the service starts and unless they are a bit on the high side, give her a mini swiss roll to eat especially if the service is at a time when her bg levels are at risk of falling anyway. You really dont want to be in the situation needing to give lucozade.............. Mini swiss rolls are about 10g carb, very easy to eat, and will give her levels a bit of a boost...... An alternative would be for yr mum to eat a couple of fruit pastels (they are about 3g carb per pastel)........ I would imagine though, that yr mum knows by now how to deal with the hypo feeling but without annoying her just keep a subtle eye as you should be able to pick up on the changes in how she looks and talks etc........

Take care...........
 
ChrissyR said:
Hi,
My dad passed away last week and the funeral is this thursday (23rd August). I am so concerned about my mum who is 84. She has suffered with diabetes for 30 years and apart from a few blips has managed it well. She has lost a lot of weight over the last couple of years and when I took her to the diabetic clinic 3 weeks ago she was down to 7 st 2 lbs. The doctor did not seem overly concerned as by then my dad had been in hospital for 2 weeks and the strain was obviously having an effect on her. Since dad's death she has lost another couple of pounds and now barely weighs 7 stone.

I am really worried in case the shock and emotion at dad's funeral has an effect on her blood sugar and would be very grateful for any tips you can give me.

Thank you in advance for any help you can offer.
Click to expand...

Dear chrissy I am so sorry to hear of your news. Please accept my hearfelt condolences to you and your mum.

I went through a similar thing in May this year. My 11 yr old daughters daddy died after being in hospital for 5 months. The upset, strain and worry that I felt for my poor daughter sent my blood sugars all over the place they were very eratic. I am type 1 and it has also caused me stomach/digestive problems and loss of weight, and I am still losing weight.

Death and bereavment can cause a great strain on the body. My ex MIL, years ago, loss a huge amount of weight when her husband, my ex FIL died. Her doctor said this is a common reaction and he wasn't overly concerned.

It may take some time for her body and her mind to adjust to what has happened. Just be there for her and try to comfort her with your love and affection. Her diabetes will hopefully settle down soon and get back to normal, it may take a little time, but time is a great healer. Both of you and your family will be in my thoughts on Thursday. With my very best wishes and kind regards. RRB x
 
Chrissy, you have been given some great advice on this thread, I can't add anything to it.

I just wanted to say I have lost my mum a couple weeks ago and that it is also my mums funeral on the 23rd.
You have got your grief and the responsibility of looking after mum on top of that. Make sure you look after you as well.

Take care xx
 
Thanks to you all for your kind words and the advice youve given me, it is much appreciated. I now feel a little more prepared for thursday and hopefully mum will get through it with no major problems.

ladybird, I am so sorry to hear about your mum, obviously I understand how you must be feeling and I hope that you manage to get through the day.

xxx
 
Hello Ladybird.
Just to let you know I will think of you too on thursday.
Please keep in touch with us all here and take good care of yourself also.
Any questions , help, support needed just "ask" as it cant be easy for you at present.
Much love and thoughts.
Anna.
 
anna29 said:
Hello Ladybird.
Just to let you know I will think of you too on thursday.
Please keep in touch with us all here and take good care of yourself also.
Any questions , help, support needed just "ask" as it cant be easy for you at present.
Much love and thoughts.
Anna.
Click to expand...

Please accept my sincere condolences too. Take care, I will be thinking of you also. RRB
 
Ladybird and chrissyR ...
Just a post for you both - you are both in my thoughts and prayers today.
Life is fragile and family are precious...
Love is the strongest support and emotion to sustain and strengthen us when we
are needing carrying through lifes hardest times.
Much love and thoughts.
Anna.
 
Anna29 - a lovely post, you are very special

Ladybird & ChrissyR - thinking of you and sending comforting hugs, hope you get through the day without any additional problems.
You need to allow yourselves to grieve, all too often people think that grieving stops once the funeral is over and done with, when it actual fact its only the start of it.
Please dont hold back your emotions, thoughts and feelings, you dont have to be 'strong' all the time and these are times when you need to lean on someone for a while to help you through. Come back to the forum and talk to people, everyone will want to do their best to support you and help you through. Dont hesitate to contact your GP and you will find support, helpful and caring advice if you contact the bereavement charity CRUSE,dont feel that you have to do this on your own.

Much love
Judith x x

"Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them". -- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)
 
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