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Anyway to reduce blame taking of parents.

Gabrielle_Tai

Gabrielle_Tai

Well-Known Member
Messages
185
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
Today i have a minor episode of hypo (2.9) and lucky i notice it. So after 15 minute i back to a good 5.8 but my mom cry after that and blame herself for this. She said it is her fault that i have to suffer like this, but reality i totally accepted this but my parents that still having problem accepting that this is the reality and i promise her that will not let it take away their only daughter. So any advice from parents with type 1 children on how to advice or enlighten them.
 
is your mum a diabetic. if not she did nothing to cause it. even if she was its not her fault its down to chance. just keep telling her its not her fault. congrats on dealing with the hypo. any idea what caused it. when she sees you living a normal life she will calm down. mums always blame themselves for everything. so to help your mum, be a success in life the world is yours to take and do anything.
 
I think because recently i have gone low carbs my basal dosage may be wrong or maybe i adjusted my bolus wrong. Anyway i will try to advice my mom and cool her down.
 
Most people with Type1 have a “honeymoon period” where your body produces some of its own insulin on some days but not others – this makes it impossible to get the bolus “correct”. Hence lots of people with Type1 don’t get good BG control in the first year or two.
 
you do need to lower your basel and bolus doses if your on the lchf diet. but slowly a couple of units at a time. workout your normal bg and try to maintain it. so if you see it dropping slowly knock of a couple of units. bolus doses makes sure they match your carb intake. maybe it would be wise to get your doctors advice if your not sure about your insulin. remember you must not go to bed low. i aimed for about 5.8
 
Hi i got diabetes when i was 3 and the first bad hypo i had made my mother cry as i was young i did not no this till later in life. Your parents may blame themselves as there is nothing that they can do and that may cause them anger and pain, with now being a parent myself you never want to see your children hurt or get diabetes. This is a normal reaction because they will feel helpless so as you are so young they feel that they could have done something to prevent the diabetes which the could not have done. I think that if you sit down with your parents and talk about the way forward with your diabetes and tell them that you will need their support, help and love for along time to come and explain that no one could have done anything to stop you getting diabetes. Tell them they have not lost their daughter they now have a daughter who may need a bit more help than before and blaming themselves is not going to change things. Look up at all the research that they are doing in diabetes and that hopefully soon they will find a cure for it but just keep trying your best and if you have any problems to contact your DNS for advice.
 
No matter what age your children are (my eldest is approaching 39) we never stop being parents and never stop feeling responsible for the health and happiness of our children. I still give advice to mine but have learned to cope with the fact that as they grow I must allow them to stand on their own two feet always, though, with one eye firmly on what they are doing in all aspects of their lives.

Keep talking to your parents, that is the most important thing. Tell them when you learn something new, when you have good days and bad days, don't hide anything because they will know this and worry more. As they become accustomed and learn more about your condition they won't be so ready to think the worst.
Your parents will feel responsible for your health for a very long time but you can help them and yourself by being open and honest about how your condition is affecting your life.

I must add that your parents can be proud of themselves for raising such a well rounded, well mannered, young lady. I know if I had had daughters then my hope would be to have them as nice as you are. Hugs to your Mum.
 
To be honest, @Gabrielle_Tai , parents will always worry - it's part of the job!

I'm 50, been T1 for 30 years, and I think my parents worry more about it than I do!

Best bet really is to try to reassure them.

Hypos are distressing for both the T1 and for onlookers - it can look pretty traumatising if we're shaking and sweating. But I've told my folks that provided I get enough sugar in me I'll be fine. I'm not suggesting hypos are trivial, far from it, but I think it provides some comfort to parents for them to know that in the vast majority of cases, we're not really talking about a life threatening situation, and it can be sorted with some sweets. It helps to keep it in perspective. I made sure I told my parents that, while hypos aren't much fun, they're not painful, so it's not like I'm writhing around in agony or anything. Not sure if that's true for everyone, but I think it's generally the case.

Maybe tell them that you've been reading about role models like Victor and Eva Saxl. What an amazing couple. They figured out how to make insulin from water buffalo pancreata in Shanghai during World War Two, saving Eva and several hundred other T1s. She then went on to become an advocate for T1s in America at a time when T1 was bizarrely considered "shameful". Again, this is something which puts it in perspective - we just go down to the chemists to get insulin, Eva made her own!

https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&s...MQt9IBCEowBg&usg=AOvVaw0ok0OBVTZ8rQHrAZ3C5-9S


Parents always scour newspapers and latch on to anything suggesting a cure is just around the corner. Yeah, sure, it's just been round the corner for a hundred years now. But that's not a reason to live without hope. I take comfort from the fact that there's a lot of very intelligent scientists around the world working away at not only possible cures, but "half way houses", such as "smart insulin". It's early days but the aim is to make an insulin which switches on and off in response to the amount of glucose, so you just inject and leave it to sort out rising and falling levels without you having to worry too much about carb counting, dosage, hypos etc. Who knows whether this will work, but it can be comforting for parents to know that there are good people trying to make our lives easier.

https://jdrf.org.uk/our-research/about-our-research/treat/smart-insulin/

There's no beating around the bush with complications. There's no guarantees anyone will be complication free, but I try to reassure myself and my parents that, provided I pay attention each day to carb counting, dosage and timing with a view to staying in range most of the time, I can relax about the occasional flyer, and massively improve my chances of avoiding complications. Tell your parents that complications are not inevitable, that you're paying attention to staying in range, and that there are some pretty effective medical practices available nowadays to keep an eye on, erm, eyes if things start going wrong.

There's also a good book about the discovery of insulin, google Breakthrough.. by Thea Cooper. She had access to original research papers, but it's not just about the science, it goes into the personalities, the politics, and human stories of some of the first to be treated. It brings home how, while we're not lucky to be T1, we are definitely lucky to be T1 now, not pre-discovery. You might like the quotes in it from a letter by Elizabeth Hughes, one of the first to be treated after almost dying on a starvation diet, that she was now going to be, "captain of her own ship" and deal with injections herself. Let your parents know you're the captain here, and you're learning how to steer it.

Can pretty much guarantee, though, you can tell them all this, and they'll still worry!

PS: Elizabeth died aged 74, Eva died at 81, unrelated to T1. That home made stuff didn't do her any harm!
 
Somehow my worst hypos always happen when my mum is out :( When I have hypos she tends to panic a bit, but she's fine once I have recovered - I tend to be much grumpier than she is ;) Maybe you could take her to an appointment with your doctor/educator/endo so she can learn more about t1 - what hypos are, how to treat them, and how she can help if you ever lose consciousness. That might reassure her that sometimes hypos do happen, and that both of you are well prepared to deal with it.
 
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